movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

LIMERICK REVIEW: There once were a bunch of crazy Jackasses.
Hurting themselves for the pleasure of the masses.
Torturing themselves in horrible ways;
They must have been sore for many days.
I felt Schadenfreude for their dignity, penises and asses.

HAIKU REVIEW: People hurt themselves
with unimaginably
creative methods.

PEOPLE: The standard Jackass crew: Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Wee Man, Spike Jonze, etc. With cameos by Tony Hawk and some “BMX legend”, who was the only one to successfully do a flip off a ramp with a jet-powered bicycle, as well as John Waters.

I bet no one knew that Spike Jonze (obviously named after Weird Al Yankovic‘s inspiration, Spike Jones, of the 1940s and 1950s) wrote a lot of Jackass, as well as the screenplay for the new Where The Wild Things Are movie. AND he was in Three Kings.

QUIRKS: Yes, Carolyn gagged. Even Clint gagged. Several times. The fear of actually puking was never more prevalent.

Yes, they drink [highlight for spoilers] horse semen. And yes, someone there puked as it was happening. Yes, Steve-O purposely attached a [highlight for spoilers] leech to his eyeball. Yes, Steve-O actually put a hook through his cheek, attached himself to a fishing line, and dangled in shark-infested waters — much like the scene in Waterworld where The Mariner uses himself as bait. A shark almost bit his foot off, but he accidentally kicked it away. Yes, Johnny Knoxville ties himself to a rocket that they then launch, inspired by Wile E. Coyote. Yes, the brand someone’s ass with a penis. Yes, they wrestle with multiple anacondas, and play with cobras and bulls as well. And bees. They also have a prank within a prank within a prank where the person who thinks he’s running the prank is actually pranked into actually thinking he’s actually going to die. All while [highlight for spoilers] unknowingly wearing a beard of his peers’ pubes. Yes, they test out riot explosives. On themselves. Yes, a beer enema is completely consumed by Steve-O’s ass, and it’s a damn shame they didn’t use NoFX‘s song “Party Enema” for this part. Yes, one of them eats horse shit for $200, in a scene reminiscent of the final scene in John Waters’s Pink Flamingos film. Yes, they get a quadriplegic athlete to fit his wheelchair with rockets, then send him rocketing off a ramp into a lake.

SOUNDTRACK: Slayer‘s excellent song “Spill The Blood” from Reign In Blood graces the soundtrack.

VISUALS: Gorey, crazy shit. All of the aforementioned events, and more. Really, it’s non-stop. It’s so intense that breaks will need to be taken just to catch your breath.

MORALS: These guys have no morals and will do anything for a laugh. And it works.

BAD STUFF: Almost gagging. Almost puking. Squirming in your seat while watching unimaginable horrors. Looking away. Movies like Saw 2 make me flinch, but those are fiction. This is not.

CONCLUSION: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.

Loathe as I am to admit it, this is the pinnacle of grade-A entertainment. As far as “reality” goes, this is 1000X realer than American Idol, and 100,000X more entertaining. I think I’d rather participate in most of these pranks than be forced to watch the suckfest known as American Idol.

I haven’t laughed as hard as I laughed while watching this movie in MONTHS.
I haven’t squirmed as hard as I squirmed while watching this movie in MONTHS.

This is an intense experience of comedy, grossness, and the realization that the human body isn’t as fragile as we think it is — or these guys would be SO DEAD.

RECOMMENDATION: If you can stand it, watch this. It’s frickin’ amazing. I don’t remember how it compares to the first Jackass film because these movies are a blur. But as far as reality-oriented offerings go, this is 10/10. I only dock it 1 point on IMDB because of all the gagging and intense disgustingness. But should I really dock it a point for delivering exactly what it promised?

SIMILAR MOVIES: Jackass 1. Jackass 2.5. Camp Kill Yourself. Or any painful reality video…

MOVIE QUOTE: Bam Margera: Please God, don’t let there be a “Jackass 3”.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Eric M really liked it. Benj liked it.

Mood: anxious
Music: Circle Jerks – Junk Mail