movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

[UNCOMFORTABLE?] PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Highschoolers try to get laid.

QUIRKS: A return to the spirit of the original American Pie movie. No more college kids; we’re back to highschoolers trying to lose their virginity. “The Bible” from American Pie 1 [I had forgotten about it] is the basis for this movie, which takes place in the same high school. Arguably, this is much more of an American Pie sequel than American Pie 5:The Naked Mile and American Pie 6:Beta House were. Written by one of the co-writers of American Pie 2 and Slackers.

PEOPLE: Once again, all the “regular” actors are gone [for a 2nd time], except for Eugene Levy, who once again hilariously comes off as the master of getting laid, and the original author of “The Book Of Love”.

The 3 main male virgins are played by Bug Hall (Alfalfa in the 1994 Little Rascals movie–There was a Little Rascals movie?!?!), Brandon Hardesty (a total Jonah Hill wanna-be), and Kevin M. Horton. Another Stifler, played by John Patrick Jordan (Evil Bong 1-2), is relegated to a very minor douchebag role. Their love interests are played by, respectively, Beth Behrs (a beautiful newcomer who reminds me of a blonde Felicia Day), slightly sultry Jennifer Holland (Zombie Strippers!), and the brown-hair brown-eyed Melanie Papalia, who reminds me of someone I can’t quite put my finger on (She’s been in a few shows, including an episode of Smallville, so maybe that’s where I remember her from).

We also have small roles with Curtis Armstrong (Revenge Of The Nerds 1-4) as a teacher, Rosanna Arquette (pierced girl Judy in Pulp Fiction, Diary Of A Sex Addict) as a mom, Jill Teed (one of the ass-raping cougars in National Lampoon’s Going The Distance, Capt/Detective Maggie Sawyer in 4 2003 episodes of Smallville, Mrs. Gordon in the Flash Gordon 2008 series, Madeline Drake in X-Men 2, Mission To Mars) as a hot principal.

And of course cameos by Bret Michaels (singer of Poison), Kevin Federline (ex-husband of Britney Spears), Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved By The Bell), Christopher Knight (Peter Brady from The Brady Bunch), Tim Matheson (Jace from the original Space Ghost cartoon, Jonny Quest from the original Jonny Quest cartoon, Otter/Eric Stratton from Animal House, Van Wilder’s dad from Van Wilder 1, The West Wing, Bonanza, The Virginian), Robert Romanus (Fame, Fast Times At Ridgemont High), Carrie Keagan, Sherman Hemsley (George Jefferson from The Jeffersons, Senseless) as a preacher, Steve Railsback (Charles Manson in Helter Skelter).

VISUALS: There are a LOT of hot girls in this movie. I mean, that goes without saying for any American Pie or National Lampoon movie… But they may have just taken it to another level here. Plus we watched it in HD.

SOUNDTRACK: They brought back that “she only cums when she’s on top” song from the original American Pie 1 movie. And Yello’s “Oh Yeah” makes an appearance.

MORALS: Not many, other than getting laid is worth the effort, and saving yourself for marriage is a waste of time [and your body].

BAD STUFF: They should have had more of the hot Principal.

CONCLUSION: By bringing it back to high school virgins, they really brought the American Pie franchise back to its roots, making this more refreshing than the last 4 American Pie movies. In fact, we liked this about as much as American Pie 2, and out of all 7 movies, only American Pie 1 was conclusively better than this. I’m now actually looking forward to the next American Pie movie, instead of just being “willing to watch” the new ones.

Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Almost tempting to give this 5/5 stars.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 4.8/10 (way too low, as usual), Netflix: 3.0/5 stars.

For comparison, our past American Pie ratings:
American Pie 6:Beta House: 3/5, 6.4,5/10.
American Pie 5:The Naked Mile: 3/5, 6/10.
American Pie 4:Band Camp: 3/5.
American Pie 3:American Wedding: 3/5.
American Pie 2: 4/5.
American Pie 1: 5/5.

RECOMMENDATION: Even if you’ve abandoned the franchise, it may be time to pick it back up again. This is the possibly best American Pie movie since American Pie 2.

However, sequel-haters in general wont be able to properly manage their expectations, and will probably still hate it for not having the original actors and other crybaby reasons. This explains the low IMDB rating.

SIMILAR MOVIES: American Pie 1.

SOME PODCATS: They have a whole YouTube channel of American Pie podcasts… But here are the 3 from the 3 female stars of the movie:

^^ Go to 1 minute mark to see 3 girls making out, a fantasy scene from the movie.

Mood: woozy
Music: Pixies – Alec Eiffel