RELIGION: I am a Dobbist. [REPOST]

Here’s a repost of something Modemac posted on Facebook. This describes how I feel so accurately that I am reposting it as my own opinion, even though I didn’t write it..

I am a Dobbist.

As a SubGenius, I occasionally find myself interacting with normal Pinks who have no idea what the hell a SubGenius is. As we know, most attempts to define our faith tend to attract outbursts along the lines of, “Oh, it’s a joke! Ha ha ha!” or “That’s not funny!” … But that doesn’t really satisfy the question of what the “spiritual tendencies” of a SubGenius are. For this reason, it’s not uncommon for most SubGenii to be tarred with the label, “you’re an atheist.”

SubGenius = Atheism? Not quite...

To many religious persons, atheism is the worst state of spirituality in existence – the absence of God. Atheists, on the other hand, revel in this state – they declare themselves to be free of the trappings of religion, even as they grumble and complain about the way that atheists are distrusted and discriminated against in spiritual circles.

Except, that doesn’t really describe my spiritual leanings.

A Meeting Of The Shirts.

I’ve been called an atheist by Scientologists, Christians, and even some pagans; but that’s not really accurate. Atheism as a statement of spirituality causes many people of all leanings (including non-religious) to leap to conclusions, some of which may be wildly inaccurate. Also, I consider hard-core in-your-face atheists who scream “there is no God!” in my face to be just as obnoxious, offensive, and stupid as theists who scream “you’re going to Hell!”

Atheists not included.

For years I considered myself to be an agnostic, but upon reflection I’ve decided that agnosticism isn’t really a “choice” for me, either. [Clint’s note: The preceding sentence is not really how I feel, thought the rest of this post is.] Agnosticism tends to be a middle-of-the-road choice that lets one avoid making hard and solid decisions, and it can often be justified by such wishy-washy arguments as, “I’d like to believe in God, but I haven’t seen any real evidence to prove it. Show me some outstanding empirical evidence, and I’ll be a true believer in God.” Except, of course, that such evidence is not forthcoming; nor are we likely to see such evidence in the course of our lives – or, indeed, for the entire lifespan of the Universe, if scientific theory and discovery continues to move along the path it seems to be traversing.

So, if I don’t want to spend my life questioning the existence of God, yet I don’t deny God outright, then what paths are open to me?

I suggest this path... Cool people in that tent/shelter.

Polytheism to me seems even more foolish than atheism, and I have no intention of picking up the hammer of Thor or the cross of Brigid at any time soon. Rather, upon reflection, I choose at this time to take on a name coined by Reverend Godfather (Reverend Magdalen’s Dad). He told me this at X-Day, and I liked the word; so now I am offering a definition of the term.

I am a Dobbist.

Put this in your pipe and smoke it.

If an atheist refuses or denies the existence of God; and an agnostic questions the existence of God; then a Dobbist MOCKS the existence of God.

Fuck you, Christian god.

This may be succinctly seen in the phrase that we first hear at the beginning of SubGenius Pamphlet #1:

“Jehovah is an ALIEN and STILL THREATENS THIS PLANET!”

Jeeze & Chong.

When one considers all of the crimes, desecration, and foolish acts committed in the name of God over the course of history – or even some of them – one can see that God is indeed a threat to the peace and security of the world; even to the point where World War III might turn out to be a clash of religions between the East (Islam) and the West (Christianity).

Fuck you, Muslim god.

In the face of a God such as this one, I would rather look at the Universe as a strange and sick joke at our expense, put there especially for God’s amusement.

Fuck you, child-rape-accessory Pope(s).

God may exist, but if he exists then he is certainly laughing at us. Therefore, as a Dobbist, I will look for that which is funny and sick in this world, and laugh right back at God. He deserves our mockery, and certainly not our respect.

Fuck you, Buddhist & Pagan gods.

One quote that might fit in with this sectarian view comes from Sam Harris (an outspoken atheist) in “The End of Faith:”

“We know enough at this moment to say that the God of Abraham is not only unworthy of the immensity of creation; he is unworthy even of man.”

Here's someone worthy of man. He could sell you a can of beans, and then sell you your farts afterward.

Why should we fall prostrate to an alien God from a corporate sin galaxy, when instead we can point at him and laugh at the fact that he has a small penis? (Considering the everlasting emphasis placed on sex in all of the major religions, it seems obvious that God must be compensating for something.)

God, why are you so obsessed with penises? FUCK OFF!

The Church of the SubGenius is built on humor, though over time it has naturally seen many Schizms – as we are commanded by J.R. “Bob” Dobbs to do. This is my Schizm: I am not a Holocaustal nor an Ivangelical, but rather a Dobbist. It may turn out to be Short Duration Personal Schizm, and perhaps on this coming X-Day, “Bob” may show me to be a complete idiot for writing these words.

Bring it on, “Bob!” I’m ready for you!

For now, and at this point in time, I am a Dobbist.

Mood: hungry

Music: Pixies – I’m Amazed