Merry Christmas!

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] All this talk. I guess I should see it. I do like vampire movies, after all. Carolyn & I watched this with Parthena and John The Canadien.

LIMERICK REVIEW: There once was a movie called Twilight.
About vampires who don’t just go out at night.
Written by a Mormon?!?
I didn’t know they had fun?!?
I also didn’t know vampires could be morally right.

HAIKU REVIEW: Teenagers in love.
Vampirism complicates
all situations.

PEOPLE: Directed by Catherine Hardwicke, who helped out with SubUrbia and Tapeheads. Starring Kristen Stewart (Panic Room), Robert Pattinson (from 2 Harry Potter movies).

QUIRKS: Vampirism! Duh! And extreme teenage sexual tension. Vampires make emos look like cheerleaders.

Top movie debut ($70.6M debut gross) for any film directed by one woman.

VISUALS: The movie was more about sexual tension and relationships than visuals. If you want a vampire movie with visuals, watch Blade or Van Hellsing instead.

MORALS: A vampire that eats animals instead of humans is like a human that eats vegetables and no meat.

BAD STUFF: People expecting a traditional vampire movie might be disappointed. This is more of a teen romance that happens to have a vampire in it. Fortunately, I knew this going in, so it didn’t bother me.

In fact, this movie has garnered more hate than any movie I’ve watched in a long time. And a lot of people who hate and criticize it haven’t seen it! I am reminded of the Senator who talked about how damaging Beavis & Butt-head was to society without having actually seen it. I never saw Titanic or Independence Day because I thought they looked awful, and was annoyed by the hype — but I’m not going to sit there and say it’s conclusively a bad movie based on other people’s opinions, or that I will “never” see them. Maybe one day I’ll get bored and want to know what the fuss is about.

The main complaints against the movie seem to fall into 2 categories:

1) Vampire movies should all be the same. How dare they have a vampire movie that isn’t like standard vampire movies? How dare they? They’ve tainted the sanctity of cinema!

I find it close-minded that “any movie containing X must be like Y”. All vampire movies have to be horror slashfests?? Isn’t that a bit tiring? Did the super-fast running zombies capable of love in I Am Legend taint the zombie genre? Did people go ape-shit when Shaun Of The Dead dared to make zombie-horror into a comedy?

I guess it’s okay to turn horror movies into comedies, but not romances?

Sure, romance is one of the least interesting genres for fiction, but it’s a valid genre nonetheless, and can be interesting. Especially with some fantasy thrown in it. The fantasy made this a tolerable romance. Take away vampirism, and it’s a movie I’d never watch.

Life is about experiencing different things, not the same thing over and over. People need to get out of their comfort zones more often.

2) Relationship movies should all be the same. How dare they have a relationship that isn’t like the standard relationship? They’ve tainted the sanctity of feminism by her behavior! This also includes the “Mormon conspiracy to make subservient women” angle of criticism.

And it seems that in a lot of movies — except for Splendor — anyone who has a non-traditional relationship must meet an unfavorable fate. And it’s usually either a moral judgment about them having a “non-normal” relationship (in a threesome? They’ll both leave you!), or a judgment about a close-minded society (if you’re gay, you will be hoisted on the petard of society’s close-mindedness instead of your own moral compass). Is this to placate the public, who hates any relationship depicted in a way unfavorable to their subjective tastes?

Yes, the relationship in this movie is definitely non-traditional. Girls don’t usually get with guys who can’t stop thinking about how good it would be to consume their blood. Thus it’s considered anti-feminist (how dare a woman make choices that all other women don’t approve of!), even masochistic (BDSM — even if it’s just emotional — is wrong! Protect the gays, but your relationship style is a choice, and Fuck your choice if I don’t approve of it!).

Hmmm… I wonder what these people thought of Black Snake Moan.

CONCLUSION: We all enjoyed this! While not exactly a huge excite-fest, this definitely had the feel of the first movie in a franchise. Characters were established, plots were advanced, but the viewer gets the definite feel that there’s much more to the story. More that is yet to be told. The sexual tension was insane.

I gave this a 7/10 on IMDB and 3/5 stars on Netflix. I actually may end up liking the upcoming sequels better, since I viewed this more as a movie to establish things. I think the rest of our crowd pretty much felt the same about it.

RECOMMENDATION: If you really like the concept of vampires, you should watch this. Besides, there’s going to be sequels, so the story will probably get more exciting.

SIMILAR MOVIES^H^H^H^H^H^HSHOWS: Spoofed in “South Park: The Ungroundable (S12E14) (2008)” – the whole episode is making fun of Twilight.

MOVIE QUOTE: Edward Cullen: “My family, were different from others of our kind we only drink animal blood, but it you, your scent its like a drug to me you, its like you’re my own personal brand of heroin.”

I likened the whole movie to “What if I fell in love with a taco?” I would be tempted to eat the taco, as it’s my favorite food. But if I loved the taco, I would have to try not to eat the taco. This makes me think of the “taco-flavored kisses” episode of South Park. In fact, watching Twilight made me say “taco-flavored kisses” about 100 times over the next few months after watching it.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Parthena and John The Canadien liked it.

Mood: excited to have a new camera
Music: Kreator – Impossible Brutality