[LIMERICK REVIEW: The legendary act of the Donkey Punch–
Something guys have talked about a bunch.
But punching people is kind of rude–
And it probably won’t keep her in the mood.
So if you think it sounds fun, your brain may be out to lunch.
HAIKU REVIEW: Party girls and boys
treat each other like they’re toys
and break each other.
PEOPLE: A bunch of nobodies. Julian Morris was in Cry_Wolf but I would never know this without IMDB.
QUIRKS: The whole donkey-punch-featured-in-a-movie is the quirk that drives this movie. It’s basically a “what will they do?” type thriller. The situation is constantly changing as things get worse and worse. Motivations completely change throughout the movie, and it’s hard to really guess what’s going to happen next (other than: people will die).
MORALS: No, they didn’t really have any :) Drugs, sex with multiple people, going on boats with people who just picked you up…. Everybody would have been much better off if their heads were screwed on straight.
BAD STUFF: The damn thick British accents! We were in a situation where we could not use subtitles, and the movie suffered for it. Repeated rewindings and completely giving up on what people were saying.
CONCLUSION: 3/5 stars on Netflix for me. I’d have given it 4/5 like Carolyn, but had to take off points for not truly understanding the psychology of all characters at all times, becuase I couldn’t frickin’ understand them! 7/10 on IMDB. This was an increment above “generic thriller”. As Angel said, it’s intense.
RECOMMENDATION: A lot of negative comments about this movie on IMDB, and I don’t see why. Like any other horror, people have sex and then they die. That’s how horror movies work. It’s actually more unique than most. Most horror movies take place in a house, or in the woods. This was in a boat. Not that that hasn’t been done before, but it was a refreshing change after seeing The Grudge 2, The Grudge 3, Saw 1 through Saw 5, Amityville Horror, and all these other movies that seem to take place in a house.
FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Ian liked it. Angel said it was “intense”.
Mood: recovering from juror’s germs
Music: Kreator – Terror Zone
Claire's blog 
April 13, 2009 at 8:54 AM
My review can be found here, down near the bottom:
http://dcist.com/2009/02/popcorn_candy_youre_getting_very_sl.php
April 13, 2009 at 8:59 AM
^^
Heh.
I don’t know how one would know who dies and who lives within the first 5 minutes. I don’t know if I WANT to know how someone would “know” that.
Nor did I find the sex scene over-extended.
But yea… Just another horror. Tho a bit better than average.
April 13, 2009 at 9:36 AM
***SPOILERS***
C’mon now, you’ve seen enough of these movies to know the pattern by now. The movie starts with Tammi, looking forlorn into the mirror in the bathroom. Something Very Bad has happened to her recently, and her friends are trying to cheer her up. She’s the only one of the three girls whose character has any real backstory. So it’s obvious she’s the hero here, and this being the kind of movie it is, she’s the only one who’s likely going to make it out alive.
Lisa, on the other hand, is given zero story, other than to make sure everyone knows she’s reckless and will fuck anything that moves. It’s pretty obvious that she’s the one who’s going to die during sex, setting the whole plot in motion.
That leaves Kim to die in the middle. Why couldn’t she have lived as well? She isn’t given any backstory or characterization early on, even less so than Lisa, and the writers wait until the second act to give her any defining qualities at all, making her a stronger character than she initially appears in order to give Tammi an ally in the whole ordeal.
But Kim is still essentially a nobody as far as the story is concerned; it’s all about Tammi. It’s more dramatic and shows more development for Tammi, who was so wounded and weak when the movie started, to end the movie as the only person left alive, so we know Kim has to buy it eventually, and her deal is more than sealed when she accidentally kills off the only male character with a shred of decency (who is also, predictably, the last of the guys to go).
This movie telegraphs its punches more than a drunk in a barfight. If not for the fact that it does do an EXCELLENT job of racheting up the tension in the third act, it’d be pretty mediocre. I really have to hand it to them in making such an enjoyable movie out of something that starts so badly, and sticks with convention so rigidly.
April 13, 2009 at 9:41 AM
Great explanation.
Though I’d rather not learn patterns of observation that cause me to enjoy movies less… It kind of defeats the purpose of enjoying them to me.
I’d rather stunt that growth as much as possible before I get so jaded as to guess every movie and never be surprised by anything ever again. I don’t think winning the “guess the plot as soon as possible contest” competition makes movies more enjoyable — Like my mom “calling” The Sixth Sense’s twist in the first 5 minutes…. I’m glad I wasn’t there. Would have liked the movie much less. (Though I did know the chick in Se7en was going do die, because she was the ONLY female, hehe.)
I’m normally philosophically against “ignorance is bliss” and “pulling the wool over your own eyes” — but not with entertainment. It adds to the suspense. Why over-analyze if it removes the suspense? It’s one of the few times I will take an anti-intellectual approach to something.
Fortunately, we weren’t really paying attention very much during the first 5 minutes [I have no clue what happened at the party before they went to the dock], coupled with the “adjustment” of hearing people talk in a form of “English” that I can barely understand. The movie more or less started at the dock for me….. Sounds like that helped! :)
April 13, 2009 at 9:45 AM
Your comment was very insightful, though.
April 13, 2009 at 9:58 AM
I’d be a shitty critic and an even shittier screenwriter if I didn’t think about all that stuff while watching.
Though I will say this: if everyone thought critically about the movies they watched, it would force moviemakers to make better movies. Then everyone wins. Except for the people who make mediocre movies, and they sort of deserve to lose.
April 13, 2009 at 10:01 AM
Hahaha… Interesting idea.
I think it may be wishful thinking because most people don’t *EVER* think, and plenty of people will just watch what they are told to watch.
(Really? American Idol?!?!?! It’s the most godawful crap I’ve ever seen in my life… A test pattern is more interesting.)
But that would be nice.
I just wonder if the bar was raised so much, would it decrease the number of movies that come out? Or would it cause us to not enjoy good movies as much, because we’d have no bad movies for them to be better than. But that may just be the cynic in me talking :)
April 13, 2009 at 10:06 AM
Actually, I don’t usually have much problem with willfully bad movies. So if we increased the number of good movies, and increased the number of so-bad-they’re-good movies, and just reduced the percentage of the really mediocre stuff in the middle (which make up a vast percentage right now), I’d be happy.
April 13, 2009 at 10:07 AM
Hahaha….. I can probably agree with that.
So mathematically — we need more movies with high absolute values. :)
April 13, 2009 at 10:10 AM
Precisely.
April 13, 2009 at 5:14 PM
Hi, I have seen “Donkey Punch”,It was so interesting even there is no much story.
January 21, 2010 at 11:48 AM
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