March 2010

Several people have asked me about my e-cigarettes. Indeed, they were a very popular topic of conversation at Vicky & Ryan’s wedding. There’s a few reasons why they kick ass:
  1. They’re very popular wherever anyone takes them, as they represent a new way to do an old drug. The meeting of technology and consciousness altering. Total conversation piece. Even children will ask to see your e-cigarette.
  2. The “smoke” doesn’t stink up a place; it doesn’t even hurt your eyeballs if a thick cloud goes into them.
  3. It’s not even smoke. It’s vapor. Like what comes off your soup when you cook it on your stove.
  4. None of the added chemicals. People on nicotine gum and the patch will insist it’s 100% safe because all of the dangers are in the smoking process. Regardless of whether this is actually true or not, the same thing applies to e-cigarettes.
  5. Renowned director John Waters says it’s ridiculous to not smoke in a movie, and that you should do it anyway to keep ushers employed
  7. Location, location, location: Do what you want, where you want.
  8. Push social boundaries: E-cigarettes are a way to flick off the current cultural trend of persecuting smokers, by finding a way to smoke that doesn’t make people whine about the perceived harm of secondhand smoke [which is less than the harm of living in a populated area, and is not harmful enough to trigger OSHA protections].

I enjoyed smoking my e-cigarette in museums and restaurants during the wedding weekend. Of course, you shouldn’t call it smoking. It’s vaping, as in vaporizing. No smoke is produced — only vapor (which can look like smoke, especially in high-glycerine mixes). No tobacco is ignited. In fact, nothing is ignited. No oxygen is burned. This evades almost all smoking bans in the country. This also reduces the risk of accidentally burning your house down. You could safely do this in your bed, if you were so strangely inclined.

If you're lucky, and carefully follow my advice, you can be almost as cool as me.’s way more expensive up front. But like most investments, it takes money to save money. In the end, you can get your nicotine for much cheaper than the cost of cigarettes. Smoking destroys 90% of nicotine; it never reaches your bloodstream. Vaping does not. Even if the nicotine were the same price, you’d still possibly be spending 10 times less, simply because you’re not destroying 90% of your nicotine.

I first went to E-Cigarette-Forum and read the forums for many hours. In the end, I learned a lot, but I also suffered from the “500 people screaming 500 different things”. I finally opted for the DSE901 mini e-cig. We now have 2 in use, and enjoy them both. It’s small, and is a bit more work to get vapor from than some larger models. But its parts are cheap. The “Ferrari” of the e-smoking world is The Screwdriver. If you want that, you’re going to have to skip all my DSE901-specific advice below. But my liquid nicotine and flavoring advice still applies. The DSE901 is very small; about the size of a pen. That’s what *I* like about it:

This is what you want. This is what you get.

The Clint Way

I also opted for the method which maximizes drug per dollar, maximizes creativity and freedom, and minimizes environmental impact. In other words, I’m doing my own refills, and mixing my own flavors. This makes things harder, but way more fun and individualistic. It’s the Clint way.

There are a few things that you need to truly be set up for all situations. Basically, you need

  • the vaporizer (atomizer)
  • power
  • the drug.
  • Optional: your own flavors.

First things first: The atomizer:

  • The e-cigarette itself: The atomizer. A good price is $7. You want to have 2 on hand at all times, as heavy vapers will apparently go through these in a few weeks. I got a black one and a white one. I hear they last longer if you store them vertically, but I’m too lazy. Either way, when one breaks, you want a backup. Getting 2 of these and 2 batteries will actually mean you have 2 working e-cigarettes. Great for couples.

    The "meat" of your e-cigarette sandwich. This is where the magic happens, and it's only $7.

Next up: Power:

  • Power: A battery. A good price is $10. You want to have 2 on hand at all times, so you can use one while charging the other. Most batteries automatically activate when you suck on the e-cig. Some batteries require you push a button. I’d avoid these; they sound like way more work. Also, you get to choose the color of the light on the end. I recommend a blue — it makes it obvious that you’re not smoking. The orange/fire colored ones don’t make it as obvious, and could confuse people.

    Try to only use these when you're "out"; use a USB passthrough when you're at home. $10.

  • Power: A battery charger. Obvious. A good price is $8 for a wall charger, and $3 for a USB charger. I prefer the ones that plug into your wall, not your computer. You want them to work anywhere. $5 extra is worth that versatility.

    This particular one isn't the cheapest price, but it's the best picture. $8.

  • Power: A USB passthrough. A good price is $10. Hook this up to your computer or other USB power source. Great hits; no “dying battery weak hits”. Batteries supposedly only last for 2 or 3 months of use, so this decreases your battery use and saves you a lot of money. Plus, your computer is helping deliver a drug to your bloodstream!!! That’s a technological milestone. The current best deal I’ve found is at Rocky Mountain Vapor. They have free shipping on orders over $14, but I have gotten free shipping on their $10 USB passthroughs twice now. The chrome one definitely looks cooler, but the black one is more conforming to the DSE901 look.Note that if you don’t sit close to your USB port, you may want to order a 5′ USB extension cable. We ordered 5 recently, and ended up using them all for various purposes [webcams, wireless keyboard receivers, etc]. We just ordered another 4. NewEgg has some sweet deals if you get 5 or so. Otherwise, shipping is half your cost.

    This is what you want. A battery *substitute*, not charger. $10.

    This is NOT what you want. This is a *charger*. You're still using a battery this way. They are $5 cheaper than wall chargers, but you're still shit outta luck if your battery dies, and you will lose the $5 you saved by burning through your batteries faster.

  • Power: I don’t have one, but some people opt for a personal charger. Carolyn’s brother has one. It is, basically, a charger that you charge to charge your batteries. It often is made to look like a pack of cigarettes, and has several slots for batteries. It holds more power than a single battery can possibly hold — it holds enough to recharge batteries several times, without having to find an electrical outlet. Of course you still have to charge this charger, but it increases the total amount of power you can carry. Videogame players think of it as a power-up. D&D players think of it as a bag of holding.

Next: The Drug:

  • The drug: Nicotine cartridges. A good price is 25 to 60 cents. They come with nicotine usually, but sometimes they are also “blank”. It is basically a mouthpiece with a bit of Zippo-lighter-like wick in it. I am interested in finding a wholesale source for these wicks, as they get destroyed faster than the mouthpiece. I’d rather put a new wick in than pay another 30 cents for another mouthpiece that will fill up a landfill. I’m cheap, environmentally conscious (to some extent) and a do-it-yourselfer. I’ve actually used 2 cartridges for 2 e-cigarettes for well over 2 weeks without issue. There are some teeth marks in them. Eventually, I’ll throw them away. I’d like to find 100 blank cartridges for less than 25 cents apiece. If anyone finds that deal, let me know.

    This is what goes in your mouth, and is where you drip your liquid nicotine into once they are empty.

True connoisseurs will want to make their own mixes, and drip them into cartridges rather than buying new ones:

  • The drug: Liquid nicotine. Rather than buying a new 30-to-60 cent cartridge for every few hours of use, get liquid nicotine to drip onto the wick. MUCH cheaper. Generally speaking, you want to find the highest concentration of nicotine as is possible, in order to minimize the amount of money you spend. The current best deal I could find is $30 for 30mL of 39mg/mL nicotine from Totally Wicked E-Liquid That’s 1,170 milligrams of nicotine! American cigarettes contain 9mg of nicotine, but you burn off so much that you only get 1mg per cigarette. By those numbers, this is 1,170 cigarettes for $30. That’s 2.5 cents a cigarette. There’s simply no way to beat that. And the deal gets sweeter if you order 5 bottles at time.

    Do not inhale fumes. Do not touch to skin. If it gets on your hand, wipe it on your jeans right away. You DON'T want to absorb this through your skin!

  • Custom Mixes: LorAnn flavorings. Create your own flavors and blends. Have fun. These are $1 at Wal-Mart, though please don’t shop at Wal-Mart. The selection is actually greater than most peoples’ imaginations. And of course you can mix: I’ve already mixed my chocolate mint with marshmallow to get Mint S’mores.

    I've tried 6 flavors so far, and like them in this order: Strawberry-Kiwi, Caramel, Marshmallow, Cinnamon Roll, Cotton Candy, Chocolate Mint. This order is totally different for eating than for vaping. Chocolate Mint and Cotton Candy weren't as good as I had hoped.

  • Custom Mixes: Glycerine. Use it to cut your liquid nicotine so it lasts longer, plus it makes more vapor / more “throat hits” / more cool-looking “smoke”. A good price is $5. It’s a cooking agent, so you can find it at craft stores, Wal-Mart, and such. Some people prefer propelyne glycol. I know nothing about that.

    "Restores consistency of icing colors." Or liquid nicotine vapor!

  • Custom Mixes: 50mL dripper bottles. About 50 cents each. We have 6 for our 6 blends. Honestly, I wish I’d gotten about 10. Even if you stop using an e-cig, these can come in handy later for cooking and such. (But dear god, clean them out THOROUGHLY if you are going them for cooking — nicotine is very toxic!)

    I recommend pretending you're a mad scientist.

If you travel, you’ll need a case:

  • Carrying case: Some people opt to spend $20 or $30 on a carrying case. Just use a Crown Royal bag, dummy! For your health. Also, it’s helpful to carry a set of tweezers in your case. If you re-use cartridges, eventually that cotton’s gonna fall out. And you really want to avoid touching liquid nicotine as much as possible.

    20070705-07 - 4th of July at Eric Axilbund's - IMG_2786 - Clint - wearing Crown Royal bag

    No, NOT LIKE THAT, idiot!


1) Get a couple batteries (and a charger),  a couple atomizers, and some cartridges from ArloECig. The guy kicks ass and is very fast. I mis-ordered and informed him of my mistake 5 minutes later. He had already packaged it up, but removed the item and gave me store credit. Swell guy from Texas.

2) Get e-juice and dropper bottles from Totally Wicked E-Liquid. 39mg/mL concentration e-liquid is hard to come by, but they consistently have it.

3) Get a USB passthrough from Rocky Mountain Vapor. Even though they say free shipping on orders over $14, I’ve ordered a $10 passthrough twice and been charged no shipping. You. can’t beat that price.

You’re good to go for a bit. In fact, you can assemble two e-cigs with these parts. But you still need to achieve flavor mastery:

4) Shop local for your glycerine and LorAnn flavorings – Try Wal-Mart, or craft stores that sell cake supplies. Flavorings are pretty cheap online, but it’s the shipping that kills. Wal-Mart’s price is, of course, the best price I’ve seen. But your selection will be greater online, so make your own choice. If you stop using e-cigarettes, you can still use these to cook with!

5) Celebrate with a bottle of Crown Royal from your local liquor store – then save the bag it comes in.

**** One final tip: WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH … In fact, you are best to steer clear of anything outside of America or the UK. Especially anything from China, Hong Kong, or Asia in general. You also don’t have to deal with the possibility FDA seizures, though there were only a few weeks that they did that. (And that’s likely how I lost my stuff from Hong Kong. The idiots made me pay shipping both ways to replace a warranted item too. I had to file a paypal complaint. I recovered about $10 of $30+ wasted dollars. It took 4+ months to resolve.) (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Wikipedia link] After watching a Jackass movie, it’s time to watch The Ringer.

LIMERICK REVIEW: There once was a loser named Steve.
A twisted financial debt he did weave.
He pretended to be disabled;
hoping to turn the tables.
But when discovered they actually were not peeved.

PEOPLE: Johnny Knoxville (Jackass, A Dirty Shame, Men In Black 2) (my GOD, click his name and read under ‘personal life’ — his urethra?!?!? NOOOOO). Katherine Heigl (Knocked Up). You know — Knoxville actually knows how to act pretty well. The real question is, in which situation is he acting less? When he acts like a mild-mannered office worker, or when he acts like he’s retarded? You be the judge.

It’s written by the same person who wrote the Family Guy episode that Johnny Knoxville is watching in the movie (!).

QUIRKS: This film has been given a blessing by the real-life Special Olympics.

MORALS: The mentally disabled are not as disabled as one thinks. This movie certainly makes light of their unique way of thinking, but it absolutely is not a “make fun of the retarded movie”, which is why it got a blessing from the official Special Olympics.

BAD STUFF: The worst part of this film? The mentally abled characters.

CONCLUSION: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. A slight cut above “generic pass”: This movie had a good gimmick. How often will I like a movie involving sports (which I hate)? Very rarely!

RECOMMENDATION: This is a good gimmick-based comedy movie for a night’s entertainment. Nothing special, but still a slight cut above the most generic movies.

MOVIE QUOTE: Steve Barker: I can count to potato.

(The Ringer, Squidbillies S3E18) 2 videos in a row where it goes to a black screen with white letters saying “six months later”.

(The Ringer, Spaceballs:TAS #12:Druidian Idol) 2 videos in the same night where people have to come up with money fast to stop a mob-like guy from hurting them, and decide to enter contests to win the prize money. (There’s only so many plots, really. But 2 of the same plot in the same night?)

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Scott really liked it. (more…)

I think it’s a mistake… But… It’s pretty dumb that it’s that much harder to RSS-subscribe to a flickr tag nowadays. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Subscribing to a tag is one of the best ways to use flickr. If you want to see new photos of celebrities, TV shows, or *anything* you like, without having to check all your interests every day, it’s really the only way to do it. Plus, as they all show up in the same part of your screen [your rss reader], pre-loaded, you can go through images in half a second each — less time that it would typically take to find a photo and click it.

So here’s the format:

FlickR: RSS a tag:

Just subtitute in a different name other than Nicole Kidman. Don’t use spaces, of course.

Some suggested FlickR RSS subscriptions:

Lily Cole
Nicole Kidman
Penelope Cruz
Salma Hayek
Anna Faris
Annie Wersching (redhead agent in latest seasons of 24)
Elisha Cuthbert
Mena Suvari
Teri Hatcher (hopefully pre-Michael Jackson face)
Jennifer Connelly
Connie Seleca (alas, new pics of her are INFREQUENT)
Elizabeth Kucinich (I’m waiting… patiently.)

If you’re a geek, here’s some more:
command line
Clint’s ASCII & ANSI artwork pool

Some RSS comedy links:
Fail Flickr photopool
TENSO photopool (also mine)
Totally Looks Like
WTF pictures
Garfield Minus Garfield

Enjoy loadin’ up your reader with this goodness. Cartoon lovers may want:

Beavis & Butt-head photopool
The Simpsons flickr tag
The Simpsons photo pool
The Simpsons – another photo pool

There have been unexpected consequences for me. The first time I heard of the movie The House Bunny was via flickr, because someone posted an Anna Faris pic (She’s the star). Since I’m not plugged directly into the hype machine, several movies by some of my most lusted-after actresses have come to my attention by me subscribing to their pictures. Or the time my dad told me The Simpsons were coming out with postage stamps. He figured I didn’t know, because I don’t use the mail or buy stamps. But I’d seen their picture on flickr. When the world is your input data set, you get all kinds of interesting output. Yay technology!

So anyway — put THIS into your RSS reader and smoke it! (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Psycho couple reunite over duct tape, toilets, and burglars.

PEOPLE: Directed by Cheryl Hines (Larry David’s wife in Curb Your Enthusiasm, Kate from Father Of The Pride), who has only ever directed her Campus Ladies series. Starring Meg Ryan & Timothy Hutton (Kinsey). With Kristen Bell (Heroes, Forgetting Sarah Marshell, etc), and Justin Long (Zack & Miri Make A Porno, Drag Me To Hell, Funny People, Walk Hard:The Dewey Cox Story, Idiocracy, Dodgeball, Happy Campers, Galaxy Quest).

QUIRKS: Romantic comedy. Takes place completely in one house — 2 or 3 rooms, really. Bad relationship drama. Romantic comedy with nonconsensual bondage. Meg Ryan’s crazy and annoying, and Timothy Hutton is a dishonest wuss.

Then burglars come.

MORALS: Sometimes you just have to force someone to love you, whether they want to or not. Seriously though — if the sexes were reversed in this movie, a bunch of feminazis would be whining about it.

BAD STUFF: Cheryl Hines’s clumsiness in directing really shows with the “epiphany scene”, which was almost laughable. And like most romantic comedies, the comedy really fizzles out — at an exact, discrete moment. Also, the very last 15-second scene isn’t explained very well, leaving people to discuss its ambiguity. Kind of annoying to be handed a non-obvious ending scene to an incredibly obvious movie.

CONCLUSION: Cheryl Hines fans might want to check this out, but it’s basically a sub-par romantic comedy where a guy gets duct taped to a toilet. Beware.

Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10. Generic pass.
Clint: Netflix: 2.6/5 stars. IMDB: 5.6/10. Same as Carolyn’s rating, but only if you’re forced to round up. This is a “low 3-star” movie. It barely, ever-so-barely scraped by.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.9/10, Netflix: 2.9/5 stars (which doesn’t really bode well).

RECOMMENDATION: There’s really not a compelling reason to see this.

SIMILAR MOVIES: There are other movies where Meg Ryan goes crazy over her dude leaving her: French Kiss (1995), and Addicted To Love (1997). I am glad to say I have seen neither. (more…)

“we could wander in the garden of Eden baby
we could do anything tonight, maybe
we could even touch the sky
if we just get up on our feet and try
we could wander in the garden of Eden baby”

I like how it’s a reference to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida… [Iron Butterfly’s singer was so intoxicated at the recording session that he was supposed to say “in the garden of eden”, but all anyone could hear was In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.]

Oh look.. there’s a video!

This song comes from Tiamat‘s post-death metal, post-black metal, Gothic rock, Sisters Of Mercy-sounding phase. From one of my 2 or 3 favorite Tiamat albums. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] I had no idea this sequel was coming out… Until it was out. Watched in 720p HD with Mark I (and with Carolyn, of course).

PEOPLE: Nobody from the original film, except for S. Darko (Samantha Darko, played by Daveigh Chase, who was the voice of Lilo in Lilo & Stitch, and was in The Ring).

It’s also not the original writer or director.

But we do get Elizabeth Berkley (Saved By The Bell, Showgirls) for a few scenes.

QUIRKS: Almost all of the same quirks as the original. They did a pretty good job reprising most of the original themes from the original movie — though it felt a bit forced at times. For instance, time flows backwards [highlight for spoilers] twice in this movie. It’s almost like they did it just to one-up the original. But it works pretty well.

Also, this takes place in the 1990s. 8 years after the original. 1996. Expect an updated soundtrack. We didn’t recognize the songs like we did with the first movie, but Mark I sure as hell recognized pretty much every song in the film.

BAD STUFF: This takes place in a podunk nowhere town, with less stuff going on, and fewer characters. Thus, there is less interplay between the characters, fewer interesting events, and no large crowds or schools (like in the original). Most of the scenes take place between the 2 main characters, the 2 guys they meet in the podunk town, and “Iraq Jack”, the “new Frank/Bunny Man” for this movie.

CONCLUSION: This is a good *sequel*. It certainly doesn’t stand up to the original; few sequels do. A lot of people rate this as a negative waste of time because they’ve set their expectations too high. To briefly quote one of the Netflix reviews of the movie: “People who are giving it bad reviews are holding it to a higher standard than the original and don’t appreciate the power of a sequel. Yes, they are oftentimes not as good. But they do allow for new branches of thoughts and conclusions that otherwise wouldn’t be possible”. Or as I paraphrase: Sequels are almost never better than the original. But they are better than nothing. If you like something, it’s cool to get more of it.

Netflix: 3/5 stars.
IMDB: 7/10.
Better than a generic movie, but nothing to cry home about.

RECOMMENDATION: If you liked Donnie Darko #1, and want more of that kind of stuff … This will give you more. But if you liked Donnie Darko #1, and DON’T want more of that kind of stuff — this movie will probably feel like a waste of time. It really depends on your outlook regarding sequels. They could have done worse.

MOVIE QUOTE: Sam: Four days, 17 hours, 26 minutes, 31 seconds. That is when the world will end.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Mark I didn’t really like it, but Mark on average doesn’t like most movies and rates most movies 2/5 stars. What a negative nancy. (more…)

I actually have come to the conclusion that the golden rule — at least when summarized as “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you” — is part of the problem with religion, and is a bad rule that should be thrown out.

Do unto others as others as I would have others do unto me?

What if I enjoy being whipped? Does that mean I should whip others?
Or, closer to home, most Christians would love someone coming to their door to talk to them about God, therefore, the golden rule dictates they should go to other people’s doors to talk about god. After all, if I want my soul saved, I should want your soul saved.

Funk dat! The golden rule operates under the idea that symmetrical reciprosity is some great ethical ideal… But really that’s just simplistic thinking. Christian Scientists not allowing their child medical care are, after all, operating under the golden rule: They don’t want their souls to go to hell by using Evil Science, so they are treating others — their children — the same way.

The golden rule is full of flaws; I’ll leave it to the commentators to come up with other examples against it. (But it only takes one.)

I’ll take the pagan “An’ it harm none, do what ye will”, over the Chrsitian golden rule any day…. In order to not harm someone, sometimes you have to treat them differently than you would want to be treated. It’s a much more nuanced and realistlic ethical soundbite.

And yet another way in which Pagans > Christians. But then the Christians killed and forcefully converted them all. After all, they were just treating them the way they’d want to be treated: Led to the Proper God.

[NOTE: I didn’t quite have the wording of the rule right, so I updated it based on comments. However, it doesn’t change my stance on it.] (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Wikipedia page] [article about the Bunny Man legend and where to go in Virginia to be somewhere the Bunny Man has been sighted] I was quite disappointed with this movie when I first saw it. It’s rated on IMDB as the 129th best film ever. I Still gave it 3/5 stars on Netflix for keeping me entertained, but my hopes were the extra 20 minutes (and other changes) in the Director’s Cut would help reduce the negative issues I associated with this film. They definitely did. I pretty consistently like all director’s cuts better than all original cuts. The director tends to know best. Especially when he’s also the writer.

HAIKU REVIEW (by Carolyn): Men in bunny suits
Can look and sound psychotic…
Are you that crazy?

PEOPLE: Directed and written by Richard Kelly. Starring Jake (and Maggie) Gyllenhaal and Jena Malone (also in Life As A House). With Patrick Swayze, Drew Barrymore, and Seth Rogan (barely recognizable in a minor non-comedic role; this was his film feature debut).

QUIRKS: Time travel, tangent (alternate) universes, sacrifice, teenage love, social awkwardness, mental psychosis, surrealism, confusingness, motivational speakers, social outcasts, Virginia.

VISUALS: Lots of surreal visual effects. No cavalcade of special effects, but simply a good visual style to support the twisted movie.

MORALS: There is definitely a powerful message to be made about self-sacrifice.

BAD STUFF: Well: I kind of didn’t really like it that much the first time around. I was very disappointed by the confusing ending, which made total sense this time. Was it simply that this was my 2nd time, or did the Director’s Cut changes change the feel of the movie? I’m going to have to go with a little bit from column A, and a little bit from column B.

SOUNDTRACK: A good soundtrack full of lots of 1980s songs that we know and are fans of. The movie takes place in 1988, and the music really helps set the stage for the time it’s filmed in.

DIRECTOR’S CUT ISSUES: (see “alternate versions” IMDB section)

1) The Watership Down scenes were cut in the original theatrical release. Apparently Frank the “Bunny Man” is more about Watership Down than the local Bunny Man Virginia legend. There is a huge quote (listed in the IMDB quotes section) that shows us even more of Donnie’s personality. There’s really no reason to hide this scene from us. Especially where they compare Fiver (the rabbit)’s visions to Donnie’s visions. Having just recently re-watched Watership Down, this is of course an important parallel!

2) The opening song is changed from Echo & The Bunnymen’s “The Killing Moon” (which I don’t know or care for) to INXS’s “Never Tear Us Apart”. The reason? Intellectual property laws and the RIAA’s insane greed. The director couldn’t afford the song he wanted, so a different song was used. Echo & The Bunnymen for a movie involving a Bunny Man is appropriate on paper, but I know when me & Carolyn broke out singing “Never Tear Us Apart” — a song I actually own — that this was a better song. Especially if it was the writer/director’s intention all along.

In fact, intellectual property laws changed a lot of subtle things in this movie. Donnie was supposed to talk about masturbating to Alyssa Milano, but instead had to use Christina Applegate, because they could not “secure the rights to reference her that way”. Uh…. Huh? I need rights to talk about a public figure? I need rights to talk about a private figure? I can talk about masturbating to whoever the hell I want — why would it being a film change that at all? Applegate’s way hotter than Milano anyway.

Similarly, at the movie theatre they were supposed to see C.H.U.D., but couldn’t secure the rights. Sam Raimi stepped in and let them use The Evil Dead free of charge. Is it any coincidence that I think Applegate>Milano, and Evil Dead>C.H.U.D.? Maybe I’m just drawn towards creations of people who aren’t intellectual property assholes.

Or maybe not: The Dance Routine was performed to Pet Shop Boys’s “West End Girls” — the first song I ever heard on a Walkman in my life. But they had to replace it with a shitty Duran Duran song instead.

3) Another good song removed from the original movie: The Church‘s “Under The Milky Way” being played on the radio as Donnie rides with his dad. His dad flips it off, Donnie flips it back on. Another incredible song from that era that captures Donnie’s personality and feeling quite well. I know, because I was a fan of that song by 1990. I’ve seen The Church in concert, including in 2009 a few months after watching this movie!

4) Donnie’s poem about Frank was removed from the original, as were the police checking his name off as a suspect.

5) All the excerpts from “The Philosophy Of Time Travel” are back in the movie. These were missing, greatly lending to just how confusing the movie is. This helps make it clear that time travel is truly the central theme of this movie. Tangent universes, manipulated dead, manipulated living, artifacts — nothing is directly explained in the original, leaving the viewer to guess unnecessarily, turning mythos into mystery. No doubt this makes people who understood it the first time feel more special, but obfuscation is always lost on those who aren’t technically advanced in a subject.

6) More characterization of Donnie’s parents. The dinner scene where they joke about being divorced.

7) The revelation that Donnie’s medicine [highlight for spoilers] is actually just a placebo. You see, he’s not really crazy. The pills don’t do anything. He sees his visions for a reason. A valid reason. What happened in the movie is “real”. Mythos, not mystery….

8) The entire ending chapter. You see all the manipulated living waking up from the dream of the tangent universe. The child molester is crying. Gretchen now seems to recognize Donnie’s mom even though they [now] never met. Even if what happened ended up not happening, it still happend. It was real. Paradoxes occur with time travel. Deal with it.

9) According to sources, the sound mix is much improved in the director’s cut as well. Which is great, because I have to turn movies up very loud to be able to understand them anyway.

CONCLUSION: I rated the original cut 3/5 stars on Netflix, and a charitable 6/10 on IMDB (a “generic pass”). Watching this director’s cut has elevated my rating to 4 stars (4.5 really), and 8/10 (8.5 really) on IMDB. It’s tempting to round up and rate this 5 stars and 9/10 on IMDB.

Best of all, this movie finally lives up to all the recommendations given to me to watch it. I had several disparate people specifically tell me that *I* would particularly like this movie. I was disappointed when this wasn’t the truth. But now, it is totally redeemed!

RECOMMENDATION: Definitely check out the director’s cut! It’s soooooooooooooooooooooo much better!

1) Frank: 28 days… 6 hours… 42 minutes… 12 seconds. That… is when the world… will end.

2) Gretchen: My mom had to get a restraining order against my stepdad. He has emotional problems.
Donnie: Oh, I have those too! What kind of emotional problems does your dad have?
Gretchen: He stabbed my mom four times in the chest.
Donnie: Oh.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: A lot of people did not rate both versions. Parthena loved the director’s cut. Christian, Becky S, Benj, and Tatiana loved both cuts. Ian loved the original cut but only liked the director’s cut. Susan & Christie loved the normal cut. Jordan really liked both cuts. Scott and Eric M really liked the director’s cut. Nobody rated either cut below 3 stars, and most people rated this 4-5 stars. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Creepy bearded guy drugs friends, causing thousands of dollars of damage, theft, injury, and ruining a wedding.

PEOPLE: Directed by Todd Phillips, who directed Old School and co-wrote Borat. Also written by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore (who both co-wrote Four Christmases).

Starring Bradley Cooper (Wet Hot American Summer, Yes Man) as Phil, Ed Helms (Andy Bernard from The Office, Walk Hard, Harold & Kumar 2, The Daily Show) as Stu the dentist, Zach Galifianakis (Tim And Eric Awesome Show,Great Job!) as the awkward Alan, Justin Bartha as Doug. With Heather Graham (Twin Peaks, Drugstore Cowboy, Boogie Nights, From Hell, Swingers, Lost In Space, Scream 2) as Jade, Ken Jeong (Role Models, Pineapple Express, Step Brothers, Knocked Up) as Mr. Chow, Jeffrey Tambor (Larry Sanders, Arrested Development, Max Headroom:20 Minutes Into The Future, 3-South, Hellboy 1 & 2, Superhero Movie) as the father-in-law, Sasha Barrese as the wife-to-be, and Rachel Harris as SUCH A BITCH OMFG.

And of course with Mike Tyson playing himself. And Carrot Top in the closing credits! WTF!

QUIRKS: Alcohol. Las Vegas. Memory loss.

SOUNDTRACK: I did think it was pretty kick-ass to start with a Danzig song!

MORALS: [highlight for spoilers] Don’t drug your friends unless you’ve tried the drug yourself.

POLITICS: Nothing in this movie would have happened if not for the prohibition of illegal drugs, which creates an unregulated market that causes people to not know what they are buying.

BAD STUFF: They never did explain that chicken :)

There’s nothing bad with this movie, but a lot of humor-impaired idiots have talked about how disappointed they are by this. Frankly, it’s hard to comprehend what the fuck is wrong with them. People with a limited sense of comedy should learn to identify what kinds of comedy they like, and stay away from everything else. If you are a pan-humorist who likes all comedy, then you’re probably not going to find anything wrong with this.

TRIVIA: Actor Ed Helms never had an adult incisor grow, and his fake incisor was taken out for the parts of filming where Stu’s tooth is missing.

CONCLUSION: You’d have to be either crazy–or square–to not love this movie!

Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
The native public rating for this movie is Netflix: 4.4/5 stars (4.6/5 stars for people who rate like me), IMDB: 8.0/10.

RECOMMENDATION: If you like alcohol-based comedy, then SEE IT!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Dude, Where’s My Car? [Except this time, it’s Dude, Where’s Our Friend?]. I keep hearing “Very Bad Things” mentioned a lot, but haven’t seen it.


Black Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you’re more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em floories.
Alan Garner: Or rapies.

Alan Garner: Tigers love pepper… they hate cinnamon.

Sid Garner: Now remember, what happens in Vegas stays, in Vegas… Except herpes, that shit will come back with you.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: L Dubs & Andy & Teela & Radha loved it. Ian really liked it. Meg Rowe, Chris Wheeler, & Barb Western also had good things to say about it on Facebook. It seems all the Negative Nancys are on the IMDB forum, as all my friends have liked this.

Heather Graham tribute song:


John The Canadien’s review really sums it up (he went with us). But this was an epic concert for me!

This was my 81st concert.

The 4th and 5th full albums I’ve ever seen performed live.
(The last two were also 20th Anniversary Tours! Pixies:Doolittle and They Might Be Giants:Flood.)

The 2nd time I’ve seen Testament (first time was 20 years ago).
The 1st time I’ve seen Megadeth, despite being a fan since 1988.

1991ish - Clint's room - metal clippings, guitar pick - 0471
^ Megadeth and Testament magazine clippings on my bedroom wall, parents’ house, 1991ish.

The 3rd concert that’s actually had TWO bands I REALLY care about play [others were Jane’s Addiction/Nine Inch Nails, and Celtic Frost/Type O Negative].

The 8th and 9th Guitar Hero songs that I’ve seen live after playing ’em in Guitar Hero. (Peace Sells, Symphony Of Destruction). :)

…And my 3rd Megadeth shirt :)

Megadeth was one of my first 2 metal bands (not counting Guns N’ Roses), though my friends had, at the time, tricked me and told me the Megadeth side of the cassette was Metallica, and vice-versa. But the deception only lasted a week or so, back in late 1988.

Carolyn wore the Megadeth shirt that I bought in 1988 / 8th grade, one of my Original Four Black T-Shirts [Megadeth, Metallica, Guns N’ Roses, Anthrax]. I wore a newer Megadeth shirt that Carolyn’s brother Jay (or one of his friends) gave to me in the late 1990s.

2000ish - Carolyn, Clint - front yard - 20 - we has mail
^ 20 year old Testament concert shirt that I could not find in time for the concert

I was actually more excited about Testament than Megadeth. I think The Legacy (1987) is a better album than Rust In Peace. The music isn’t as complex and well-written, but the songs just strike home a bit better than the Megadeth ones. Regardless, these are 2 albums I’d love to see live… and Megadeth played some of their best songs from other albums. Wake Up Dead, Peace Sells, and Set The World Afire are among some of my all-time favorite Megadeth songs. And In My Darkest Hour and Symphony Of Destruction are pretty damn good too.

As for Testament — Chuck Billy plays mean air guitar on his mic stand! I thought I was looking at someone playing a guitar, and then oops! It’s a mic stand! Haha. Too bad that Alex Skolnick is busy touring with the Alex Skolnick Trio… He’s tied with Randy Rhoades for my favorite guitarist, and the replacement guitarist just wasn’t as good. I couldn’t tell during the show, but I could tell watching the below video of Over The Wall on Youtube. He simply didn’t do Skolnick’s solos right. But the mix was bad enough at 9:30 Club that I at least couldn’t tell while I was there.

And I moshed for the first time in ages!!!!!!

Shirtless, sweaty, drunken moshing during the closing climax of “Peace Sells”. My shirt came off at the beginnign of Megadeth, haha. Kind of out of character for me, but as I get older, my cold-bloodedness and lack of any thermal regulation is really getting to me. Surprisingly, I survived the pit intact. Had a stitch in my stomach afterward, but am glad to report no mosh-related soreness the next day. I did, however, have considerable headbanging-related soreness the next day.

Amazing show! This was one of the best concerts in my life!!

Afterward, John & I bought some $10 “bootleg” tour t-shirts, which basically seemed to be official shirts that had the tag cut in half. Maybe they were misprints? Well, doesn’t that increase the collector value? There’s simply no way I’m paying $35 for a t-shirt. Ever. $20 was pushing it. $15 is a sure thing. But $10? I’m in!

And as we drove back, I shouted out “Polaris” and “Next thing you know, they’ll take my thoughts away!” at many random D.C. pedestrians. Goddamn. Great night. Then Carolyn, John The Canadien, and I went to 7-11, got taquitos, came home, watched the newest episodes of Kids In The Hall:Death Comes To Town and Family Guy. John fell asleep, so Carolyn opted to watch Nip/Tuck, staying up to a record late time of 3AM. She wakes up at 7:30AM, yet chose this fate. Of course, a nap was promised the next day. And John had the day off. And I didn’t exactly recover gracefully either. GOOD TIMES!

^ Testament: Over The Wall (live)

^ Megadeth: In My Darkest Hour [ending only]

Not a lot of pictures of this concert seem to exist online, but there are some that start on this page. They are only 500px in resolution, however.

The setlist for this concert is posted HERE.

To see every concert I’ve ever been to, go to my List Of All Concerts page.

Also, check out my songkick profile, which is a site devoted to cataloging what concerts one has gone to. (more…)

Next Page »