movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Been meaning to watch this for a long time, but avoiding it because I heard it was terrible. This set us up to have our expectations exceeded.

PEOPLE: Rob Zombie directs this, and it has his House Of 1000 Corpses song, which is one of my favorite Rob Zombie songs ever. This was his first movie. It has Rainn Wilson (aka Dwight Schruite from The Office[US]) for a bit, and also stars Rob Zombie’s wife, Sheri Moon Zombie (see QUIRKS, below).

QUIRKS: Rob Zombie directing definitely changes things. At times, there are moments that feel like they are from a music video, rather than a movie.

The movie is rather brutal. Filmed in 2000, Universal Pictures refused to release it because they thought it would get an NC-17. It rather reminds me of how you can make a mature PS2 or PS3 game, but none of the stores will sell it. (Or is it that Sony will refuse to publish it?) A rating is rather worthless if nobody is willing to release anything under it. Once again, we’re fucked by the goddamn children. Universal wasn’t particularly helpful in the filming either — the house is the same house as Best Little Whorehouse In Texas, so they insisted on running tour trams in and messing up the production. Real nice.

The biggest quirk, however? Sheri Moon Zombie‘s insane, creepy high-pitched laugh. From the years and years of listening to the music from this movie, I had just assumed it was a sample taken from some Japanese anime. It sounds like a tiny Asian girl. It just does NOT look right coming out of her mouth. She is freaky, smoking hot, insane, scary, and will be haunting my nightmares for some time. Clint found her to actually be scarier than the axe-wielding variety of killer found in the movie, because she’s so cute she could kill even the most paranoid.

VISUALS: Lots of intensely-packed scenes with lots of stuff to look at. I even read criticism that this was bad directing because he was trying too hard.

And gore. The scenes are quite disturbing. Not quite to the level of Hostel or Saw, but close. This isn’t a light-hearted horror, as much as one that creeps you out.

BAD STUFF: Like most horror movies, it’s a bit hokey. It’s ridiculously over the top. But in a way, that lulls you into a false sense of security — thinking it’s going to be one of those semi-comedic horror movies. But it actually creeped us out. Significantly. We were thrilled.

CONCLUSION: While there’s a few “WTF” and slow moments in this somewhat hokey-horror… We liked it a lot. 4 stars on Netflix. 7/10 on IMDB. 8/10 if we were to rate it among horrors only.

RECOMMENDATION: If you’ve listened to the Rob Zombie songs with the giggling samples… This will haunt your soul in a very special way. Sheri Moon Zombie is going to be in my nightmares (if I had them). If you like intense horror and aren’t squeamish — this one will challenge your psyche a lot more than trying to imagine whatever it was The Joker was doing in The Dark Knight. In this movie, you’ll see exactly what they’re doing. Take it or leave it.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Wayne really liked it. Ian liked it.

Mood: wanting bacon
Music: Bloody Handprints (demo track)