VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Wicker Man (2006)

3/5 stars, 7/10 from Clint & Carolyn.
3/5 stars, 6/10 from Parthena.
2/5 stars, 5/10 from Eli.
Native rating: 3.6/10.

Wow. What a low IMDB rating. Talk about a movie that has major remake-hate! By rating it 7/10, Carolyn & I are in the top 12% of opinion in this movie!

When I watched selected scenes from the 1970’s version, it just looked incredibly cheesy and dated. Nude songs being sung?  Shitty film stock? Men instead of women? Cheap-looking sets? Meh. Pretty sure if I watched the original I’d like it less than this.

Plus, we really like Nic Cage and Frances Controy from Six Feet Under. And Ellen Burstyn is good too.

I was the only one who recognized Leelee Sobieski from Armageddon.

NOT THE BEES should have gone on longer!

It was better than Carolyn & Eli expected.

It was actually pretty creepy. Nothing great, but I’ve seen worse. Not the “worst movie ever” that so many people claim it to be.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450345/

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Doctor Strange (2007)

Doctor Strange – The Sorcerer Supreme (2007) – 
Clint: 4/5 stars, 8/10. 
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10. 
Native ratings: 3.8/5 stars Netflix, /10 IMDB.

Carolyn: This was a good animated Marvel movie.  I am not as familiar with Doctor Strange in the comic book realm, so it was interesting to see his origin story.  The Marvel animated movies rarely disappoint, anyway.

Clint: I have to agree. This is the type of stuff we like. This isn’t one of the best, but I suspect it’s the only feature-length Doctor Strange origin movie that’s worth watching. 

I wasn’t as wow’ed by it as Carolyn, as I’m starting to get jaded from watching so.many.movies lately. I’m starting to get to that age where you notice stories are becoming less unique: This felt like a combo of the origin stories of Batman (in Batman Begins) and Green Lantern (in terms of ancient leaders and their corrupt inner circle members), combined with the latest season of Avatar:The Legend Of Korra (in terms of demonic gods trying to break through to our realm). I should probably take a break from watching movies for a bit, to become less jaded. (But I really want to watch one tonite!)

One interesting thing: The sound mix was excellent. 

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0910865/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Clint: 4.4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.8/5 stars Netflix, 6.8/10 IMDB.

Hilarious, but still with a dark edge like the original. But not as dark, and seemingly not as serious.   We missed Nic Cage, though.  We wish he could have been in this.  We got Jim Carrey, though!  Carolyn didn’t recognize him until Clint pointed out who he was. Good makeup. And it’s okay if the makeup doesn’t look realistic, because that’s just comic book aesthetics. It actually opens things up for more creativity, versus the less-creative, more-common goal of making everyone look “realistic”.

But anyway… Super heroes in real life (i.e. *our* version of Earth) is an awesome genre, considering we have hundreds of known *real* costumed heroes in real life.

Written & directed by Jeff Wadlow.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson (he’s going to be Quiksilver in The Avengers: Age of Ultron) as Dave Lizewski / Kick-Ass. Hmm, I guess he didn’t end up being Cyclops in X-Men: First Class
Chloe Grace Moretz (Let Me In, The Amityville Horror, Movie 43, 1 ep of American Dad) as Mindy Macready / Hit-Girl.
Jim Carrey as Colonel Stars and Stripes.
Morris Chestnut (Ryan Nichols in the new V series, Identity Thief, 1 ep of American Dad) as Detective Marcus Williams, who is now the guardian of Hit-Girl.
Clark Duke (Hot Tub Time Machine, Kick-Ass, Sex Drive, Superbad, Clark on the last season of The Office, 5 eps of Robot Chicken) as Marty / Battle Guy.
Augustus Prew as Todd / Ass Kicker.
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin from Superbad, How To Train Your Dragon, The To-Do List, This Is the End, Kick-Ass, Movie 43, Fright Night, Year One) as Chris D’Amico / The Motherfucker.
John Leguizamo (Ice Age movies, Luigi in Super Mario Brothers, uncredited in Repo Men, 1 ep of American Dad) as Javier, The Motherfucker’s butler.
Donald Faison (Bartik in TRON: Uprising, Can’t Hardly Wait, Clueless (also in the TV series), 8 eps of Robot Chicken, 3 eps of The Boondocks, 1 ep of Adventure Time, 1 ep of Titan Maximum) as Dr. Gravity.
Lyndsy Fonseca (Hot Tub Time Machine, 1 ep of Heroes, 1 ep of Malcolm In The Middle) as Katie Deauxma.
Yancy Butler (Hansel & Gretel Get Baked) as Mrs. D’Amico, The Motherfucker’s mother.
Lindy Booth (Detroit Rock City, Wrong Turn) as Night Bitch.
Benedict Wong (Prometheus, 2 eps of Look Around You) as Mr. Kim.
Andy Nyman (1 ep of Holliston where he apparently plays Axl The Cat) as The Tumor.
Garrett M. Brown (Uncle Buck) as Mr. Lizewski.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1650554/combined

Clint: 1.2/5 stars, 3/10.
Carolyn: 1/5 stars, 3/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 4.3/10 IMDB.

Carolyn: This movie wasn’t that good. It wasn’t really that good to start with, and then it took a nosedive in the middle and there was no recovering from that. They didn’t really do a good job of introducing the characters, or the premise of the movie. Callum Blue did a good job of being a douche, especially towards his assistant, Jenny. Worst boss ever! But that was it. (Clint still doesn’t like him as much, and had a false memory of him playing Doomsday in Smallville, but no, he was Zod!)

Clint: So the gimmick was an interesting idea, and it was billed as a comedy. A comedy where somebody talks using only slogans from commercials. I was hoping for something with a kind of Dream On meets Liar Liar type vibe — something nostalgic yet funny, with lots of references.

And while I did get lots of nostalgic references to various commercials I’d thought about, THAT WAS THE ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY. (Well, that and looking at Posey and MacDonald.)

I had thought this was one of those low-rated comedies, but once again, IT’S AM AMBUSH DRAMEDY. It’s not a comedy at all. Some things that are occasionally funny happen. That’s true in horrors, that’s true in thrillers, that’s true in documentaries, and it DOESN’T MAKE IT A FUCKING COMEDY. Stop calling dramedies comedies. I should have researched this one more thoroughly. It was the perfect storm of me being tired of people underrating movies, and thus ignoring them when it counted the most. I apologize for blowing one of our alcohol-movie-watchings on this turd!

Back to Carolyn:

Then there’s some dumb speech consisting of advertisements and Callum is left there with a profound look on his face, but there was nothing profound about any of it! Karen and her daughter have some love-hate relationship going on, and “oh, he saved me from being raped, so let’s have a montage of a shopping ‘daycation’ or whatever the fuck they called it.” Oh so special! We’ll have a touching moment talking about the death of the father, and then quickly we’ll have some jokes about having sex with Adan and the advertisements that he would say in response…. and then we’ll have some guitar playing! Yay! Then the daughter joins in and oh wow, what a great movie. NOT! This movie was awful. Oh, and what is the main point? That Lucas is going to take over the company and find Adan unfit to be CEO? And then that happens, and neither Adan nor Karen seem that bothered by it. It just didn’t have any redeeming factors. I downgraded my rating overnight, and I still feel like downgrading it the more I think about it. I started at 2/5, 5/10, then this morning it became 1.6/5, 5/10, and now it’s 1/5, 4/10.

Directed by Zack Bernbaum. Written by Michael Hamilton-Wright.

Starring Bruce Greenwood (Pike from Star Trek (2009), Batman in Young Justice, Batman in Batman: Under The Red Hood, President in National Treasure: Book Of Secrets, I Robot, ) as Adan Kundle.
Parker Posey (Dazed And Confused, Scream 3, Clockwatchers, Superman Returns (2006), Coneheads) as Karen Hillridge.
Callum Blue (Zod in Smallville) as Lucas Foster.
Allie MacDonald (yum) as Meghan Hillridge, Karen’s daughter.
Allison Dawn Doiron as Jenny, Lucas’ assistant.
Howard Rosenstein as Senator James Allen.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2094762/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Extracted (2012)

A very interesting premise: Being able to scientifically observe *other* peoples’ memories, thanks to corporations perverting technology originally meant for people to examine their *own* memories as a way of dealing with trauma. Now what happens if you get stuck in someone? This comes off like The Host meets The Cell (but with no romance).

However: Such a slow, slow, slow build-up. 40-50 minutes. But then it got interesting. And stayed interesting. Hell, it got so interesting it actually felt a bit rushed at the end.

I think this movie could have benefited from some better editing. It could have been a 4/5-star, 8/10 movie easily. Maybe even better. But it missed its mark a bit.

Written & directed by Nir Paniry.
Starring Sasha Roiz as Tom.
Jenny Mollen (Crazy, Stupid, Love) as Abbey, Tom’s wife.
Dominic Bogart as Anthony, the heroin addict.
Richard Riehle (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Miss Nobody, Hatchet, Palindromes, Mysterious Skin, Dorm Daze 2, 1 ep of The Legend Of Korra) as Father Riley, the prison priest.
Nick Jameson (President Yuri Suvarov in 24, Batman: Year One, Eurotrip, Beowulf, The Critic, 15 eps of Spider-Man-TAS (1990s), 13 eps of Mission Hill, 6 eps of Star Wars: Clone Wars, 1 ep of Star Wars: The Clone Wars) as Richard, the PR seller.
Rodney Eastman (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 & 4, 1 ep of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) as Eric, Anthony’s drug-dealer friend.
Frank Ashmore (the original V, Airplane!, 6 eps of The Guild) as Martino.
Ty Simpkins (47 eps of The Guiding Light, Iron Man 3) as Young Anthony.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1757746/combined

CARTOONS: MOVIES: The Hit Squad

An animated comedy movie? Yes!

Oh, it’s done in 8-bit style? Double yes!

And it’s about a washed up, failing 1980s synthpop band?!?!?!  Triple yes.

Must see this when it comes out!

LINK URL: http://ilovethehitsquad.com

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (2012)

Twilight 5: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012) -
Clint: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Native ratings: 4.0/5 stars Netflix, 5.7/10 IMDB.

“Twilight sucks!”
It’s not so bad. It’s just Underworld with more romance and less action.

“It sends the wrong message to women! It’s Mormon propaganda!”
Uhhh… I watch South Park and Beavis & Butt-head and Family Guy. You think I care if a bad message is sent? My favorite horror franchise is Saw.

“The relationship is so dysfunctional! It’s a trainwreck. Why would anyone want to watch that?”
HellOOOOOOO… Dysfunctional relationships have always been great to watch! Natural Born Killers, anyone?

“Vampires that sparkle! What the fuck!”
Right… I forgot that when an idea, like vampirism, is introduced into the cinema world, that it means that any other movie using that idea should do it the exact same way. For this reason, I hate the Star Trek reboot and The Fly remake. Just kidding! The whole point of a media is for people to create different interpretations of the same concept. It’s like arguing that a metal song shouldn’t have horns. Limits are stupid.

So anyway…. Of the 5 Twilight movies, this was the best. The ending could be construed as a let-down, but this one really had the least romance and, I think the most action of any Twilight movie.

Plus, it’s over now, and that makes me happy, since it’s not the greatest franchise in the world. But it was good enough to watch all 5 movies. I think movie #2 was the worst of the 5.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1673434/combined

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