movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PEOPLE: From Alexander Aja, director of Mirrors (yay!!), High Tension (yay!), and The Hills Have Eyes. The writers I’d never heard of, but they wrote 2 eps of Avatar:The Last Airbender, which is kinda funny.

With Elizabeth Shue, as the person hiring a babysitter instead of being the babysitter. I see what you did there! A nod to her role in Adventures In Babysitting.

Also with Christopher Lloyd (Back To The Future), Richard Dreyfuss, Eli Roth, Jerry O’Connell (from Sliders, Scream 2, Stand By Me, Can’t Hardly Wait, and who also voiced Nightwing in The Batman cartoon) as a pornographer. Also with a porn star, a girl who was in 4 Smallville eps, and Jessica Szohr from Gossip Girl as the cute kinda-ethnic-looking love interest who gets sucked into the pornographer’s world.

PLOT SUMMARY: Piranha fish that kill people. It had to happen.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Earthquake leads to marine life complications; partiers who fail to obey cops mauled.

QUIRKS: Ridiculous remake of an already-ridiculous horror.

VISUALS: 3-D, but we watched it in 2-D. Even in 2-D, it was obvious that a lot of the 3-D shots were gimmicky shots pandering to the technology. And those aren’t as enjoyable in 2-D… This was shot in 2-D with 3-D in mind, and converted to 3-D in post. Some people say that means it’s automatically horrible, but Nightmare Before Christmas was converted to 3-D in the same way, and it kicked ass.

MORALS: Spring break decadence will KILL YOU DEAD. (Haha.)

GOOD STUFF: Entertaining, but so utterly ridiculous.

BAD STUFF: Full of flaws. Script stupidity of the highest order, bad greenscreening, horridly obvious cgi, cgi used where they should have used practical effects, and thus the special effects were below average even though they were technically up to date. Unrealistic horror movie cliches, gratuitous sexy scenes, over-acting (Christopher Lloyd, but isn’t that his shtick?), bad acting. This movie had ’em all.

CONCLUSION: It’s not really that great. Full of flaws and script stupidity. Better to see it in 3-D if you’re really going to bother. It’s enjoyable, and we still liked it for virtue of being a passable movie… But it’s certainly nothing special or memorable.

Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.2/10, Netflix: 3.5/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.6/5 stars–A bit in the wrong direction, Netflix.).

Our ratings seem to be pretty inline with the public’s ratings, this time. If not slightly lower.

RECOMMENDATION: Neutral, unless you can see it in 3-D, then: Go for it!

SIMILAR MOVIES: There’s already a sequel in the works…

MOVIE QUOTE: “Chew on this motherfuckers!”

FRIENDS’ OPINIONS: Reverend Pockets: “I saw it in 3D in the theater. I stand by my word. Best Film of ALL time.”

Mood: martini
Music: Triptykon – The Prolonging