I think I should make a list of people/things that annoy me. Pet peeves or “turnoffs”.
I can always come back to the post and add to the list later, and I think I’ll do that. This is for myself, really.
So to start off:
- dogs. They’re so fuckin’ needy, they drool, they smell, they break shit, they need to be babysat. Getting dog-lovers to do anything is like getting someone with kids to do anything: Pretty fuckin’ hopeless. And no, you can’t bring your dog inside my house.
- Driving: SUV-drivers. If you have a reason, fine. But usually you’re just sucking Bin Ladin’s dick. Thanks for making us have to give money to our enemies.
- Driving: SUV-drivers who slow down to 1MPH to go over a speed bump. You have a fucking SUV. You don’t even need a fucking road. What the hell are you slowing down for? I do not brake or accelerate through speed bumps. You can go over most speedbumps at 10-20MPH without hurting your car; I’ve been doing it in every car I’ve ever owned. You are driving a fucking tank. The idea of paying four times the money for your vehicle and paying twice the money in gas, for no discernable advantage because you are too much of a pussy to even go over a speedbump is such an incredible waste of money & resources. SUV’s should be driven by people who know how to drive them.
- Driving: Speed Bumps. Yes, I despise all speed bumps. They are merely another system of control, like The Matrix, prozac, or our school system. Whiny neighbors attempting to control me as I drive down “their” road. My tax dollars paid for the road for the purpose of getting from point A to point B as fast as safely possible. My tax dollars shouldn’t then also pay for a bump that has the exact oppositte agenda of making it harder for me to get to from point A to point B. If you don’t want people being run over — tell the parents to parent, put up signs warning of children, and come down hard on those who kill via negligence. But don’t punish the rest of us. Oh, and have fun if you’re riding over one while in an ambulance, I hear they reek havok on IV drips. Now, in the course of a speed bump’s life, how many people do you think have go drive over it in an ambulance? Probably, several to many. How many children are saved by each one? Any? I think they may do more harm than good. This doesn’t apply to all speedbumps — just most.
- Driving: Excess stop signs. Much like the speedbumps, annoying neighbors –the kind who make homeowners assocations — use this as a system of control to control all the drivers who go down a road. Even though the road is in front of your house, you are only one of thousands of cars that use that road. You have no greater proportional right to it just because you live there, and you have no right to control me because of some NIMBY complex about your children’s safety. I hate children being the excuse to hold everyone and everything back all the time! In Woodbridge, there is a stop sign at the bottom of a hill with no intersection. That’s the worst example ever!
- Driving: People who switch lanes very obviously making a desparate attempt to get ahead, but then switch back when they realize their lane is slower. Instead of swerving back and forth like Courtney Love at a celebrity roast, why not try learning the daily traffic patterns and get in the fastest lane right off the bat. Usually, for any specific 1-mile stretch of road at any specific time, there is a “special” lane that is faster than all the others. Usually it’s the far-right, but sometimes it’s the far-left. Use your pattern recognition skills. Physically reacting to each accordian-style tarffic variation by changing lanes is just fucking annoying.
- Driving: People who don’t signal when changing lanes.
If I was a cop I’d pull you over.
- Driving: People who don’t properly hug the left-turn lane. You do not make a straight diagonal line from the main lane, to the front of the left turn lane. You are supposed to hug the concrete of the lane, and get the fuck out of my way right away. Get all the way into the turn lane as soon as it is first possible. Do not just casually cost your way to the front of the lane, blocking me until you are at the very front of it. You will get beeped at, and probably flicked off too.
- Driving: “Real Men Love Jesus” bumper stickers.
- Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough. Don’t make me break my stride! Close slowly, so as not to crush people. But why open slowly?
- Computing: People who wont sign-up at websites because it’s “too much work”. It takes about 2 minutes to enter the information.
- Computing: People who wont sign-up at websites because “then I’d have another username and password to remember”. If you can’t use a consistent username and password, you don’t deserve internet access. Note that I am not saying to use the same password everywhere. You need at least 2 passwords. One for “weak” sites that you don’t care about and one for “strong” sites — ebay, paypal, your bank, your email. It’s not hard to be consistent with yourself. But many people idiotically have trouble doing this. “What name did I use again?” Just pick a fucking name and be done with it. What’s the problem here? Do you have trouble filling out your DMV application for a driver’s license? Do you forget your own name? No? Then how come you forget your username? It it because you pick something stupid and different at each site? The problem is YOU, not the technology
- Computing: People with lowercase usernames. C’mon, when you sign up the first time, CAPITALIZE your name properly. For example, “ClintJCL” not “clintjcl”. IT’S NOT HARD to hold the shift key down ONCE, and have your name look better, and be more easily readable, for all perpetuity. It’s rare that you’ll hear me call for vanity, but people need to be more vain about their usernames!
- Computing: People who still haven’t hooked their computer up to their TV. C’mon, I was doing this in 1995 before you could even watch movies on computers. But now that every computer has a dvd-rom and is video-capable — now that any $30 video card has tv-out on it: There’s just no excuse. Have fun watching your Flash animations as they fill up 3 inches on your 15-inch monitor. Me, I read my email on a 36-inch TV. Fuck monitors.
- Computing: Music: People who think they can actually tell the difference between a VBR LAME-encoded mp3 and an ogg file. Assuming both are normalized to the same volume level, I defy you to prove your abilities to me.
- Events: Weddings: Outdoor weddings with no water. C’mon. It’s bad enough that we have to go to dress up, spend money on a gift, cancel any other plans, and go to a wedding. I’m really happy for you, but our own wedding did not require us leaving the room I am typing this from. But because everyone else wants a fancy schmancy meaningless ceremony, we have to put more effort into other peoples’ weddings than our own. That’s fine–to each his own. But for chrissakes, if you’re going to make us sit outside in the hot sun and 30 minutes — have some damn water available. Some of us are more inclined to dehydration and parched lips than others. We don’t need to be physical challenged and uncomfortable before the wedding even starts!
- Events: Weddings: When the couple WON’T put cake on each other’s faces. Really? Are you concerned about your make-up, do you not know how to use a napkin, or are you just completely un-fun? Everyone had to collectively spend thousands of dollars, travel thousands of miles, and lose thousands of hours to watch a trumped up meaningless ceremony that doesn’t affect your actual love or legal status in the slightest. You made us follow all the traditions, sit around, buy presents, wear suits, but you can’t follow the one tradition that actually makes it a bit more fun for the audience, and shows you as being down-to-earth, not-overly-serious, fun people? To each his own, but you just became a bit lamer. What’s next, kids?
- Housing: Homeowners Associations. Wow, never has America felt like communist China so much. “You cannot paint your door another color. The collective does not approve.” Don’t use your property value as an excuse to manipulate me. The only reason my property can affect the value of yours is because most human beings are so superficial, vain, and self-righteous, that when they purchase a home they expect to weild influence over the homes around them. I find the whole idea very Un-American and contrary to freedom and individuality. Consequently, I made sure to buy a house with no homeowners assocation. If my neighbor calls the police on my parties for a noise violation — they can expect me to point the side of my house blaze orange and green stripes and polka dots. They can look at that for perpetuity.
- Language: When the dictionary lists the pronunciation for “wh” as “hw”, as if we are supposed to say the H before the W. Even more annoying is when people actually talk like that.
- Language: When people write “an historic occasion” (See comments #41 and #42 below). You are supposed to use “a” before words that start with consonants, and “an” before words that start with vowels. I blame the British for not pronouncing their “H”es enough!
- Music: People who think Blink 182 is real punk. It’s not even pop-punk, it’s punk-pop. You want pop-punk, go listen to The Descendents, bub.
- Music: Hip-hop in general. I guess Rock is dead now? Thanks. Talking instead of singing is like watching reality television instead of fiction. I do like a few rap songs, but did I need to hear all that at my fucking prom? Bandwagon-riders!
- People: Cell-phone users. People who talk loudly in public, especially at restaurants. Phones ring in theatres. People hanging at your house leave because you lost the “social auction” and someone cooler texted them. People who arrive at a party but are more connected to the person on their phone than the people actually there in person. People who think the iPhone can actually enrich your life more than $600…
- People: Co-worker Kate for telling me that this list is so long that I can no longer call them “pet” peeves, just peeves. She says they are only “pet” peeves if there is only a few, and I have exceeded a “few”.
- People: Cops, and how they think their lives are so important that they can shoot anyone who they think might be a threat to them, and get away with it every time. That’s not justice, that’s oppression. I would rather 1,000 petty criminals go free than 1 innocent person be shot. And cop shootings? They aren’t directed at Adolf Hitlers or Bin Ladins. They are directed at people you’ve never heard of. Because they are petty criminals (drug dealers, bad drivers, etc). Last I checked, we don’t have a death sentence for those offenses in this country. And frankly, I think the death sentence should be repealed if it leads to innocent deaths. And I think The Inncence Project has proven this quite well.
- People: Bootlickers. Anyone who appeals to any authority: religion, bathroom genital checks, “it’s not the cop’s fault” “cops are actually okay”. This is a very broad stroke that catches most people. Mostly it’s when they post on facebook. Shut the fuck up; let your bootlicking method of thinking fucking die.
- People: dog-lovers – see dogs above. Dogs are lame enough, but dog lovers constantly can’t do things because of their damn needy dogs. Worst excuse ever to not come to a party or go camping. “I have to walk my dog.” Wow, you voluntarily have a ball and chain that isn’t even human?! Are you unable to relate with higher brain forms? Or do you just like slobber and piss?
- People: Homeowners who don’t throw parties, but still go to other peoples’ parties. I call this person a “party leech”. They have a house, are able to throw a party, but never do. They still show up to other peoples’ parties, but wont contribute to the house party community by throwing one of their own. I have seriously considered asking for a $2 donation from all guests who don’t throw parties, while allowing those who do to be exempt from any “cover charge”.
- People: Homeowners who don’t let you smoke in their house. This is five times as bad if the homeowner himself smokes cigarettes, because that makes them superficial to the point of being a hypocrite. BTW, I have an excellent sense of smell. I tend to believe freedom trumps aesthetics, but that’s not what the average human being thinks. [update: about 10yrs after posting this, I was diagnosed with autoimmune anti-bodies that mean I might get pulmonary hypertension. Given those specific additional risk factors, after looking at various graphs, I decided my risk threshold was now exceeded, and put a kobosh on smoking in my house. ]
- People: People with an Inability to use civility consistently – i.e. someone who blocks people for comments that are more civil than the ones they leave, or someone who calls names first in debate – you won’t catch me doing this with a friend, you will catch me doing this with strangers; strangers have not earned my respect. Does this mean I’m my own pet peeve? Well, if you’re a stranger with stupid-ass beliefs, I want to be your pet peeve. But if you’re somebody I’m supposedly trying to be friends with or respect? I’m gonna hold back as much as I can. I always am. It doesn’t seem like that, but I am.
- People: People with an Inability to use logic consistently… which usually leads to being a person with an Inability to use civility consistently IF one has enough patience to guide one of these people into a logical corner, and that person is still intelligent enough to understand they are in such a corner ….
- People: Parents/Babies/Children … No, not all parents. But Parthena pointed out that I listed people with dogs here, complained about dogs being needy, but didn’t list people with kids. So I’m listing them. For similar reasons, people with kids are always having to leave things early, not go to things, or “not do things I used to do because I have to think about my children”. They are less likely to take risks, which in turn often makes them less fun. There are definitely a lot of exceptions to this rule, as I know some pretty fucking cool parents. But they, too, are held back from being able to do what they want, where they want, when they want, because of their children. And that is annoying. And part of why I don’t want kids. And kids are annoying anyway. Now I’m getting to an age where there are often kids at parties I am invited to, and I don’t like this one bit. I like parties where people can do things that they wouldn’t do in front of children!
Furthermore, science has never studied this unpopular idea, because nobody wants to find out, but I truly believe that the act of breeding has some sort of physiological gene expression that actually lowers a breeder’s ability to use logic as often.
Either way – a child has a huge carbon footprint, and you recycling your entire life is shittier to the planet than if I never recycle my entire life, but also don’t breed. So nyah nyah.
- People: Photographers who don’t take pictures of themselves. C’mon. It’s bad enough that people get annoyed by having their picture taken; Photography Is Not A Crime! But photographers who won’t photograph themselves are hypocrites, plain and simple. It also comes off as pretentious and snobby. (Hunters who don’t shoot themselves are not, however, hypocrites. I think the reasoning is obviously here. Bullets actually do hurt.)
- People: Stealth party/gathering exiters (aka “Irish Goodbye-ers”). C’mon. Is it that hard to say goodbye to your friends? People who leave parties, or otherwise depart group ventures, by stealth — piss me off. Nothing like needing to talk about something face to face with a person, but you can’t, because they left without saying goodbye and giving a chance for you to bring up what you wanted to bring up. It makes people seem really insincere when they just duck out of a gathering without saying goodbye to anyone. Yes, formalities suck, but how hard is it to talk to your own friends? I’m not talking about doing now and then, or saying goodbye to a few people, getting tired, and just leaving. I’m talking about the people who do it consistently.
- People: Those who cannot be planned around, because they are incapable of being punctual or accurately estimating when or what they will be doing. “Flakes”. They come off as fair-weather friends who are great friends if they happen to wander into a room you happen to be in, but impossible to wrangle otherwise.
- People: Those who falsely accuse me of things. The first was my Dad, at age 5, insisting that it was *I* that screamed the entire time he took his post-work 30-minute shit. He screamed and yelled at me, despite my mom AND my aunt who were both in the room with me telling him that it wasn’t me. But does authority listen to reason? Rarely, if ever. I was grounded, and somehow the input of everyone actually there didn’t matter to the entitled patriarch of the house. Or how about the time that the whole bus thought it was me who put the cardboard trash can over the bus driver’s head, causing us to drive blindly on I-395, and drinks to be prohibited for the rest of the year? I didn’t appreciate being pushed around by the other kids for impinging on their drinking rights, when it was Ryan S1bb3t who did it! Anyway — If you accuse me of something … I will probably go do it. My sister used to say I hit her when I didn’t, and I always made sure to hit her right after accusing me. If I’m going to be accused — I might just do it. So be careful what you accuse me of.
- People: Those who make you take off your shoes when you go into their house. While it is indeed annoying for people to track mud into your house, there is this thing called a “doormat”. They are especially effective if you have an outside doormat and an inside doormat. Some of us like to wear our shoes from the moment we wake up until the moment we go asleep. Some of us don’t want people to see our socks with holes in them. Some of us like the protection shoes offer us, from stepping on painful objects, stubbing our toes, etc. Some of us have wear shoe lifts because one leg is longer than the other. Some of us have plantar fasciitis and have spent more on Dr visits, special shoes, and orthotics than you spent on the carpet that was already in your house when you moved in. This isn’t fucking Japan! Got a white carpet? That’s your own stupid fucking fault, whitey!
- Politics: Republicans. Not that I’m fond of Democrats. Voting for either party is contrary to the interests of most Americans.
- Politics: Democrats. Especially the ones who think nobody should own a gun. Fucking idiots. At least in practice you are slightly less evil than Republicans.
- Politics: People who use the tired old argument “it’s sucked in the past, so what are you complaining about?” We had slavery in the past too, you know. Just because something has been bad for a certain period of time does not give justification for not fixing it. “Every president has spied on its citizens.” Does that make it okay? “Clinton/Reagan/whoever did it too.”
Get over your tired arguments. That’s just avoiding the issue.
- Politics: People who support government-sponsored torture. The only torture that exists should be Jack Bauer(24)-style torture where one person breaks the rules and takes personal responsibility. If they are right, they are a hero. If they are wrong, they go to jail. The government should absolutely not sponsor state-controlled torture.
- Politics: People who respond to anti-Bush remarks with “But Kerry .” Kerry has abso-fuckin-lutely nothing to do with why Bush sucks. Having only two political parties is an American thing in the same way that having only one political party was an Iraqi thing. In Iraq, people had no choice. In America, they pretend to give us a choice, but it’s not a choice at all. Most other people in the world say things like, “Americans think all political issues only have 2 sides,” and this is very true. Grow up and use your brain. If your choice is between being shot & stabbed and you still choose one: You are a fucking idiot.
- Politics: People who think voting third-party is a “wasted” vote. WRONG! Your vote is wasted when it doesn’t get counted. If it gets counted, it is worth 1 vote. There is no situation where the vote counts for “more” or “less”.
If you vote for X, and X gets elected, the value of your vote did not increase.
If you vote for X, and Y gets elected, the value of your vote did not decrease.
If you think you are doing yourself, or anybody else, a service by limiting your voting choice to 2 flocks of sheep: Well: Fuck you, you’re ruining the country.
- Politics: George W. Bush. The man deserves to be incarcerated for treason, among other things. He helped deliberately let Sept 11th happen, is a member of the Skull & Bones secret society (just like Kerry, Clinton, Bush 1, and Reagan), ignores science, kills more innocents than Al Queda could ever hope to, takes away our liberties, increases our debt, pisses on the constution. He should be remembered as one of the worst presidents in the history of the country, and should be reviled on the same level as Saddam Hussein. (Bush has killed far more innocent people than Hussein and Al Queda combined. If you are in denial about this fact, you are an ignorant fool. Show me the numbers. Prove me wrong.)
- Religion: devout Christians and other spiritual people who use unproven “facts” to justify everything they do
- Religion: People who think their religion gets special legal status. Prime example: The Christians who protested when our first Muslim congressman did a lil’ Koran-thing instead of a Bible-thing. As if reading from the Bible is allowed, but not the Koran. WTF?! Helloooooooooo……. Double standard calling!
- TV: Reality television. This whole “trend” was chosen for you. Nobody decided reality tv was suddenly “cool”. There have been plenty of ‘reality’ programs for many years — Candid Camera for example. This is not a new thing. And it’s not a trend either. You see, the Screen Writers’ Guild strike had just happened. There were going to be billions of dollars of loss. You think a multinational corporation would let this happen? Hell no! Suddenly, they decided “reality tv was cool” and pumped out a million reality shows. It was the death of fiction, for awhile. And everyone swallowed it up like Vincent fucking Van Gogh paintings. No, this stuff was not high art. It was pulp. American Idol, Survivor, decorate-my-house, and all those other shows are just about the lowest form of ‘entertainment’ out there. Too vapid to be a documentary; too vapid to be a work of fiction. Just another fucking corporate trend.
- Typing: People who don’t put two spaces after a period. That’s what you are supposed to do! I am aware that this is supposedly only for monospaced fonts, but Christ. It looks better if you can more easily tell where one sentence end and another begins. Unfortunately, the kerning on a space is automatic in HTML, but in reality, I think browsers do not make the “space after a period” big enough! And I still do a lot of monospaced typing in my text files!
Feel free to add comments and suggestions for other things for me to put on the list.