October 2009


 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Watched in 720p with Tabbitha, Parthena, and Eli.

PLOT SUMMARY: A loan officer is cursed by a gypsy who she denied a loan to, and will be dragged to hell in 3 days unless she passes the curse on to someone else.

LIMERICK REVIEW: There once was a loan officer named Christine,
who eventually saw things most people have never seen.
Cursed by a disgruntled lady,
Attacked by spirits quite shady…
By the end of the movie her mouth was probably not pristine.

HAIKU REVIEW: Gypsies will curse you!
If you’re a loan officer…
Give that extension!

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Loan officer’s soul is exploited by disgruntled gypsy.

PEOPLE: Sam Raimi’s first horror movie since Army Of Darkness / Evil Dead! The script was completed in the early to mid-1990s, right after Army Of Darkness was released.

Starring Alison Lohman (Beowulf, The Thirteenth Floor), who I think looks a lot like Jenna Fischer (Pam from The Office); Justin Long (Zack & Miri Make A Porno, Idiocracy, Happy Campers), who I think looks like Ross from Friends (David Schwimmer), if he had down syndrome. With Lorna Raver (The Young And The Restless) as the gypsy lady, Dileep Rao (Avatar) as the psychic who tries to help them, and Reggie Lee (Tropic Thunder, Pirates Of The Caribbean 2-3, Psycho Beach Party) as the douchebag co-worker.

QUIRKS: Generic horror. Grosser and funnier than most.

VISUALS: Raimi-esque visuals on a good Hollywood budget. This film actually manages to out-gross any other Raimi movie. Sooo much stuff went into her mouth!!

MORALS: [highlight for spoilers] The most important moral of this story is to not put objects in envelopes. And if you have something important in an envelope — you might want to check that it’s really what you think it is.

BAD STUFF: It’s a bit predictable, since this is a generic horror movie.

And there’s one particular effect — with eyeballs popping out — that looks waaaay too obviously fake.

CONCLUSION: Despite the fact that it’s a bit predictable and cliche, this was a very well-executed horror film. They even got ME to jump once — though usually I was busy laughing my ass off. Raimi is back in business doing what he does best! This is a successful horror worth seeing!

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is Netflix: 3.9/5 stars (4.0/5 stars for people who rate like me), IMDB 7.5/10.

RECOMMENDATION: See it! Unless you totally hate horror movies.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Similar to most Raimi horror movies :)

MOVIE QUOTE: “You’d be surprised what you’ll do, when the Lamia comes for you.”

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Ian really liked it.

The people who watched it with us seemed to as well: Tabbitha seemed to really enjoy it, and was excited and practically jumping for joy. Parthena said it was a lot scarier than she expected, but also a lot grosser. Eli seemed to have a good time as well. (more…)

Another nightmare I guess…. Dreamed I was standing in our main room upstairs, and the entire ceiling over by the bathrooms cracked. The house was about to fall apart while we were in it, and I woke up in a panic.

“Dreams… They’re the hurricanes that wash the soulfilth from the superdome of our nightminds.”
-Xavier:Renegade Angel
(more…)

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