July 2010

Quit you’re fucking bellyaching whining, people!

NO PRIVATE INFORMATION WAS RELEASED. All the dude did is scrape PUBLIC INFORMATION and put it together in one place.

Panicking or whining about this is LAME LAME LAME. This is no creepier than the Yellow Pages.

HOLY SHIT DID YOU HEAR?!?!?! The Yellow Pages scraped together everyone’s names and phone numbers, and put them in one place, a big yellow book! PLUS they made it so you could access these listings from the internet!!!

Why, those anti-privacy creeps! This is why I don’t use a phone!

Good people are walking vaginas. (more…)

I dreamed that the Atari Teenage Riot concert I already have tickets to IRL was an Atari Teenage Riot + Danzig outdoor concert. Somehow it was outdoors but also indoors in this room at the same time. I was involved with some people who were recording and/or bootlegging the concert, and writing down the set list. Like at one point, I accidentally got in front of the camera. (Even though I was in an inside room, and the band was nowhere to be seen, which makes no logistical sense whatsoever.)

We were, apparently, in a rural area kind of like outside Fredericksburg. Anyway, something happened with the music at the end of ATR’s set, and I became apocalyptically freaked out about remaining at the venue. I left and went next door to the house there, apologizing for being in this house. This, too, makes no sense: The houses were clearly separate with their own tracks of land, when viewed from the outside. But from the inside, it was possible to walk directly from one house to the other, as if they were townhouses with connecting hallways.

Anyway, by the 3rd house, I found this group of older (all white-haired) people who were partying it up. I didn’t even notice that they had cocaine on them until I peered into the next room. They also had circlite blacklights at points on their ceiling. Basically, someone asked me about why I was glowing, and I more or less told them they were a dumbass for not realizing it was the blacklight over me.

After I calmed down from freaking out, I informed the oldies that they “really know how to party”, and went back to the concert. In examining the setlist, I was glad to find out that I had left during Atari Teenage Riot‘s last song, thereby not missing any full songs. I came back during Danzig‘s very last song, and was a bit disappoitned to have missed his set, but not nearly as disappointed as I would have been from missing just one Atari Teenage Riot song.

“Dreams… They’re the hurricanes that wash the soulfilth from the superdome of our nightminds.”
-Xavier:Renegade Angel

Oh, here’s some other recent dreams I had:

20100727: Date Night alternate ending
I dreamt me and Carolyn were the characters from the movie Date Night that we watched in real life before going to bed. Basically, I dreamt an alternate ending to the movie, where victory would be obtained simply by making it out of the city alive. We were booking, running for our lives down alleyways. There was celery present. Crispy, delicious, inexplicable celery laying around in the alleyways of the city. I had to tell Carolyn to shut the hell up, as her LOUD talking was giving our position away to the people chasing us. I tried to get to our car but it was too close to the wall, so we had to backtrack and go a different way for some reason.

20100726: drugs, old employer
Me working in a govt place, but having a heroin habit, so I would sneak out to go to the medical area to do heroin. My old company president in real life, Barbara, asked me what I thought of my old employer in real life. I said I was starting to get bored and don’t enjoy doing the exact same thing for years on end, and that my skills were worse than when I came to the company (just like in real life). That was about the extent of the dream. (more…)

People, this is just a P.R. move for her to make more money.

She said she still believes in God and Christ. “She remains a believer and continues to read theology and post Biblical passages on her Facebook page.”

This is like a Republican who hangs out in bathrooms giving blowjobs claiming to be straight simply because he’s not a member of the gay community. I can’t believe people are buying this shit. (more…)

Yet another dream about zombies, just like my dream on 20100614, except I didn’t have a gun! This is no doubt due to us watching the YouTube video of “Dawn Of The Dead reduced to 10 minutes” in real life that night, a couple hours before going to bed. So anyway, zombies had done a good job taking over. But they were pretty sparse compared to most zombie movies. I had taken residence at my uncle Duke’s house in Woodbridge (Longview Drive, where my family once lived for a month in between houses), which had apparently been deserted. Not sure why, as it’s a heavily populated area, but this is where I decided to stake my claim. Perhaps it was due to the visilibity — his house has a pretty good 360 degree view several hundred feet in all directions, with few trees around.

So anyway, supplies were kind of short and I was unloading the truck of my car into the house. For some reason, I was parked in their back yard, which makes no sense. I had 2 1-gallon containers of orange juice — one of them about 70% empty. So some non-zombie dude comes shambling up; at first I’m paranoid about whether I will have to kill a zombie, but then I see he’s not a zombie… Just another unprepared survivor.

He sees that I have 2 orange juice jugs, and starts asking me if I’ll give him the one that’s 70% empty. Knowing that there is now no regular food and nutrition supply, I see no reason to hand my livelyhood over to a complete stranger, and refuse. A scuffle ensues. I have my hands around this guy’s throat, now choking him to death over a few sips of orange juice. (I still don’t think I’m in the wrong, he doesn’t just get to demand my supplies! Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part!)

Carolyn is standing 20 feet away and doesn’t lift a finger to help me in my potentially fatal struggle. I’m winning, but the tides could be turned at any second, and she offers no help whatsoever. Finally, the guy gives up and runs away. (At least, I don’t remember him dying.) Crisis over. I go inside and bitchslap Carolyn HARD, *FIVE* times – normal, backhand, normal, backhand, normal. The message was basically, “When I’m fighting for survival, you will help me…BITCH!” She wasn’t happy about this, but wasn’t going to leave either. Frankly, I was in the right. My force was excessive, but at this point she needed to be taught a lesson for survival: Fight with me, or be against me. This is survival. There’s no society or police. If you want me there to kill people so you can have orange juice, then you’re going to help.

Things were calm after that. Our college friend Molly S. came over and got on the internet on her laptop. Which makes no sense. Society collapsed, but there’s internet. Hmm.

“Dreams… They’re the hurricanes that wash the soulfilth from the superdome of our nightminds.”
-Xavier:Renegade Angel (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

LIMERICK REVIEW: There once was a brat named Dawn Davenport
who was about as attractive as a bloody wart.
Her boring life made her yawn,
so she ran away & became a pawn.
Eventually she wound up in court.

HAIKU REVIEW: John Waters movies
are fucking insanity;
insane craziness.

PEOPLE: Written and directed by trash king John Waters, starring many of his usual Dreamlanders: Divine (playing 2 roles), David Locary, Mary Vivian Pearce, Mink Stole, Edith Massey, Cookie Mueller, Susan Walsh, Susan Lowe, Channing Wilroy, Elizabeth Coffey, etc etc etc.

QUIRKS: Yet another utterly fucking insane and out-of-this-world early John Waters movie. Hyperbolic dialogue doesn’t even beginning to explain how ridiculous this entire movie is. Injecting liquid eyeliner? Wow. I can see how Cecil B. Demented (an incredible movie) came from the same director as this — Dawn’s “career” as a “crime model” reminded me a bit of Cecil B. Demented‘s “career” as a “film revolutionary”.

VISUALS: Divine is as fucking scary as ever as his/her character Dawn Davenport… And definitely not pleasing to look at (much like Edith Massey‘s teeth). An incredibly revolting person playing an incredibly revolting character who thinks that “she” is a “model”.

MORALS: This movie is utterly and completely lacking in any and all morals. Dawn Davenport is a filthy, disgusting, revolting, nasty creature — and this movie follows her life from the Christmas Day that she ran away from her home (leaving her mom pinned under the tree), up until the grisly end.

BAD STUFF: It’s low-budget bad-acting … But it’s done in an incredibly good way, due to John Water’s emerging brilliance. Instead of being cheesy, it’s ridiculous. So utterly ridiculously bad as to be very good. Movies like National Lampoon’s Class Reunion only wish they could be this bad!

CONCLUSION: Indeed, this movie was so “bad” and ridiculous that it was actually quite good. It’s like watching a train wreck. It’s one of the few movies from the 1970s that I can truly stand.

RATINGS: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10. A John Waters classic! This movie is UTTERLY FUCKING INSANE. The dialog is amazing!

RECOMMENDATION: If you made it through Pink Flamingos… You should definitely check this out. It’s actually not nearly as gross as Pink Flamingos, but just as utterly fucking insane. This is a great movie to be drinking during.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Pink Flamingos is similar in dialog delivery, acting, and dementedness. And Cecil B. Demented comes off like a super-polished A-movie version that re-uses the “revolutionary art” idea in Female Trouble.


1) Gator: Hey Taffy, baby, come suck your daddy’s dick.
Taffy: I wouldn’t suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!

2) Aunt Ida: Queers are just better. I’d be so proud if you was a fag.

3) Dawn Davenport: I’ve DONE everything a mother can do: I’ve locked her in her room, I’ve beat her with a tire iron. Nothing changes her. It’s HARD being a loving mother!

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Becky really liked it. I think AE liked it too. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Alcoholic madman gives daughter’s soul to Satan.

PEOPLE: My favorite director, Terry Gilliam! He directed my favorite movie ever, the movie Brazil, as well as Time Bandits, 12 Monkeys, Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas, Monty Python & The Quest For The Holy Grail, The Fisher King, The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen, and Tideland. It’s hard for him to go wrong — though there have been 2 or so out of his 14 or so full-length movies that I haven’t really cared for: The Brothers Grim (so-so) and Jabberwocky (absolutely awful).

Starring Heath Ledger (who died during this), Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Colin Farrell (Daredevil, Phone Booth, Minority Report), Christopher Plummer (Charles Muntz in the movie Up, #1 in the movie 9, A Beautiful Mind, 12 Monkeys, General Chang in Star Trek 6, Gandahar, Dreamscape), musician Tom Waits… And the lovely Lily Cole, playing a 15-going-on-16-year old who’s way too hot to be 16 (She’s 22). She’s like a living anime chick. Check her out here and here. Or, NSFW, HERE!!!, HERE, HERE. She was Polly from the 2007 St. Trinian’s movie we watched. She needs to be in more stuff.

QUIRKS: Fantasy and imagination. A deal with the devil. Personal choices. Your standard Gilliam tropes.

VISUALS: Typically awesome Terry Gilliam cinematography and special effects. Excellent visuals.

BAD STUFF: Is it just surrealist escapism? It’s not quite as cohesive as some films, but that’s often a Gilliam staple. It’s definitely possible to miss the point, and it certainly helps to read peoples’ thoughts on the IMDB forums.

CONCLUSION: Fantastic! Just… fantastic. Maybe not as good as 12 Monkeys and Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas, but EXTREMELY COMPARABLE.

Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Mark I: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.75/10. [Which is very high for mark who rates most movies 2 stars.]

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.3/10, Netflix: 3.8/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.2/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: There’s really not a Terry Gilliam movie worth missing, other than Jabberwocky and maybe The Brothers Grim. Some say this is his best film since Brazil. Either way, this is a must for anyone with any imagination.

SIMILAR MOVIES: One could say this has some similarities to Brazil, and other Gilliam themes… But it’s really hard to say what movie would be most similar to this film.

MOVIE QUOTE: Tony: Can you put a price on your dreams?

COINCIDENCES: (The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus, Ugly Americans #2) 2 videos in the same weekend with alcoholic centuries-old, bearded wizard-types.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: JSun said it was Gilliam’s best movie since Brazil. Sean P said it was a visual masterpiece (typical for Gilliam). Everyone seemed to be really excited about this movie, and happy to see it. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] I heard so many people rave about this movie, but felt it looked kind of cheesy. But the National Lampoon name was enough to get me over the hump.

PEOPLE: Written by John Hughes (Mr. Mom, National Lampoon’s Vacation/European Vacation/Christmas Vacation, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Some Kind Of Wonderful, Planes,Trains,&Automobiles, Home Alone). Probably one of his poorest-written movies! Directed by Michael Miller.

Starring Gerrit Graham (The Guardian from Gargoyle’s Avalon storyline, Dynasty, Dallas, C.H.U.D. 2, Child’s Play 2), Michael Lerner (Three’s A Crowd, Barton Fink) as Dr. Robert Young, Misty Rowe (Meatballs 2), Blackie Dammett (Lethal Weapon 3, Meatballs 2), Fred McCarren (Xanadu), frequent sitcom/cartoon guest star Miriam Flynn (Vacation/Vegas Vacation/Christmas Vacation), Stephen Furst (Kent Dorfman from Animal House, Sorority Boys), Mews Small (Man On The Moon), Shelley Smith, Zane Buzby (who was hilarious) (Blossom, My Two Dads, National Lampoon’s The Last Resort, Cheech & Chong‘s Up In Smoke, Oh,God!), Jacklyn Zeman (General Hospital), Barry Diamond (Bachelor Party), Art Evans (Die Hard 2), Randy Powell (The Incredible Shrinking Woman), Anne Ramsey (Momma from Throw Momma In The Train), Marla Pennington (Joan Lawson from Small Wonder, Leslie Walker from Soap), Jim Staahl (Second City TV, Mork & Mindy, and a reporter in Airplane 2).

…And Chuck Berry as himself (WTF?)!

Basically.. a bunch of b-actors that didn’t do much. I didn’t even recognize Marla Pennington despite watching pretty much every episode of Small Wonder and Soap (We’re talking over 100 episodes).

QUIRKS: A high-school reunion mixed with bad horror movie parody.

VISUALS: Pretty low-budget.

BAD STUFF: Some of the jokes were funny, but for the most part — the worst part about this movie is the jokes. And the special effects. And the plot. And the acting.

CONCLUSION: Don’t get me wrong — there were still redeeming moments. But they were still cheesy. Pretty much any Troma movie beats this movie out. Many people consider this a “so bad it’s good” movie, but I think it just fails pretty badly. This is around the same caliber as Saturday The 14th.

RATINGS: 2/5 stars on Netflix — though Clint would give it 2.5 if that were possible. 5/10 on IMDB. And that might be generous. This wasn’t a good movie.

RECOMMENDATION: National Lampoon completists and early-80s-horror-comedy people might like this… But almost everyone else should avoid this like the plague.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Saturday The 14th 1.

MOVIE QUOTE: Walter Baylor: [holding a knife] One more move and she gets a hole where she doesn’t need one. (more…)

First we had blogs. But blogs took a certain level of effort. You can’t just fire a blog off instantly, you have to go to a site, compose, edit, maybe proofread, and publish. Often requiring nothing short of a full web browser, though blogging evetnaully apps came years later. Blogs allowed people to write their own lengthy discourses in a way where people could actually subscribe (RSS, email) and read.

But then most blogs went stale. Some 90% of blogs died within a year of being started. It was too much work for most people.

Even a prolific blogger like myself often didn’t feel like waiting for the slow page refreshes of blogging. Eventually I learned how to blog using my text editor (0 load time) and submit the file using API calls (no web browser required, no waiting for a page to load). This increased my output by decreasing my effort.

Then micro-blogging came along. Micro-blogging tends to have a maximum character limit of 140 (Twitter) or 420 (Facebook status updates). The small size and ease-of-use causes people to update far more often. All of a sudden, everyone started publishing information about their lives to the internet. I once again could find out what my friends were doing, without having to ask them over and over — or remember that they exist.

Years later, it seems everyone has given up on their blogs in favor of quick micro-blogs — or they continue to blog long, length articles.

But what about the in-between?

What about those thoughts that are *just* a bit too long to go onto Twitter/Facebook?

Most blogposts I see are many paragraphs. It’s very rare to see a one-paragraph, 100 word blog post these days.


Let’s not forget that some thoughts worth expressing are longer than 420 characters, but still shorter than a page of text.

Let’s not forget these thoughts. They may be short when compared to the average blogpost, and they may be too long to tweet — but they’re probably still worth expressing.

Let’s not refuse to express a thought simply because it’s “too long to tweet” or “too short to blog”. That’s harmful. (more…)

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