movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Watched in 720p HD, of course.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Dickhead crusader saves own soul, and select souls of people he knows. God is an asshole.

PEOPLE: From the director of Hoodwinked 2 (haha). Starring Graham McTavish (Rambo 4, Sebastian Shaw in Wolverine & The X-Men) as Dante. Beatrice is played by Vanessa Branch (Giselle from Pirates Of The Carribean). Alighiero is played by Mark Hamill (Star Wars, and The Joker in many Batman cartoons). Lucifer is played by Steve Blum, who voices Wolverine in the excellent Wolverine & The X-Men cartoons, the one-off Wolverine Vs. animated ‘movie’, as well as the abomination Super Hero Squad craptoon. (He also wrote 46 episodes of Naruto.) We also get the voice work of Kevin Michael Richardson (The Spectacular Spider-Man, and many other cartoons).

QUIRKS: Based on the video game based on the book. That is a VERY STRANGE WAY to do things.

VISUALS: Definitely has an anime feel, even though the version we watched was American voices only.

MORALS: God has some shitty ones, and you will suffer forever if you do not abide. If you’re a baby and you don’t get baptized, you’re going to hell. Have fun. They play it off as “God didn’t decide what hell was, that was Lucifer”, but, uh, if God decides who goes to hell, that makes him a complicit asshole.

BAD STUFF: The ending is VERY abrupt. As in, I had to stop and be like… “What happened?” And watch it again the next day. The just didn’t pace the ending very well. It was abrup…

CONCLUSION: A retelling of the video game version of the classic novel. Quite a fun and interesting way to explore the concepts of the 9 levels of hell without having to read a book. This was mostly a “beat people up on every level of hell” action movie, with great visuals.

Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. I didn’t quite like it as much as Carolyn, possibly due to the abrupt ending.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.9/10, Netflix: 3.3/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.1/5 stars–not sure why it would think we’d like this worse than most people).

RECOMMENDATION: Animation lovers should check this out, it’s an interesting retelling of a story most people [self included] don’t know the details of.

Mood: RIP, Dirk
Music: Kreator – People Of The Lie (live)