VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: G.I. Joe: Rise Of The Cobra (2009)

[IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Soldier fails to save lover’s brother, leaves lover, causing nanotechnology to lead to complications.

PEOPLE: Directed by Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing, The Mummy, Catch Me If You Can). With Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller (Camille, Stardust). And even a brief scene with Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Tommy from 3rd Rock From The Sun)

QUIRKS: Based on the 1980s cartoon. Lots and lots and lots of action. No parachutes coming out of the exploded planes anymore! Grey goo scenario!

VISUALS: Excellent futuristic military battles! Over 250 explosions!

BAD STUFF: I was a bit confused about various aspects, as I have no recollection of the characters in the original series. But that didn’t thwart my enjoyment.

CONCLUSION: Wow. Lots of action. Looks great in HD. I don’t remember the original cartoon much, but it was nice that people actually died this time. This is about what I expected, and I felt like they didn’t really mess up. I don’t know what everyone else was whining about. I think people just hate adaptations/remakes because it never feels like watching the original as a kid did. But that’s because that part of you IS DEAD. MUAHAHA!!

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.5/10.
The native public rating for this movie is Netflix: 3.7/5 stars (3.6/5 stars for people who rate like me), IMDB 5.9/10.

RECOMMENDATION: If you can put aside your high standards and watch this as an optimist and not a pessimist, then it’s a nice way to see a high-budget, more-realistic interpretation of the low-budget 1980’s cartoon we all knew and loved.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Transformers is at similar in the sense that it is a military themed 1980s-cartoon remake.

COINCIDENCES:

#1) (Camille, G.I. Joe:Rise Of The Cobra) 2 movies within a month or so with Seinna Miller having multiple hair colors and getting married/accepting a marriage proposal.

#2) (Transformers:Revenge Of The Fallen, G.I. Joe:Rise Of The Cobra) 2 military-themed movies in the same week that had shots with 3 / 6 pyramids with sub-movie-titles of Revenge/Rise Of The [bad guy].

#3) (G.I. Joe:Rise Of The Cobra, Escape From L.A.) 2 military-themed movies 2 nights in a row that had government representatives who holographically projected themselves.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: James O thought “Not as bad as I thought. Although, this is if I try to think of the movie through the eyes of a child.” Cindy Lee thought it was okay. Marc N said: “you will like it so long as you go in knowing it is a cool gadget and explosion kind of movie and not some epic story.”

 

links for 2009-11-07

• LIFEHACK: Add Your Facebook Events to Google Calendar
  If you already use google calendar to keep track of you and your friends events — and don't care to look into facebook redundantly — here is a very simple process by which you can add a calendar to your google calendar which shows your facebook events. HANDY FOR THE LAZY!
  (tags: calendars hacks GoogleCalendar Lifehacks Facebook socialNetworking events google)
• TORTURE: Former UK ambassador: CIA sent people to Uzbekistan be ‘raped with broken bottles’, 'boiled alive', tortured children in front of them
  Shocking revelations from the UK ambassador to Uzbekistan, who was removed from his post when he tried to talk about the torture that nobody wanted to admit was happening…

  … of course now that the news is out, everyone realizes that yes, the torture happened. Canada admits we caused Canadien citizens to be tortured in Syria for 10 mos, for example. But we don't admit it, of course.

  Signs point to everything in this being true, given the current track record of the War On Terror.

  (tags: politics WarOnTerror terrorism war torture AbuseOfAuthority ExtraordinaryRendition Rendition Uzbekistan CIA confessions UK ambassadors CraigMurray rape raped brokenBottles boildAlive children HumanRightsWatch RawStory news articles AlQueda GeorgeBush GerogeW.Bush oil Trans-AfghanistanPipeline YouTube videos AsianDevelopmentBank energy)
• WAR ON DRUGS: Police Focus on Marijuana a Danger to Public Safety
  As marijuana arrests go up, rape, robbery, assault, and murder arrests go down.

  Correlation, or causation? Given that there is only a finite amount of police resources, I'd say this is causation.

  Remember, America: Every pot smoker you put in jail takes enforcement away from real, violent crimes.

  (tags: politics WarOnDrugs drugs marijuana freedom arrests California publicSafety rape murder robbery robberies murders violentCrimes crime assault statistics charts MPP blog articles)
• PRIVACY: Google Dashboard
  Google has now introduced a dashboard for users to see what data of theirs google has
  (tags: Google dashboard privacy)
• UNITED STATS SPONSORS TORTURE: A court decision that reflects what type of country the U.S. is
  The United States violated an innocent man's constitutional rights, secretly shipping him to Syria where he was systematically tortured for 10 months.

  We then dismissed his lawsuit, arguing that EVEN IF THE GOVERNMENT VIOLATED HIS RIGHTS, he still has no right to sue for what was done for him, because that might affect national security.

  What about the national security of knowing you live in a country where you have actual rights? Not words on paper, but actual rights that mean something?

  This must be more of that government transparency Obama promised. Not that he had anything to do with this case, but the Obama administration has repeatedly gone out of its way to ensure that the "laws" that caused this to happen remain on the books.

  (tags: politics freedom WarOnTerror terrorism war MaherArar Canadian Syrian AbuseOfAuthority torture extraordinaryRendition JFKAirport detained HumanRights rights rendered interrogation innocent publicDisclosure government StatesSecrets SecondCircuitCourt legal rulings lawsuits dismissed ConstitutionalRights NationalSecurity bullshit secrecy rats urine beatings screams falseConfessions forcedConfessions confessions Salon news articles)
• COMEDY: VIDEO GAMES
  Crochet crochet revolution? Crotchet hero? Knitting mania? Funny picture.
  (tags: comedy games videoGames knitting crochet grannies grandmother Haluze)

 

links for 2009-11-06

• PHOTOGRAPHERS' RIGHTS: Cops break law by forcing man to delete picture of cop's dead son who died, possibly due to drinking and driving
  You have the CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to photograph ANYTHING that happens in the public view. How do you think the papparazzi make a living? Police don't understand this, and flagrantly violate people's rights.

  It seems like this is a recipe to make money in a lawsuit. Take pictures, get arrested, sue, win. How many times will our tax dollars have to pay for these lawsuits before police — who are supposed to uphold the law — start to follow it themselves?

  Photographers' rights is an important technology war issue. Cameras are not just for the government. They are for the people. Besides, the government is supposed to be by, of, and for the people *anyway*.

  Here's hoping Antonio Amador gets a healthy heap of cash due to Joseph Martin Zapushek apparent drunk driving (assuming the evidence linking alcohol to the crash pans out).

  (tags: politics TechnologyWar photographers'Rights cameras photography AbuseOfAuthority ConstitutionalRights rights FreedomOfPress freedom 1stAmendment FirstAmendment AntonioAmador accidents deaths ACLU JustinMulcahy public JosephMartinZapushek police BaltimoreCityPoliceDepartment Baltimore MarylandGazette HowtownGlenBurnie GlenBurnie news articles)
• CATS: Sick Iowa Kitty Had Swine Flu
  Yup. You can give swine flu to your cats. Oh joy.
  (tags: diseases flu swineFlu H1N1 animals cats fromRyanSomma ferrets swine turkeys)
• PSYCHOLOGY: Thinking negatively can boost your memory, study finds
  Yay pessimism! Yay cynicism! Yay the power of negative thought!
  And this article coming out not too long after another one I had posted which talked about the possible evolutionary advantage of depression. Very interesting.

  The study also found that sad people were better at stating their case through written arguments.

  (tags: science psychology pessimism thinking negatively Reuters Sydney Australia badMoods gullible memory judgment JosephForgas UniversaityOfNewSouthWales attention research studies experiments Yahoo news articles)
• INJUSTICE: In Controversial Scent Lineups, a Dog’s Nose Picks Out the Perp
  Having a frickin' *dog* decide whether you go to jail is NOT a good thing!

  This practice is still legally valid in Alaska, Florida, New York — and of course Texas, the state that will do anything to put a black man in jail. Inevitable lawsuits ensue, but nothing can pay you back for time spent in jail due to a damned dog.

  (tags: politics AbuseOfAuthority injustice poorEvidence evidence animals dogs scents scent scentLineups lineups CurvisBickham lawsuits Alaska Florida NewYork Texas FBI InnocenceProject junkScience USA freedom justice DiscoverMagazine news articles)

 

links for 2009-11-05

• MEDICAL: Differences Between Cold, Seasonal Flu & H1N1 Symptoms
  A handy chart which seems to point pretty much to me & Carolyn having had swine flu. Meh.
  (tags: medical references charts diseases cold commonCold flu seasonalFlu H1N1 swineFlu symptoms fromBrentI)
• ISAREL: US drops demand for Israeli settlement freeze
  C'mon, Obama. You're in Israel's pocket. The settlements have never been legal, and they should stop. Why not just reduce the Palestinians into tiny reservations, like the Native Americans here? Sure helped the Native Americans, didn't it? [that's sarcasm]
  (tags: politics Israel ObamaAdmininstration HillaryClinton WestBank settlements Jews Arabs Palestinians Telegraph news articles)
• POLITICS: HEALTH CARE: Charts showing how much US residents pay for health care compared to people in other countries
  Good stuff.
  (tags: politics health medical HealthCare costs money finance USA Canada France Germany Netherlands Spain Medicare charts BoingBoing)
• MUSIC/CARTOONS: MetalInjection Interview with DETHKLOK/Metalocalypse creator Brendon Small
  Nice to watch this right after seeing Dethklok live on Halloween night!
  (tags: media audio music bands Dethklok video TV shows cartoons CartoonNetwork AdultSwim Metalocalypse musicians BrendonSmall interviews MetalInjection videos)
• REPUBLICANS: Trying to pass a bill prohibiting talk of drug decriminalzation
  Somehow this seems in direct violation of the 1st amendment. But then again, Republicans tend to respect the bill of rights even lass than Democrats do.
  Digg link included.
  (tags: politics WarOnDrugs drugs freedom democracy censorship Republiacns ConstitutionalRights 1stAmendment FirstAmendment CharlesGrassley decriminalization legislation JudiciaryCommittee S.714 CopsSayLegalize blog news articles LEAP)
• TECHNOLOGY WAR: Secret Copyright Treaty Leaked after Obama refused to disclose it due to "national security" concerns: Very bad.
  Anybody with a decent understand of issues should realize that:
  1) This treaty is an awful idea.
  2) This treaty will increase abuse and censorship.
  3) Obama is a liar about transparent government when he hides behind national security as a reason not to release the text of this treaty
  (tags: politics TechnologyWar copyright technology internet ObamaAdministration government trasparency intellectualProperty censorship BarackObama ACTA Anti-CounterfeitingTradeAgreement Slashdot news articless)
• OBAMA ADMINISTRATION: The Obameter: Tracking Barack Obama's Campaign Promises
  This seems like an excellent reference to look back on in 4 years.
  (tags: politics BarackObama ObamaAdministration promises meters reference PolitiFact)
• ABUSE OF AUTHORITY: Can Prosecutors Be Sued By People They Framed?
  This is an important issue. Tort-reform and anti-lawsuit people will doubtlessly complain that more lawsuits is the last thing our country needs — but really: IF SOMEONE FRAMES YOU, and you go to jail, you should be able to get justice.

  Do you know what the attorneys of the people who fabricated evidence that put an innocent man in jail for 25 years said?

  ***** There is "no freestanding constitutional right not to be framed". *****

  Yup. It's okay to frame people, because the constitutional doesn't outlaw it. WOW. WHAT THE FUCK. And guess who backs this viewpoint? **** THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION ****, 28 states, and every major prosecutors organization in the country.

  Let's hope a good precedent is established here. Over-zealous prosecutors have been immune from checks & balances for too long.

  This is also an example of what happens when someone murders a cop: Innocent people are scapegoated and denied due process.

  (tags: politics AbuseOfAuthority framing liars fabricatingEvidence framed evidence ConstitutionalRights rights prosecutors immunity SupremeCourt SCOTUS Iowa ObamaAdministration TerryHarrington CurtisMcGhee 25years 1977 KevinHughes murders violence police deaths racism perjury recanted lawsuits NPR news articles)

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Saw 5 (2008)

[IMDB link] [Netflix link] The next movie in the highest-grossing horror franchise of all time is just begging to be watched.

LIMERICK REVIEW: Saw movies are not about torture; they’re about games.
People who call them “torture porn” demonstrate an understanding quite lame.
Yes, people savagely die;
Some critics don’t seem to understand why.
The ones who survive will never look at life the same.

HAIKU REVIEW: The 5th movie in–
isn’t usually the best.
So don’t be surprised.

PEOPLE: Tobin Bell as Jigsaw, and a bunch of disposable bodies. But one of them is Carlo Rota, who people should remember as Chloe’s husband/boyfriend in 24.

QUIRKS: Much like Saw 4, much of this movie happens in parallel with Saw 3. Most of the movie is a flashback. This can get confusing, but then again — Saw 4 was similarly confusing. Saw 4 and Saw 3 happened at the same time. This movie even visits all the previous Saw movies. You see them setting up the door-gun trap in Saw 2. You hear some of the screams from Saw 4 as they were happening in Saw 4. It’s definitely a bit confusing, as were Saw 3 and Saw 4. But that’s part of the point. Jigsaw’s game is so twisted, and each movie shows us how much more twisted it was than we thought.

VISUALS: Visceral disturbing imagery, as usual. But I have to say — it wasn’t as bad as some of the previous movies. The scene with the saw was pretty bad, as one can imagine. But no pits of syringes, no brain surgery, no cutting parts of your own body out to find a surgically implanted key. Still — they were pretty damn disturbing!

MORALS: “Vengeance changes a person. It can make them realize what they’re capable of.”

POLITICS: Perhaps you shouldn’t have the same police officer work on every case involving a particular series of murders.

BAD STUFF: A bit confusing. And I had trouble telling Straus apart from Hoffman, as I can’t recognize people as easily on screen. And telling them apart was very important to the plot. Overall, this wasn’t as good as the previous 4 Saw movies… But it was still damn good.

CONCLUSION: I think this is the first Saw movie I’m only giving 4 stars to on Netflix. I gave it 8/10 on IMDB. It’s good, and important to the franchise. It’s a good setup for Saw 6. We’ll see how that turns out, given that Jigsaw has been dead for 2 movies now.

RECOMMENDATION: DO NOT WATCH THIS without thoroughly reading the Wikipedia pages for Saw 1, Saw 2, Saw 3, and Saw 4. Make sure you can tell the difference between Hoffman and Straus. And THEN watch this. And watch Saw 6, which should be out as of the posting of this review (which I wrote in March).

Here’s a quick recap of Saw 1 – 3, often done comically (these are dvd extras, and the youtube videos will probably be taken down due to copyright infringement):

MOVIE QUOTE: Jigsaw: “Murder is distasteful.”
You see — Jigsaw never kills anybody. He puts them into games. They can always choose to play the game and live, but they rarely do.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Nobody saw this yet?!?! Not to use argumentum ad populum, buuuut… It’s the highest-grossing horror franchise ever. You’d think after making $100M that SOMEbody I know would have rated this on Netflix…

 

links for 2009-11-03

• LAWSUITS: Jury awards $16.57 million to Water Drinking Radio Contest survivors
  Remember that woman died of water intoxication? This happens more often than people realize. You can drink too much water.

  I once got to that point. I felt a bit dizzy, and had been drinking insane amounts of water. I followed one of the strangest instinctual commands in my life, and went to the kitchen at work and found a packet of salt and poured it right into my mouth.

  Later I looked it up, and apparently sodium deficiency is one of the methods by which water intoxication harms you. So at least my instincts are good. I've never since been compelled to eat a packet of salt.

  (tags: radio contests water deaths overdoses lawsuits rulings radioContests waterIntoxication)
• OBAMA: Obama Attorney General Says Wiretap Lawsuit Must Be Thrown Out
  And the Obama administration once again takes the exact same position as the Bush administration. Except when Bush did it liberals cried, and now they still go on about how everything Obama does is good — even when he does the EXACT SAME SHIT as Bush. "It's okay because he has different motives." I love how partisan everyone is. Government secrecy is never okay in this context. Wiretapping our own citizens? THAT'S closer to the way socialist countries act than having health care reform!

  "In making the argument, the Obama administration agreed with the Bush administration's position on the case but insists it came to the decision differently. A civil liberties group criticized the move Friday as a retreat from promises President Barack Obama made as a candidate. Holder's effort to stop the lawsuit marks the first time the administration has tried to invoke the state secrets privilege under a new policy it launched last month designed to make such a legal argument more difficult. ."

  (tags: politics ObamaAdministration EricHolder wiretapping warrantless spying corporations privacy lawsuits immunity telecomImmunity telecoms Slashdot rights openness government transparency news articles change? hope? BusinessAsUsual SameShitDifferentPresident Statesecrets StateSecretsPriviledge BushAdministration)

 

links for 2009-11-02

• OBAMA: Obama Attorney General Says Wiretap Lawsuit Must Be Thrown Out
• And the Obama administration once again takes the exact same position as the Bush administration. Except when Bush did it liberals cried, and now they still go on about how everything Obama does is good — even when he does the EXACT SAME SHIT as Bush. “It’s okay because he has different motives.” I love how partisan everyone is. Government secrecy is never okay in this context. Wiretapping our own citizens? THAT’S closer to the way socialist countries act than having health care reform!
  “In making the argument, the Obama administration agreed with the Bush administration’s position on the case but insists it came to the decision differently. A civil liberties group criticized the move Friday as a retreat from promises President Barack Obama made as a candidate. Holder’s effort to stop the lawsuit marks the first time the administration has tried to invoke the state secrets privilege under a new policy it launched last month designed to make such a legal argument more difficult. .
  (tags: politics ObamaAdministration EricHolder wiretapping warrantless spying corporations privacy lawsuits immunity telecomImmunity telecoms Slashdot rights openness government transparency news articles change? hope? BusinessAsUsual SameShitDifferentPresident)
• COMEDY: MOVIES: Xkcd Movie Narrative Charts
  It’s so easy to zoom this to full-size and get lost in it! Wow. It must have taken hours to make these.
  (tags: comedy comicStrips xkcd video movies LordOfTheRings TheFellowshipOfTheRing TheTwotowers ReturnOfTheKing StarWarsTrillogy StarWars Trilogy Triologies TheEmpireStrikesBack ReturnOfTheJedi 12AngryMen Primer charts graphs movieNarrativeCharts)
• POLICE STATE: Boulder’s Naked Halloween Streakers will be charged as sex offenders, say police
  Yup. Big bad sex offender lists designed to protect children are now being used as blackmail to get police to scare people to not be naked — in a city where being naked is not illegal. (They are using the state-level indecent exposure instead.) Every town council member is against this. Police Chief Mark Beckner should step down and quit his job. He’s not enforcing the law, he’s forcing morality upon a 10-year-old tradition. The ACLU agrees that he’s full of shit too.
  (tags: politics Policestate MarkBeckner Halloween nudity SexualFreedom Boulder Colorado sex freedom SexOffenders ACLU ConstitutionalRights rights 1stAmendment FirstAmendment ThePumpkin12 WallStreetJournal news articles)
• DEBT: U.S. National Debt Clock : Real Time
  Sing the Dethklok theme song now, but with “Debt Clock” instead of “Dethklok”.
  (tags: debtClock finance NationalDebt USA money realtime)

 

JOURNAL: ANECDOTES: CHILDHOOD: I once had to serve detention for burping.

(I also had to serve detention in 10th grade for walking into Spanish class while chewing gum, despite the fact that gum was allowed in other classes.)

So yes… At Rippon Middle School, around 8th grade or so, we had an absolutely horrible chorus teacher called Mr. Council (IIRC). I took chorus because I didn’t want to burden my parents with having to rent or own an expensive instrument, like my sister’s cello that eventually collected dust. I got a guitar from my parents a few years later as a birthday present, anyway — though I prefer my Dad’s 1960s guitar, as it holds its tune better.

Yes, I have trouble staying on topic. Anyway, there was a fellow by the name of Perry Roberts. He was a miscreant, IIRC. I didn’t really care for him much, other than the fact that he was the only person who could almost burp as loudly and as rapidly as I could. He was in my gym class AND in my chorus class, so I saw more of him than was really needed.

Now, I did not take chorus class seriously at all. Much like gym, I knew it was something that was not really going to affect my future survivability. Singing “The Dawning Of The Age Of Aquarius” and “Home On The Range” was not going to outfit me with any skills I would use later in my life. So I tended to sit in the back-right, where I could goof off without facing the wrath of Mr. Council — who had supposedly sent a girl to detention for sneezing before, and also seemed kind of gay at the time (but who knows).

So one day, we’re singing “Home On The Range”, and I’m working some belches in the silence between the lines. I also liked to crack my voice the way the old cartoon characters did when they sung that song during old Looney Tunes and such. So I let out a good burp in between lines, and Perry Roberts tattles on me!

“Mr. Council! Clint burped!”

The glass erupted into laughter. At least, that’s how I want to rememeber it.

I had to serve a detention for burping. But Perry? Given his record, he had to serve *THREE* detentions simply for TELLING on me.

Totally unfair, but it made for a great story. Apparently it’s okay to disrupt the class, as long as Mr. Council’s pride isn’t hurt by actually *HEARING* about it. Apparently telling on someone is worse than doing something worth telling on.

Ahh, the logic of authority.

p.s. HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2009!!!  Dethklok is playing at The Patriot Center, and Voltaire is playing at Spellbound. Hopefully we can make it both. (Update: No we didn’t! But we did go to a kick-ass party afterward.)

 

links for 2009-11-01

• COMEDY: MUSIC VIDEO: MetalliKittens! – a Film & TV video
  A funny psuedo-Metallica-parody about becoming obsessed with watching kitten videos on YouTube. Made a few references that only those of us who would think this is funny will probably get. :)
  (tags: comedy media video musicVideos animals cats kittens parodies Metallia MetalliKittens fromChrisZ DailyMotion videos)
• GROSS: Why did this man wait so long to go to the doctor?
  WHYYYYYYY??????? How does this even happen?!?!?! WTF.
  (tags: gross media pictures reality medical infections bugs insects prostratination Haluze)
• MUSIC: The Gwar and Dethklok (Sort Of) Interview — "Creep Show' – Noisecreep
  (tags: media audio music podcasts interviews bands musicians Gwar Dethklok BrendenSmall NoiseCreep articles)
• OVERLY-HARSH PUNISHMENTS: Arrested for In-Home Nudity – at least, if a cop's wife sees you while tresspassing
  A good article about the guy arrested for being naked in his own kitchen. Turns out it was a cop's wife who cut through his yard and saw him naked.

  Police went in with guns drawn and no warrant, and found out who his employer was and called his employer before he was out of jail.

  His job has forced him to move out of his house, as it was shared by co-workers.

  So his whole life is fucked up because some cop's wife got pissy.

  I had something similar happen once. Made a hard stop at a stop sign. The car coming up the street I stopped for assumed I almost hit her, when I did not. My mom got a call 30 minutes later. She had her cop husband illegally run our plates so she could call us and bitch us out.

  I'm starting to think the wives of police feel as much entitlement as some police do.

  This is a dark moment for Fairfax County police.

  (tags: politics OverlyHarshPunishments nudity Homeowners privacy police wives FairfaxCounty EricWilliamson Springfield Virginia children bullshit arrests tresspassing peepingTom WillThomas PoliceState sexualFreedom AssociatedContent news articles)
• WAR ON DRUGS/WAR ON SCIENCE: UK's chief drugs advisor fired one day ater saying marijuana isn't really that dangerous
  This is why incremental change isn't good enough. Marijuana in UK moved from a more dangerous classification to a less dangerous classification.

  If Obama did something like that, people would be telling me "change moves very slow. this is a good thing. You're wanting too much, too fast."

  My point is — incremental change is very meaningless if the next elected leader can simply reverse it all in one fell swoop. UK is moving backwards, and there's no reason America wont in 4 years as well. Keep your guard up.

  It's been 40 years since the hippies were positive pot was going to be legalized, and they're going to die wrong.

  (tags: politics WarOnDrugs WarOnScience drugs science freedom UK firings AlanJohnson government criticism marijuana classification BBC news articles)
• RELIGION: Stupid catholocism condemns Hallowe'en as anti-Christian – don't let your kids dress up, they say
  Yup. Halloween is evil because it's pagan. But Easter and Christmas are not evil because Christianity appropriated them. Too bad Christmas and Easter actually have NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRIST WHATSOEVER. The Christians slaughtered a much more interesting culture centuries ago, and are still whining that remnants are left. Fuck them.

  They actually whined that Halloween was overshadowing All Saints' Day, even though they literally stole Yule and turned it into Christmas. HYPOCRITES.

  (tags: politics holidays Halloween Catholocism Catholics Christianity Christians Paganism Pagans Sabbats Samhain TheVatican condemned anti-Christian Telegraph children warnings news articles)
• POLICE STATE: FBI Demands Tattoo Shops Rat On Suspicious Customers
  Tattooists are the new Stasi? Just when you think American culture can't become lamer — it always does. This also pretty much seems like discrimination against those who get tattoos. Extra government surveillance if you go into a tattoo parlor!
  (tags: politics government privacy surveillance Tattoos TattooParlors FBI DepartmentOfJustice JusticeDepartment DOJ WarOnTerror terrorism freedom bullshit BlacklistedNews news articles)

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Prince Of Darkness (1987)

[IMDB link] [Netflix link] Watched this with Parthena & John The Canadien around Halloween 2009.

HAIKU REVIEW: Satan’s trapped essence
reminds me of lime jello
swirling to its doom.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Spiritual toxic waste spill claims needless lives, breaks mirrors.

PEOPLE: Written & directed by John Carpenter (Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little China, In The Mouth Of Madness, Starman, Christine, The Thing, Halloween, They Live). And don’t miss Alice Cooper’s (silent) role as “Street Schizo”.

QUIRKS: Spiritual/supernatural/religious horror.

VISUALS: Not spectacular, but there are a few moments that are extremely, extremely creepy if you saw this a bunch as a kid. There were moments I’d forgotten — like the mindless typing of “I live!” into the computer over and over — that instantly touched on creeped-out parts of my brain that had not been accessed for many years. The scars definitely remained.

SOUNDTRACK: Nothing notable other than the Alice Cooper song that shares the same title as the movie … But the audio of the “broadcasts” that Brian receives in his dreams [from the future, 1999] is sampled in the beginning of Marilyn Manson’s Gary Numen/Tubeway Army cover song “Down In The Park”.

MORALS: Handle toxic waste with care!

BAD STUFF: The first 20 minutes just seemed like a bunch of random people saying a bunch of random spiritual/metaphysical bullshit that was supposed to cause you to be worried and scared.

This movie was NOWHERE NEAR as scary as I found it to be back in 1987:

I used to have to TRY to not think about the “future broadcast” parts of the movie. Now, they just seem like a silly device to try to get us to be more scared of the evil force, without having to show it actually be scary. Still a very creepy memory, though. I guess Marilyn Manson agreed, if he sampled it…

I had to move mirrors out of my room because of this movie. Now, it seems like there are only a few seconds of “scary mirror stuff”, and they just weren’t nearly as scary as they were back in 1987. I will be watching the horror movie “Mirrors” soon, to try to bring fear of mirrors back into my life.

This is part of why I tend to only want to watch “modern” movies that have come out in the last 20-30 years. I just think things lose their edge. What was scary or cutting-edge 20 yrs ago often isn’t today. There’s a reason I have no interest in old horror movies.

CONCLUSION: I always considered this one of the scariest horrors I’d ever watched as a kid. Unfortunately it did not stand the test of time.

This is a bit related to why I prefer newer movies over older movies, and would often rather watch a bad new movie than a good old movie.

This possibly only gets rated as high as I’m rating it due to nostalgia reasons. This scared the SHIT out of me, made me remove mirrors from my room, caused me to try not to think of parts of it when I went to sleep.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
The native public rating for this movie is Netflix: 3.3/5 stars, IMDB 6.5/10.

RECOMMENDATION: Go back in time and watch this movie when you’re 12.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Similar to other spiritual horrors, like The Exorcist, The Omen, Bless The Child, or even Dust Devil to some extent.

MOVIE QUOTES:

This is the type of metaphysical/spiritual/philosophical bullshit you have to swallow for the first 20 minutes of the movie:
Professor Edward Birack: “Let’s talk about our beliefs, and what we can learn about them. We believe nature is solid, and time a constant. Matter has substance and time a direction. There is truth in flesh and the solid ground. The wind may be invisible, but it’s real. Smoke, fire, water, light – they’re different! Not as to stone or steel, but they’re tangible. And we assume time is narrow because it is as a clock – one second is one second for everyone! Cause precedes effect – fruit rots, water flows downstream. We’re born, we age, we die. The reverse NEVER happens… None of this is true! Say goodbye to classical reality, because our logic collapses on the subatomic level… into ghosts and shadows.”
…basically, there’s a lot of justification that is basically trying to assign a psuedorational justification to why you should be scared, since the movie isn’t as scary as it wants to be.

This is one of the creepy things:
“Voice: This is not a dream… not a dream. We are using your brain’s electrical system as a receiver. We are unable to transmit through conscious neural interference. You are receiving this broadcast as a dream. We are transmitting from the year one, nine, nine, nine. You are receiving this broadcast in order to alter the events you are seeing. Our technology has not developed a transmitter strong enough to reach your conscious state of awareness, but this is not a dream. You are seeing what is actually occurring for the purpose of causality violation.”
–quote also sampled by Marilyn Manson

That extremely creepy scene would have worked better if they had related it to the events of the movie more, instead of randomly showing it at seemingly random intervals throughout the film.

COINCIDENCES: (Prince Of Darkness, Drag Me To Hell) 2 movies in 2 nights that are hell-themed horrors where people had things distributed unwillingly into their mouths.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Parthena really liked it. John The Canadien thought it was hilarious (?!?!?).

 

links for 2009-10-31

• VIDEO GAMES: Man Thinks He's In Silent Hill, Causes Hospital Blackout
  Wow. They had to manually respirate everyone in intensive care for 45 minutes because this guy thought he was playing Silent Hill. Which IS a damn creepy video game
  (tags: games videoGames SilentHill mentalBreakdowns hospital powerOutages PSXExtreme news articles GameGrep SophiaHospital Netherlands)
• WAR ON DRUGS, TERROR: Drug-War Assassinations now policy for suspected drug dealers in Afghanistan.
  "No arrests. No hearings. No attorneys. No judges. No trials. Just kill them."

  So now we're fighting TWO unwinnable wars (drugs, terror) in the same country? And assassinating people with robotic assassins (drone planes). This is getting more and more like The Terminator.

  (tags: politics WarOnDrugs war drugs freedom WarOnTerror terrorism WarInAfghanistan Afghanistan assassinations government drones UAVs HumanRights rights NoDueProcess murders deaths TheFutureOfFreedomFoundation Hornberger'sBlog news articles)
• TORTURE: CIA kept detainees alive to keep torturing them |
  "According to human rights lawyer John Sifton, the CIA tortured some of its detainees in the War on Terror so severely that it had to take measures to keep them alive so they could continue being tortured."

  And now Obama has made it so the freedom of information act doesn't apply to torture photos. If this happens again, we're less likely to find out thanks to Obama. Great.

  The military has already stopped reporting detainee deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq altogether — so there's basically a huge cover up. Close our eyes and don't think about what we're doing to a lot of innocent people.

  (tags: politics torture WarOnTerror terrorism CIA JohnSifton OneWorldResearch keptAlive WarInAfghanistan Afghanistan WarInIraq Iraq secrecy government transparency DickCheney Rawstory news articles)
• COMEDY: Universal Studio Free Photo Booth
  A prank photo booth? Awesome. I appreciate it even more after my sister's wedding's photobooth.
  (tags: comedy media video reality YouTube videos photos photoBooths UniversalStudios pranks fromAnnetteProphet)

 

links for 2009-10-30

• TECHNOLOGY WAR: Federal Judge Says E-mail Not Protected By 4th Amendment
  this same type of bullshit logic was why wiretapping laws had to be passed — the old way of thinking of it was "once you call someone on the hpone, you are going over public wires and anyone can listen in". Obviously that was bullshit, and laws were passed to protect that.

  Q: So why do we move in the opposite direction for email?

  A: Technology war. The powers that be want to use new technologies to erode old rights.

  This also seems to be a reversal of previous rulings stating that email IS protected.

  (tags: politics TechnologyWar technology email privacy ConstitutionalRights rights 4thAmendment FourthAmendment seraches Mosman surveillance bullshit legal rulings Slashdot news articles)
• OBAMA: Signs Law Giving Defense Department authority to exempt photos from Freedom Of Information Act
  Democrats bitched about the abuses that people in Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo faced. So they elected Obama.

  Looks like Obama's way of making sure Abu Ghraib doesn't happen again is to give the government the authority to not release pictures in the future.

  I'd love to see people justify this as good thing. Obama's promise of government transparency? A lie, at this point. This is about hiding information from the people.

  HE POKED A HOLE IN THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT, for chrissakes. This is something Bush would do. So much for a government "for the people", huh?

  The ACLU is against this, of course. They aren't partisan. They are pro-freedom. They know bullshit when they see it, and they call it as such.

  But will the Obamans be able to admit to themselves that this is wrong?

  (tags: politics ObamaAdministration BarackObama government transparency FreedomOfInformationAct FOIA exemptions photos DoD DepartmentOfDefense freedom information ACLU DefenseDepartment torture war RobertGates Guantanamo AbuGhraib ConstitutionalRights rights)

 

links for 2009-10-29

• SOFTWARE: Rtmpdump
  Rtmpdump is a free software program that allows you to record encrypted video streams from video sharing websites. It was censored using a fraudulent DMCA takedown notice by Adobe, and now the only place to get the full version is right here. Enjoy.
  (tags: software rtmpdump Hulu recorders video videoStreams streams DMCA Adobe mininova torrents)
• MOVIES: Voltaire's "Chi-Chian" slated to become feature film
  Whoa, a movie deal for Voltaire? This bodes well. Chi-Chian is not my favorite creation of his (That would be his music, and Oh My Goth! comic books), but anything by Voltaire turned into a movie would turn out very well… especially if Voltaire was directly involved in art production/supervision.
  (tags: media video movies musicians Voltaire Chi-Chian Framelight blog posts)
• COMEDY: Rejected Playboy Cartoon Cover Girls
  (tags: comedy articles fromChrisWilliams HolyTaco Playboy media video TV shows cartoons magazines rejected coverGirls covers girls Popeye OliveOyl Thundercats Cheetara CruellaDeville PowerRangers kangaroos Lady Mrs.Garrison SouthPark)
• COMEDY: web browser comparison chart, though the eyes of a n00b, experienced user, and obsessed user.
  Funny. Especially the Apple Safari line. Me? I'm the experienced firefox user in this chart: MOAR FEATURES! MOOOAAARRR!
  (tags: comedy software webBrowsers InternetExplorer Firefox Opera Safari Apple Mozilla newbies n00bs powerUsers obsessedUsers obsessed experienced new users Haluze internet)
• VOTING MACHINES: Sequoia To Publish Source Code For Voting Machines
  Glad to see that even the "evil" Sequoia VP (Diebold! Election stealers!) has realized that open code review is more secure than closed-source. 'Security through obfuscation and secrecy is not security.'" And the tech community rejoiced.
  (tags: politics VotingMachines VotingFraud Voting Voters VoterFraud corporations TechnologyWar Sequoia software codeReview government transparency sourcecode openSource Slashdot news articles)
• HORROR: painful injuries
  There's a mountain-biking one, Angel!

  Actually, the last one is funny and not at all disturbing. A bird?!

  (tags: media pictures reality disturbing painful injuries sports Haluze)
• DRUGS: Candy, or Medicine?
  Hilarious poster I saw in the church that my sister got married in
  (tags: comedy drugs PSA candy medicine pills reference)

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: 8 Heads In A Duffel Bag (1997)

[IMDB link] [Netflix link] I had this on VHS, but I got it around the time that I stopped watching VHS movies. So, finally got around to watching a dvd of it, 5+ yrs later…

PEOPLE: Joe Pesci plays a mobster (of course). Andy Comeau is the main character, who comes off as a poor man’s John Cusack. Kristy Swanson (the original Buffy The Vampire Slayer, from the movie, as well as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Hot Shots!) kept reminding me of Elizabeth Banks for some reason. George Hamilton (who was in Dynasty for a year) plays an uppity parent, along with his alcoholic wife, played by Dyan Cannon (Ally McBeal). David Spade, Todd Louiso (from Snakes In A Plane).

QUIRKS: I think the title pretty much says it all. Throw in mobsters and Mexico, and you have a recipe for a passable comedy.

Also, they have the song “Mr. Sandman” in it, which I just saw Gene Ween Band perform live last December.

And a really bitchy grandmother…

And a surreal dream sequence thrown in for no reason other than to make us giggle and use up their special effects budget :)

VISUALS: Heads… so many heads…

CONCLUSION: This was a decent comedy that had us laughing. The situations were unique. It only really gets a 3 star / 6/10 “generic pass” from us, but we weren’t disappointed. It met our expectations rather precisely. And it’s NOT a romantic comedy; though there IS a romantic relationship to be mended, it’s NOT central to the plot.

RECOMMENDATION: If you like comedies, and are annoyed at how many comedies are romantic comedies… This is a good one to watch. It certainly entertained us.

MOVIE QUOTE: Tommy Spinelli: “Don’t ever fuck with a guy looking for heads.”

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Benj liked it.

 

RELIGION: Only douchebags can claim to know how the universe truly works.

[UPDATE: NOTE: For the purpose of this post, and to placate those who want to get into gritty details: Any time I say "agnostic", I mean "strong agnostic" as defined HERE.]

One of the things that bugs me about religion in general… Is that the very basis of it all is a foundation built upon assumptions that have no evidence to support them. I’m talking about “faith”. It’s just about the poorest foundation for any belief system. Idealism can sometimes work as the foundation of a belief system, though it’s not always logic. Practicality can as well — though it runs the risk of becoming calculating, almost reptilian. Even cynicism can be a logical foundation for a belief system. But faith? Pffft. What kind of idiot builds their belief system on that? (Hopefully not you. But if so: Don’t try to convince me. You’d be wasting both our time.)

This applies to atheists too.

How do you know God isn’t lurking somewhere, unless you can go there and see? You can’t. Nobody can. It would take a God to disprove God, which is a Catch-22. There’s no logic in that. It is quite annoying when somebody says, “I conclusively know the nature of the entire universe, and, knowing all, can say there is no god.”

Who do you think you’re kidding? Not me. To believe that there’s no god actually requires a hefty serving of… FAITH! Silly atheists.

But despite the fact that atheism makes the same mistakes as theism — at least their god is a god of reason, and not arbitrary faith and dogma. Atheists don’t tend to do a lot of the stupid shit theists tend to do. There’s not nearly as much to criticize them on.

Once I saw a big atheist brouhaha (which I can’t spell) about religious altars being put at the roadside where people died. How dare state money be involved? But seriously, guys. If my family member was killed in a car accident… And they allow a memorial to be put up in the very spot it happened… I would hope that it would involve whatever that family member would want. Even if it’s a pentagram dedicated to our dark lord Satan. Or (*gasp!*) a cross.
I’ve also seen some atheist newsletters that made me feel… Like I was exposed to a cult. They were into their non-belief just a little too much. Unsubscribe. Now.
But that’s about it. No religious wars. Nobody convinced that they will get sex for suicide bombing. None of this mystical bullshit that gets forced down our throats all the time. One nation under god? Really? Fuck that.

…

In the end, the most logical thing to do is to do nothing. Make no assumptions. You’ll find out. Or you wont find out, and blackness will envelop you as your soul and consciousness ceases to exist forever. What’s that feel like? I don’t want to know. But I’m not going to comfort myself with some b.s. sky fairy, nor am I going to be so cynical as to deny the possibilities that may be out there.

Agnosticism. It’s how I’ve always referred to myself, when not referring to myself as a SubGenius. On paperwork and such. (It always creeps me out when paperwork asks that! None of your business!)

agnostic
Etymology: Greek agnostos unknown, unknowable
1 : a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable; broadly : one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god

Yup… That’s pretty much what I just said.

 

JOURNAL: I finally got my free haircut.

I hadn’t cut my hair since January… Why?

1) I don’t really care.
2) I prefer longer hair…. Though it’s harder to manage, I don’t understand people’s obsession with having their hair under “control”.
3) The fact that my next haircut was FREE simply meant I was that much more irresponsible in NOT getting it, and I reveled in that.

But when I started parting it in the middle — because there was too much to brush back nowadays — Carolyn objected. A lot. At least 1 person complimented, but at least another person joined in Carolyn’s chorus that the part in the middle was not working. So fine. I’ll get the free haircut!

Anyway, I actually took a picture this time:

This shall be my last professional haircut, as the price seems to have gone up from the $15 I paid for 30 years — to $30 — all in the past few years. I’m buying clippers and doing it myself, or having Carolyn do it. Ryan Mitchell has recommended WAHL clippers. If anyone knows of a good model number, I’d love to know. I researched WAHL clippers for a good hour or so and there’s simply TOO MANY CHOICES. Help needed :)

 

links for 2009-10-28

• HOUSE: Gila Film Products : Residential Window Film : Heat : Platinum
  An old bookmark from my old computer, saved in case I decide to buy this stuff. Reflecting 72% of summer heat sounds good, though nothing ever lives up to its promises. But you get a tax credit if you buy this stuff this year…
  (tags: house hardware Gila Film windowFilms windows films heat)
• PICTURES: Celebrity Yearbook Photos – a set on Flickr
  It's amazing how some people who are hot now were not hot then — like Mariah Carey or Jennifer Lopez or Anna Nicole Smith. Only a few are hotter than they are now — Gwen Stefani, who I think has an awful look nowadays.

  Rachel McAdams has played so many high schoolers, yet now I can finally see what she REALLY looked like while in high school [not that different, actually].

  And some people always had it. Dita Von Teese as a blonde?!?! Heather Graham & Pamela Anderson as a brunette?

  Angelina Jolie used to be much plainer looking…

  (tags: media pictures celebrities yearbooks yearbookPictures)
• COMEDY: Ryan Dunlavey: Comic strip mashups
  Some of these are brilliant!
  (tags: comedy pictures comicStrips comics mashups Peanuts CharlieBrown X-Men CharlesXavier LordOfTheRings OrlandoBloom BloomCounty Deadman FamilyCircus StarWars ThePhantomMenace DennisTheMenace Dr.Doom TheFarSide FarSide Garfield He-Man Calvin&Hobbes Spider-Man KravenTheHunter Nancy SinCity LittleNemo BaronZemo SpyVs.Spy AlienVs.Predator Alien Predator PrinceValiant from2Beans)
• COPYRIGHT/CENSORSHIP: EFF Launches "Takedown Hall of Shame"
  Good idea. Highlight the bullshit censorship that is accomplished by hiding behind the guise of "copyright" and "protecting artists".
  (tags: politics copyright censorship corporations intellectualProperty bullshit takedowns EEF NPR WarnerMusicGroup Warner YouTube NoationalOrganizationForMarriage DeBeers MichaelSavage Diebold RalphLauren PhotoshopDisasters NBC BarackObama articles)
• VIRGINIA TECH: Virginia Tech’s “Man Castle”: Now Less Manly – City Desk – Washington City Paper
  What the fuck?!?! Prithcard Hall is co-ed now? That just seems so wrong. I wonder if there are girls living in 1044, where I used to live. If so, I pity them.

  Glad to see the vending machine out the top-floor window rumour is still going, but nobody remembers The Phantom Shitter, or even Hornboy? "I'm gonna miss you, hornboy."

  Or the time we blasted the Scooby Doo theme into the pit? Or the time Arlo broke my finger in the pit during padded swordfighting? (I SAID don't swing it like a baseball bat! Can't play guitar as well now.) Or the time we set the local fire alarm off right outside the most prickish R.A.'s door, while he slept? And my friend Diane dropped her ID at the scene, but somehow we didn't get in trouble. (Whatever happened to Diane?) Or the trash bags full of water dropped on outside smokers? ARGH! WE'LL GET YOUUUUU!!!

  I know my graffiti was still there 10 yrs later, when we visited for Vicky's wedding. But apparently much has changed. GIRLS!! In PRITCHARD!!

  (tags: VirginiaTech Blacksburg college dorms Pritchard PrtichardHall co-ed CityPaper news articles fromDanC)
• LISTS: 6 Creepy Urban Legends That Happen To Be True
  Cracked.com sure has entertaining lists…
  (tags: cracked.com lists UrbanLegends true deaths elevators cellPhones phones phoneCalls Saw bombs bankRobbers suicides shrunkenHeads heads bodyFarms bodies scary creepy)

 

links for 2009-10-27

• PICTURES: Religion Gone Wild [Flickr photopool]
  Here is a sacrilegious and adult-only flickr pool, full of some of the most offensive sacrilege ever. JESUS IS COMING! And he's not wearing a condom.
  (tags: media pictures religion sacrilege Christianity Christians JesusChrist adult flickr photopools ReligionGoneWild)
• TASER TUESDAY: San Jose cops beat and tase handcuffed student on video [video included]
  His crime? Making a joke with a knife after getting soap on his roommate's steak. Cops barge in without warrant because they couldn't understand his accent. The hospital had to staple his head closed again after this.
  (tags: politics AbuseOfAuthority police brutality excessiveForce tasers policeBrutality OverlyHarshPunishment hospitalized headInjuries injuries stapled staples CaughtOnVideo PhuongHo bullshit resistingArrest arrests steak soap roommates SanJoseMercuryNews CarlosMiller SanJoseCityCouncil suspended racism news articles)
• CARTOONS: GARGOYLES: 1997 TV Guide Mini Halloween Comic
  I did not know this existed. Also included: Gargoyles toy commercial
  (tags: media comics comicStrips miniComics video TV shows Gargoyles VinneRattolle blog posts toys actionFigures YouTube videos)

 

links for 2009-10-26

• PICTURES: The Weirdest Clouds that You’ll Ever See
  Awesome.
  (tags: media pictures reality clouds WebdesignerDepot articles eyecandy)
• COMEDY: RELIGION: Which Religion Should I Follow? A flow chart.
  Pretty funny flow chart!
  (tags: comedy charts flowCharts religion bacon hummus Wicca Wiccans Hindus Hinduism Buddhists Buddhism Mayans Jehova'sWitnesses Mormons Mormonism Jews Judaism Muslims Islam Christians Christianity Scientology Scientologists Atheism Atheists FriendlyAtheist underwear ChineseFood IndianFood cats)
• FAMILY/RELIGION: Hundreds attend Elizabeth Prophet reception – Church Universal And Triumphant spiritual leader now decased
  My grandfather Mark Prophet started a nice lil' cult before he died.
  His 2nd wife — after he left my grandmother — took over his religious organization, The Summit Lightouse.
  He died in 1973.

  She has now passed on. The future of the cult is probably somewhat uncertain now.

  (tags: family religion ElizabethProphet Prophets MarkProphet deaths funerals Bozeman Montana BozemanDailyChronicle news articles cults SummitLighthouse CUT ChurchUniversalAndTriumphant interestingComments)
• COMEDY: The World Of Tomorrow (If The Internet Disappeared Today)
  When the internet goes away… After the riots stop… This is what the world will look like.
  EPIC PHOTO SET!!!
  (tags: comedy internet media pictures AfterTheInternet NoInternet Photoshopped Cracked lists Yahoo chatRooms chat pornography porn LOLcats cats animals Twitter Nigeria 404 scammers FirstPost Ebay Auctions CDs whiteboards spelling grammar DVDs socialNetworking newspapers RonPaul VHS Google iPhone KeyboardCat Wii Rickrolling)

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Drag Me To Hell (2009)

[IMDB link] [Netflix link] Watched in 720p with Tabbitha, Parthena, and Eli.

PLOT SUMMARY: A loan officer is cursed by a gypsy who she denied a loan to, and will be dragged to hell in 3 days unless she passes the curse on to someone else.

LIMERICK REVIEW: There once was a loan officer named Christine,
who eventually saw things most people have never seen.
Cursed by a disgruntled lady,
Attacked by spirits quite shady…
By the end of the movie her mouth was probably not pristine.

HAIKU REVIEW: Gypsies will curse you!
If you’re a loan officer…
Give that extension!

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Loan officer’s soul is exploited by disgruntled gypsy.

PEOPLE: Sam Raimi’s first horror movie since Army Of Darkness / Evil Dead! The script was completed in the early to mid-1990s, right after Army Of Darkness was released.

Starring Alison Lohman (Beowulf, The Thirteenth Floor), who I think looks a lot like Jenna Fischer (Pam from The Office); Justin Long (Zack & Miri Make A Porno, Idiocracy, Happy Campers), who I think looks like Ross from Friends (David Schwimmer), if he had down syndrome. With Lorna Raver (The Young And The Restless) as the gypsy lady, Dileep Rao (Avatar) as the psychic who tries to help them, and Reggie Lee (Tropic Thunder, Pirates Of The Caribbean 2-3, Psycho Beach Party) as the douchebag co-worker.

QUIRKS: Generic horror. Grosser and funnier than most.

VISUALS: Raimi-esque visuals on a good Hollywood budget. This film actually manages to out-gross any other Raimi movie. Sooo much stuff went into her mouth!!

MORALS: [highlight for spoilers]→ The most important moral of this story is to not put objects in envelopes. And if you have something important in an envelope — you might want to check that it’s really what you think it is.

BAD STUFF: It’s a bit predictable, since this is a generic horror movie.

And there’s one particular effect — with eyeballs popping out — that looks waaaay too obviously fake.

CONCLUSION: Despite the fact that it’s a bit predictable and cliche, this was a very well-executed horror film. They even got ME to jump once — though usually I was busy laughing my ass off. Raimi is back in business doing what he does best! This is a successful horror worth seeing!

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is Netflix: 3.9/5 stars (4.0/5 stars for people who rate like me), IMDB 7.5/10.

RECOMMENDATION: See it! Unless you totally hate horror movies.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Similar to most Raimi horror movies :)

MOVIE QUOTE: “You’d be surprised what you’ll do, when the Lamia comes for you.”

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Ian really liked it.

The people who watched it with us seemed to as well: Tabbitha seemed to really enjoy it, and was excited and practically jumping for joy. Parthena said it was a lot scarier than she expected, but also a lot grosser. Eli seemed to have a good time as well.