Claire's blog

[IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PEOPLE: By The Asylum, a company famous for making mockbusters. Starring Seth Cassell (Sex Pot) as the requisite overly-horny douchey kinda guy; Jay Gillespie as the nice guy, Erica Duke as the main love interest, Diane Jay Gonzalez as the latin stripper cum cheerleader, Maura Murphy (Sex Pot), Harmony Blossom as rival cheerleader-leader Britt, Deanna Meske (Final Destination 4) as the camp leader, and other random hotties such as Sonja O’Hara (who was not a redhead in this), Sarah Agor, and many, many other pretty faces you’ve never heard of [and will probably never hear of again].

These are all nobodies, basically. But they had Charlene Tilton as the requisite “big” name. She was in Dallas. And 2 episodes of Happy Days. And Problem Child 2. Hey — she hosted Saturday Night Live before, so she must have had at least 15 minutes of fame in the 80’s.

Definitely not a stellar cast. But the girls were hot. Which is more or less the point of a low-grade comedy such as this.

PLOT SUMMARY: Guys work at a cheerleader camp. Cheerleader rivalry ensues. Plus, the main character needs to convince his love interest that he’s not gay.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Strippers make better cheerleaders.

QUIRKS: A mockbuster of Fired Up, which was a much better movie than this.

TONS of masturbation jokes. The intellectual side of me thinks they are unfunny, but the fun side of me laughs out loud at almost every one. Kind of a cringe, I-don’t-want-to-be-laughing-but-I-still-am type of laugh. Kind of like Sex Pot, and some of the worse National Lampoon movies.

VISUALS: Hot stripper / cheerleaders…. Naked.

SOUNDTRACK: Bad songs you won’t notice because you’re staring at the cheerleaders.

MORALS: Some girls are bitches. So beat them at their own game.

GOOD STUFF: Cheerleaders. Strippers. Cheerleaders. Girls. Cheerleaders. Girls jumping on trampolines topless. Cheerleaders.

BAD STUFF: Not well written. Entirely formulaic and predictable. Not well acted, either. Not nearly as funny as it could be.

CONCLUSION: A poor man’s Fired Up — with Fired Up already being a “poor man’s National Lampoon movie” to begin with.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars (compared to 3.6/5 for Fired Up).
IMDB: 6/10 (compared to 7.6/10 for Fired Up).
I got what I expected: A poor man’s Fired Up.

Carolyn: Netflix: 2/5 stars (compared to 3/5 for Fired Up).
IMDB: 4/10 (compared to 7.6/10 for Fired Up).
“Maybe I would have enjoyed it more if we watched it at like 2AM [NOTE: It was Carolyn who chose to watch it at this time]. Reminded me of Fraternity House too much, fell kind of flat. Fired Up was better.”

The native public rating for this movie is:
IMDB: 3.7/10 (ouch!!) (compared to 6.0/10 for Fired Up).
Netflix: 2.9/5 stars (compared to 3.4/5 for Fired Up).

RECOMMENDATION: The numbers don’t lie. This is a poor man’s Fired Up. Watch it only if you liked Fired Up enough to want more. Or, if you want to see a bunch of cheerleader tits.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Fired Up.

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[IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: Two of the most popular players on the football team decide to ditch football camp, and become cheerleaders so they can go to cheerleader camp instead. Sounds like an improvement to me, football fucking sucks and is 1000X gayer than male cheerleaders looking up cheerleader’s skirts while manhandling them.

PEOPLE: Directed by one of the producers of Andy Richter Controls The Universe.

Starring Nicholas D’Agosto (Claire’s flying love interest from Heroes, Hunter from 3 eps of The Office, Extreme Movie, Psycho Beach Party) and Eric Christian Olsen (Not Another Teen Movie, The Hot Chick). Carly is played by Sarah Roemer (Rachel from Wristcutters:A Love Story, Lacey from The Grudge 2, Ashley from Disturbia). “Older” woman Diora is played by Molly Sims (Stephanie from Yes Man, 100+ eps of Las Vegas the TV show, whatever that is).

The female antagonist, leader of the “evil” Panthers squad, is played by AnnaLynne McCord, none other than fucking murdering bitch Eden from Nip/Tuck. She’s also in the new 90210, and was a carjacker in The Transporter 2. She is such a bitch. I pretty instantly want to just punch her in the face when I see her. After having sex with her, anyway. She’s got the “hot bitch” role covered perfectly. No wonder they put her in 90210.

Speaking of Nip/Tuck, Adhir Kalyan played the Indian kid, and he was the young Indian temporary-partner-surgeon in Nip/Tuck.

(The male antagonist, douchey boyfriend “Dr.” Rick is played by David Walton, who hasn’t really done much.)

The football coach was played by Philip Baker Hall, who was just in Magnolia, which we watched last week. He was also in other movies we’ve seen, like How I Got Into College, Ghostbusters 2, Cigarettes & Coffee, Boogie Nights, The Truman Show, Enemy Of The State, The Sum Of All Fears, The Amityville Horror, as well as 2 eps of Curb Your Enthusiasm and 1 ep of The Life And Times Of Tim.

And oh! A small part by Edie McClurg, who I shall never forget as “Mrs. Poole” from Valerie/Valerie’s Family/The Hogans. She looks just like she did in the 1980s! She was Gammy in Titan Maximum, Louie Anderson’s mom in Life With Louie, a campus tour guide in Van Wilder, Natural Born Killers, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Cheech & Chong‘s Next Movie, and guested on tons of different TV shows. She’s pretty unforgettable.

Lesbian/bi-curious Bianca is played by Danneel Harris (Harold & Kumar 2, Extreme Movie, One Tree Hill, One Life To Live). The black girl she was constantly interested in was Hayley Marie Norman (Amber from Trailer Park Of Terror, Hancock).

And the cheer-camp leader? The guy who said he was born doing spirit fingers out of his mom’s vagina? John Michael Higgins, who voices the hilarious Mentok The Mindtaker in Harvey Birdman:Attorney At Law, was in 5 eps of Arrested Development, 13 of Ally McBeal, and was also in the movies Yes Man, Walk Hard, and Wag The Dog.

The “I’m just sayin…” girl was Margo Harshman, also in Extreme Movie.

There’s actually tons of chicks in this movie — though most are in there briefly. A chick from Glee, a chick from the Friday The 13th reboot movie, a girl who slapped Angela on The Office.

QUIRKS:

Strong on dialog, not plot.

This is actually only a PG-13 movie, and you can tell that some rated-R-level punches have been pulled. They resubmitted it to the MPAA 18 times to get a PG-13 movie. However, there is an unrated version, which is the version we watched. Differences explained here.

The actors are like 30, playing highschoolers. Some found this annoying. Others found this to be a very obvious parody of the age discrepancy found in most of these movies.

The “little girl” who was a freshman schemer almost seemed lifted out of the Parker Lewis Can’t Lose universe.

VISUALS: HOT CHEERLEADERS.

SOUNDTRACK: Lots of pop songs that you don’t end up really noticing for the most part. A common thing for movies like this.

MORALS: Fuck football.

BAD STUFF: Definitely an extremely generic plot, with generic characters.

It’s obviously no Apatow movie…

It’s completely unoriginal and cliche.

A few bad jokes, which is to be expected in a movie full of jokes.

CONCLUSION: This movie had kind of a strange distribution of 5-star moments, 3-star moments, and flat out 2-star moments that just weren’t good. Yet, in the end, it was entertaining and fun, as much as we hate to admit it. It’s kind of hard to go wrong with 100s of cheerleaders.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 3.6/5 stars. IMDB: 7.6/10. A reluctant 8/10, a reluctant/low 4/5 stars
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7.6/10. A reluctant 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.0/10, Netflix: 3.4/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.6/5 stars–above average).

RECOMMENDATION: It’s better than it sounds. Which is what I was hoping for, since I cringe at football. And cheerleading [but not cheerleaders] too.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Described as a re-worked Wedding Crashers, where they crash a cheerleader camp instead of a wedding. I think it’s a bit of a stretch, but I can see why people would make that comparison. But really, this has aspects of Bring It On as well [it’s even on a  TV screen in the movie for a bit].

MOVIE QUOTE: Shawn Colfax: You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.

Coach Keith: I was born cheering! My mother swears the first thing out of her what’s-it was a little pair of baby hands doing spirit fingers!
[laughs]
Coach Keith: That’s a joke! But it really happened.

Nick Brady: Do not poop where you eat, remember? That’s why there are no restaurants called “The Bathroom.”

Dr. Rick: Animal House reference! LOVE IT!

Brewster: [after Rick is punched by Downey] That was for the Crocs. You’re not an old lady gardening or a baby on the beach. OK? Now put on some shoes, you’re embarrassing yourself.

Carly: You know what John Lennon always said.
Shawn Colfax: No, I don’t. I’m not in my fifties. I could ask my dad though.
[smiling]
Carly: Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

Sylvia: [whenever she says or does something that draws attention to herself] … I’m just saying.

COINCIDENCES: Kinda weird to run into Philip Baker Hall again so soon…
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MUSIC + TV SHOWS: Former Ween member Mickey Melchiondo (Dean Ween) sets sights on reality TV stardom with Primus co-star and South Park producers

Looks like there’s a reality-TV show that I might actually watch! This will fill the void left behind by Kenny Vs. Spenny dying down.

LINK URL: http://www.nj.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2013/01/mickey_melchiondo_of_ween_sets.html

[IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: A Manhattan call girl meets several challenges in her life.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Whore leaves  boyfriend.

PEOPLE: Directed by Steven Soderbergh — who makes both movies that I really like (Sex, Lies, & Videotape, Erin Brockovich, Traffic), movies that I hate (Solaris, Full Frontal), and movies that I sorta like but not enough to watch the sequels (Ocean’s Eleven). I’ll be watching The Informant! at a later date, and if I am not impressed, I might start to swear Soderberg off. There’s simply too many movies by him that I don’t like — and I only dislike about 5% of what I watch, so that doesn’t speak well for him.

Starring well-known porn-star Sasha Grey, playing an escort. Not really a huge stretch. It was good casting. Sasha is so reserved and calculating — in real life, in her porn films, and in this movie. Though I’m not really a huge fan of her–her eyebrows wig me out a bit.

Carolyn adds: Sasha Grey‘s face kept reminding me of a mixture between L Dubs and someone else.. but I knew L Dubs wasn’t quite right… then last night sometime, I realized, it wasn’t L Dubs, it was her sister Megan before she became blonde. Just slightly… just enough to make me think of L Dubs and her sisters, but not totally. Her way of talking very very very slightly reminded me of Clint’s friend Pam T.

I can see, a bit, why Carolyn would say that, though I don’t fully agree.

QUIRKS: This movie is basically all dialog. It jumps around in a slightly non-linear fashion. A lot of it was improvised by the mostly non-professional actors it starred.

VISUALS: No, Sasha Grey doesn’t get naked. (Other than 1 brief moment.)

SOUNDTRACK: No score whatsoever. Gives all the dialog a very immediate and personal feel, as if you are part of the conversation. Actually, there’s 2 songs. But they are barely noticeable or present.

MORALS: Too complex to briefly summarize, but there is the basic idea that if you pay someone to be with you, they don’t *REALLY* like you. But at the same time, they show that even this rule can be broken.

POLITICS: A lot of political talk in the movie, but it was never the focus. Just whining about the bad economy, and a guy who insists on voting for McCain because he’s Jewish and wants to ensure Israel still exists. But the movie itself actually isn’t really political, other than showing the effects of the economic downturn on several supporting characters.

BAD STUFF: Slightly confusing with the non-linear aspect, which seems more appropriate in a trippy thriller like Pulp Fiction than in a film like this one, where it distracted from the insight rather than added to the experience. At one point, Carolyn thought she’d get more out of it if she watched it again, so that she would know to pay attention to the continuity.

And of course, people complain about Sasha Grey‘s acting. That she is distant, or cold. THAT’S THE POINT. Getting a real life porn star to play the role only adds to the authenticity of such a distanced and detached portrayal. I knew the role was going to end up portrayed the way it was before I watched the movie. Other people just aren’t getting that, and they aren’t getting that that is the point.

CONCLUSION: An interesting insight into the lives and motivations of “escorts”.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. “It was kind of iffy, almost picked up to a 7.4, then fell back to a 7.0.”

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.8/10, Netflix: 2.5/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 2.8/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: If you’re interested in the mentality of sex workers, check this out.

MOVIE QUOTE:

Chelsea: Sometimes clients think they want the real you, but at the end of the day, they say they don’t. They want what… they want what you want to be. They want you to be something else. They don’t want you to be yourself.
Interviewer: Suppose I’m that rare client that really wants to…
Chelsea: If they wanted you to be yourself, they wouldn’t be paying you. (more…)

WAR ON ALCOHOL: Drunk Driving Permits

I think this is a much better solution than our dead-child-illogic-induced constitutional-shredding.  Drunk driving permits. Brilliant. My idea was more of a “drunk driving hour” (the hour after bars close), but this is a more organized approach. I like the purple flashing lights…

LINK URL: http://randazza.wordpress.com/2013/01/22/drunk-driving-permits/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheLegalSatyricon+%28The+Legal+Satyricon%29

[IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: Kid finds out he’s a half-god. Action ensues.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Kid visits hell for nothing.

PEOPLE: Directed by Chris Columbus, who directed I Love You, Beth Cooper, 2 Harry Potter movies, Adventures In Babysitting, Home Alone, produced the Fantastic Four movies, and wrote Gremlins and The Goonies.

Starring Logan Lerman (Simon in the movie Gamer, Robin Sparrow in The Number 23, The Patriot, What Women Want) as Percy Jackson, who I want to punch in the face approximately the same as Harry Potter, but possibly not quite as much. Or maybe more. It just depends on the moment. Token black horny sidekick played by Brandon T. Jackson (Tropic Thunder). The hot chick / love interest role is played by Alexandra Daddario, who needs more movie roles, and has amazing eyes.

Rosario Dawson (Sin City, Clerks 2, Grindhouse, Kids, Men In Black 2 The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto) has never looked hotter as Persephone. Seriously–I actually didn’t realize it was her because she was too hot. She was clocking in at an 8.5-9.5/10. And we get Pierce Brosnan (James Bond) as well. And Uma Thurman as an unlikely Medusa!

QUIRKS: Based on books. Fantasy action. Modern-world / mythical world duality.

SIMILAR MOVIES: This movie is best described as Harry Potter meets Clash Of The Titans.

VISUALS: High-budget special effects… And a seemingly LSD-influenced scene. Really one of the most drug-influenced scenes I’d seen in awhile.

SOUNDTRACK: Poker Face? Glad I didn’t notice… Ke$ha? Ugh. Fortunately I don’t mind bad music in movies nearly as much as I mind it in my music player :)

MORALS: It’s okay to kill your ex-stepdad if he’s an asshole. [Not really the point of the movie, but this was a funny observation.]

BAD STUFF: Definitely not as rich of a world as Harry Potter. A few awkward moments. It possibly tries a bit too hard at times.

CONCLUSION: We like fantasy, and this was a crisp, polished fantasy production. It had its flaws, but we were entertained nonetheless. Would enjoy this becoming a franchise with many sequels. Mythology is pretty cool.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.6/10. (That is, a low 8/10.)

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.8/10, Netflix: 4.2/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.5/5 stars–interesting that this is so much lower than the average rating). Strange that our IMDB ratings are above the prevailing average, but our Netflix ratings are below the prevailing average.

RECOMMENDATION: For fantasy lovers.

MOVIE QUOTE: Grover: [holding up the Medusa head] Guys, I can’t pee with her watching!

COINCIDENCES: TRIPLE COINCIDENCE TYPE: (real life, Percy Jackson & The Olympians:The Lightning Thief) 2 hr movie we’re watching has a task having to be completed by midnight of the summer solstice. It’s 10PM and tonight’s the solstice! Also, Tik Tok by Ke$ha was in this movie and Carolyn had just sent a Star Trek music video using that song earlier today (and I was surprised I knew what it was then–apparently it was the non-Simpsons-Theme Simpsons intro a bit back). Also, a character’s name is Hades, and the computer playing the movie’s name is Hades too.

Unrelated to this movie, but Alicia Witt turned down Mary-Jane in Spider-Man? Big mistake, lady. You would have been a better choice than Kirsten Dunst.
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CARTOONS: ANIME: Why Robotech is the greatest love story of the 20th century

Okay, this was a great read. Thank you, Ryan!

Love knows no bounds
Love is messy
Love hurts
Love is gross
Love is dumb
Love is all that really matters

Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come.

LINK URL: http://io9.com/5971053/why-robotech-is-the-greatest-love-story-of-the-20th-century

GUNS: Analyzing shooting rampage statistics after Newtown school Shooting

Average deaths in a shooting rampage when stopped by police: 14.3
Average deaths in a shooting rampage when stopped by civilians: 2.3.

It should be noted, though, that that includes unarmed civilians.

So really, a civilian actually doing something reduces the average from 14.3 to 2.6 — 11.7 people saved on average. Them being armed only saves 0.8 lives a shooting (1 life every 4 out of 5 shootings).

The point being: Doing something is better than doing nothing, and waiting for the police is what will give you the lowest odds of surviving. And if someone is going to be a hero – they will a better job at doing so if they have the tools available.

LINK URL: http://www.examiner.com/article/analyzing-shooting-rampage-statistics-after-newport-school-shooting

BOOKS: Lord OF The Rings: The Terrible Secret of Tom Bombadil

Verrrrrrry interesting speculation on Tom Bombadil (who was skipped over in the movies) actually being one of the most evil characters in Middle Earth.

LINK URL: http://km-515.livejournal.com/1042.html