So, I got really tired of all my Christian acquaintances sending out religious MySpace bulletins. I don’t want freakin’ prayers and bulletins informing me that, GASP, Christ died 2000 years ago, and only 3% of people are going to repost the bulliten. (Are you?)
So, today, just now, I sent the following troll bulletin out on my MySpace. Let’s see how they react. If a Christian reacts that I shouldn’t send such stuff, I’ll reply, “Well now you know how *I* feel!” and likely delete them from my friends list. This shit is tiring, especially when it’s 5 bulletins in a row.
So anyway, here’s what I wrote:

From: __Clint__Is Online
Date: Sep 28, 2007 12:52 PM
Subject: All Hail Satan
Body: Before the almighty and ineffable God Satan/Lucifer and in the presence of all Demons of Hell, who are the True and the Original gods, I, (state your full name) renounce any and all past allegiances. I renounce the false Judeo/Christian god Jehova, I renounce his vile and worthless son Jesus Christ, I renounce his foul, odious, and rotten holy spirit.I proclaim Satan Lucifer as my one and only God. I promise to recognize and honor him in all things, without reservation, desiring in return, his manifold assistance in the successful completion of my endeavors.

NOTE: I left “(state your full name)” in there above. I didn’t want to actually state my full name because, even though I don’t believe in Satan, I am agnostic and make no claims to know one way or another. I don’t want to accidentally give my soul to Satan, if he does exist.

UPDATE: 10/23/2007: Christian MySpace bulletin sent to me, but not just any bulletin. This one was disguised. This girl was a friend of mine in college, and has a brain tumor and needs surgery. So when I hear bad news, I wonder if it is about her medical condition, and open up the bulletin to find out if she is okay. Instead, I am assaulted with unwanted religious vomit:

Subject: RE: Bad News in VA Beach
Body: There are so many people on this list. I guess alot of people aren’t ashamed to stand up for what they believe in. You opened this because it said “bad news in” ……but if it said “Jesus Christ our Lord” would you have opened it? Jesus said, “If you deny me in before your friends, then I will deny you before my father.” It’s your choice. If you aren’t ashamed to do this, repost this as bad news in ( name of your city) and put your name on the bottom.

Brain tumors or not, I finally had to lay it into her:

So now you’re tricking me into reading bulletins about a bullshit religion I don’t believe in?

Did you read my All Hail Satan bulletin? Because that’s exactly how you make others feel, when they don’t want your religious vomit in their inboxes.

You’re either preaching to the choir, or you’re preaching to people who don’t want to be preached to. You’re not going to save anybody’s soul with myspace bulletins, you’re just going to cause people like me to delete you from their friends list because we grow tired of religious bullshit left and right.

I’ve de-friended acquaintances for this type of crap in the past. I actually try to keep up with MySpace bulletins. It’s about the only reason I login!

UPDATE: 11/26/2007: One month later, a person on my friends list named “Gary” who’s name I do not recognize and did not have a picture indicating his real-life likeness (and who has a private profile) de-friended me and sent me the following message (click here to view):

click to see full size
>Your [sic] a fuckin tool and I hope you burn in hell with your lord lucifer!!!

I have a general policy of not generally friending people I don’t actually know, so who the hell was this?