movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Watched in 720p HD.

PLOT SUMMARY: 2012 is coming. It’s much less sinister than The Number 23, but it’s scope is much greater. The Number 23 just kills a few people; 2012 kills everyone. Did you know 2012 divided by 23 is 87.478260869? Neither did I. But wait! 2012 = 20 + 1 + 2 = 23!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] More people should have listened to the Mayans.

PEOPLE: Directed by Roland Emmerich (The Day After Tomorrow, The Patriot, Godzilla, Independence Day, Stargate, Universal Soldier). So you know it’s gonna be a mostly mindless action flick about global man vs. nature crisis — much like The Day After Tomorrow.

Starring John Cusack (Tapeheads, One Crazy Summer, Better Off Dead, The Sure Thing) and Amanda Peet ($5 A Day, Saving Silverman). Co-starring Woody Harrelson as the crazy conspiracy theorist who’s right, Danny Glover (Blindness, Be Kind Rewind, Saw 1, The Royal Tenenbaums, Lethal Weapon 1-4) as the President, Chiwetel Ejiofor (the ‘operative’ from Serenity, the Firefly movie, Amistad) as the scientist, Oliver Platt (Year One, Kinsey, Indecent Proposal). Also, a bit part by George Segal, who played Jack Gallo on the sitcom Just Shoot Me.

QUIRKS: An epic apocalypse movie where a precious few people manage to survive through a series of smart choices combined with luck. This is an action flick.

Woody Harrelson was awesome. We SWEAR he was on mushrooms! if you’re all crazy and you decide you’re going to go out and watch the “end of the world” happen, and comment on it on live radio, why WOULDN’T you be on mushrooms?

VISUALS: One of the most desperate car chase scenes I’ve ever seen. Technically, they were being chased by nature, not another car. But since nature is pretty damn destructive when she wants to be, I count this as the most desperate AND most destructive car chase I’ve ever seen. I don’t think the driver from The Transporter could have made a more harrowing escape.

POLITICS: Don’t expect the government to be honest OR act in your best interest, when there is impending global apocalypse. I’m pretty sure how things went down in the movie is how they would go down in real life: Those in power save themselves, while refusing to warn the other 99.9% of people, because it would reduce their chances.

BAD STUFF: There’s not much of a story here. And some things happen very conveniently. (Such as [highlight for spoilers] Gordon dying. How convenient. The apocalypse not only made your wife realize leaving you was a mistake, but it also took out her new husband so you can reconcile! Really, did he have to have such a Saw-esque death? He didn’t deserve it. He saved their asses).) But this is an action movie, not a story. Anyone who has laughed their ass off at the ridiculousness of The Day After Tomorrow is mentally prepared for the bad in this movie, which, honestly, isn’t as bad as The Day After Tomorrow. The events in this movie seem more plausible to me.

The biggest flaw of course is the sacrifice necessary to advance the story: People surviving by INCREDIBLY IMPLAUSIBLE events. But that’s the point of action. Think: Crank, or The Transporter. Doing crazy shit makes a good movie. Showing what would really happen in most of these situations would make for a VERY short movie.

Also: They really should have used Testament’s song “Three Days Of Darkness”, with the chorus “Three days of darkness in 2012!”  We kept yelling that throughout the movie.

CONCLUSION: A solid mostly-mindless action flick. Like The Day After Tomorrow, but grander in scale and not nearly as laughable. Great “chase” scenes. I mean, really great.

Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.1/10, Netflix: 3.6/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.7/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: A good movie to watch during a snowmageddon when your power is going in and out. Makes you feel like your survival is at stake, much like the movie.

SIMILAR MOVIES: The Day After Tomorrow, Deep Impact, Armageddon.

MOVIE QUOTE: Adrian Helmsley: The moment we stop fighting for each other, that’s the moment we lose our humanity.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Jordan liked it.

Mood: hating the fucking snow plows 0923840-28194-09jfaskealjli;3r9j2;j
Music: Agent Orange – It’s In Your Head (live) (live)