Clint: 1.2/5 stars, 3/10.
Carolyn: 1/5 stars, 3/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 4.3/10 IMDB.

Carolyn: This movie wasn’t that good. It wasn’t really that good to start with, and then it took a nosedive in the middle and there was no recovering from that. They didn’t really do a good job of introducing the characters, or the premise of the movie. Callum Blue did a good job of being a douche, especially towards his assistant, Jenny. Worst boss ever! But that was it. (Clint still doesn’t like him as much, and had a false memory of him playing Doomsday in Smallville, but no, he was Zod!)

Clint: So the gimmick was an interesting idea, and it was billed as a comedy. A comedy where somebody talks using only slogans from commercials. I was hoping for something with a kind of Dream On meets Liar Liar type vibe — something nostalgic yet funny, with lots of references.

And while I did get lots of nostalgic references to various commercials I’d thought about, THAT WAS THE ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY. (Well, that and looking at Posey and MacDonald.)

I had thought this was one of those low-rated comedies, but once again, IT’S AM AMBUSH DRAMEDY. It’s not a comedy at all. Some things that are occasionally funny happen. That’s true in horrors, that’s true in thrillers, that’s true in documentaries, and it DOESN’T MAKE IT A FUCKING COMEDY. Stop calling dramedies comedies. I should have researched this one more thoroughly. It was the perfect storm of me being tired of people underrating movies, and thus ignoring them when it counted the most. I apologize for blowing one of our alcohol-movie-watchings on this turd!

Back to Carolyn:

Then there’s some dumb speech consisting of advertisements and Callum is left there with a profound look on his face, but there was nothing profound about any of it! Karen and her daughter have some love-hate relationship going on, and “oh, he saved me from being raped, so let’s have a montage of a shopping ‘daycation’ or whatever the fuck they called it.” Oh so special! We’ll have a touching moment talking about the death of the father, and then quickly we’ll have some jokes about having sex with Adan and the advertisements that he would say in response…. and then we’ll have some guitar playing! Yay! Then the daughter joins in and oh wow, what a great movie. NOT! This movie was awful. Oh, and what is the main point? That Lucas is going to take over the company and find Adan unfit to be CEO? And then that happens, and neither Adan nor Karen seem that bothered by it. It just didn’t have any redeeming factors. I downgraded my rating overnight, and I still feel like downgrading it the more I think about it. I started at 2/5, 5/10, then this morning it became 1.6/5, 5/10, and now it’s 1/5, 4/10.

Directed by Zack Bernbaum. Written by Michael Hamilton-Wright.

Starring Bruce Greenwood (Pike from Star Trek (2009), Batman in Young Justice, Batman in Batman: Under The Red Hood, President in National Treasure: Book Of Secrets, I Robot, ) as Adan Kundle.
Parker Posey (Dazed And Confused, Scream 3, Clockwatchers, Superman Returns (2006), Coneheads) as Karen Hillridge.
Callum Blue (Zod in Smallville) as Lucas Foster.
Allie MacDonald (yum) as Meghan Hillridge, Karen’s daughter.
Allison Dawn Doiron as Jenny, Lucas’ assistant.
Howard Rosenstein as Senator James Allen.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2094762/combined

ABUSE OF AUTHORITY: RAW: Dallas Cops Shoot Unarmed Mentally Ill Man Standing in the Street!!

Even if the guy had a knife and lunged at the cops, they should still be tried for murder.  A trained professional can do nothing but kill a person in the easiest possible way? These are not heroes, these are cowards. 

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lUSNN5WTfY&feature=player_embedded#t=0

VIDEO: Shrek The Dark Ogrelord

Today’s moment of WTF is 36 seconds of disturbing Source Filmmaker Shrek Vs. Hitler…ness.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_APupKyHeE

VIDEO: Hannah Montana Coon Repellent: Bold Yet Sassy

Having had a lot of raccoon experiences in my current house, I ended up at this video………. A must-see if you don’t mind raccoon, rednecks, and Hannah Montana body spray.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3gqTxMHZzw

MUSIC VIDEO: Neosignal – Planet Online (Official Video)

This is NOT a band or music I listen to.

This is a video that stands on its own awesomeness — Basically, all of the popular aspects of the internet represented as 1990s toy commercials.

Pretty awesome.

This is great. Some assembly required.

Thanks Alan M!

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnhPMdIsOBc&feature=youtu.be

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (2012)

Twilight 5: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012) -
Clint: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Native ratings: 4.0/5 stars Netflix, 5.7/10 IMDB.

“Twilight sucks!”
It’s not so bad. It’s just Underworld with more romance and less action.

“It sends the wrong message to women! It’s Mormon propaganda!”
Uhhh… I watch South Park and Beavis & Butt-head and Family Guy. You think I care if a bad message is sent? My favorite horror franchise is Saw.

“The relationship is so dysfunctional! It’s a trainwreck. Why would anyone want to watch that?”
HellOOOOOOO… Dysfunctional relationships have always been great to watch! Natural Born Killers, anyone?

“Vampires that sparkle! What the fuck!”
Right… I forgot that when an idea, like vampirism, is introduced into the cinema world, that it means that any other movie using that idea should do it the exact same way. For this reason, I hate the Star Trek reboot and The Fly remake. Just kidding! The whole point of a media is for people to create different interpretations of the same concept. It’s like arguing that a metal song shouldn’t have horns. Limits are stupid.

So anyway…. Of the 5 Twilight movies, this was the best. The ending could be construed as a let-down, but this one really had the least romance and, I think the most action of any Twilight movie.

Plus, it’s over now, and that makes me happy, since it’s not the greatest franchise in the world. But it was good enough to watch all 5 movies. I think movie #2 was the worst of the 5.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1673434/combined

MUSIC: Los Colorados – Du Hast (Official Rammstein Cover)

I nominate this the most unlikely Rammstein cover.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=a5xSxGhlHfc

ABUSE OF AUTHORITY: CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS: Police perform house-to-house raids in Watertown MA ripping innocent families from their homes at gunpoint

You know what’s worse than 3 people dead and 176 injured? Millions of people thinking they have constitutional rights, but finding out they actually don’t.

And a right that the government can selectively take away when it feels like it? That is not a right. At that point, it’s simply a privilege. 

Pointing a gun at somebody IS violence. This is violence against citizenry. At this point, it’s almost a collective punishment for allowing a terrorist to attack.

The worst part is how many people are lined up saying this is okay — Americans have completely and utterly forgotten what freedom is supposed to be.

They now just want a security force that keeps the maximum bodies alive, regardless of consequence to free will.

Fuck that, and Fuck Boston, city of pussies. From the great boston tea party of the 1770s to the pussydom of today, there’s no city in the country that’s pissed harder on its own legacy of freedom. 

Adding extra insult to all this? The raids made no difference. The suspect wasn’t in a house, and was found by civilian tips. The police made little difference. This was about training people to obey Big Brother.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2LrbsUVSVl8

MUSIC: Simon & Garfunkel: Sounds Of Silence (Muppets Version)

Too hilarious not to share. It really kicks in after the first verse.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4hZUUmNRpGg

VIDEO: Mazzy Star – Fade Into You (Slowed) Vs. Twin Peaks

Okay… I’ve loved the Mazzy Star song for a long time, and I really fucking love Twin peaks… So why not combine the two, slow down the song so it’s 8 minutes long and sounds sung by a dude, and make the visuals all purple-green with a bunch of trippy datamoshing between Twin Peaks characters and Black Lodge rooms?

Yeah. Kick-ass.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBHz8k1jX1c

VIDEO: Mazzy Star – Fade Into You (Slowed) Vs. Twin Peaks

Okay… I’ve loved the Mazzy Star song for a long time, and I really fucking love Twin peaks… So why not combine the two, slow down the song so it’s 8 minutes long and sounds sung by a dude, and make the visuals all purple-green with a bunch of trippy datamoshing between Twin Peaks characters and Black Lodge rooms?

Yeah. Kick-ass.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBHz8k1jX1c

VIDEO: Real Eagle vs Hawk Death Match Caught on Video

Holy shit. Do not fuck with momma’s eggs! Momma gonna fuck you up…. ‘MURICA

LINK URL: http://theinterrobang.com/2013/03/real-eagle-vs-hawk-death-match-caught-on-video/

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

The Hobbit 1: An Unxpected Journey (2012) -
Clint: 5/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 8.4/10.

Native ratings: 4.2/5 stars Netflix, 8.2/10 IMDB (174th highest-rated movie ever).

A great set-up movie, as expected. You don’t get the satisfaction of a real conclusion, as these stories are LOOONNNNG.

Intro to Gollum, Sting, finding the ring, etc… We are so ready for movie #2!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0903624/combined

RSS: GOOGLE READER TO SHUT DOWN

In one fell swoop, Google is doing more damage to my life than Al Queda.

Hitler has never, ever, ever been so right: Watch “Hitler finds out Google Reader will be shut down” on YouTube now!

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eKTntSh4uSQ

ABUSE OF AUTHORITY: Philly Cop Found Not Guilty for Punching Woman on Camera

Fucking ridiculous. That is all.

Let us remember Philadelphia Police Lt. Jonathan Josey as the violent thug that he is.

Let s remember Judge Patrick Dugan as the judge who ruled police can punch us in the face if we are holding a beer.

LINK URL: http://www.photographyisnotacrime.com/2013/02/26/philly-cop-found-not-guilty-for-punching-woman-on-camera/

CARTOONS: ANIME: Why Robotech is the greatest love story of the 20th century

Okay, this was a great read. Thank you, Ryan!

Love knows no bounds
Love is messy
Love hurts
Love is gross
Love is dumb
Love is all that really matters

Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come.

LINK URL: http://io9.com/5971053/why-robotech-is-the-greatest-love-story-of-the-20th-century

VIDEO: OPTICAL ILLUSION: Amazing Anamorphic Illusions

Whoa.. This totally blew my mind. 

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tBNHPk-Lnkk

MUSIC VIDEO: Guns N’ Roses worst-ever rendition of Welcome To The Jungle Live 20121020

Just give up, Axl. You suck.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I0S-9wZWE2E

VIDEO: CARTOONS: DEXTER vs STEWIE – UCF ROUND 3 – YouTube

Dexter from Dexter’s Lab vs Stewie from Family Guy…

Both shows’ time travel.
Both shows’ monkeys at the end.
Epic.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtBzagTRCw8

COMEDY: Batman Hates Bronies – (Dark Knight & My Little Pony Cartoon)

2 minutes of awesomeness!

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jtp_LdmzLY&feature=player_embedded

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