movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Republicans accidentally make strippers strip better, then[highlight for spoilers] shoot them.

PEOPLE: Starring Robert Englund (Freddy from Nightmare On Elm Street, Willie from the original V series, Jack Brooks:Monster Slayer, The Adventures Of Ford Fairlane) is the only good actor in the entire movie. He’s not exactly an Oscar winner, but he’s still awesome nonetheless. Also with Jenna Jameson (the porn star), Roxy Saint (some singer) as Lilith the goth chick, Penny Drake as the redhead, Whitney Anderson, Shamron Moore, Jeannette Sousa (Urban Legends:Final Cut), and Carmit Levite as the ridiculous Blavatski woman.

QUIRKS: Zombies. Strippers. Badfilm. And that’s about it.

VISUALS: Zombies. Strippers. Tits. Blood.

WILHELM SCREAM: Yup! When she threw a patron against the wall…

MORALS: Nope, not here.

SOUNDTRACK: Pointless.

POLITICS: Anti-Republican statements are thrown in, yet politics have almost nothing to do with anything in the movie. It’s like they just wanted to get on the anti-Republican bandwagon too. The opening 2 minutes was the best part, in this respect.

GOOD STUFF: Zombies. Strippers. Tits. Blood.

BAD STUFF: Wow… Bad writing, bad acting, bad editing, bad special effects, bad cgi, looks like video cameras. Yet… Zombies! And… Strippers!

It got a bit better once you got through the first half, but it really just seemed like an excuse to see strippers acting like zombies. Of course, that’s what the title implies…

It was almost like a Troma movie. If I’d known that going in, I might have been able to deal with it more easily.

The racist comedy isn’t even funny racist comedy. Call a guy Paco, make him have a ridiculous mustache, make him the janator, and then have him say, “Badgers? We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers.” It seems like it was written by a high schooler. A lot of racist comedy is funny — because I am a firm believer that NOTHING is sacred, not even Jesus’s penis rubbing up on the World Trade Centers’ ashes. This time, it wasn’t. Jokes aren’t automatically funny, and a lot of the humor in this movie was just NOT funny.

CONCLUSION: A terrible movie — even when compared to Troma movies. This is trying to be so bad it’s good, and failing by just being flat out bad. Yet, we have zombies and strippers, which was enough for us to want to finish watching it, even though watching it was painful a majority of the time.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 2.6/5 stars. IMDB: 4/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 2.6/5 stars. IMDB: 4/10.

Wow. This is about the closest we’ve ever rated a movie to it’s IMDB AND Netflix ratings. 4 vs 4.4, 2.6 vs 2.6!:
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 4.4/10 (for once, we agree, and rate lower than IMDB), Netflix: 2.6/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.9/5 stars, and was way wrong).

RECOMMENDATION: If you like strippers and zombies, you might want to plow through this just to look at strippers and zombies. Don’t expect a good movie, though. This is badfilm. Don’t even expect a Troma-quality movie.

Also: ONLY WATCH THIS IN BLU-RAY QUALITY. There’s no way the titillation is worth it in standard def.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Lesbian Vampire Killers — though we haven’t watched that yet.

MOVIE QUOTE:

Cole: Hey, you think this is a good idea? I mean, wasn’t that bitch dead a minute ago?
Ian: Fuck it. What’s the worse that can happen?

Paco: It’s Paco time.

(opening dialog) Announcer: George W Bush has won his fourth consecutive term as president, taking Florida, which due to a glitch in the Jeb B voting terminals, tallied one single vote for President Bush and Vice President Schwarzenegger. Bush’s presidency was unanimously declared legally binding by the Supreme Court as well as “totally cool” by Supreme Justice Jenna Bush who subsequently set in motion another Supreme Kegger. Following the landslide victory, a constitutional amendment banning public nudity was implemented. Shortly thereafter, President Bush dissolved Congress, claiming it was “cramping his style.” American Troops continue to be strung thin due to the still raging wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Iran, Lebanon, Libya, Pakistan, Venezuela, France, Canada, and Alaska.

^ If only the rest of the movie could have been this good. Or even about this at all.

Mood: headachey
Music: Ween – I’ll Wait