May 2005

Takes awhile to realize what’s going on, huh?

This is pasted from an informal email and I’m too lazy to polish it off. This is a story about my run-in with a man-with-a-badge .

As background, you have to make a u-turn to get into to my house from the east. The road has a divider and that’s the only way to get in.

At the U-Turn intersection (a T-intersection, actually), there is simply not enough space in the middle to completely fit a car, so rather than lull people into thinking my car is in the middle and clipping me, I stop in a way that very obviously blocks the left lain until there is a gap sufficient enough for me to make the U-turn.

I did this, and this civilian-SUV 3 vehicles behind me completely burns rubber… The fucking idiot. So after the U-turn, I make it a point to turn my head kinda and look at him like “What the fuck?”, and he flicks me off!

So I immediately went into road rage mode and re-U-turned back onto Braddock, where I drove a good 60MPH in order to catch up to him… It was difficult because it was rush hour and other traffic got inserted between us, but finally I weasled into the right lane enough to get next to him and again looked at him like “What the fuck?”.

So he flashed his badge at me! Whoa! Didn’t know he had one
So them i’m kinda like “Oh, Fuck!”, but also feeling very righteous.
I assumed he was making me pull over, so I pulled over in the gas station by the side of the road…

His trick almost worked.  He wasn’t pulling me over, just trying to lose me by making me think he was pulling me over.

I look in my rear-view mirror expecting him to be behind me, but then I see, he’s simply at the red light not doing anything! What, did he think fear of authority gives authority the right to drive like an ass without being told off?

This is America and I’ll tell you off whenever I fucking want, asshole!

So I get out of my car, with my hands where he could see them — Because i’ve had a cop pull and point a gun at me before, barking orders downwind that I couldn’t hear, and it’s  NOT fun; It is a life-changing experience……

Anyway, hands are where he can see them … but he’s totally ignoring me now!
So I have to walk through some lanes of traffic (it’s a long red light)… and have to walk right up to where I am 6 inches from his window.

He is still ignoring me, so I have to wave my hands to get his attention…

He rolls down window and I’m like “Why’d you flick me off?”.

He’s like, “Why’d you U-turn?”, obviously mad himself.

I said very firmly and annoyedly “I … LIVE … THERE…. i HAVE to U-turn there!”

Then he gives me shit about not signaling. He was 3 cars behind me, so he couldn’t have even known. Wish I’d pointed that out.  

I respond “I DO signal, I have to go out of my way to stop the speed demons from rear-ending me EVERY day, and it’s a pain… I’ve made that U-turn every day for 6 years!(Not exactly true, but I’ve lived there for 6 years and made that u-turn in my daily commuting for over a year.)

There are a few sentences tossed back and forth, but I was in the right, so I basically skillfully rebutted everything he said back at him. He was an asshole and hated the fact that he couldn’t win, even when having to resort to flashing his badge like a pussy.

Finally he’s like “Just walk across the street”. 

Well, since he is an officer (?), or at least a rent-a-cop, and the was about to turn green, I figured it was probably best not to disobey an order. Especially since I had just handed him his ass with a side-dish of attitude adjustment, so it was nice to end on a high-note!

I laughed my way maniacally all the way home. The fact that he flashed his badge made it 100 times more satisfying…. I’m still feeling very satisifed today, weeks afterwards. (2006 update: still feeling satisifed). 

The sense of satisfaction will continue.

Stand up for your rights people.
Don’t take shit from anyone, especially the man
. (When possible, anyway.)
If you stand up to tyranny, it feels good. 

In the name of freedom, dear God people, please don’t let yourselves be bullied and pushed around and stifled simply because you are scared of authority!