movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] I snagged a cheap version of this movie in 720p HD (2.25 x DVD quality), and decided to give it a try! At THREE FRIGGIN’ HOURS, I knew this was out of the question for weeknights, but be good for a lazy Friday night — which is exactly what happened. Brad Pitt + Orlando Bloom = Yawn, but after Gladiator I figured I could go for another “dramatic action violence” movie — as long as it was in high-def. Violence just isn’t as violent when it’s all fuzzy and you can’t see the individual drops of blood.

BAD^h^h^hGOOD STUFF: Well… Brad Pitt and his cousin are hinted to be gay lovers in the original story. Come to think of it, the fact that they didn’t touch this was actually a good thing.

QUIRKS: It was definitely an action movie. Three hours of action. Yes, Helen is REALLY hot (and Diane Kruger GAINED 15 pounds for the role?!?! wtf?!?!), and is literally the face that set off 1000 ships. And King Menelaus is an ASSHOLE worthy of stealing a wife from. Power hungry politics come into play. Also, during the [highlight for spoilers] fight when Orlando Bloom crawls to his big brother to save him from the coup de grace in his duel with King Menelaus, I think he did the right thing. Love trumps honor any day. Better to be a coward with a HOTTTTTTT woman, than a dead man with honor. It’s also pretty damn funny that Brad Pitt, who plays Achilles – tore his Achilles tendon during filming! OH THE IRONY. It’s also cool that the Trojan horse for the movie is now in the real-life city of Troy (aka Canakkale)!

CONCLUSION: This wasn’t “poetic”, even if based on literature. This was simply a good show of opposing political military forces. Three hours in high definition is enough to become engrossed in the story. We were never bored, even when it took us 3.5-4 hrs to watch with breaks. This was a good action flick. This was better than Gladiator, and was not riddled with as many flaws.

RECOMMENDATION: If you liked Gladiator, see this. If you like ancient combat, see this. If you’re expecting some deep spiritual lesson, you’ll get none. If you’re into spiritual bullshit, you might actually like Gladiator better because oooh, ahhh, they’re going to the Elysian fields afterwards and everyone lives happily ever after (even the dead). But if you’re into reality, the main character in Troy [highlight for spoilers] fared a LOT better than the main character in Gladiator.

MOVIE QUOTE: Priam: I’ve fought many wars in my time. Some I’ve fought for land, some for power, some for glory. I suppose fighting for love makes more sense than all the rest.

WILHELM SCREAM: We heard at least 3 during the movie!

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Jordan loved it. Tatiana loved it. Wayne really liked it. Metinee didn’t like it. Ian didn’t like it. Benj didn’t like it (I’m surprised at that).

Mood: at the beach! (this blog pre-wrote months earlier)
Music: Dethklok – Murdertrain A Comin’