[originally posted 3/25/2008] Because I am outspoken, have a powerful web presence, and have unpopular and unapologetic opinions, I tend to attract trolls from time to time. For example, the guy who argued that we must protest South Park — before the series even came out. Honestly, I might be the actual troll here, as I deliberately put some stuff up to bait people into leaving responses, which is the definition of trolling. But that definition usually applies to neutral forums, not to posting to your own forum. So I’ll go ahead and call the people who attack me on my own spaces “trolls”, in the “I’m rubber you’re glue” spirit.
This is in response to my “What Would Jesus Smoke?” blogposts HERE, as well as my What Would Jesus Smoke (and other Jesus) Flickr images HERE.
These pictures draw “Christian soldiers” from all over the place, causing them to hurl entertaining vitriol in my direction. I fucking love it.
I always thought “Ye who has not sinned should cast the first stone”, but hey, Christians don’t seem to know much about being Christ-like, just like Muslims don’t seem to know much about being Mohammad-like. (And if they did, they would all have 6-year-old wives like Mohammad.) My uncle Sean has already published, analyzed, and commented on this letter, and there are already a few comments over there on his blog. He is more calm and collected, and can say how I feel better than I can. :)
Anyway, this gets ugly. Very ugly. Read on to see the love God puts in all Christians’ hearts. (That was sarcasm.)
.
.
MY LATEST EMAIL-FROM-A-STRANGER
Anyway, without further delay: Check out this email I received — straight to my inbox — in response to these postings…. The bolded part is my favorite / the funniest, and I am posting my friend’s responses below as well:
FROM: mandspreston@ntl.sympatico.ca
I see by your page setup how you raise yourself upon a pedestal of narcissistic self indulgence and blasphemy. I’ll bet if you were chocolate, you’d eat yourself [Clint’s note: That would rule! I’d taste good!]. Although my God, Jehovah, has told me by his inspired word to “Return evil for evil to no one”, I can’t resist this time in saying that I happily look forward to Jesus’ promised return so I can wave goodbye to you as you disappear with all wickedness into the vortex of Jehovah’s destruction! And even someone as self-important as you’ve seem to make yourself has got to know that this sick violent world cannot last unto itself much longer. Change your attitude while you still can. That self-imposed “happiness” you work so hard to portray on the net is just a mask for hatred and prejudism and bias. You’re being blinded by Satan, but that’s obviously a choice you “intelligently” have made no doubt based on a life experience rich with the devil’s education and evil perception.
No, Jesus does not and would not smoke “marijuana”. But I can guarantee you something he will smoke..and that is your existence straight into the everlasting lake of fire where your complete and eternal destruction awaits you if you don’t make a change very, very soon. [Clint’s note: Best. Paragraph. EVER.]
Sincerely and with true Christian Love,
Just another “Christian Troll”Do not reply. I have blocked your address because I have been guided through God’s word to turn my back on apostasy completely.
Besides, you seem to be doing fine having your one-sided say through your vile webpages [ironically, every place I have posted the What Would Jesus Smoke? pictures has open comments section that anyone can reply in!], so I reserve my right to have my one-sided say in sending you this letter.
It’s not too late for you, Clint.
I then sent this email to everyone on my Personal Update List (let me know if you want on/off the list), asking them to flame the guy back, since he is blocking my emails. Here are some of the flames sent to him, and some of the responses sent to me. By the way, don’t stop reading now. It gets worse below….If you don’t like Carolyn being called a whore, you might want to read on.
.
.
A musical intermission from the Westboro Baptist Church: A parody of “We Are The World”, which is “God Hates The World”. I love religious fundamentalists!
.
FRIENDS RESPONSES TO THE DOUCHEBAG
Thanks to Sour Swinger for sending this:
Dear Jesus Fucker,
I’m sorry to inform you that your god has abandoned thee. He feels your sorry ass is nothing but a wasted chunk a dirt. Jesus walks only with those who shall walk in the kingdom of heaven. I am to show you that light does not exist for you. That the dark, bottomless pits of hell await thee upon your death. No praying shall free you of your sins. No preacher, priest, or reverend can save your sole. God so desperately wanted to get rid of yours, he gladly paid me 100 attentional souls. Already, several voodoo doctors curse your body. Your life shall be full of hate, misery, pain and suffering. Haha just joking, I know it already is! I shall await thee at the gates of hell with open hands to further torment your miserable life. Do not try to run, for there is nowhere you can hide. God has already forsaken you from any safe haven you may try to hide in. Try no last pity groveling, for if my eyes don’t deceive me Jesus is giving you the finger. Your so called “preaching” and “spreading” the Christian values is nothing but an damn embarrassment. I’ll shall see you in Hell Bitch! MWWHhaaa haha ha
-Satan
P.S. – You’re a fucking douchebag!
Thanks to Chris W for sending this:
You sir are a douche bag.
I see by your email that you raise yourself up upon a pedestal of narcissistic self indulgence through righteousness and ignorance. You hide behind blind faith pushed upon you by others who had it pushed upon them by others who had it pushed upon them by others and so on and so on. You make yourself feel better by emailing people, threatening them with complete and eternal destruction, and then don’t even have the true righteousness to allow him to respond to you. I have personally known Clint for many years and know his beliefs to be anything but one sided. He is more willing and open to discussion than just about anybody I have ever known. However, your cowardly action of threating him with eternal damnation without even truly considering why, and unwillingness to even consider or discuss his beliefs is just one of the many reasons that you will never attain true enlightenment and deserve to burn in a pit of boiling oil yourself.I can only hope that one of these days you learn to actually pay attention to the world and think for yourself so you can be something other than a mindless member of a cult.
Chris
So why did Michael Jackson get married anyways?
Cause the pope complained that if he kept fucking those little boys he’d have to be ordained.
Thanks to Melanie B for sending this. Unfortunately, the address was terminated for “spam”, so this bounced:
Dear Christian Troll,You are a douche-bag. I feel deep pity for you and your ignorance. If you truly follow “Jehovah’s inspired word”, then shut the fuck up, get off the internet and go crawl in a dark closet in the attic where the real world can’t corrupt you.How can you judge anyone else, telling them how they portray themselves online is just “a mask for hatred and prejudism and bias”, when by doing so you are showing your hatred, prejudism and bias for those who think differently than you?You don’t have to read every blog or webpage on the internet… however if you feel the need to indulge yourself in reading those of people who hold different views than you… perhaps you are subconsciously looking for a way out of tiny little world where you are ruled by a religion and a book (or collection of books) telling you to deny who you really are…Religion and people who feel the need to force their beliefs onto others (like you), have been the source of sick violent events throughout history. Not to mention everyone’s favorite un-invited early morning bible belt beating door knocker… the Jehovah’s Witness… who may not necessarily harmful… but damn annoying.Your “religion” was developed in response “to what they saw as compromise and corruption in mainstream Christianity.” Your religion disputes doctrines such as the Holy Trinity, Hellfire immortality of the soul, and clergy-laity divisions as illegitimate additions to the original Christian teachings. So what’s to say that others who believe that what is written in “religious texts” isn’t exactly valid?So… stick that in your pipe and smoke it!Also, I will not be blocking your email… I encourage you to respond… I could use a good laugh….Sincerely & with Best RegardsJust another “Enlightened Soul”
.
.
FRIENDS RESPONSES TO ME
(responses to the douchebag follow)
Tabbitha: “hehehehehehhHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAhaHHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!! / <cough cough> / hehe / hehehehehehHHHHAHSDHAHDFHHRhfldngsdlnbrdmnb; sklgnmHAHAHHEHAHEHEHHA / That was awesome. / What a douche.”
Joe R: “If I were chocolate, I’d totally eat myself.”
Susan E: “what a pussy. don’t reply? what is he afraid of? ” (My response was: “he’s scared of me pouring virgin mary’s hymen blood onto his penis..”)
Sheer Panic: “Honestly, I found it mostly a bit *shiver* disturbing. / You’ve probably seen me rant on and on in my various web presences about ow much I hate Christians.. this guy is a pretty good example of what I ate about them. Gah. p.s. I don’t think it ever says anywhere in the bible that Jesus never parked a bowl. Certainly we know he liked to drink…)”
A.E.: “i’d take it as a compliment =)”
Vicky (+): “Gene Ray’s bastard child?”
Compn: “a canadian?!”
Ian: “You have to admit, though….the …’he will smoke..your existence straight into the everlasting lake of fire’ IS sort of a genius of a segue.” [I agree. I told Carolyn, “I wish this would fit on a bumper-sticker!”]
Anonymous: “k, i’ll spread his email over every porn site i can find.” [Nice.]
Eve: “I’m in process of skimming through Corinthians and James for some appropriate ammunition…. won’t be tonight.” [If this ever comes to fruition, it will be awesome.]
Mom: “You mean he’s just lurching on to web-sites and lashing out at the ones he deems offensive? The world is full of crazies.”
Aunt Tatiana: “Ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa ha ha ha ha ha ha aha hah eheh… Before I enter the fray. Tell me – did you ever know this moron – or was he just trolling around for “apostates”?”
Anna S-P: “HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA”. And, later: “Seriously. That made my morning much brighter. Leave it to ol’ Jesus to bring a smile to my face. ;)”
Debbie M: “Where the heck did this come from? Someone who read your blogs? That is so insane!!”
Heather J: “Wow……….”
Penny Prophet: “OMG… LOL / another “Christian Soldier” out there “saving” the people they find on the internet, huh? / like how he put “it” in quotes ;)”
Jon B: “I love how he says he blocked your address so you can’t respond. ”
Ken H: “Why would I email this fine gentleman? He’s called out the wrath of god upon you. I have enough people mad at me with his sky ghost getting all pissy to. My god, however, is a merciful if not playful god and will toy with his/your/my souls as he/she sees fit. Hope all is going well with yous guys. Is this supposed to be another pro-taser email? This guy could use a little ECT.”
Michelle G (+): “??? / I gotta know what you did to tick this guy off. Shame on you. This guy really showed you. You should thank him for showing you the light and single-handedly saving the entire world by throwing a few fanatical insults your way. / And, I thought I was weirdo. / Maybe I should email the guy and damn his soul for sending such a hurtful anti-God message to one of His children. Love thy enemy and all that jazz. Of course, if you can’t love your enemy, just turn them into chocolate and let them eat themselves.” [Brilliant! Let them eat themselves!]
Uncle Mike: “No, it is time for you to repent and seek your salvation in the Lord…lol. / Any idea who this idiot is?”
Chris H: “You are awesome. somebody needs to tell cock knocker that Jesus smokes crack. “I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU, JESUS””
L Dubs (+): “HAHAHA…that is pretty hillarious. Wow. This is my favorite part:” [the part where he said Jesus would smoke my soul into the fire of damnation]
John The Canadien: “dude, “Into the Vortex of Jehovah’s Destruction” is the best Scandinavian black metal song ever!!! not only is he a douchebag, but judging by his email address, he’s also Canadien.”
.
HISTORICAL EVIDENCE?
I think now is a good time to point this out:
“Jesus was almost certainly a cannabis user and an early proponent of the medicinal properties of the drug, according to a study of scriptural texts published this month. The study suggests that Jesus and his disciples used the drug to carry out miraculous healings.” – The Guardian – http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,3604,869273,00.html
http://www.whatwouldjesussmoke.com/
Doesn’t your precious little book say that mankind is supposed to use every available flora and fauna?
cannabis.net/articles/jesus-cannabis.html
www.cannabisculture.com/backissues/cc11/christ.html
Cannabis in the bible: www.ccguide.org.uk/bible.php“Moreover the Lord spoke unto Moses, saying: “Take thou also unto thee principal spices, of pure myrrh five hundred shekels, and of sweet cinnamon half so much, even two hundred and fifty shekels, and of sweet KINEBOISIN two hundred and fifty shekels”
KINEBOISIN, according to the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, is the old name for cannabis [i.e., the marijuana plant] – it was also spelt kannabosm. They claim it was mis-translated in the King James’ version of the bible, as “calamus”: www.slate.com/id/2162292/?nav=fix
So, even though it was a hypothetical when I thought of “What Would Jesus Smoke?”, it turns out that he very may well have used cannabis! Take that, Christian soldiers!
.
.
ANOTHER CRUSADER: TURBO_RELOADED2
Another such Christian warrior douchebag is a Flickr user called Turbo_Reloaded2, who had posted naked pictures of his own baby’s ass (which I find gross both because I hate babies, and because I know some pedophiles would be into that, and as a result of me telling him this, Christians were calling me a pedophile, haha). He set the pictures to private after me & Stacy called him on it (and after I favorited it just to creep him out, haha! Score one for immature passive aggressiveness! I also found his youtube account and rated all his videos with 1 star… I’m a passive-aggressive creep like that sometimes.)
Why did I do all this? Well, Turbo_Reloade2 really did not like my scan of a Christian Death postcard (featured to the right), and left the following comment, saying:
You are such a stupid, silly, imbecile ignorant lack of respect, for sure that you have already what you deserve in life. Don’t worry, you’ll have more.
Of course, I should point out that I did not create the image. I used to listen to Christian Death before, back in the cassette tape days, and eventually decided I didn’t really like their music enough to warrant buying it on CD. But that didn’t stop me from scanning in my Christian Death postcard during the great postcard scanning, circa 2000. So anyway, I didn’t even create the image that pissed him off so much, which is quite funny to me.
But just to add insult to injury, he clicked on the next picture in my photostream. It was a picture of my good [male] friend Stacy. Not content with reading the tags or the caption, this idiot assumed the picture was me, and left another comment:
didn’t wait less that this face from you bloody ignorant, you are a real exposure of what you profess, pile of rubbish !!!
Of course, this is from Turbo_Reloaded2, who is too cowardly to post his own face in any of his pictures. So he’s willing to make fun of someone else’s appearance, but unwilling to share his own. I’m thinking Turbo_Reloaded2 must be a fat fucking piece of shit, but who knows.
Follow the link to see me and Stacy’s responses. Stacy’s comment response is nothing short than brilliant, especially the part where he says, “I’m going to go ahead and guess I’m less hammered in this pic than you were when you posted that incoherent comment”. Me? I don’t try to come up with a gentlemanly comeback. I called him a fuckface and told him that tonight I would dine on Jesus’s cock while rubbing one off to the naked pictures of his baby. I am not a gentle man.
So, TurboReloaded attacked me, and a random person in my photos. The Bible says “Eye For An Eye”, right? So I attacked him, and a random person in his photos. Except the only photos were, as mentioned, his baby, because he is too cowardly to show his own face.
So I found one of the more stupider photos, and said “He looks like he has Down Syndrome”, and insult that I’ve been a fan of since watching Kenny Vs. Spenny, where Kenny frequently says that Spenny looks like David Schwimmer with down syndrome. I also commented on the baby’s ass picture and said it was something pedophiles would like. :) Of course these statements were used by the Christians, who then called me a pedophile. I ultimately decided to erase all traces that that ever happened, because I don’t like being called that — and certainly not from pictureless, contactless, “anonymous” flickr accounts.
So finally, a few days later, while I was writing this draft, Turbo_Reloaded2 came up with another comment response shown here (emphasis added):
I am very happy that some small and direct words of my side had cause such distress to stalk me so badly, send your friends to stalk me and considered my baby’s pictures (4 months old) as pornographic, you just show people your level and how Marijuana seriously affects the brain. / I really see that you already had what you deserved, and yes please, don’t delete your commentaries, are so very enlighten, you look so really amazingly good and intelligent.
Congratulations then, I also will tell some of my friends to visit your great words, and we also are going to have more than a laugh, And even you say my son have Downs Syndrome (thanks God he is and will always be so healthy), I am sure he already is quite such more intelligent than you. / And by the way, I see that the fact that my blog has so many women’s friends had stroke you badly uh… To think that obviously you have a full life of abstinence is hard…hahaha.
So pitiful you are, once again, pile of rubbish. Any time, anywhere, with just my small finger I take care of people like you. / Enjoy your pitiful life mate, you have a long way to go in your dirt !
It’s particularly funny, because within 30 minutes, Carolyn left a comment saying “Clint doesn’t have a life of abstinence. I should know, I’m his wife.” And then I pointed out that we’ve been together for 16 years as of this saturday. And within an hour or so of that, TONS OF COMMENTS FROM LAME CHRISTIANS ON FLICKR WHO HAVE ZERO PICTURES AND ZERO CONTACTS started flooding in. Tons. And, as I mentioned, not a single person had a single photograph. Cowards scared to show their face.
I used to think they signed up JUST to leave comments on my picture, and felt a strange sense of being honored. But after awhile, it became apparent that it was more likely the same idiot signing up over and over under different names. Why do I think this? The same idiotic bad grammar, lack of conjugation, and general lack of a working knowledge in the english language. I copied the comments at the end of the post. Read them and tell me if you think they are by the same person. I tend to think they are. Either that, or his friends are just as “educated stupid” as he is.
The photo quickly became the #1 most-commented-on photo in my whole flickr photostream of 5600+ public pictures. The comments got ugly. Very ugly. Calling my wife a whore ugly. Telling me they would spit in my face if I was there in person ugly. (By the way, a survey I participated in indicated that Catholics are more correlated with the act of spitting on someone than non-Catholics… I wonder if this extends to all Christians? My guess is yes.)
Unfortunately, it got too ugly. And I did too. I finally decided that if someone can’t put their own face behind their comments … That if they have a blank flickr account, with 0 pictures posted, and especially if they also have 0 contacts on flickr — and then insult me and my wife via that account — That it’s not a “real” account, and I would block them, thus causing all their comments to be erased. Of course I got the last word in, with a form letter I sent to each account prior to blocking it. It was a few paragraphs long but was basically “nanny nanny boo boo, all your work is gone, you wasted your time, more people see my photos due to the interestingness score being raised by all the flame wars, now all your bad comments are gone, but i keep the high picture score. Thank you for your service; far more people will see the picture now”.
Anyway, I’m putting my real face behind my sentiments, linking it to my blog, and am “out there”. These faceless users have the gall to call me a coward, while hiding behind their own psuedo-anonymity. There’s really no reasoning with them, especially when it’s the same person signing up over and over again, so I unfortunately had to make them go away.
But I kept the worst of the comments (below).
Check out all the [remaining] comments by clicking the Jesus picture. I told them they were acting more like muslims than christians, which was a statement purposely designed to infuriate them, since most christians of the hateful variety can only imagine a suicide bomber when they imagine a muslim. Fight ignorance with more ignorance. :)
Anyway, look for the “hall of shame” worst comments at the very bottom of the blogpost. They kind of ramble on, so I don’t want to incorporate them into the actual body of the post.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT — CLICK HERE FOR THE PHOTO !!
And yes, I know that by replying to them, I was giving them more fuel to reply back. I really didn’t want to give them the last word, as it was MY forum, I get the last word, just like Jerry Springer or Bill O’Reilly. It’s not a neutral forum.
I wanted to avoid blocking, but unfortunately it became quite necessary. The fact that I am defending myself undoubtedly reduces my credibility to those human beings that fall prey to the “people defending themselves must be guilty” aspect of human nature, as well as the people who think that “once you call someone a name, you’ve lost the argument”, as well as the people who will only fight for someone on their side if that someone’s debate style is as civilized as theirs. As if debate style has anything to do with the underlying message.
I happen to think right and wrong are independent of debate methods. Debate methods are just protocols for exchanging criticism of ideas. The protocol is independent of the data it transmits. People don’t get this. You can’t judge a book by its cover any more than you can judge the underlying truth of a debate by the debate style. But I see now that a civilized style is necessary to convince “debate snobs” who didn’t grow up in the trenches of the local BBSing scene.
Oh well. I live by my own rules, and one of those is never missing an opportunity to tell someone they are wrong. However, even that can get damn old after awhile.
Anyway, a couple small anecdotes, and then the terrible comments can be found at the end of this post.
I was also commented on by some redneck with the username of Terry Lee Stoudt who has since removed his comment. But not before I went through his pictures, and found out that the troll actually has a cousin named Bobby Jo. I left a pithy comment and got blocked. :) But check out Bobby Jo!! Hehehe
.
.
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE??
(the strangest thing yet!)
I meant to blog about this on Christmas Day, but to give Christians some credit, one such Christian user, named yeshuaishi, actually left a positive comment on my Christian Death postcard of Jesus injecting himself. It read:
some may find this offensive, horrifying, & even blasphemous, but, this is a very accurate depiction of what happens when one of the body of christ is persecuted by these devices of the devil…… “jesus christ is the savior of all men, especially those that believe”(n.t.) & “no problem is too hard for god”(o.t.) “let us pray for all men everywhere”(n.t.) sincerely, amen, yeshuaishi
A Christian leaving a positive comment on a non-Christian’s blasphemous picture, on Christmas Day. If that’s not a Christmas miracle, I don’t know what is.
.
.
THE BLASPHEMY
(click pictures to get to flickr comments)
.
.
PARTING THOUGHTS
APPROPRIATE LYRICS
OK. I’m done now. But here are some parting lyrics from Voltaire‘s song “Hell In A Handbasket”. I just saw him play this (1 man show) live at Spellbound last weekend, and was proud that he looked into my eye when he said “And you”:
I’m goin to Hell, in a handbasket.
And I’ll have good company too.
‘Cause If I was so bad, than there’s no need to be sad.
‘Cause everybody else will be there too (Including You*).*That’s when he gave me eye contact. I was front-row so there was no mistaking it.
(Later he told me I was sexy and spent way longer on my autograph than Carolyn’s.)
Full lyrics can be found HERE .. for now. If you really want to find lyrics, download the program called EvilLyrics.
My favorite lyrics from the song (these are not the full lyrics):
I’ve been a sinner.
I’ve been a saint.
Done both good and evil deeds.
Oh, but in the end, I was good to my friends
and that’s good enough for me.Oh good Lord, they say all souls you forgive.
Well if that’s true then why
does there need to be a hell?No this ain’t no lie, I’d rather be Kentucky Fried
Than live and kicking in Jersey any dayNo this ain’t no fib, I’d rather be a splatter on the Devil’s bib.
‘Cause on my knees repentin’ ain’t my style.Oh, oh good Lord, I only ask you forgive
The self righteous who decieve
When your words they twist,
We both know Hell don’t exist,
Except in the minds of the poor fools who believe
I am cleaning up the comments made by ‘anonymous’ people, so these comments may no longer appear on the actual photo. But I wanted to save them for posterity, and for an example of pure christian hate.
Cityandarts says:
Well, I am a neutral person and I have to be with Turbo, with wife or without it, ClintJCL, you are a very, very sick person, an image of Jesus being linked with Marijuana is an unecesary provocation and is not needed to be a “Vaticanist” to feel offended. / I am surprise that a woman that can be also mother will support also such innecesary comentaries involving a child of months of age and using a sad condition as Down’s Syndrome, or pornography as cheap insults.
And if you want, you can stalk me also and insult me but you are a person a very low quality that doesn’t deserve to be in any place where decent people is. / You are a sick, sick person with very, very wrong attitude and no idea whatsoever of life or human relations and being flickr a social place like any other I do recommend you to back off.
To use Mary and Jesus and your commentaries also simply indicates that you are an animal that should be better in jail or closed in a zoo. / And I very much doubt this user name is your wife. Get professional help, urgently.
and:
just want to add, cause your pitiful personality just will scare people to death, is about comparing Christians and Muslims…The word Asessin comes from Hachis, so Mohamed was related for real with Hachis and Islam itself, during the time people hit the Vatican for the facts of the 13 and 15th century asessins in Islamic places was running high, you can google this at anytime.
Why you do not put a picture of Mohamed with the word asessin that in that case will be even true, and post it, not in a Christian site only but in a Muslim one, and pay with your credit or debit card… and let’s see what happens to you, let’s say, in a year… / Interesting uh?…do it dude, you don’t have the guts, I did.
and:
Really, the most pathetic guy I have read in my life, it doesn’t even worth a line, wasted, wasted time… By. We do have a life thanks God and Jesus, full of blessings.
galiciaendirecto says:
Hey ClintJCL, I am sure that face to face you are not such stupid uhm, cowards like you that use the internet to insult people in all the ways are just craving attention, and yes man, you are sick, sick, sick… BUT REALLY SICK. / BE A MAN MATE, LEARN TO BE A MAN !!!
angelastevenss says:
I don’t know why you even loose time with such a sick looser, let him like that, hopefully someday he will look for the death he deserves, a very awful one as his life is, and I have to say that the rest of the pictures also just show a very lonely person craving attention…SICK DEEP IN THE MIND…AWFULLY SICK…AWFULLY !!!!
and, quite hilariously, after being called out on having poor English:
I don’t see the English problem actually and [comment] number 5 you mention I think it goes wonderfully with you, the problem is that in your lack of education if somebody doesn’t tell fuck, ass, stupid, son of a bitch periodically you presume immediately that they are french…NO, some of the people that speak English speak like number 5, they call it EDUCATION…
and, missing the point that it is a hypothetical question as well as a satire:
Not Jews, not Christians had been able to produce a document with the Jesus name on it, but you can prove he smoked Marijuana?, man, you are retarded. Still the Crucifixion is a matter of debate for muslims and you know and can prove Jesus was the first smoker on earth and brought from Colombia or Africa a shipment…hahaha… that was good one…
MAn, I really understand that you want to say the last word and we really want but, don’t come bullocks about that Jesus smoked Marijuana and that you have scientific prove of this because this is so stupid as the Koran to say JEsus was not crucified, was taken.
and:
Is 21st century and people had seen the effects of drugs in many ways and I never had seen a happy case, including yours, any drug attack brain cells, the nervous system change your personality for the worse, intoxicated and affect the way you think in hundreds of ways, your perception of reality, your humor you ability to learn and so on and on.
Drugs are seriously related with prostitution, suicide, psychopathies of all kinds, murder and misery and poverty in all the ways and this happens to everybody, in every country and every social class, for centuries, I don’t know how you link to such stupid commentaries and you don’t link to serious studies, including wikipedia also.
and (wow):
WE DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR PICTURES OF JESUS, WE CARE ABOUT OUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH IN TWO WAYS AND NOT ONLY YOURS AND THE REST OF PEOPLE HAS TO SHUT UP, WE CARE THAT YOU HAD TRESSPAS ANY BOUNDARY OR LIMITATION AT FIRST JUMP WITH NO REASON WHATSOEVER. DON’T ROW SMOKE, CRUSADES AND BULLOCKS AT MUSLIM STYLE TO DISTRACT THE TRUTH THAT YOU ARE AN ANIMAL THAT IS INSULTING PEOPLE FOR FREE.
and (this is funny!):
Maybe you are upset with police for the same reason, they don’t let you kill, take drugs, be a pedophile, isn’t it, has to be frustrating for you.
and (this is the type of ‘ugly’ stuff, which I hurled right back at them in the form of private flickr mails):
You are the one who has 25 pages hiting on Christian and with the religious topic mate, has to be very annoying to live with you, mono – thematic, superficial, childish and disgusting, let’s put a picture of your fucking father for humor value also and from the bitch of your mother… This is about you asshole, about your disgusting and sillly you.
and (idiot can’t even spell “loser” right):
I don’t know why you even loose time with such a sick looser, let him like that, hopefully someday he will look for the death he deserves, a very awful one as his life is, and I have to say that the rest of the pictures also just show a very lonely person craving attention…SICK DEEP IN THE MIND…AWFULLY SICK…AWFULLY !!!!
Easy weazy says:
You really have a deep issue against Christianity man, deep OBSESSION…Jesus, a therapeutic urgent case…You think any Christian gives a shit for what an asshole like you or another couple of lousy loosers around the world may think… difficult to understand this …Is a person that considers the Bible the word of God but don’t love Christians…man, people directly to the mad house straight forward… Your critics about Christians and Christianity by the way are quite stupid and based in hatred and ignorance, you can’t even make a decent point…
and:
If you want to take your pills and practice your photoshop good man, but don’t believe such shit, you are a really ignorant person, by those days the transport was in donkey and use to take 45 days very short distances… After some more drugs you may say Jesus bought a shipment for Colombian Cartel. LOL…
pst, I heard that Jesus had TV cable and Broadband also, that is how he could predict the weather, the University of New Free Palestine support this…When Lucifer appeared to Jesus, this was for him to change to HOTMAIL…hahaha… / And Jesus was so good with animals because he used to watch DOG WHISPERER LOL… The Islamic University of deep studies of Iran support also that one…
and:
Asshole of the year, Honoris cause from the Islamic University of the Muslim revolution for the new values of 21 century, Doctor in stupidity.
and (more ugliness in the name of christ):
I don’t think anybody want to see not your pictures, nor your wife mate, many people call her a whore directly, just that will explain a woman will be interested in you, she has to be an awful, brainless junkie… way sick mate… I had seen people in the Net you may agree or not but you are the most lower bastard ever…
pics lover says:
you are a scum sick psycho person and for sure life itself and God him/herself will sort you out, don’t worry, things can’t get worse just forever… OUT FLICKR NASTY PSYCHO !!!
and, I guess if I don’t want people to say my wife is a whore, then I should post any controversial opinions in private, huh?:
you want to link Jesus with Marijuana arbitrary and you get STUNNED somebody told you brainless abuser life is going to put you into place?. Yes mate, you are the one who is FORCING this situation cause you pay and it is your site, you don’t want people to see and have an opinion of your stuff, SET YOUR ACCOUNT TO PRIVATE AND COMMENTARIES OFF, ready.
Otherwise, you are YES, forcing us to watch your shit cause appears in FLICKR SEARCH UNDER THE NAME OF JESUS [hahahahaha. Note to self: tag more photos Jesus Christ. -CL].
and:
Your fat wife [of course anyone who knows Carolyn knows she is not fat] also shows the eyes of destruction and vice…how she is inside dude?… Satan, made the Marijuana, the pills you take, the hours you loose, the health you don’t have, the money that had gone, the fear that you feel, the anger that posses you… Satan, Lucifer and Beelzebub yes…
Jesus…No my friend, this doesn’t come from Jesus, don’t link to such a lousy page, you are just pitiful, and by the way your house doesn’t look so luxurious neither for you to say you are such a professional. [gee, I guess that’s why the county only assessed it for $460,000 last year, huh? 2500 sq ft, biotch!] [He then goes on to insult our cats.]
and:
Carolyn, I don’t know what kind of mind, or soul you have but after the commentaries or your guy and the mails he sent I wonder what kind of person stays with him more than 16 seconds, you had been with him for 16 years.
We are not the same people, neither we are friends, this is not a harmless picture in any sense, is a direct insult that you may pass (relate Jesus with addictions) cause you imaging what kind of stupid is behind, what it is unforgettable and unforgivable is the rest.
Kate Katy says:
I am with Turbo_reloaded, let;s kick the ass of this Jack holes that just lives destroying, man, is true, after watching the picture you think how somebody can be so low, until I read you… go to the mental institute of crazy dirty sick bastards… I will not say you have Down’s Syndrome cause there are many of this guys that are really lovely, instead you fucking animal… GET OUT OF THIS PLACE SICK, SICK MAN !!!, I am sure you had hear this many times, by the way.
and:
And by the way, the only one here ranting about Moses and etc is just you, you have such a cheap philosophy as your mind, God made Marijuana, the plant…Satan told you to smoke it…God made shit also…why you don’t eat some?…I bet you had done that too… Sick bastard
and (Christians love spitting):
Repulsive, bloody bastard… you are speaking about God and Moses…psss…spit in your face
nataliaeva6 says:
Asshole, stupid son of a bitch no sense to lose my time insulting u. God will sort u out
john.steven95 says:
Heroine do affect the cells of the brain, burn neurones and destroy the white cells to the bones, cause real physical addiction that can cause even death for abstinence [NOTE: Heroin withdrawal does not cause death, only alcohol and barbiturates kill by virtue of withdrawal only. Know your biology!].
and, after pointing out that Rastafarians smoke marijuana to get closer to God, and that not every society considers miarjuana to be the devil, John.Steven95 then comes back with this strange quote (huh?):
Rastafarians acept part of the judeo tradition and part of the Christian but many of them are rastafari- non christian so once again you are severely wrong.
and again, it seems like the same person, who can’t use English properly, and can’t admit that his English is poor either:
by the way, you look like a real psycho, I see also that the English of these people is still very good and I urge to check yours by the way, I remember you also that as much as 78% of Flickr users has no buddy Icon and as so much as 35 % are not up loaders.
joey the great seems to think Jews believe Jesus didn’t exist, when in fact they just don’t believe he is the son of god:
The topic is simple, speak about Jesus and Cannabis is stupid cause is impossible and anybody with the less knowledge of history or common sense will know it. To say the University of Israel is supporting this is so stupid as specifically the Jews never had recognized the existence of Jesus and the pitiful webpage will not fool anybody with 3rd degree of primary school.
and is joey_the_great trying to say “cheek”? wtf?:
The concept that Christians has to love the neighbour put the other chick and etc is quite stupid and once again the people that argument this also knows nothing about even what they are criticizing.
Insulting my wife is a good way to get blocked:
About your wife Clint, no, is not hot man, it looks like a very long time drug addict that has never done any exercise that is not to fuck… as you, and no, I don’t care, just to be fair and sincere.
…though his insult is barely comprehensible.
Anyway… I sit with bated breath wondering when the next christian assault is led on me. :)
Before, I made the funny images because it was my own idea, and I wanted it for myself. But now, a salvo was fired in my wife’s direction, and a war is on. I have to wonder what other offensive religious images I can construct now. Jesus involved in gay sex? Jesus snorting lines of coke? Jesus raping a baby? The possibilities are endless!
But why even bother? There’s a treasure-trove of material already out there:

March 25, 2008 at 1:27 PM
From my Mom: “I read it all. Unfuckingbelievable.”
March 25, 2008 at 2:02 PM
From Eve: “Jesus CHRIST was that ever painful to read. That hurts my eyes to see the language so misused. I think I detected at least 2 voices, but probably no more than 4 altogether. They were probably sitting in the same room helping each other compose.”
March 25, 2008 at 2:29 PM
ROFLMA!!! You’re definitely gonna piss them off now. :)
March 25, 2008 at 2:45 PM
I was going to go through each comment individually and correct all the spelling and grammatical errors but didn’t have the energy after scanning the first one.
March 25, 2008 at 3:05 PM
“Clint, I think you may have crossed the line here. While I agree with your sentiments 100%, posting friends private emails to you publically = NOT COOL!. I’m specifically referring to the “FRIENDS RESPONSES TO ME
(responses to the douchebag follow)” section.
If you got everyone’s consent, no problem. But if not, it’s a problem. If I sent you an email, I would hope that that information would stay between us, and not be publically posted. At least not with names.”
-email from Chriggy.
March 25, 2008 at 3:28 PM
“As an angry Christian (angry at fanatical, angry “Christians”), I say they’re dumb. I’m sure there is some .. actually I know there is a Bible verse out there about loving your enemies. If you can find it you should add it as a friendly reminder. If you’re going to piss ’em off, you might as well really push their buttons. Psychos hate it when you point out their hypocrisy. Even better if you could send a concerned message to their pastor/priest if you can find a way to determine where they go. That would be awesome!!”
-Michelle
March 25, 2008 at 3:46 PM
My opinion has always been if you don’t like it you don’t have to look. Whatever happened to turning the other cheek? Or doesn’t that apply to internet postings. Bah!
just an aside on the following:
“By the way, a survey I participated in indicated that Catholics are more correlated with the act of spitting on someone than non-Catholics… I wonder if this extends to all Christians? My guess is yes.”
I think the truth of it is that not Christianity as a whole but the Catholic Church has managed to attract most of the people who still believe in the evil eye and other curses. Of course since the “holy apostolic catholic church” worked so hard to incorporate the other “heathen” habits I am not surprised.
Besides silly you answered your own question Catholics more than non-Catholics (i.e.: everyone else) unless you are creating a hierarchy of spitting like Catholics > protestants > Jews > Muslims >Hindi etc… :P Hmm this could be an interesting cultural study. Anyone need a thesis/dissertation topic?
For some reason I now want to watch Clerks II. Probibly that line about Sheeny curses.
Personally my favorite comment on Christianity is the bumper sticker “Jesus protect me from your followers.”
March 25, 2008 at 3:56 PM
ps… i think you should just make pictures of Jesus laughing at your “offensive” pictures of Jesus
March 25, 2008 at 4:00 PM
LOL!!!!
March 25, 2008 at 4:47 PM
@Clint: After my specific request that private emails from me remain private, comment #5 just shows that you’re an ass and have no respect for anyone’s privacy. [Editor’s Note: No, it just means I think the request is stupid, coming from someone who was not even quoted in this article, and still has not been quoted by name. If I’m going to take the flak for the offense, I’m damn well going to make sure that I commit the offense I’m taking flak for.]
March 25, 2008 at 5:12 PM
I have a number of comments.
First of all, in reaction to ‘God hates the world’:
Christians claim God is the superuser, the almighty Root in the sky. They claim he created everything (although they haven’t come up with a good explanation for where HE came from. Apparently it’s okay for God to have always existed, but not for everything to have always existed).
As the superuser, God sets things like physical laws. God doesn’t want you breaking the law of gravity, and he makes sure it’s enforced. Then religious people CLAIM that God sets spiritual laws as well. Interestingly, God doesn’t directly communicate those to us. Essentually, in order to believe that I’ve broken God’s Law, I have to believe that the bible IS God’s Law. That’s rather hard, because God is claimed to be a ethical being, and the bible shows God behaving in clearly unethical ways.
I have a very clear sense of what *I* feel good and evil is – and I feel being judgemental, speaking of torturing people for eternity, speaking of wrath instead of forgiveness, and speaking of the world as a evil place are all signs of, well, evil. Clearly my moral compass doesn’t have the same alignment as the people who are joyfully singing about how the rest of us are going to suffer, suffer, suffer for being who and what we are – presumably, if you believe in God, who and what we were created to be.
When I was young, I went to raves and was told about peace, love, unity, and respect. I naively believed that this is what all the world’s religions were about – I mean, clearly, it feels so right, it must be what everyone’s been talking about. What’s interesting in this is that I had already had – and rejected – a Christian upbringing, so some part of my subconscious knew better. But still, I talked with my friends about this whole peace & love thing, seriously thinking that that’s what Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, etc were all about. (In fact, Buddhism IS about peace & love – it’s interesting how much my mom, a very Christian sort of person, hates & fears it)
Now I have read the bible – or at least large chunks of it – and now I know. The bible is not about just peace & love. The bible is, as far as I can tell, white noise. It contains a little bit of everything, all translated until the original grains of truth are just barely visible and the dark lies are far stronger. You have to strain your mental eyes to find the PLUR in the bible – or just read certain, selected passages. It is there, of course, but it’s largely overshadowed by far darker things like the homicidal tendancies of God in the old testiment, or the mysogeny of Jesus’s early followers in the NT.
I think it’s really time to write a new one, but the Christians are convicned that this book is the Word Of God and doesn’t need fixed. Interestingly, the bible appears to be a informational virus.. just like those virii that appear on the net from time to time. It contains instructions that say “make a copy of me” and “don’t change me or awful things will happen to you”. This is bad because religion needs, very badly, to evolve with technology and social change.
I understand that there are a group of people that are fundamentally against ANY change – that the people who speak of our proud sinning in that song probably think the internet is wrong and evil, and aren’t really all that clear on whether they should really be using the microphones and video cameras with which they recorded it. For these people I feel mostly sadness – change is a constant that, if God is real, She built into the universe. By disliking this change instead of enjoying it, you’re setting yourselves at odds with the God that Is, and unhappiness almost has to result.
Also for the people who recorded that video: God hates the world, even though *e created it? God is, according to your doctrine, supposed to be perfect and eternally unchanging (even though *e clearly goes through a major design overhaul between the OT and the NT – or at least, our understanding of *e does). How could a perfect creator create a imperfect creation?
For my take on things, I continue to believe that God is the sum of all life, that we are all literally a part of God and thusly we get to decide, individually and every day, just how good God is or isn’t. And, in my opinion, we’ve come a long, long way since even the N.T. – but we have a long, long way yet to go.
I would like to encourage every Christian who is glorying in how much we will all suffer for our sin to look deep within their heart, and consider whether a perfect being would *want* others to suffer. The desire to see others unhappy, the action of taking joy from others misery, is in my opinion a fault, and something that we would all be better off without. Jesus never spoke of wanting to see anyone suffering in any of the parts of the bible I’ve read yet, and often spoke of ways to alleviate suffering, or performed actions that reduced it.
It is my belief also that the universe is neither matter nor energy, but entirely information. It’s convenient to call types of information matter, energy, atoms, elements, etc because it gives us mental models which allow us to manipulate the universe in fun and interesting ways, but in essence it is information. I sometimes think that the information is stored in digital form, and that the darkness in all of us is the zeros – needed to make the ones make any sense at all. After all, a digital computer without zero would be nothing but a paperweight.
So please, to the many Christians – or so-called Christians – attacking Clint & Carolyn: Grow up. Accept your responsability as part of God, and start working towards a better God – and a better self.
March 25, 2008 at 10:39 PM
i had a friend once describe a troll as someone who lives in his grandma’s basement and jacks off to furry porn all day.
March 26, 2008 at 12:26 AM
It occurs to me that if the Christian God were real, e might be capable of forgiving even the most ignorant and intolerant of eir followers. It further occurs to me that probably only these most ignorant and intolerant would join the trolls in replying to Clint’s sort of bait.
I also wonder whether Clint is conscious of his implications in accepting accusations of fatness and prostitution as being valid insults. He was awfully quick to deny that her figure had more than a minimal amount of curvature, and he was all up in arms about the possibility that she might accept value for sex. I wonder if he’d really care to sustain the position that heft and the need to sell one’s bedtime would throw one’s worth as a person into question. This is not rhetorical, since I really don’t know much about his values.
March 26, 2008 at 11:52 AM
You might want to add your site or collections to http://fstdt.com/ which is a collection of Hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet!
March 26, 2008 at 12:03 PM
Done!
March 26, 2008 at 1:42 PM
kati23 has a very valid point. I’d be curious to hear the response.
March 26, 2008 at 1:52 PM
I actually already chose not to address it, as I myself do not find it a central point related to this post, but rather a distracting tangent. So I’m not surprised you find it valid.
It speaks nothing about Christian Soldiers, their beliefs, or their hostility, and attempts to put my own beliefs on trial, which is not the point of this post. And anything I say would only be used against me, quite possibly by Christian sympathizers.
March 27, 2008 at 9:53 AM
FSTDT does indeed rule! I posted the marijuana quote and a link to this blog. Got at least 40 referrals in 1 day, as well as 32 (so far) comments on the FSTDT site here:
http://fstdt.com/fundies/comments.aspx?q=36776&page=1
(Multiple pages of comment there!)
Some excerpts:
“BIG SCARY JESUS AWARD!”
“Mmmmmmmmm that’s good soul! Here man, take a hit of this shit. It will trip you right the fuck out. We got any munchies around here?”
“How the hell do you know if he smokes pot? You’ve never met him. (and if you claim you know him, you should be locked up). Now get the fuck out of my country, asshole.”
–Fundies on the Fundies-Quote website?!?! Figures.
“Jesus hung out with prostitutes. Why wouldn’t he smoke pot? Nothin’ wrong with either, in many peoples’ opinion.”
“Can you show us in the Bible where it says Jesus didn’t smoke dope? He drank wine and was known to hang about with sinners, after all. And he had long hair…and his disciples were all a bunch of long haired hippie freaks themselves.
And they challenged authority, too! What I have read of him in the NT, he didn’t seem to be a particularly conservative sort of dude, but rather one of the society’s provacateurs and a rather independent thinker, for his time.
Imagine…if Jesus had been a blindly believing sheeple like you he would never have said anything about casting the first stone or overturned the moneychangers’ tables in the temple, or stepped outside the dogma of the Jewish faith of his time. So there wouldn’t even be a christian religion for you to pervert and lie about!
For his time and place, Jesus was a shit-disturber. A radical. A trouble maker among the conservative culture of his society. Why would he NOT smoke dope?”
“Word dawg… Jesus be gangsta up in da hizzy, smokin’ all dem punk-ass suckas with his glock.”
“You do realise that cannabis is an herb, and Jesus partook in herbs.”
“A guy who was drinking so much wine, eating and having fun with friends, some of them prostitutes and sinners, wouldn’t mind if anybody smoked a grass.”
“Chaaaaaarming… Sounds as though this one is the kind of small-dicked fuck who drinks half a keg of piss-water LaBatt from a hose; pukes all over the place; recovers enough to drink the other half of the piss-water; and then staggers around threatening the neighbourhood with a pool stick.
Meanwhile, the stoners are either asleep; eating well-prepared, ad hoc omelettes; or laughing at the stupid prick blathering about in the front yard with the pool stick.”
“If Jesus doesn’t smoke marijuana, he defintely should. Then maybe he’d mellow out and never exhibit those violent tendencies you assign to him.”
“JESUS IS GOING TO MURDER YOU AND TORMENT YOU FOR ETERNITY WHILE ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE POINT AND LAUGH MWHAHAHAHA…. but remember kids, Jesus loves you.”
“Jesus won’t smoke a happy cigarette because it is a sin but it is perfectly acceptable to destroy a human being who doesn’t live the way he says?
My, my, what a just and loving god you have. A bit contradictory and hypocritical, but just and loving none the less….”
“King James Bible, Genesis 1 vv 12
“And the Earth brought forth grass and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed itself was after its kind: and God saw that it was good”
Sirach 38 vv 4 (Apocrypha)
“God makes the earth yield healing herbs, which the prudent man should not neglect”
Dumbass. Read your own book. Marijuana wasn’t demonized until the 50s really…The original bit was that weed made black people uppity and they used it to sway white women to their evil satanic jazz music.
Later, during the red scare, the government claimed it would make our nation’s youth complacent and pacifist so we could be overtaken by those damned duurrrty commies.
The USA is the only country that has such a problem with marijuana. Mainly because of tight asses like you.
RETARD! ”
Good stuff!
March 27, 2008 at 9:56 AM
I need to buy some offensive t-shirts. Anyone got suggestions? I want to see if people are such assholes in person too.
March 27, 2008 at 2:48 PM
You could always start with “What would Jesus smoke?”. :) That is what caused all this uproar in the first place.
March 27, 2008 at 3:39 PM
Some great shirts I have had were the “My god can beat up your god” shirt although I can’t find the original one with cool pics on it. Other than that maybe the “Pro-Life = Overpopulation” on the front with “Choose Death” on the back.
March 28, 2008 at 12:16 AM
Does everyone remember the song, “What if God Smoked Cannabis?” ?
I couldn’t help but think of that when I saw Clint’s “What would Jesus smoke?” picture, and read all this Christian soldier nonsense.
I grew up Mormon, and one of the main goals in that church (and other Christian denominations) is to become more Christ-like. I suppose there can be many interpretations of that, but I feel like spewing hate wasn’t in any of my Sunday School lessons.
I do remember service to our fellow man being a big part of their beliefs, though. Mormons are positively stereotyped as excessively friendly, kind, virtuous, and helpful people. The main negative stereotype that carries on, to this day, has to do with polygamy. That’s not something I claim to fully understand, and as such I do not wish to try and defend that practice, but suffice it to say that polygamy has not been any part of their doctrine during my lifetime.
I loved the South Park episode about Mormons, and that contained a prime example of how freakishly friendly and well-mannered Mormons typically are.
Anyways, my point in all this is that being more Christ-like should involve positive things, like helping others in need, and looking for ways to peacefully resolve conflicts; not spouting diatribe at strangers.
March 28, 2008 at 5:07 AM
Here’s a T-shirt waiting to happen:
April 23, 2008 at 11:46 AM
[…] the guy who argued that we must protest South Park ?? before the series even came out. Honestlyhttps://clintjcl.wordpress.com/2008/03/25/onward-christian-soldiers/REGION: Woman was drunk when shot by off-duty officer, warrants say North County TimesVISTA —- A […]
December 14, 2008 at 5:44 PM
I hate turboreloaded to. He sent me some nasty mails through my youtube channel. Almost every other word was cussing.
December 14, 2008 at 5:45 PM
So i posted comments on his blog but they need approval but of course he will get the message. hehe
May 9, 2010 at 2:10 AM
this blog is WAAAAAAAAAAAY too long. trim it down. beavis christ, I’m on dial-up here.
July 20, 2011 at 11:08 AM
I just love a pissed off christian. I go out of my way sometimes just to ruin their day. They really hate when a non-believer can spout their unerring book back at them. Really love it when they have to go ask their pastor about comments I made to them.
RAMEN. May FSM reach out and touch you with his noodley appendage. He was boiled for your sins.
July 20, 2011 at 12:03 PM
Well, I praise “Bob”, not FSM, but yes. Agreed on the Christians :)