I am pleased to announce that I have played Guitar Hero 3 and it has a “co-op career mode”… This means that couples have finally been considered, and I am very pleased.

Now we can finally fuck, instead of watch each other masturbate. That is, we can finally both play Guitar Hero at the same time while unlocking stuff, instead of having to watch the other play. Yay!

As a social gamer who NEVER plays alone, Guitar Hero 1 & 2 (& 80s) were quite frustrating. The only way to unlock songs was to play in single player, while your spouse watches, doing nothing. Doing nothing sucks, and watching video games sucks compared to playing.

At one point, when giving Carolyn stuff-to-do during the day, while I worked, I instructed her to “play Guitar Hero 2 and unlock some songs for us to play tonite”. It was at that point that my co-worker Mark U said, “*I* want to be your wife.”

Couples usually are not considered in gaming, as if people who actually want to spend time with their wives are not an economically viable demographic to cater too. I call bullshit!

Very often in first-person shooter games, you can play 4-players with a splitscreen. But if you go online, you can generally only bring ONE player online. Halo isn’t like this, but many others are. There’s just no excuse.

And Quake? Don’t even get me started on Quake. For us both to play online at the same time, we both need to both purchase a copy of the game. For us to have a 3rd guest join us online, a 3rd copy of the game is required to be bought. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO BUY A GAME THREE TIMES JUST TO PLAY IT WITH MY FRIENDS. It seems corporations only want to address gamers as if we are a single individual.

But I’m not a single individual. I am in a union with Carolyn, and that extends to games!

So I’m glad Guitar Hero 3 finally gets it right. Way to go!

UPDATE: CHEAT CODES:

Hyperspeed
O, B, O, Y, O, B, O, Y

Performance Mode
RY, RB, RO, RB, RY, GB, RY, RB

Precision Mode
GR, GR, GR, RY, RY, RB, RB, YB, YO, YO, GR, GR, GR, RY, RY, RB, RB, YB, YO, YO

Unlock All
YO, RB, RO, GB, RY, YO, RY, RB, GY, GY, YB, YB, YO, YO, YB, Y, R, RY, R, Y, O

ROYGB=color of button you must strum at the opening screen for the cheat to work

I will not answer questions about cheat codes.