movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Our Star Trek-fest continues…

PEOPLE: As the title implies, we get the next generation people. Only Kirk, Scottie (barely), and Chekov (barely) are in this. Everyone else are people from Star Trek:The Next Generation. No Spock (remember his huge ego, yet now he’s suddenly happy to be in the new Star Trek 2009 movie?). No Bones (who said to Jim on his death bed, “Let’s make another Star Trek movie. Those were fun.” Too little, too late; Bones became bones himself because he was already in declining health, they wouldn’t insure him, and the unions don’t allow uninsured actors). Chekov got Bones’s lines, Scotty got Spock‘s lines… George Takei refused over script problems too.

But we do get Whoopi Goldberg. Whoopie…

And the main bad guy? Malcolm McDowell, our favorite droogie from A Clockwork Orange. No wonder he looked so crazy! And he got real-life death threats after the movie! Those crazy Trekkers…

QUIRKS: Time travel.

VISUALS: The special effects could use an improvement. They actually re-ran an explosion from the previous movie!

But at least the Klingon blood isn’t a ridiculous pink/purple — that was Hollywood censorship to get a more favorable MPAA rating! My how things change in just 3 years.

MORALS: Better to die for truth, than live a lie?

POLITICS: Never trust someone looking for immortality. They’ll do anything for it. The difference between religious fanatics today, and the main bad guy in this movie: In this movie, immortality is real. (Well, except when you manage to fall out of The Nexus somehow. They never explained that.)

BAD STUFF: [highlight for spoilers] That’s it for Kirk’s death? Scotty and Chekov never even know he was really alive? And then he dies again, so unceremoniously? With a death scene where he only speaks about 10 words? In such a random way that could have happened at any point in his life? And this was the second version, after trying to shoot him in the back and having people complain about that??!?! He ad-libbed the “Oh My” part. Still, it was good to finally see this… …since I had managed to escape without the aforementioned spoiler up til about 2007 or 2008, when someone or something spoiled it for me. At which point, I knew I had to eventually see this.

And so much time dwelling on Data and his Emo Chip. Of course, if you never watched Star Trek:TNG all the way through, you might not care so much about some robot and his emotions.

And the main Klingons are now led by females? As a warrior race, I don’t think sexual equality would be that high on their agenda; but they do have females in their armed services, so maybe they’re enlightened. Still, the pair seems about as ridiculous as Christopher Lloyd’s Klingon role in Star Trek 3.

CONCLUSION: The Next Generation series already ended by 1994, because it just wasn’t that great. I stopped watching during the 2nd season. They’re just not as interesting of a bunch. It’s possibly better than Star Trek 4 and Star Trek 5 [I changed my mind] but overall, it had some low points. The lowest points in any Star Trek movie ever. Probably because we’re not into TNG. Watching Picard cry over his dead nephew? Sooo painful. Sooo didn’t care. But seeing [highlight for spoilers] yet another Enterprise destroyed via crashing into a planet? That was pretty cool. So this gets a generic pass from us.

RECOMMENDATION: TOS (the original series) fans who hate TNG (the next generation) should still watch this to get your last dose of Kirk, Scotty, and Bones. But don’t expect much if you hate TNG. This movie will be 50% annoying if you hate TNG. If you can tolerate TNG, like me, it’s about 25% annoying.

You might also want to check out Shatner’s book “The Return”, which picks up after this (Borg ressurects Kirk, turns him against Picard/TNG). Not that I read it, but it’s by Shatner himself in response to people not liking his final scenes in this movie. Spock really screwed this one up by not being part of this movie, if you ask me.

Picard: “Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we’ve lived. After all Number One, we’re only mortal.”
Riker: “Speak for yourself sir, I plan to live forever.”
^^^ Really sounds like Jonathan Frakes was getting into his Xanatos role from Gargoyles! That’s something Xanatos would say, not Riker! Oh look! The triva page even mentions this! (Pats self on back.)

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Glen really liked it (what the hell? He hated #6 but loved #7?). Christian really liked it. Jordan liked it. Benj hated it.

Mood: sick
Music: Kreator – Inferno