Friday, July 10th, 2009

So Oranjello keeps climbing onto this shelf he’s not supposed to climb on… Becuase Carolyn used to keep the catnip there. Fucking drug addict. So I tried to grab him to punish him as he ran away… I lunged for his tail…

Next thing you know, I’m screaming in pain, face down in the couch. I managed to lunch right into the edge of the couch. What I thought were couch cushions was really the hard wooden frame of the couch. I basically slammed a piece of wood horizontally across my heart.

I really thought my heart had stopped or something. It fucking HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT.

12 hours later, there’s still no bruise. But it hurts like HELL. Every time I rolled over from sleeping on my left side, to my right side, I yelped aloud in pain. Leaning forward really hurts. Making certain sounds with my voice hurts.

Did I bruise my fucking heart? What the hell. There’s no visible bruise. It’s about as intense as waking up with a bad back that lasts for 2 days. This shit suuuuuuuuuuucks. (more…)

A whole hodgepodge of messed-up dreams. I think Susie The Fl00zy from Church Of The SubGenius offered me a blowjob in one of the dreams, as I run around Tackett’s Mill in Lake Ridge in my underwear looking for my lost clothes. It was very surreal. I also separately was going to pick something up at the store, but these pedestrians acted like idiots, I called them names, and then we got into verbal arguments despite the fact that me being in a car means I should have put distance between us too fast for an argument to happen. I also was arguing with Modemac from Church Of The SubGenius via messages written on soap and left in weird displays. And then there was the girl scouts meeting I accidentally attended while picking up a present for Carolyn at some store. The leader told me I had to pay $5 at the end of the meeting (which, inexplicably, also had boys present). One of the desks in the classroom had some Voivod-related graffiti, which I had taken a picture of with my camera, because I like the band Voivod. The girl scout leader, middle-aged and with glasses and curly hair, told me if I came back for a 2nd meeting she’d fuck me, but only if I paid my $5 dues for that meeting as well. I told Carolyn about this [in the dream] and we were both amused. Later, when at the store to return this diaper which malfunctioned (?!), I ran into Martin Luther King, Jr., and called him a piece of shit during an argument, but we were actually filming a Curb Your Enthusiasm-like improvisation show, so it wasn’t real. We both laughed afterward, commenting, “Only on Curb Your Enthusiasm could someone run into Martin Luther King, Jr., call him a piece of shit, and have it be funny.” Yeah… This is just about the strangest set of random circumstance that I’ve dreamed about in a long time.

20090709: Also, yesterday, I remembered having had a dream where blood came out of my penis. In real life, this inspired some horrifying tales which were told on facebook when I tweeted about it.

“Dreams… They’re the hurricanes that wash the soulfilth from the superdome of our nightminds.”
-Xavier:Renegade Angel (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] This, or Deep Impact? Let’s find out.

PEOPLE: Keith David (aka Goliath from Gargoyles), Liv Tyler (aka a hot chick with Steve Tyler’s mouth), Ben Affleck (so young), Bruce Willis (not so young), Steve Buscemi (he’s everywhere!), Ken Hudson Campbell (who I correctly identified as “Herman’s Lust” from Herman’s Head!), Owen Wilson (occasionally funny, but was he that well known back then?), Billy Bob Thorton. Damn that’s a lot of big names. And of course it’s a Michael Bey movie. You know what that means…. Lots of explosions and shit :)

BAD STUFF: The whole movie requires some suspension of disbelief, but some of the moments in the beginning were especially bullshitty. Showing a guy get hit by a meteor fragment–but the dog on his leash is fine?!?!?! That’s just pathetically unrealistic. And when the Empire State Building smashed down — we know from watching September 11th that it creates much more smoke than that. And how many asteroids really have thin, razor-sharp rocks cut in menacing designs? And who the hell would send people who work on an oil rig into space? Just because they drill well?!?! (More bad stuff below, under “MORALS”.)

A lot of people have described it as a hokey feel-good movie. That’s definitely true. If you know this in advance, it shouldn’t bother you.

QUIRKS: It’s hard to film a movie like this and NOT pull the strings of your heart that connect you to every other human being on the planet. If you don’t have a heart of steel, you’ll be excited for the entire planet’s fate — even though it’s a movie. Call me sentimental, but I love stories (like Contact) that unite the entire human race together.

And don’t get me started on things going wrong. Everything that can possibly go wrong, does. The entire movie is a huge upwards battle. Intra-agency politics even enter into things. That much is painful. As hard as it would be to blow up an asteroid coming at us at 22,000MPH — I almost think this movie makes it look harder than it really would. :)

Also: The actors in this movie, like their characters, were the first civilians to ever wear a real $3M NASA space suit.

Also: Spoofed in Futurama: A Big Ball Of Garbage.

VISUALS: There were a lot of special effects, but they weren’t as gratuitous as I would have expected.

MORALS: There are a couple dumb romance subplots that technically had a moral, but it’s really not important to watching a bunch of astronauts save the world to be aware of or to even understand the morals here. This is an adventure. They could have done without the Ben Affleck/Liv Tyler thing. Or the soundtrack. I noticed a really horrible song come on. Since I hate most music, I don’t emphasize bad soundtracks as much as some. But it still hurt. File this under “BAD STUFF” as well.

POLITICS: Affirmation that the military-industrial complex is a menace to humanity, as well as affirmation that NASA needs more funding. Now that Obama’s plan is to tie NASA to the Pentagon — let’s hope that we get the best of both worlds instead of the worst of both worlds.

CONCLUSION: Why NOT see this? I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed this. I love a good adventure. We rated this 4 stars on Netflix, and I would give it 7.5/10 on IMDB. Solid entertainment, above the “generic pass” movies we watch. Hollywood can almost always provide entertainment when it throws big money into a sci-fi movie. I was still surprised. The bullshitty moments at the beginning had me thinking, “This is so lame”, but I was totally into it by time they left the space station. It being a good 2+ hrs long helps too.

RECOMMENDATION: Sci-fi fans? Empathizers of humanity? Gargoyles fans that want to see Keith David talk in a slightly higher voice.

MOVIE QUOTE: President: “We didn’t see this thing coming?”
Dan: “Well, our object collison budget’s a million dollars. That allows us to track about 3% of the sky, and beg’n your pardon sir, but it’s a big-ass sky.”
Yea, you tell ’em! Fund NASA!

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Jordan, Tatiana, Stacy M, Christian D all really liked it. Ian & Melanie B liked it. Becky didn’t like it.

Next up, and I will review Deep Impact, the *other* asteroid movie that came out at the same time. (more…)