movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

LIMERICK REVIEW: I don’t remember Hellboy 1.
I just remember it was lots of fun.
Sequels often decline–
But I’m not gonna whine…
I still liked this a shit-ton.

HAIKU REVIEW: Fantasy movies!
Visually pleasing films
with good action, too!

PEOPLE: Ron Perlman (Hellboy). Selma Blair (who I think totally looks like Neve Campbell). Jeffrey Tambor (aka Hank Kingsley from Larry Sanders). Luke Goss. Doug Jones (as several characters).

Anna Walton looked absolutely stunning as a … whatever kind of creature she was (“Princess Nuada”). I was convinced she was Gwyneth Paltrow the whole time (who I used to think was ugly before I liked blondes, but changed my mind with Sky Captain & The World Of Tomorrow) — but most people thought she was Calista Flockhart. I would totally hit that, and found the “cuts” her species had across their face to be quite attractive. I imagine if you already have cuts in your face by default, that wrinkles would not set your looks back nearly as much. I think she looks better than her generic brunette “human” IMDB shots, actually. Plus, the whole species was blonde with red tips and had neato eyes. Still not as sexy as Sarah Brightman’s eyes in Repo! The Genetic Opera, though.
Like Captain Kirk, I want to get jiggy with some other species.

Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy, American Dad, and one of the writers for Dexter’s Laboratory, Johnny Bravo, Cow & Chicken) first feature film — he voices Johann Krauss. I had no idea he was scheduled to fly on one of the planes that crashed in the world trade center. His agent gave him a departure time that was 30 minutes late, and he missed THAT time, because he was hung over. So he lived. Thanks to alcohol.

QUIRKS: I really wish I remembered Hellboy 1 to make a comparison, but I want to say that this movie had more fantasy elements than the original. No idea if that’s true.

VISUALS: Good fantasy-themed visuals. Hellboy himself is a great piece of work. Him just standing around is still pretty “special” of an “effect”. Not to mention the earth elemental that pops up. Elementals scare me. Seeing one in film that lived up to my mental images was pretty badass too. [highlight for spoilers] Though a mere handgun being enough to kill one strikes me as a bit unrealistic.

MORALS: Sometimes to do the right thing, you have to not follow orders. What a great moral!

BAD STUFF: Another sleeping army movie? Wasn’t this just done in The Mummy 3 and The Invincible Iron Man animated movie? I guess this is one of those plots — like “chase the money” — that gets re-used a lot in the fantasy genre.

CONCLUSION: I thought this was good. I want to say I liked this better than the original; but I don’t remember the original. It was definitely better than the 2 animated Hellboy movies that came out between Hellboy 1 and Hellboy 2 (one was way better than the other). And having just watched the director’s cut of DareDevil, I liked this better than that. Of course, everyone did, so that’s no surprise. This got a 7.4 on IMDB.

RECOMMENDATION: This is totally worth seeing — even if you didn’t see Hellboy 1!

MOVIE QUOTE: Johann Krauss: “Nice baby.”
Baby: “I’m not a baby. I’m a tumor.”

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Ian & Benj really liked it. Jordan & Rebekah liked it. And I recall a lot of other people being hyped up / enjoying this.

Mood: digestsing
Music: Kreator – Bonebreaker