May 2010


 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Jon B was right to recommend this! MAJOR MINDFUCK MOVIE!

LAZY PLOT SUMMARY: Bad things happen in the ocean… And then it gets really confusing.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Violent mom purposely and repeatedly enters infinite violence loop.

LIMERICK REVIEW: There once was a mother named Jess,
who seemed like a damsel in distress.
At first you think she’s crazy,
Then you wonder if she’s just lazy.
She will repeat her ill fate nevertheless.

HAIKU REVIEW: Time comes in strange forms.
A line, loop, or figure-eight.
Understand your fate.

PEOPLE: Written & Directed by Christopher Smith — Are his other movies this good?? Starring Melissa George (Kathy Lutz from the 2005 Amityville Horror, Camilla Rhodes from Mulholland Dr., May from Dark City, Alias, Grey’s Anatomy, Home And Away).

I did NOT notice Michael Dorman being in both Daybreakers and this.

QUIRKS: MAJOR MINDFUCK MOVIE! This is *basically* a time travel movie, though technically, it’s not. It’s a time loop. Well, if you really want to get technical, it’s more of a figure 8; two separate timelines that both feed into and cause each other. There’s no actual time machine or anything. In fact, there is a lot of debate over whether what is happening is “really” happening.

Nothing was redundant! Everything was used! It turns out that [highlight for spoilers] not a single second of the movie occurs outside the loop, even though the viewer is led to believe the case is otherwise. Everything is tied together in a nearly perfect fashion.

Don’t skip paying attention to any scenes! Everything is crucial! I didn’t pay attention for 15 seconds and had to have stuff explained to me later. Every piece, no matter how insignificant, is part of the puzzle. And everything that seems like a flaw ends up making sense later. Things that seem like plot holes actually turn out to make total sense. The only exception to all of this is the very final end, which has just enough ambiguity to make it as thought-provoking as possible.

If you click these 2 links, there will be spoilers. But these are the two best links to read after watching the movie. Firstly, the whole movie can be interpreted as an allegory for the [highlight for spoilers] Greek story of Sisyphus (read about that HERE).. The other best-explanation-ever is the post that defines the events using psuedocode. [highlight for spoilers] “Odd numbered Jess’s always stab the group and always get killed. Even numbered Jess’s always shoot the group from the balcony and always escape the ship.” There’s also a good timeline of events here.
Very amazing observations at all of these links! Everything is explained! But don’t read before watching!

In reality… Like Vanilla Sky, the director intended for this movie to have multiple interpretations.

VISUALS: Pretty good, but this isn’t really a visual movie to begin with.

MORALS: As usual, time travel involves an entire new layer of morality that doesn’t exist for us non-time travelers. It’s always interesting what must be done, when time travel is involved.

BAD STUFF: Carolyn feels robbed, because it’s just a loop around, and she doesn’t [highlight for spoilers] do anything to try to break the cycle… Which is close to the only flaw here. However, there are explanations for her actions, including that it’s all just to try to see her son one more time. Ahh, a mother’s love.

Time travel loops tend to annoy some pedantic people who don’t seem to understand that a loop can be caused by a series of events that ends up never happening — it can “close up”. This is part of my time is a river theory (click for longer explanation). However, the mythology allegory actually causes that “plot hole” to cease to exist: Everything that seems like a plot hole [highlight for spoilers] is actually a construct of her personal hell as created by Charon/the gods/death.

CONCLUSION: One of the most thought-provoking “time travel” movies I’ve ever seen. I think this puts Timecrimes to shame. Have only rated 2 movies this high since 2007 or 2008. (The other was Sympathy For Lady Vengeance.) Really, the movie comes off as a generic thriller.. But by the end, you realize it’s a masterpiece. A total masterpiece. Of course, a lot of people don’t understand it. They should really go to the IMDB forum after watching. The Greek mythology allegory is only obvious IF you know what to look for. (I didn’t, but now I do.) It’s rather amazing the way this is all pieced together.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9.6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9.6/10.
(We both round this to 10, but want to be clear that it’s not *quite* perfect.)

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.7/10, Netflix: 3.0/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.8/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: A MUST SEE! If you come out unsatisfied, go to the IMDB forums. A lot is explained in the 3 links I gave above.

SIMILAR MOVIES: They layering of multiple loops of time with [at least] 3 instances of the main character ***really*** reminds me of Timecrimes, more than any other movie. But the frantic horror when they first get onto the ship–and crazy deaths start happening inexplicably, as they wander a huge labyrinthine maze–really took me back to feelings I hadn’t had since watching The Cube franchise of horror movies.

I just watched Vanilla Sky… And this has some passing similarities to that as well. Especially with the “this seems trite, oh wait, now that it’s over I realize it’s a masterpiece” style of pacing.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Jon B recommended it, so I’m going to assume he loved it or something. (more…)

/yard sale sign/Got up around 10:30AM, made it out driving by 10:51AM, and went out until for a total of almost 4 hours. But we ate, so I’m calling it 3.5 hours.

Total spent $62.00 plus ~$6.23 gas for 37.4 miles of driving, for a total cost of $68.23. We bought 33 items – 16 if you count the comics+magazine lot as 1 item – for a total estimated value of $465.70, leading to a profit of $397.47. That’s $113.56/hr as a couple or $56.78/hr per person. And to earn that much after taxes you’d really have to earn $665; money saved (by not having to spend it) is actually worth more than we realize when the government’s cut is taken into consideration.

This one creepy guy gave us all this free stuff. We started so late that it was past noon when we arrived at most sales. Thus, people were kind of sick of being there by the time we got there. Some had already packed up. This guy said to just take anything we wanted. Then later, other people came, and he charged them $1 for various things. Meanwhile, we came back from our car, gave everything another once-over, and got even more stuff [because it was free]. Maybe he was a racist and only didn’t charge white people. Maybe he was taken aback by Carolyn’s beauty. Either way: free flatscreen monitor!

Carolyn’s car actually overheated on the way to KFC/Taco Bell to get 2 Double Down sandwiches. We added 2 quarts of coolant and it was fine; she has opted not to fix a coolant leak, so this happens from time to time. She also briefly had some brake problems after I broke while going over a speedbump — something I avoid doing. They seemed to fix themselves after 20 minutes. I drive the car hard…

  • $50.00: air hockey table (90″x50″) (they said the electronic scorekeeper is broken, but the table seemed to blow just fine, though it has a bum leg) (EV:I’m gonna guess around $250, given that it’s used but also comes with delivery. New tables this size cost $500 minimum.)

http://www.foosballcentral.com/images/Rec_Central//Products/air_hockeytables/dmi/HT600.jpgThe air hockey table was a tough decision. We measured it with the tiny tape measure that I bring yard saleling – for the purpose of measuring things. We talked about it and waffled a lot, but opted not to get it. Later, after yard saling, we went home and then started measuring. How far from the pool table to the wall for a comfortable shot? (5 ft, maybe 6 if a couch is there). How big is our pool table? Where would we put the air hockey table? How would this cause us to move other things around? In the end, we found that if we turned our pool table 90 degrees, there was room for an air hockey table. This is totally different from where I imagined an air hockey table would go for the past few years. On Sunday, we actually moved the furniture so we’d be ready to receive it. Anyway, we went back, paid $25 down on the $50 for the air hockey table, and got their phone# and actual address. They shall deliver it some time that I have some friends around to help out. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just have them leave it in our driveway on the day of our party, and conscript party guests to become unfortunate victims in my ploy to move large objects without hiring professionals. I’m sure it’ll work out. We’ll finally have the holy trinity of games: pool, air hockey, and foosball!

  • $3.00: Slip ‘N’ Slide (EV:$5) – because they said at 11X-Day that they’d bring it to 12X-Day, but it never happened! So we’re bringin’ it to 13X-Day this summer!
http://lh4.googleusercontent.com/UTPbax9KnicZ-VodFja4RzDs9Jde_F1dWcO7L9PFOGeZb0j8ikjhzuzTKeQFTpwfoF-kKEDWknIxkLJa2DWVrzZwePS9VMF7HIRqGLu_VSvPX_VJbMvBrqVdtuDueZerzalLK_v0TaLIkzwQLET65yCtglZrrs4ZKFO9dqo-L7PJFei6c0Y

Slip 'N Slide made me bleed as a child. Seriously!

  • $2.00: lamp, decorative/artsy, blacklight + “liquid clipboard” rings – 2 ft tall, top ring broken, but it still works upside-down… $11 blacklight bulb stull works too (EV:$15, a total guess, including value of used bulb)
  • $2.00: dvd, The Lady & The Highwayman, Hugh Grant – based on the poem The Highwayman (EV:$3.50)
http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/627/70632186.jpg

probably a suckfest, but we're more interested in the poem now that we have listened to Dirk (R.I.P.) recite The Highwayman on mp3 a bunch of times

  • $1.00: Brita pitcher filter (no filter included) (EV:$13)
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TyDBcCOXGcc/SfkYLzw3SMI/AAAAAAAADHE/lSCZ5dY3fqw/s400/brita.jpg

We already have 3, which is very useful. We don't really need a 4th -- Time to re-introduce the vodka filter?

  • $1.00: dvd, Recognizing And Preventing Strokes (EV:$1?????)
  • $1.00: light,the kind with the long cord, and hook to hang it on a nail — the kind that you’d use to work in your attic (EV:$15)
http://www.tiretoolsonline.com/thumbnail.asp?file=assets/images/10_5_2007_11_14_11.jpg&maxx=300&maxy=0

insulation time?

  • $1.00: frame, picture, 17×13 (EV:$20)
  • $1.00: cans (2), beer, Olde Frothingslosh – hilarious color can with black and white picture (beer already drunken, can opened from bottom to preserve new-looking top) (EV:$2)
http://usr.audioasylum.com/images/1/14225/pale_stale_ale_2321.jpg

mine were white and a bit different, but same black & white girl on them

  • $FREE: monitor, flatscreen, 17.1″, Kogi (L7EH-TA) – missing VGA cord ($10) ($60 new – $10 for cords = EV:$50)
  • $FREE: belt carrier, camouflage [a fanny pack, basically] (EV:$10)

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41fvPwnaQLL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

  • $FREE: basket, plastic, 14″x7″x6″, white – already used to organize and control our table clutter ($8)
http://www.farm-home.com/images/jb89/30901789c.jpg

now holding ketchup & mustard, SriRacha, pepper, napkin holder, Vick's VapoRub, extra plstic forks, spoons, hot sauces from taco bell... no longer sprawled about our table messily

  • $FREE: mirror clip set (EV:$2)
http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/Y6wRa2G8MhAaeBosgWhwJPgqUFS85a8YBKeDYmg40htRVyytSJu8xmYq99DvCRkNQwUb_KwNPmn8hjGWRmG4gAdCqghZpcHoT4V1en67CSLMDXdJF3PTabkZGfbXWbzvljVJegIoPxDX4aIkwIyd8pR9W6vNN2lqF5LJwZ2L1c0TPbt8dhq9ZRw

seeing as we have a bunch of mirrors sitting on the ground from other yardsales...

  • $FREE: frame, poster, 18″x24″, shrink-wrapped (EV:$8)
  • $FREE: comics — they weren’t really ones I wanted, but since they were free, I figured I’d preserve them. Too bad most had the kid’s name written over the cover in sharpie. Dumb! A couple of them were actually graphic novels. Here’s the list:
    1. Wolverine #138 (EV:$0.10) X-Men: The Movie, official comic book adaptation (EV:$1.00)
    2. X-Men: Ultimate X-Men Graphic Novel (EV:$) – with free unrelated Marvel super-hero stickers (EV:$1.00)
    3. Marvel Encyclopedia (EV:$1.00)
    4. Spider-Man: Chapter One #12 (EV:$0.10)
    5. Spider-Man: Web Of Spider-man #6, Part 3 (EV:$0.10)
    6. Superman #78 (EV:$0.10)
    7. Action Comics #662 (EV:$0.10)
    8. AAFES: The New Avengers Fireline (EV:$0.10)
    9. AAFES: The New Avengers Letters Home (EV:$0.10)
    10. AAFES: The New Avengers (EV:$0.10)
    11. AAFES: The New Avengers guest starring The Fantastic Four [2 different issues] (EV:$0.20)
    12. Sonic Super Special #14 (EV:$0.05)
    13. 3 Musketeers Aventure #6 (EV:$0.05)
    14. Wonder Man #1 (EV:$0.05)
    15. Quasar #23, part 5 of 7 Cosmos In Collision (EV:$0.05)
  • $FREE: magazine, Sports Illustrated, with a comic-style cover (in same lot as free comics) – moved to our free stuff desk (EV:$0.50)

2010 STATS SO FAR:
TOTAL EXPEDITIONS: 5
TOTAL HOURS: ~16.5
TOTAL MILES DRIVEN: ~166.4
TOTAL ITEMS BOUGHT: 80-134, depending on how you count them
TOTAL MONEY SPENT: $256.78
TOTAL ESTIMATED VALUE: $1,511.59
TOTAL PROFIT: $1,254.81
AVG HOURLY WAGE PER PERSON: $38/hr

Click here for other Yard Sale-related postings.

  • EV stands for “Estimated Value”, which I estimate by looking things up in Google Shopping/Google/Amazon/Ebay. I don’t always deduct for an item being used, unless it’s actually in worse condition. It depends on the item, really. (more…)
  •  movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] This got a 4.0/10 on IMDB.

    PEOPLE: Jon Bon Jovi and David Faustino (Bud Bundy from Married With Children) play the 2 leading characters. David Faustino is generally funny no matter who he plays opposite of, but having him opposite Bon Jovi is quite serendipitous casting! Other major roles are played by the big-lipped-but-hot Estella Warren (2001 Planet Of The Apes, and a special thanks in the movie Cry_Wolf for some reason), Saturday Night Live‘s Nora Dunn (Pineapple Express, Bruce Almighty, Three Kings, Zoolander). And then we have Curtis Armstrong (aka Booger from Revenge Of The Nerds 1 through 4, and Snot on American Dad) in a minor role, as well as Cary Elwes (Saw 1, Shadow Of A Vampire, Liar Liar, Kiss The Girls, or as most people know him: Westley from The Princess Bride). I think he was the douchebag lawyer with stupid hair. I didn’t recognize him.

    QUIRKS:

    1) Women’s Hockey. Yes — it’s a sports comedy. And you know what? I liked that aspect, even though I detest sports!

    If women played hockey, I might actually be interested in it! Hockey is the only sport I have ever voluntarily watched more than once. During the year that they put computer-generated trails on the pucks when they were hit (1993?), I must have watched close to 3 games. :) (I watched a Superbowl once, but wont make that mistake again.)

    So since I am very anti-sports, this didn’t offend me the way women’s hockey offended people in the movie. (People acted like it was a stupid idea. But Bon Jovi made it work — by getting 208 credit cards to pay for it.)

    2) Credit Cards. Insane credit dependence. Bon Jovi is broke, lives with his sister (Nora Dunn), and keeps creating unsellable inventions — much like Jack Black in the recent movie Envy, except a total bum. He’s made $0 in 10 years. He doesn’t have a cent to his name. But then — he’s tricked into applying for a credit card. He eventually goes $300K into debt trying to make his woman’s hockey league work out.

    3) A court battle. Yes.. this movie has hockey AND a court battle. And the court battle actually has a lot of valid societal commentary about the current state of credit card companies, and their practices!

    VISUALS: Well — there is an all-female hockey team. There’s just enough boobies (i.e. a few seconds) to give it an R rating. Unlike most National Lampoon movies, this movie is not really strongly focused on sex.

    MORALS: The greatest things in America… were built by dreamers!

    POLITICS: Credit card companies can be deceptive…If you go with the flow, you may be committing fraud without even realizing it. It should not be so easy to unwillingly commit a crime just by going with the flow.

    BAD STUFF: The movie is certainly predictable… But it’s the voyage, not the destination.

    Also, the conclusion is pretty open-ended. It doesn’t conclude as much as one would like. But that’s okay, because again: It’s the voyage, not the destination.

    CONCLUSION: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.

    While being a generic modern National Lampoon comedy in many ways … This also broke the mold and was more unique than most National Lampoon movies. Hockey? Court battles? No college kids? Hardly any sex?

    While not generally being slapstick, there was a slapstick scene near the beginning that had us both in absolute stitches. It would NOT stop! And a little person was involved!

    While not being over-sexed, I’m not going to be able to get Danielle James out of my mind for several days.

    RECOMMENDATION: This is a good night’s entertainment. We’d been putting it off for awhile. It was much better than we expected. “Bon Jovi goes into credit card debt to finance a woman’s hockey league” is one of the worst summaries I’ve ever heard in my life; yet this movie rose way above that. It was actually socially relevant by the end! It surprised us with its uniqueness factor. If you’re a person who dislikes most movies, you wont like this. If you’re a person who likes most movies, you probably will.

    SIMILAR MOVIES: Envy, with Jack Black and Ben Stiller, has a similar character dynamic as this movie. But Envy is about post-success, while this movie is about the rise to success.

    COINCIDENCES: (Envy, National Lampoon’s Pucked) 2 movies in 3 days where inventors are pejoratively called “dreamers”, but then it is talked about how some of our great achievements are the result of dreamers. (more…)

     movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] They rebooted the franchise, but I’m still going to call this movie #12. And IMDB lists that as an alternate title anyway.

    PEOPLE: From the writers of Freddy Vs. Jason.. comes YET ANOTHER Friday The 13th movie. I didn’t recognize any of the stars except Aaron Yoo, who was in Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist.

    QUIRKS: Although regarded as a remake of Friday The 13th 1, it actually combines elements of #1, #2, #3, along with references to #5 (A New Beginning), #6 (Jason Lives), and #10 (the one in space).

    Michael Bey walked out of the premiere because it had too much sex? WTF?

    You get to see Jason’s “home”, which he never had (to my knowledge) in the previous movies. Jason seems a lot smarter, and more like a hunter than a random serial killer.

    The first 25 minutes are almost like a mini Friday The 13th movie. Then the real movie starts.

    BAD STUFF: This just didn’t seem quite as brutal or violent as other Friday The 13th movies. Something was missing. Jason was a bit too calculating, and too smart. He was just as relentless as ever, but they made him more like a real person, instead of a force of nature.

    CONCLUSION: This was passable entertainment, but as Friday The 13th movies go, it’s pretty forgettable other than the fact that this is the “reboot” of the franchise, and thus will never truly be forgotten. It was about as generic as a Friday The 13th movie can get.

    Generic Pass: 3/5 stars on Netflix, 6/10 on IMDB. I didn’t want to abort the movie by any means… But I was happy when it was over. Live! was much better. (We watched both movies in a row on the same night.)

    RECOMMENDATION: If you’re a fan of the franchise and want to see every movie… Then you’re going to have no choice but to watch it. Honestly, that is the most compelling reason to watch it: Completism. On it’s own, it isn’t much of a horror movie. Generic everyone-dies movie.

    MOVIE QUOTE: Richie: Do you know how many lakes there are named Crystal-something? Go to the supermarket, every single bottled water is named ‘Crystal’ something!
    Wade: Aquafina.

    Yes. Lots of stupid witty dialog that didn’t really serve much of a purpose.

    FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Jason/Biff hated it. (more…)

     movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

    UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Injured girl hallucinates.

    PEOPLE: Tim Burton!

    Johnny Depp! Helena Bonham Carter! Anne Hathaway. Crispin Glover (Beowulf, 9, Epic Movie, Charlie’s Angels, Dead Man, The Doors, Wild At Heart, Twister, Friday The 13th 4). Alan Rickman. And Mia Wasikowska as Alice. She’s 20, so it’s not thoughtcrime to look at her lustfully.

    QUIRKS: Based on a mixture of both books: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass.

    VISUALS: Blonde hair good, black eyebrows bad. I’d have preferred Anne Hathaway’s eyebrows match her hair. It really bothered me more than it should have.

    However, since this was 3-D, it was indeed a fantastic voyage to see everything in this movie.

    Double however: We saw this with the grey-ish polarized 3-D glasses (RealD), not the superior IMAX-3D used in Avatar. RealD 3D does not hold up to Avatar’s IMAX-3D nearly as well, and the color isn’t as vivid with the grey-tinted glasses. Avatar spoiled me, so the 3-D was awesome, but still a bit of a disappointment. Probably should have shelled out extra for the IMAX.

    BAD STUFF: I know people would probably consider it out of character for me, but I’ve never really been into Alice In Wonderland that much. It’s also out of character for me to be caught up by the hype and go see something IN THE THEATRE I’m not normally that interested in. However, Tim Burton + 3-D is a win.

    On a personal note, because I didn’t see it in IMAX (or fake imax) 3-D, blackness entered a lot of my vision… Which contributed to me falling asleep about 10 times during this. Well, I mostly blame that on 3 shots of gin. But still, it’s another reason I prefer watching at home, with rear ambilight behind my TV. Nor did I have this problem with Avatar, which I saw in fake IMAX. If I were home, I’d have been able to rewind, or take a break to wake up more. Instead I paid $15 to fall asleep. Argh. Still, I was awake during 98% of the movie. This isn’t like The Simpsons Movie, where I was only awake during about 60% of it (haha, I still need to re-watch The Simpsons Movie).

    Tim Burton said that most Alice movies felt like a series of events to him — not a connected story. And that he wanted to remedy that. Personally, I can’t say that he succeeded.

    CONCLUSION: A slight disappointment, but still quite amazing to see in 3-D. My only problem was that I was expecting to be blown away, like with Avatar, but I wasn’t. People attribute this to it originally being shot in 3-D, and then converted to 3-D. But that’s not the first time Tim Burton’s done this. Nightmare Before Christmas 3-D totally blew me away.

    RATINGS:

    Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.5/10. I’ll still vote it 8 on IMDB because I might be a bit more critical than I usually am today.

    Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10. “Though I am familiar with the story of the second book, I was not as familiar with it as I am with the first story. I read about it on the wikipedia page, and it makes about as much sense as it did when I was a kid. I don’t remember how I was exposed to the Through The Looking Glass story. But I did think Tim Burton did a good job telling the story.”

    The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.0/10, Netflix: 4.0/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.5/5 stars–too high).

    RECOMMENDATION: See it… But don’t expect The Most Amazing Thing You’ve Ever Seen, like some people seem to be.

    SIMILAR MOVIES: Any trippy fantasy movie. Especially where you aren’t sure if it’s real or not. Pan’s Labyrinth?

    MOVIE QUOTE: The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
    [Alice checks Hatter's temperature]
    Alice Kingsley: I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

    FRIENDS’ RATINGS:

    Amy M thought it was “absolutely awesome”.

    Todd P thought it was great.

    Daniel H enjoyed it a lot. He didn’t think the 3-D rendered as well, and I agree: These were inferior 3-d glasses. However, I can’t agree with his recommendation to skip the 3-D altogether; I think it’s the only reason to not simply wait and view it at home.

    MaryJane M thought it was good.

    Joe R: “It’s similar to Willy Wonka. If you’re expecting a firm adaptation, you won’t like it. However, it stands on its own as a fun movie.”

    Ben W: “I think it depends how much you are attached to the Lewis Carol stories. If you are a big fan then stay away, a lot of liberties have been taken. If not there are some graphical things that might grind on your eyes(not in a good way), but over all it is a popcorn movie. As an aside, I am hyper critical of movies and anything I say about them should be taken with a spoon full of salt.” (more…)

    A man walks by the newsstand every day, grabs a copy of the paper, and reads the front page. Each day, he grumbles, folds it back up disgustedly, and goes on about his day. This goes on for several years until finally the owner of the news stand asks the question.
    “Why do you only read the front page and why do you get so upset?”
    “I’m looking to see if someone died.”
    “Well the obituaries are further inside.”
    “The mother-fucker I’m looking for would be on the front page.”

    Sorry… Heard it from John Str____ on Facebook. Had to remember it. This was in response to me saying there should be a web service to monitor obituaries, a DeathWatch of sorts. Useful for timely grave-dancing. (more…)

    //www.acm.vt.edu/~clint/download/imagedump/jesus1.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.[originally posted 3/25/2008] Because I am outspoken, have a powerful web presence, and have unpopular and unapologetic opinions, I tend to attract trolls from time to time. For example, the guy who argued that we must protest South Parkbefore the series even came out. Honestly, I might be the actual troll here, as I deliberately put some stuff up to bait people into leaving responses, which is the definition of trolling. But that definition usually applies to neutral forums, not to posting to your own forum. So I’ll go ahead and call the people who attack me on my own spaces “trolls”, in the “I’m rubber you’re glue” spirit.

    This is in response to my “What Would Jesus Smoke?” blogposts HERE, as well as my What Would Jesus Smoke (and other Jesus) Flickr images HERE.

    These pictures draw “Christian soldiers” from all over the place, causing them to hurl entertaining vitriol in my direction. I fucking love it.

    I always thought “Ye who has not sinned should cast the first stone”, but hey, Christians don’t seem to know much about being Christ-like, just like Muslims don’t seem to know much about being Mohammad-like. (And if they did, they would all have 6-year-old wives like Mohammad.) My uncle Sean has already published, analyzed, and commented on this letter, and there are already a few comments over there on his blog. He is more calm and collected, and can say how I feel better than I can. :)

    Anyway, this gets ugly. Very ugly. Read on to see the love God puts in all Christians’ hearts. (That was sarcasm.) (more…)

    I’ve done like.. hardly any of this. So this will be very easy to fill out.

    Things you have done during your lifetime:

    ( ) Gone on a blind date
    ( ) Donated Blood
    (x) Had surgery
    (x) Broken a bone
    (x) Skipped school
    ( ) Watched someone die
    ( ) Been to Canada
    ( ) Been to Mexico
    (x) Been to Florida
    ( ) Been to Hawaii
    (x) Been on a plane
    ( ) Been on a helicopter (It wasn’t flying)
    (x) Been lost
    (x) Gone to Washington, DC
    ( ) Hugged a homeless person
    (x) Swam in the ocean
    ( ) Swam with Stingrays
    (x) Been sailing
    (x) Performed in public on a musical instrument
    (x) Cried yourself to sleep
    (x) Played cops and robbers
    (x) Recently colored with crayons [if the tablecloth at Macaroni Grill counts]
    ( ) Ran a marathon/or triathalon
    (x) Sang Karaoke
    ( ) Volunteered at a soup kitchen
    ( ) Paid for a meal with coins only
    ( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch,
    ( ) Seen the Northern Lights
    ( ) Been Parasailing
    (x) Been on TV – I was in the background with Lance Armstrong
    (x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
    (x) Made prank phone calls
    ( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
    ( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
    ( ) Fed an elephant
    ( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
    ( ) Fired a gun
    ( ) Danced in the rain
    ( ) Been to the Opera
    ( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
    ( ) Serenaded someone
    ( ) Seen a U.S. President in person
    (x) Been kissed under the mistletoe [I'm just assuming here]
    (x) Watched the sunrise with someone
    ( ) Driven a race car
    (x) Been to a National Museum
    ( ) Been to a Wax Museum
    ( ) Eaten caviar
    (x) Blown bubbles
    ( ) Gone ice-skating
    (x) Gone to the movies [uh DUHHH]
    ( ) Been deep sea fishing
    ( ) Driven across the United States
    ( ) Been in a hot air balloon
    ( ) Been sky diving
    ( ) Gone snowmobiling
    ( ) Lived in more than one country
    (x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
    (x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
    ( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
    ( ) Seen the Grand Canyon
    ( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
    ( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
    ( ) Been on a cruise
    (x) Traveled by train – if the subway counts, then yes
    (x) Traveled by motorcycle
    ( ) Been horse back riding
    ( ) Ridden on a San Francisco cable car
    (x) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World
    ( ) Truly believe in the power of prayer
    ( ) Been in a rain forest
    ( ) Seen whales in the ocean
    ( ) Been to Niagara Falls
    ( ) Ridden on an elephant
    ( ) Ridden on a camel
    ( ) Swam with dolphins
    ( ) Been to the Olympics
    ( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
    ( ) Saw and heard a glacier
    ( ) Been spinnaker flying
    ( ) Been water-skiing
    ( ) Been snow-skiing
    ( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
    ( ) Been to the Louvre
    ( ) Been to the Taj Mahal
    ( ) Been to Rome, Italy
    ( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
    ( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
    ( ) Been to a National Football League game
    ( ) Swam with sharks
    ( ) Been White Water Rafting
    ( ) Written a book or screen play
    (x) Been in love
    ( ) Put a foot in the Oval office
    ( ) Hitchhiked
    ( ) Joined the Mile High Club
    ( ) Snorkeled
    (x) Seen a person on fire
    (x) Been a person on fire – if my jacket counts and someone else had to inform me of it (more…)

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