movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: 12yo boy falls in love with 12yo girl who is really a vampire.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] 300-year-old murderer has inappropriate contact with 12-year-old prepubescent boy.

PEOPLE: A bunch of Swedes.

QUIRKS: Swedish language.

Based on a book, of course. Because Vampire romance is so IN now. The book is named after a Morrissey song.

Apparently, the movie was “dumbed down” from the book. Eli‘s “helper’s” role was reduced, and he never gets turned into a vampire. Nor is his pedophilia revealed as the motivation for his ambiguous/undefined relationship with Eli. In the book Oskar is also darker — for example, contemplating becoming a serial killer, shoplifting, committing arson.

And in the book, Eli was born male, but castrated by another vampire at age 12. This explains the un-vagina scene. And also why her voice is dubbed over by another, more androgynous voice. (Not that we noticed, since we were busy reading the subtitles.)

These are all things that could have been addressed in the movie, and would have made it more interesting and more thoroughly explained.

I did like that they FINALLY address the issue of why vampires can’t come in if they aren’t invited. I can’t think of a single vampire movie where they bothered to show what happens when a vampire does come in uninvited.

VISUALS: A lot of snow. And cool contact lenses on Eli. It’s shot pretty well, though there’s not many special effects.

BAD STUFF: Slow, and bleak. Very little action. It’s so slow that I thought the story was just being established when I noticed the movie was 80% over. They substitute bleakness and emptiness for depth. At least it wasn’t as boring as it was slow.

But ultimately, this is not a vampire horror movie, but a vampire romance movie — the same genre as Twilight. But without the sparkles. It’s Twilight With Twelve Year Olds. More depth? Yes. Darker? Yes. More interesting? I’m leaning towards no, but that’s debatable. More action? Definitely not. More entertaining? Nope. More boring? Yes. The hilarious thing is that there are a LOT people who have watched this film, who then slam Twilight — yet they haven’t seen Twilight. Amazing.

Carolyn was bugged by the snot.

CONCLUSION: Definitely not worthy of IMDB Top 250 status! Neither me nor Carolyn nor Parthena understood what all the hype was about. It seems to me that every vampire-romance movie is hyped up to be more than it is. (Including Twilight.) (Though I liked both.)

RATINGS:
Clint/Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10. Generic pass. Whereas we gave Twilight a 7/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 8.1/10 (Top 250: #204), Netflix: 3.8/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.6/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: Twilight is the movie most similar to this. Yet, nobody complains about this movie the way they do with Twilight. I guess if your vampire doesn’t sparkle and still eats a fewh umans, it’s okay to have a Vamipire romance story.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Maybe I’ll check out the British remake, Let Me In, in 2010… Hopefully it would be more faithful to the book.

MOVIE QUOTE: Oskar: How old are you?
Eli: Twelve… more or less.

COINCIDENCES: This movie was full of snow, and we happened to watch it while it snowing in real life — the great blizzard of December, 2009.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Ian loved it (yet is very anti-Twilight). Parthena didn’t like it (2/5 Netflix, 3/10 IMDB, “Oh my God, it’s too slow!”). Bunny Day thought it was too slow.

Mood: Quake‘ed out
Music: Pixies – Stormy Weather