movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

HAIKU REVIEW: Most of us hate bugs;
Genetic engineering
only makes them worse.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Cockroaches lead to complications, including missing homeless & children.

PEOPLE: Directed by Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy 1 & 2, and the upcoming Hobbit movies). I thought that would mean this would automatically be good. But in his defense, he disowned the movie after studio interference — and wont work with the Weinsteins anymore.

Starring Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, Charles S. Dutton (Gothika, Se7en, Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye), Josh Brolin, Giancarlo Giannini.

Why are screenwriters Matt Greenberg and John Sayles uncredited in the movie, but credited in some trailers and TV spots? Is it because this sucked?

VISUALS: Yea, some really gross bug stuff. If you ever wanted to experience the Alien movie in an urban setting, it might look like this, except better.

MORALS: Cops that seem like jerks are actually heroes. Hahahahaha.

BAD STUFF: Slow and boring! Where was the excitement?!?! Characters weren’t that likeable either.

CONCLUSION: Gullermo Del Toro does not automatically make a movie good, though he did disown this one, so that says something. Basically, they took a premise that could have been a “generic pass horror movie”, and made it worse than generic. It’s pretty hard to fuck up making a generic movie, but they did. It was slow-paced and boring. These were the similar problems I had with the movie Avalon, but at least Avalon was based on a kick-ass concept that was way more interesting than this piece of garbage was.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 5/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 5/10.
The native public rating for this movie is Netflix: 3.1/5 stars (2.8/5 stars for people who rate like me), IMDB 5.7/10.

RECOMMENDATION: Stay away from this. Even the movie Infestation is better — but still not a great movie.

SIMILAR MOVIES: There’s 2 sequels?!?!?! WHY, oh why?!?!?

MOVIE QUOTE: [on insect’s inner motivation]
Dr. Gates: Can I eat it or will it eat me?

But to more accurately capture the suckiness of this film, here’s another quote:

Peter Mann: Leonard, have you ever seen anything like this before?
Leonard: Why you asking me if I’ve seen some shit like this before? Do I look like I’ve seen some shit like this before? Hell, no I ain’t never seen no shit like this before. Who the fuck would wanna climb up one of these walls and hang one of these? Musta been a big elephant-ass motherfucker.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Ian didn’t like it.

Mood: canadien bacon!!
Music: ALL – Birthday I.O.U.