movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Re-watched this in 720p HD while Carolyn was out of town. John The Canadien came over, we spent 20-30 minutes discussing which movie-I-had-already-seen that we would be watching (because I don’t watch “new” movies without Carolyn around). Finally we decided on this movie, and JtC proceeded to pass out 17 minutes into it. So I basically watched this alone! Lame.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Kids use libel for revenge; cause police to ransack teacher’s house.

PEOPLE: Directed by Mark Waters (The Spiderwick Chronicles, Freaky Friday). Screenplay by Tina Fey.

Starring goddess Lindsay Lohan (at least in this movie, she’s perfect), Rachel McAddams as the bitch (The Hot Chick, Wedding Crashers, The Time Traveler’s Wife), Tina Fey as the teacher, Tim Meadows as the principal (Saturday Night Live, Walk Hard:The Dewey Cox Story, Lil’ Barack in Lil’ Bush, Wayne’s World 2, Coneheads), Amy Poehler as an overdriven mother (Blades Of Glory, Wet Hot American Summer, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalow, Envy, Shrek 3, Saturday Night Live), Lacey Chabert as a hopeless bop (Not Another Teen Movie, Lost In Space, Meg Griffin in Season 1 of Family Guy, Gwen Stacy in The Spectacular Spider-Man), Lizzy Caplan as the alt-girl (Marlena from Cloverfield, Brian the dog’s blonde girlfriend Debbie from American Dad, True Blood, 2 eps of Smallville, 1 ep of Undeclared), Amanda Seyfried as the “even stupider than stupid” girl (Lilly Kane from Veronica Mars, As The World Turns), Ana Gasteyer as Cady’s mom (Saturday Night Live, Reefer Madness: The Musical, What Women Want, Dick), and Jonathan Bennett (Bo in Dukes Of Hazzard 2: The Beginning, Van Wilder in National Lampoon’s Van Wilder 0: Freshman Year [which references this movie]) as the love interest.

QUIRKS: Based on a book by Rosalind Wiseman, “Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence”. Even though the book is a self-help guide with no narrative at all. Uh… weird.

CENSORSHIP: When they asked her if her muffin had been buttered — it was supposed to be if her cherry was popped. When they talked about the girl who made out with a hot dog — it was supposed to be that she masturbated with a hot dog. Things were toned down to avoid an R rating. [sarcasm] Thank you family fucking values! [/sarcasm]

VISUALS: Beautiful girls are pretty easy on the eyes.

SOUNDTRACK: When they explain the cafeteria layout — note how the song sounds a LOT like the Futurama theme. This actually served as the inspiration for the Futurama theme song, according to IMDB.

MORALS: High school girls can be bitches! But it *is* possible to rise above all the bullshit, if everyone is willing. It just doesn’t typically happen.

BAD STUFF: The movie can be a bit corny with the voice-overs, but they do serve a purpose. Some people automatically hate all voiceovers. I don’t. They make movies easier to watch. This movie isn’t a puzzle to be solved, so why make it harder? But they are still the corniest part of the movie.

CONCLUSION: The first time I watched this was way back in 2004, before I wrote longer reviews. All I’d said was “very good social movie”. It won our honorable mention for “best fun movie watched in 2004”, losing out only to The Girl Next Door with Elisha Cuthbert (high school porn stars > high school mean girls). [We watched 94 movies in 2004.]

I’m glad I re-watched it so I could re-form a more concrete opinion of it, and also relate it to the movie Jawbreaker. Jawbreaker was actually a bit better than this movie, as it had a dark humor side. Basically, Mean Girls + Heathers = Jawbreaker.

However, this was still really good. It made me laugh out loud a bunch of times; it kept my interest; it kept me awake even though I was consuming a fair amount of alcohol at a fairly late hour. Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams have never looked as good as they did in this movie, and that didn’t hurt either. I was impressed, because I had remembered this movie as not being as good as it really was.

RATINGS: Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is Netflix: 3.6/5 stars, IMDB 7.0/10.

RECOMMENDATION: Definitely worth watching, if you like high school stories about chaos in the social order. Social order has always been very fascinating to me.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Mean Girls + Heathers = Jawbreaker. Some definite similarities.

MOVIE QUOTE: This movie actually had a lot of great dialog — more than I remembered it having the first time around.

Gretchen: I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me… but I can’t help it that I’m so popular.

Coach Carr: At your age, you’re going to have a lot of urges. You’re going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get chlamydia… and die.

Bethany Byrd: Somebody wrote in that book that I’m lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons… but I can’t help it if I’ve got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!

Gretchen: Make sure you check out her mom’s boob job. They’re hard as rocks.

Gretchen: And even in fancy countries like the United States and England, seven out of ten girls have a negative body image.
Regina George: Who cares? Six of those girls are right!

Cady: Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Tatiana, Ian, Eric M, and Benj all really liked it [4/5]. Jordan, Christian D, Rebekah, & Metinee all liked it [3/5].

Mood: annoyed
Music: Ministry – Bloodlines