So, I got my cyst removed today.

Just to clear up any confusion, clicking on any picture in this post will take you to the FlickR version of the picture, with notes & comments & higher resolutions. Just what you needed.
At least my surgery was a “success”. They pulled my cyst out, a good 2 cubic centemeters of meat. Gross.

Clint's mouthAnd I lost my damn gold tooth. They said it wasn’t going to survive, and I could try to save it for $700 but it would be a “guarded” prognosis after the $700, or no prognosis at all before it.

So they took the tooth out. It came out so easy — it felt like when you accidentally pop a temporary crown off.

There was a lot of blood.
There were a good 5-6 moments of pain. The 2nd novacaine shot was bad, my left eye teared up rather instantly, which felt weird what with the right eye not doing it.
And the cyst I had had pushed a nerve to the side, so they were messing around directly touching the nerve. At one point it felt just like someone held a 4th of July sparkler right by my face and hot sparks hit it. Most of the time it just felt like an electric shock (something I know the feeling of very well).

I told them I wanted the good tooth (leprechan syndrome) but then when I saw the gross bloody thing I suddenly didn’t care about the gold anymore. (“You could have melted it down!”, said Carolyn. Exactly what I had said earlier, actually.)

I got in around 10AM, and left around 12:15PM or so.


Social Security Administration - click here to see a bigger picture and read a blurb about my experiences thereBut to top it off I got to spend the rest of my day getting a new social security card and a new driver’s license. I would NOT have been able to get my social security card except that I found my passport. As in, it was mailed to me, and I would have thrown it away if I hadn’t decided to keep my birth certificate in the envelope it was mailed to me in. I thought it was my replacement birth certificate from VitalCheck. No. It was my actual original birth certificate. I’d had my passport for days and not realized it. Duh.

I mean, my heart totally sank when i was at the SS office and their form said “We do not accept birth certificates as proof of identity”. I mean first off: What the fuck?! Every ID requires 2 other IDs. What the fuck do you do if your wallet is stolen?

If I hadn’t applied for a fucking passport before I lost my wallet, I think I would still not be able to establish my identity. It’s fucking ridiculous, and the asshole beauracrats all use September 11th as an excuse which fucking disgusts me.

The DMV was no better. The cop/guard there made me step backwards 1 foot. Seriously. Somehow me standing at spot X was okay, but X + 12 inches was not. I had my camera with me so I considered taking his picture but I knew that would escalate into me getting arrested probably. As fun as it would be to sue them for false arrest and/or win a case and embarass them, it would be expensive and stressful. Anyone wanna sponsor me?

Anyway, this whole “don’t smoke for 48 hours” thing can suck too. And I’m still bleeding 10 hours later. A decent amount. If I lean forward, it will drip out.

At least I god Vicodan. Though I had to pay full price, because weak-ass Kaiser-Permanente never sent me a replacement member card like I requested. Those fuckers made me wait over a month to get this thing removed.

And it was a $113 copay too. (And $35 for the drugs.)

And now I have this $50 birth certificate from VitalCheck that I no longer need. And it’s FedEx signature required. No, I am not fucking driving to FedEx, it’s an hour round trip and requires me missing work & sacrificing wage.

So — I don’t know what will happen with it. Somewhere out there, a birth certificate for me exists. Identity thieves? If you didn’t get my wallet, here’s your chance.

And to the asshole who stole my wallet:

I’ve returned 2 wallets in my life, both with all their money intact.

I’ve lost 2 wallets in my life, every 16 yrs, age 16 & 32, $200 & $500 in them respectively.

So, to the asshole who stole my wallet: I hope you are dragged at precisely 3 miles per hour on a street made out of cheese-graters with your body tied in such a position that only your taint touches the ground. After we’ve gone about 3 miles, which as mentioned earlier should take an hour — your balls begin to be grated. And so on and so forth, it only goes downhill. You deserve this, worthless scum. Phew. Venting doesn’t help as much as I would like it to.

For surgery pics 2 days later, go to:

Update: 8/10/2006:

Kaiser-Permanente still hasn’t processed the claims correctly, and I am currently facing a $1150 bill (down from $1650).  This is all over the fact that Kaiser-Permanente still has not paid for my $125 consultation, saying it was “unauthorized”.  This is despite the fact that I went to the surgeon they chose, and waited over a week to get a referral for the consultation (incidentally, they promise they can do referrals in 24 hours when they are selling their services to your empoyers, but when you are a patient, good luck with that.  It took me a week, and that was with daily phone calls.).

Update: 8/11/2006:

Recently this picture was featured in a fan-made music video for the song “The Future Now”. You can download the video here:

While I’m not super-impressed with where they chose to use it (I would have preerred the image to go with some words, instead of just being an image during a pause between words) — I still think it’s pretty cool that I quote-unquote “Got to be in a music video”. Well — my surgical close-up, anyway.