movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] A mindless action movie? That’s the type of thing I’d pass over in dvd-quality, but will definitely watch in high definition when the cost is cheap.

PEOPLE: Clive Owen vs. an evil Paul Giamatti. Paul is a dick when he’s not drinking wine! And also the exquisite Monica Belluci, as a prostitute. Directed by Michael Davis, who I’ve never watched a film of.

QUIRKS: OH. MY. GOD. Like many movies, this is not a movie about being accurate or realistic. It’s a movie about over-the-top, ridiculous action.

Think “The Transporter“, but with infantilism. There are literally gunfights while skydiving and while having sex. Nothing is realistic. They aren’t going for that. Even the dialog is over the top. They are going for as much shooting and action as possible. The movie even ends with a bullet to the camera. No stops are pulled. There is no moderation, no temperance, no self-control.

Paul Giamatti (aka the schlub from Sideways, who I always mistake as Jon Favreau) alternates between brilliant and idiotic. His acting could be classified as bad, but I’m pretty sure he was probably directed to act like that. He’s almost a cartoon. He’s so over-done, over-acted, and over-the-top. “I can’t afford to get angry. When you get angry, your body releases a hormone that temporarily lowers your I.Q.”

I did like Nirvana and Motorhead being in the somewhat metal-influenced soundtrack. The movie is definitely metal-influenced, as a heavy metal club is involved in the (thin) plot.

BAD STUFF: I can easily see how some people might want to rate this as a terrible, terrible movie. But please, let’s stand back and use our suspension of disbelief. This movie is actually brilliant and idiotic at the same time.

FUNNY STUFF: Carolyn gagged at the main character reaching into a toilet to retrieve his dropped gun — because there was poop in the toilet. Clint gagged when they had to read newspaper articles off a makeshift diaper they had for the baby, reading headlines through smeared baby shit. And by the way, a wet gun can’t fire. So the character holds it under a hand-dryer to get it to fire. WHILE another guy has a knife at his throat. Seriously — there’s hardly a single moment in this movie that isn’t over-the-top. I mean, he shoots a merry-go-round to cause it to spin in one scene!

CONCLUSION: Wow. I would actually strongly advise people NOT to miss this. Just don’t go in expecting a good plot, dialog, moral, or point. It’s *just* action. Ridiculous, funny action. The last action movie I saw that was so over-the-top and ridiculous was Planet Terror (from Grindhouse), where a woman had a machine gun for her leg. This movie is about as ridiculous, yet — it seems to take itself seriously (unlike Grindhouse). Just don’t make the same mistake. DON’T take this movie seriously, and you might really enjoy yourself.

RECOMMENDATION: Did you like The Transporter? What about Grindhouse:Planet Terror? Do you like bad b-movies? Good action? WATCH THIS. It’s amazing. It’s fun. It’s entertainment. This movie deserves no awards, but it’s worthy of a night of shared laughing.

DQ: “Who are you?”
Mr. Smith: “I’m a British nanny, and I’m dangerous.”

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Scott S liked it. Rebekah didn’t like it, and Becky hated it. Sounds like some people were trying to take this seriously.

Mood: ?
Music: D.O.A. – Our World