Carolyn & I went to the Drafthouse Friday to see Janeane Garofalo. This is the first time I’ve ever seen stand-up comedy in VA, and I only ever saw comedy in DC twice (Michael Ian Black, and Andrew Dice Clay last Friday — will talk about that below). Ironically, Michael Showalter opened for both Michael Ian Black and Janeane Garofalo. Michael Showalter is awesome, being from The State and Stella. “I’m Doug. You can’t keep me here like some kind of manimal. I’m outta heeeeere.” Hell, even the M.C. “Cedric” or whatever who introduced them was pretty funny — Though he called everyone’s attention to Carolyn at one point, and she was busy wiping nacho cheese off her face. (“Nevermind, she’s eating a chicken wing”, he said.)

Showalter was funny, and even joked about Asperger’s Syndrome sounding like “ass burgers”. “Gee, you’re already socially awkward. Let’s see what name we can come up with to make you feel even more awkward?” He also read a note to his noisy downstairs neighbors, which was pretty funny. I should have taken notes, because I can’t remember ANY of the bits that he did, but they were funny.

Janeane, however, was awesome.

I’m tired of people like Steve Colbert & John Stewart (and to a lesser extent, perhaps Dennis Miller & Bill Maher) bringing comedic into politics, but only at the expense of taking a lot of the seriousness OUT of politics. They’ll joke about how stupid everything is, without really taking a definitive stand against what is wrong. I don’t think politics should be considered entertainment, which is why I have never sat through an entire episode of The Daily Show or Colbert in my life, and don’t ever plan to. I’ve certainly seen a share of the material, and think it’s funny, but I’d rather watch “Lil’ Bush” (with 0 news), and then go read the real news. Janeane, however, was able to be utterly serious about the politics, while still making everyone laugh.

But she also expressed her anger about everything, including asking what the fuck is the problem with conservatives, and suggesting that perhaps there is a form of autism that causes them to simply “not get it”. I do agree with this, and at least one study has shown a lack of adaptability in convervative brains, so I would have to agree.

She is going to be playing a character named “Janis Gold” in Fox’s show 24, and she is going to be able to out-hack Chloe. The funny thing is, she doesn’t even have email or a computer. They had to re-film parts of her using her computer because she would make typewriter motions (manual carriage return–anyone remember having to push the mechanism all the way back over at the end of teach line?). But at the same time, she made it quite clear that The State Department/U.S. Govt has contacted the producers of 24, in order to get torture tips from the show, and that they have implemented changes to the torture they used based on the show 24. I do consider 24 to be a politically evil show, basically one that shows that an abusive officer that breaks all the rules is necessary to survive, and that torture is the only way to save the day. That doesn’t change the fact that I think it’s the best 1-hour live-action non-superhero show to air since Max Headroom:20 Minutes Into The Future and Twin Peaks. (My heart does have a soft spot for Heroes and Smallville, however.)

So she talked jokes, and politics. Of course, I remember the politics more. She worked in a few muttered “911 is an inside job” in between some of what she said, but only at the very end of her set, and not in a very serious way where anyone could respond. But she was very serious about torture being wrong, and obviously wasn’t crazy about the State Department getting torture tips from a show that had her star in 25 episodes. She mentioned that the Bush administration had basically recently re-defined torture to only mean torture if you die of it. Except that when you die from being tortured to death, they will instead classify it as “organ failure”. She mentioned 35 of our prisoners of war have so far died like this. I wish I could remember more of what she said. Someone should have bootlegged it. (Note to self: Buy spy equipment.)

She also talked about her back problems, and how the reason they are so bad is because she literally fell down laughing so hard at Will Arnett (who you may know as G.O.B. from Arrested Development — and his career is taking off like crazy. I really want to see Jeff The Demon! And it’s messed up that he wont be the voice of K.I.T.T. in the new Knight Rider movie because of conflicting contractual agreements relating to K.I.T.T. being a Ford Mustang. So Val Kilmer gets it instead. WTF?!?!?!). Anyway, not to get off on a tangent about how funny Will Arnett is, but Janeane She made sure to say that he is one of the funniest people that she knows, despite the fact that Will Arnett considres himself “an actor first”, and was never a comedic actor until Arrested Development. I am looking through his wikipedia page and queueing some future movies.

Anyway — remembering the jokes and re-hashing them here is beyond the resolution of my memory. But when she was ready to walk off stage, no one really wanted to see her go. And we had really great seats too, being in the front-most row (but on the very edge) of the “normal rows” that aren’t sunken down below in front of the stage.

This comedy show started at 9:45PM, but didn’t let out until Midnite. At a combined $50+$13 in drinks+$15 in food, we only paid $0.57/minute. Unlike Andrew Dice Clay, which cost a combined $176+$28 in drinks+$10 parking and lasted only 45 minutes, costing us $4.75/minute. The Janeane Garofalo show was actually worth its money, had more comics, cheaper drinks, and nachos. Dice was good, but not 8.3X as good. Seeing Andrew Dice Clay after a lengthy retirement, however, was probably indeed 8.3X as rare of an event, so the money was still worth it to us. Barely.

20080404 - Andrew Dice Clay ticket stub

So Andrew Dice Clay was pretty funny. He had a long bit on hating cell phones, and me, not owning a cell phone, greatly appreciated him making fun of people sitting around at parties typing into their phones. But again: Remembering the jokes and re-hashing them here is beyond the resolution of my memory. He was funny.

I called ahead and asked about cameras, and they said it wasn’t a good idea. Of course, that didn’t stop me from seeing other people take pictures with cameras. But what happens? *I* get in trouble… for using fucking binoculars! What the fuck is up with that? I probably should have ignored the guy, but was too buzzed and we were out over $200 to be there, and of course the set was only 45 minutes (despite the lies told to us by Warner Theatre on the phone, saying it would be a 2hour show — I’m fucking sick of lying venus like Ram’s Head Live). So anyway, the difference between using binoculars and not (our seats were already good) was the difference between 1080p and dvd quality. I could see the pores on his face, and the 3-D-ness of his ring with the binoculars. It was a lot more personal. So fuck you, Warner Theatre.

Suffice to say that every single time I go out to a public space, the lesson is re-enforced over and over again: Public bad. Private good. Public is basically synonymous with paying money for the privilege of being oppressed and/or having to explain yourself as you do things that are supposed to be allowed and legal. I’ll keep that in mind next time I am considering ponying up $200 to go to a snobby downtown theatre — I could obtain any Andrew Dice Clay I want, for free, any time I want, from any place, so if venues want my money, they better at least let me fucking use visual aids, or I’ll simply play it on my TV, where I can sit 4 feet away. Fuck you, society.

Yes, this post was all over the place. :)

Mood: that’s how I roll
Music: Ministry – Supernaut (by Black Sabbath)