Sunday, February 28th, 2010


 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Children as “zombies”? How terrifying. Do we get to see a bunch of children killed?? That’d be awesome.

LIMERICK REVIEW:
A Clive Barker zombie movie where every zombie is a kid.
Turned out not to be the greatest horror movie bid.
The movie’s title was The Plague.
Let’s try the writer at The Hague.
The value of this film isn’t even a few quid.

HAIKU REVIEW: A failed horror film:
Zombie kids should be scary.
Too ambiguous.

PEOPLE: James Van Der Beek, who I haven’t seen in a movie since the *incredible* Rules Of Attraction. Ivana Milicevic (Paycheck, Jerry Maguire). Brad Hunt. Joshua Close. John P. Connolly (someone else who looks familiar, but I don’t know why — his IMDB has nothing I’d know). Brittany Scobie (who I’d like to see more of). Mostly nobodies.

QUIRKS: Zombies that are kids. On the same day, all kids under the age of 9.000 fell into a coma. With synchronized seizures and everything. New births were born comatose. Ten years later, all of the age 0 to 19.000 year olds wake up and wreak havoc on society.

BAD STUFF: And then what? Where’s the action? Where’s the conclusion? The conclusion makes no sense. They read this page a preacher wrote about his dream at least three times in the movie, but it doesn’t drive the point home. The point is completely missed. Who did this? What was the coma? What are the kids? What’s with the soul absorption? What’s with the conclusion? Did she die? Were the zombies placated? Are they still evil?

Expect no answers… To anything!

CONCLUSION: IMDB: 5/10. Netflix: 3/5 stars. And that’s only because we were entertained during a lot of the movie. Overall, it left us pretty unsatisfied.

The best part were the two “19.001 year old” characters. Born on the cusp of the coma-age, the zombie children thought they were young, and therefore zombies as well. Especially the girl. She was kind of an emo, so the zombies thought her one of them. They were probably the most interesting characters… But in the end, their uniqueness did not serve to advance the plot AT ALL.

The movie was interesting. Then it left you completely unsatisfied. You almost feel tricked, because you were interested for such a long period of time, without receiving any proper answers. I hate movies that make me feel like this. (No Country For Old Men was one of them… But this one is far more unsatisfying of an ending.)

Also: This had WAY less gore and action than one should expect from ANY zombie movie.

RECOMMENDATION: Skip it, unless you’re a zombie or Clive Barker completist!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Most zombie movies. (more…)