November 2010

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

HAIKU REVIEW: Garfield is funny.
Especially the cartoon.
This one, though, sucks ass.

PEOPLE: Frank Welker, an amazing voice actor, does Garfield‘s voice duties. Sorry, it’s just not the same now that Lorenzo Music has died.

VISUALS: 3-D CGI. I would have preferred more Garfield & Friends style animation.

MORALS: The ability to be funny was inside of you all along! Pfft.

BAD STUFF: Pretty much everything. The jokes, the animation, the plot, the dialog, the depiction of the world as being more cartoonish instead of real. Bubbles coming out of the car’s exhaust pipe? What the hell? Garfield is supposed to be set in the real, normal world!

This was worthy of its 3.9/10 IMDB rating.

CONCLUSION: Even hardcore Garfield fans who have seen every one of the 200+ episodes of Garfield & Friends …. will probably still hate this steaming pile.

RATINGS: IMDB: 4/10. Netflix: 2/5 stars.

RECOMMENDATION: STAY AWAY!!!! Go watch Garfield & Friends instead. Now THAT was funny material. Funny for adults, even. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PEOPLE: A film directed by Satoshi Kon, who died this year — so we’re watching all his stuff.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Old lady wastes life chasing after man who was actually dead most of the time. Filmmakers exploit her dying moments; dementia hallucinations ensue.

VISUALS: There is a surreal element, as the characters interviewing this elderly movie star end up being drawn into her story — much like what happened in The Last Action Hero. And various time periods look different — the stuff that happens in the 40s/50s is very desaturated, almost black and white. Lots of care was taken by Satoshi Kun to get things to look right.

MORALS: Learn when to give up! That’s what I got out of it. [highlight for spoilers] She may have enjoyed the chase, but she wasted her whole life on unrequited love. Lame.

CONCLUSION: Too random. Felt like ‘what was the point’ a lot of the time. Seems to be more of an emotional string puller. Reminded me of The Last Action Hero if it were a sappy romance. Carolyn actually liked it, and thought it was an interesting story, but thought it was not as well-executed as Satoshi Kon‘s other movies.

Clint: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 5/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6.6/10 (a low 7).

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.9/10, Netflix: 3.6/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.4/5 stars–well, at least they knew we’d like this less than average).

RECOMMENDATION: Satoshi Kun completists and hopeless romantics might want to check this out.

SIMILAR MOVIES: I can’t help but say The Last Action Hero, even though the characters and plot are completely dissimilar. It has the same gimmicky “being sucked into movies” kind of feel.

MOVIE QUOTE: “The part I really loved, was chasing him.” (more…)

  • a comment i liked:
    "And this is how freedom dies. With open and blatant moves by the ELECTED representatives keeping the public in the dark about their wrongdoings. Right up to the betrayal of the very ideas those countries were founded upon ….

    The appalling part is that, they are no longer doing this secretly. They have no issues going about in the open and being open about trying to keep people in the dark about what wrongdoings are committed. They slap 'national security' tag to it, and think that this is a magic word that totally stupefies the public and makes them impossible to understand wrong things are being committed…."

    I wonder what goodies are going to come out of this next leak? The number of rulers on this world has been unchanged for a long time, but the number of subjects in this world is now higher than ever. It's nice that that the majority (subjects) will now get to find out what is REALLY happening with their rulers. Freedom of information.

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PEOPLE: From the director of Die Hard, Predator, and Red October (John McTiernan), co-written by one of the writers for the 2nd and 3rd X-Men movies… Comes a movie starring starring Arnold Schwarzenneger both as a character *and* as himself. Also starring annoying kid Austin O’Brien (who managed to later be in 4 episodes of Touched By An Angel).

Also Art Carney’s last movie. (aka Ed Norton from the hilarious 1950s sitcom The Honeymooners, which begat The Flintstones which begat The Simpsons which begat Family Guy which begat American Dad). It was kind of a fitting last movie for him. There was even a tiny role for Tina Turner. Also: Mercedes Ruehl (The Fisher King, Crazy People, Married To The Mob). And when you see Maria Shriver — remember she had to swallow her vomit on live television. It’s just nice to think about.

But mostly it’s just Ahhhnold and the annoying kid.

QUIRKS: An incredibly quirky movie about movies in general, and a magic ticket that lets you travel into a movie.

They pull out every action movie cliche imaginably possible. And they do it as cornily as possible. Seriously… I can hardly think of a more corny movie in my life.

They even sent a rocket into space with an advertisement painted on the side, just to be the “first movie to advertise from space”. And it still took us 16 yrs to watch it. haha.

VISUALS: There are a few neat visuals with going from one world to another, but the movie is mostly standard action movie special effects. Gratuitous explosions, gunshots, etc.

SOUNDTRACK: Megadeth?!?! Really?? And Alice In Chains, Anthrax, Cypress Hill, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Queensryche, Def Leppard, Tesla, & Fishbone. Kind of surprised by that.

BAD STUFF: PAIIIIINFULLY corny. I mean, jesus. Talk about sugar-coated. Having a kid as the main character is bad enough, but they made it even worse. The corniness hurt at times, but we also realized it was somewhat intentional, as a parody of the action movie genre.

CONCLUSION: This was an ***incredibly*** corny parody of action movies… But that was intentional, so you can’t completely fault it for it. Not a great movie, but certainly interesting. Way too much heart, though. Really, it was so corny it burned my brain at times.

RATINGS: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10 stars. Carolyn said she was tempted to say 2.5/5 stars. We liked it, but it also hurt at the same time.

RECOMMENDATION: I wouldn’t really recommend this, per se. If you have a kid next to you, really like Schwarzeneggar, or are an action movie buff… You *might* enjoy this. Or you might vomit from having so much heart shoved down your throat. Hard to say.

MOVIE QUOTE: Nick: There are lots of things worse than movies: politicians, wars, forest fires, famine, plague, sickness, pain, warts, politicians…
Jack Slater: You already mentioned them.
Nick: I know I did. They are twice as bad as anything else.

… And then Jack Slater (Ahhnold) went on to become governor of California! Someone should play this clip back to him!

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Jordan hated it. I think my mom saw it in the theatres and liked it. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] U.S. government steals corporate property, funds terrorist.

PEOPLE: Isn’t it weird how Jon Favreau directs these? Robert Downey Jr., Don Cheadle, Sam Rockwell, Samuel L. Jackson, Mickey Rourke, Gwyneth Paltrow — looking great as a redhead, Scarlett Johansson — looking quite interesting as a brunette (dark redhead, really). I think I’d pick redhead Paltrow over a brunette Johansson, but I’m in the minority on this one. Johansson oozes sex, but I just think her features look a bit weird. Perfect, but weird. Paltrow is imperfect, but not so weird. Of course, I used to think Paltrow was soooo overrated and not that hot, but I changed my mind after Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (which made that the most memorable thing of that movie for me).

And… Gary Shandling! Funny stuff. And Stan Lee as Larry King! IMDB incorrectly lists him as “himself”.

QUIRKS: Sequel.

VISUALS: Pretty friggin’ awesome. Good action scenes storyboarded by Genndy Tartakovsky of Samurai Jack / Dexter’s Lab / PowerPuff Girls / Clone Wars fame.

SOUNDTRACK: AC/DC FTW. And does every movie have to have “It Takes Two” in it? It seems to be showing up a lot in what we watch lately.

MORALS: No man is an island.

POLITICS: The U.S. government funds terrorism, then commits crimes against its own citizens to stop such terrorism. Sounds really friggin’ familiar.

GOOD STUFF: The actors and the action. War Machine. S.H.I.E.L.D.

BAD STUFF: Not quite as good as Iron Man 1.

CONCLUSION: Pretty damn awesome.

Clint: Netflix: 4.2/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.4/10, Netflix: 4.2/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.5/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: Don’t stop at Iron Man 1! The sequel is soo worth seeing!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Most superhero movies.


Ivan Vanko: If you could make God bleed, people will cease to believe in Him.

Tony Stark: The question I get asked most often is how do you go to the bathroom in the suit…
[pauses with eyes closed]
Tony Stark: …just like that.

COINCIDENCES: Natalie’s real name is Natasha. In real life, we met a Natasha who turned out to have a real name of Natalie. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PEOPLE: Will Farrel, and John C. Reilly (Dr. Steve Brule from Tim & Eric!). Written by Adam McKey (Talladega Nights, Anchorman) & Will Farrel. Also with Mary Steenburgen (looking very hot for 55! I thought she was a bit old 18 yrs ago in Back To The Future 3!), Richard Jenkins (the dead dad from Six Feet Under), Adam Scott, Kathryn Hahn (Anchorman, and Edina in the new american Ab Fab / Absolutely Fabulous remake series)…. And a short scene with Seth Rogan (This is a Judd Apatow production, after all.)

Kathryn Hahn’s few scenes are possibly her most erotic & funny scenes ever. Her comedic lust was inspiring. “I want to roll you up in a little ball and keep you in my vagina.” Haha.

QUIRKS: Two grown men acting like children, and the hilarity that ensues.

SOUNDTRACK: Vampire Weekend, LCD Soundsystem, Vanilla Ice, an a capella version of Guns N’ Roses Sweet Child O’ Mine, Hall & Oates, Billy Joel, The Kinks, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

MORALS: You can only live with your parents for so long.

BAD STUFF/CONCLUSION: This was pretty funny — and Farrel and Reilly are a great combination with great chemistry. However, it could have been funnier. A lot of the humor was basically “watch grown men act like children”. While that is a funny gimmick, it doesn’t remove the responsibility to make every joke funny. A responsibility which I think ultimately was not quite fulfilled.

RATINGS: Netflix: Clint: 3/5 stars, Carolyn 4/5 stars. IMDB: Clint: 7/10, Carolyn 8/10.

RECOMMENDATION: Worth seeing, but not a top tier comedy.

MOVIE QUOTE: Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Scott S, Jordan, and Benj all really liked it (4/5 stars). (more…)

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