So, I got really tired of all my Christian acquaintances sending out religious MySpace bulletins. I don’t want freakin’ prayers and bulletins informing me that, GASP, Christ died 2000 years ago, and only 3% of people are going to repost the bulliten. (Are you?)
So, today, just now, I sent the following troll bulletin out on my MySpace. Let’s see how they react. If a Christian reacts that I shouldn’t send such stuff, I’ll reply, “Well now you know how *I* feel!” and likely delete them from my friends list. This shit is tiring, especially when it’s 5 bulletins in a row.
So anyway, here’s what I wrote:
| From: |  __Clint__ |
|---|---|
| Date: | Sep 28, 2007 12:52 PM |
| Subject: | All Hail Satan |
| Body: | Before the almighty and ineffable God Satan/Lucifer and in the presence of all Demons of Hell, who are the True and the Original gods, I, (state your full name) renounce any and all past allegiances. I renounce the false Judeo/Christian god Jehova, I renounce his vile and worthless son Jesus Christ, I renounce his foul, odious, and rotten holy spirit.I proclaim Satan Lucifer as my one and only God. I promise to recognize and honor him in all things, without reservation, desiring in return, his manifold assistance in the successful completion of my endeavors. |
NOTE: I left “(state your full name)” in there above. I didn’t want to actually state my full name because, even though I don’t believe in Satan, I am agnostic and make no claims to know one way or another. I don’t want to accidentally give my soul to Satan, if he does exist.
UPDATE: 10/23/2007: Christian MySpace bulletin sent to me, but not just any bulletin. This one was disguised. This girl was a friend of mine in college, and has a brain tumor and needs surgery. So when I hear bad news, I wonder if it is about her medical condition, and open up the bulletin to find out if she is okay. Instead, I am assaulted with unwanted religious vomit:
Subject: RE: Bad News in VA Beach
Body: There are so many people on this list. I guess alot of people aren’t ashamed to stand up for what they believe in. You opened this because it said “bad news in” ……but if it said “Jesus Christ our Lord” would you have opened it? Jesus said, “If you deny me in before your friends, then I will deny you before my father.” It’s your choice. If you aren’t ashamed to do this, repost this as bad news in ( name of your city) and put your name on the bottom.
Brain tumors or not, I finally had to lay it into her:
So now you’re tricking me into reading bulletins about a bullshit religion I don’t believe in?
Did you read my All Hail Satan bulletin? Because that’s exactly how you make others feel, when they don’t want your religious vomit in their inboxes.
You’re either preaching to the choir, or you’re preaching to people who don’t want to be preached to. You’re not going to save anybody’s soul with myspace bulletins, you’re just going to cause people like me to delete you from their friends list because we grow tired of religious bullshit left and right.
I’ve de-friended acquaintances for this type of crap in the past. I actually try to keep up with MySpace bulletins. It’s about the only reason I login!
UPDATE: 11/26/2007: One month later, a person on my friends list named “Gary” who’s name I do not recognize and did not have a picture indicating his real-life likeness (and who has a private profile) de-friended me and sent me the following message (click here to view):
>Your [sic] a fuckin tool and I hope you burn in hell with your lord lucifer!!!
I have a general policy of not generally friending people I don’t actually know, so who the hell was this?
Claire's blog 
September 28, 2007 at 1:19 PM
Your reluctance to inadvertently give your soul to Satan is like a flipped version of Pascal’s Wager!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pascal's_Wager
Also, maybe you should send out a bulletin compelling people to take “the blasphemy challenge”:
http://www.blasphemychallenge.com/
September 28, 2007 at 3:05 PM
Though, technically, it was supposed to be signed in blood also. I also wondered if I could cheat by, say, inverting my first and middle names.
September 28, 2007 at 3:05 PM
And Dave, the BlasphemyChallenge is AWESOME!!!!
September 30, 2007 at 1:01 PM
I’m admiring the cleverness of this observation. Well done.
October 1, 2007 at 6:35 AM
Ha! I suppose I should count myself lucky that no one on my Myspace page sends out bulletins like the ones you mentioned.
This reminded me of something similar that happened at my college. Our campus was continually filled to the brim with advertisements to join the Campus Christian Community…fliers on every bulletin board, etc. Finally, someone made a flier for the “Campus Satanic Cult” and it said, “Come meet the Dark Lord himself this evening at midnight! You don’t want to miss it!” Of course, they were ripped down almost immediately. Sigh.
October 25, 2007 at 12:08 PM
UPDATE: Christian bulletin sent in disguise; and I tell the Christian girl off. Open original article to see what I said.
November 26, 2007 at 8:37 PM
UPDATE: One month later, a person on my friends list named “Gary” who’s name I do not recognize and did not have a picture indicating his real-life likeness (and who has a private profile) de-friended me and sent me the following message (click here to view):
I have a general policy of not generally friending people I don’t actually know, so who the hell was this?
January 3, 2008 at 7:12 PM
what is this???
January 18, 2008 at 2:11 AM
The thing is, It is not for Christians to judge other people. I am a Christian and I think/feel they are getting the religion mixed up. Its a religion about love, not hate. So let people practice whatever they want. But know this, respect me and I’ll respect you.
January 18, 2008 at 2:14 AM
By the law, not all Christians are judgemental, hypocrites. Some people just want to believe in Jesus. I personally am more open-minded. Can you be open-minded and be a Christian the answer is yes, it is not always a paradox.
March 20, 2008 at 8:46 PM
I am a christian and will pray for your soul even if you are agnostic then why would you not state your name because if your afraid of not stating your name because you would be giving you soul to satan then whouldnt that make you a beliver? Evil on exists in the absence of good.
March 21, 2008 at 1:24 AM
I pray Satan teaches you proper punctuation and spelling. You’ll have plenty of time in hell.
March 21, 2008 at 2:44 AM
@scott:
You seem to not understand the definition of agnostic! An agnostic neither believes nor disbelieves. He simply has no proof that a god(or gods, or Satan) does or does not exist.
Don’t confuse agnostic with atheist.
Also, evil does not only exist in the absence of good. If there is no God, then there is no Satan(since Christianity has linked God with Satan). If there is indeed a God, then there might be a Satan. Therefore, evil(Satan) can only exist in the presence of good(God). At least in the judeo-christian interpretation of good and evil.
I too am an agnostic. If you wish to pray for my soul as well, I will not be offended. It might help me in the afterlife(if there is one) or not. I’ll find out when I die(or not).
I challenge you: Show me some PROOF.
June 22, 2008 at 1:33 PM
i think gary is right go visit Lucifer
June 22, 2008 at 1:39 PM
^ 70.105.90.164 / pool-70-105-90-164.chi.dsl-w.verizon.net
You know, Anonymous coward who can’t put their own name behind their beliefs — I did just visit Lucifer to play some poker. That guy plays a mean game of poker; you can NEVER tell when he’s blushing!
November 16, 2008 at 11:38 PM
I will pray for you. You need Jesus Christ our Lord our Savior in your life otherwise you are lost.
Kidding. I’m sick and tired of Christians telling me that. Why is it that they can’t just say Jesus? Instead they have to say Jesus our Lord our Savior or Jesus Christ who died for our sins.
November 17, 2008 at 9:22 AM
“I will pray for you. You need Jesus Christ our Lord our Savior in your life otherwise you are lost.
Kidding.”
LOL! You had me going for a second.
November 17, 2008 at 9:30 AM
Me too… Me too…
November 25, 2008 at 12:55 AM
I’m glad I stopped by at this web site. God has a purpose for everything in life. don’t let this take over you. Satan is the father of all lies and I can see he has you really blinded. really Jesus Christ is the way. He died for me and for you. I have nothing against you, but really you need to accept Jesus in your heart. I will ask prayer in my church for you, because I feel it in my heart to do so. Maybe you have a second chance, but you know there is a very slight chance. There are to sins that cannot be forgiven by God and that is suicide and Blaspheming against the Holy Spirit, you know it’s never too late to ask for forgiveness, so at least think about it and God bless you
November 25, 2008 at 11:05 AM
Hey God’s Daughter, I thought if you renounced Christ publicly 3 times, you go to hell no matter what? Maybe you should read your own bible; according to the New Testament it’s too late for me. Of course, according to Baptists, I’m already saved, and could go on a killing spree and still go to heaven…
Looks like my fate is determined by your book, not either of our actions. You really think you can influence the will of God with a blog comment?
Ahh Christians, so self-contradictory.
February 24, 2009 at 2:18 AM
In regard to your comment to God’s Daughter. I dont know where you heard that if you renounce Christ 3 times you go to hell, but that is definitly not the case. Also it is not too late for you according to the new testament, and also Baptists do not believe that you are already saved and could go on a killing spree and still go to heaven. The Bible says that no matter what your sin, or no matter how many times you do that sin, you can be forgiven through Christ. The Bible teaches that once you repent, which means to turn away from your sins and put your trust in Christ you are forgiven and saved by Gods grace. Once you do this, if you truly do this, then you are not going to go on a killing spree. If someone did, then they did not truly repent and give their life to Christ. God is perfect and just, and cannot let sins go unpunished. If you committed a crime and had to stand before a judge you would be punished for that crime. But just imagine someone standing in front of the judge and telling him that he will take your punishment for you so you dont have to. That is exactly what Jesus done for all of us, because we have all sinned. He paid your price for you, so you didnt have to spend eternity in hell. All anyone has to do is realize that because of their sins, they do need a savior and repent and trust in Jesus Christ.
February 26, 2009 at 9:13 PM
That’s not what the baptist preacher told the baptist church full of baptists.
Nice circular logic you use there.
February 26, 2009 at 9:22 PM
Well I don’t know what Baptist church it was that said this, but they are very misinformed. Obviously this church doesn’t follow the Bible very well. This is why Christians have a bad name, because so many so-called Christians preach non Biblical views.
February 26, 2009 at 9:23 PM
Yea, man[dy]… preachers have been fucking up religion since it started!
February 26, 2009 at 9:30 PM
The Bible actually warns of false teachers and false prophets, so yes there is alot of them out there.
February 26, 2009 at 9:31 PM
Including the ones who wrote the bible.
February 26, 2009 at 9:36 PM
Well, since they are the ones that warned against the false teachers and prophets and that seems to be pretty accurate, then obviously they were right.
February 26, 2009 at 9:37 PM
Ahh, there’s more of that circular illogic of faith.
see, you have no idea what God said, because the bible has been edited and censored and changed over and over again. What do you think “King James version” means?
February 26, 2009 at 9:40 PM
Sorry sir, but once again you are misinformed…”King James Version” is merely a language translation. It was not edited or censored or changed it is derived directly from the original Hebrew text.
February 26, 2009 at 9:41 PM
LOL…. You’ve proven my point; willing to lie to yourself to prevent the inevitable cognitive dissonance that arises when issues of faith are dissected by logic.
It’s COMMON FUCKING KNOWLEDGE, you’ve proven yourself an idiot in my book; expect future comments to be deleted.
And go read some history books, dumbass.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Authorized_King_James_Version
“The king gave the translators instructions designed to guarantee that the new version would conform to the ecclesiology and reflect the episcopal structure of the Church of England and its beliefs about an ordained clergy. The translation was by 47 scholars, all of whom were members of the Church of England. In common with most other translations of the period, the New Testament was translated from the Textus Receptus (Received Text) series of the Greek texts. The Old Testament was translated from the Masoretic Hebrew text, while the Apocrypha were translated from the Greek Septuagint (LXX), except for 2 Esdras, which was translated from the Latin Vulgate.”
and later: “Further, these theologians were also inclined to reject books which owed their inclusion in the biblical canon to ecclesiastical authority. Starting in 1630, volumes of the Geneva Bible were occasionally bound with the pages of the Apocrypha section excluded. After the Restoration in 1660, Dissenters tended to discourage the reading of the Apocrypha in both public services and in private devotion.” Yup — they kicked books they don’t like out of the bible. Doesn’t exactly sound like a translation, does it? Removing a whole book is not “translating”.
So let’s see.. The king gave the translators political instructions. Gee, England would never meddle in the affairs of anyone, would they? I mean, they only conquered the whole world at one point. The sun never sets on the British empire, and it’s stupidity is still being repeated by sheepy morons like you 400 years later.
February 26, 2009 at 9:46 PM
Suggest you look into the lost books of the bible.. but hey, by your logic, they’re just false prophets, proving “your” bible as right. Lol.
http://www.thelostbooks.com/
February 26, 2009 at 10:25 PM
Actually, there is some pretty good evidence, including some scientific facts in the Bible. Since I will probably get deleted again, if you would like to talk about that somewhere else, we could. Of course if you don’t want to hear it, as Clint here, then that is up to you. Hopefully you will catch this before it is deleted,lol.
February 26, 2009 at 10:48 PM
No, I actually i think I have a pretty compelling argument that you may find interesting, but again, if you think its not enough…you may delete me, ignore me call me stupid or whatever…just as Clint did…lol at least you are being civil about the whole situation
February 26, 2009 at 11:23 PM
Mandy — I don’t have the energy to deal with every idiot I encounter, but if Chriggy wants to… I think he’ll do a great job.
I don’t generally give last words to those I disagree with; this is my show. Having to get the last word gets tiring. For the hopeless, deleting is the least energy out of the situation.
February 26, 2009 at 11:30 PM
Thats fine, like I said, if you dont want to debate with me thats up to you, its not going to do any good anyway if you wont listen…but I do think that is why you think the way you do, if you dont listen then why would you see anything I have to say…being uncivil is not the way to deal with someone you dont agree with, i have talked to both sides, people who totally disagree with me but respect and listen to what I have to say…and those who go on a rampage with name calling…but hey, like I said, thats up to you…
However if Chriggy, or anyone else would like to listen…we can do it somewhere else so you aren’t bothered