movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Another movie I’d kind of been avoiding, but Carolyn really wanted to watch it. I think she queued it right before we went on a Netflix hiatus. We finally managed to see this.

PEOPLE: Did not realize this had Tom Hanks in it. He’s always good, but I really get tired of people telling me that I like him. Still, I guess that’s better than Curtis Armstrong, the other actor at least 5 people have told me I look like. ANYWAY, I thought the female lead looked familiar, but I never realized it was Audrey Tautou from Amelie!

QUIRKS: Religion and Conspiracy. Lots of religious conspiracy. Basically, as a movie comparison: Judaism is to Pi (the movie) and numerology as Christianity is to The Da Vinci Code and cryptology. Nobody really knows the true history of Jesus Christ or Mary Magdelen — but I hope the conspiracy theory in this movie is true. It would certainly explain a lot about the current state of Christianity, and account for the increased level of sexism in Christianity (Islam too!) when compared to the more tolerant Pagan / Wicca religions. It would also explain why the Catholic church doesn’t want man talking directly to god, but only via priests — they need to maintain control over divine knowledge to ensure that the cover-up remains. They also wouldn’t let this film be filmed in Westminster Abbey for similar religious-control-freak (oppression) reasons. I would pay good money (everything I own?) for this conspiracy to be proven true. Also, Season 3 of the show 24 was going to be about this plot line (WTF?!?!), but Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown would not sign off on that.

BAD STUFF: Spirituality. When the movie ends, not much is explained. Tom Hanks kneels down and prays, and that’s the end. Any movie that resolves a character’s events by having him pray (or go to the Elysian Fields, like in Gladiator) is a cop-out ending in my book. There is also a lack of explanation as to why certain characters are the way they are — why did the armed vehicle driver care so much? Also: The Netflix version is not the alternate version with 26 extra minutes. I hate Netflix sending me fake movies. I want the real, full thing.

CONCLUSION: My interest was intensely held throughout, but the end left me VERY wanting. If I graphed my excitement over the course of the movie, it would probably resemble my graph for No Country For Old Men, which is: High throughout, plummeting to near-zero at the end. It’s like having sex with a beautiful woman, but when it’s over you notice a 3rd, hairy nipple. I think the ending divided me & Carolyn, because I only rated it 3 stars on Netflix (6/10 IMDB), and Carolyn rated it 5 stars on Netflix.

RECOMMENDATION: If you’re religious, you’ll probably enjoy the ending more than me. If you’re evangelical, you will probably find this even more sacrilegious than The Golden Compass — in which case, please watch it, because I would love for you to be pissed off. If the only topic in this movie that interest you is cryptology, you’re probably better off skipping it. But if you loved Audrey Tautou in Amelie, you might want to watch this just to see her act in English. P.S. The French suck! (Just kidding.)

MOVIE QUOTE: Robert Langdon: “Women are a huge threat to the Church.”

COINCIDENCES: Hudson Hawk & The Da Vinci Code: 2 movies within a few weeks dealing with Leonardo Da Vinci.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Carolyn loved it (5 stars vs my 3 stars). Eric Mens really liked it. Metinee liked it. Ian liked it. Susan liked it. Wayne liked it. Chris H/Lisa didn’t like it. Rebekah didn’t like it. Benj hated it.

Mood: still at the beach!
Music: Dethklok – The Lost Vikings