movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Judas became a vampire.

PEOPLE: Wes Craven! A great selection for someone to direct a vampire flick! Starring Gerard Butler (How To Train Your Dragon, Kable from the movie Gamer, Leonidas from 300) as Dracula. Van Helsing is played by Christopher Plummer (Dr. Parnassus from The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus, Charles Muntz from the movie Up, #1 from the movie 9, Twelve Monkeys, Wolf, General Chang from Star Trek 6, Dreamscape). His company buddy Simon is played by Jonny Lee Miller (Aeon Flux movie, Hackers, bit part in Trainspotting, Eli Stone). There’s also a part with Danny Masterson (Hyde from That 70’s Show). And a small part for Nathan Fillion (the captain from Firefly and Serenity). And also Geri Ryan (7 of 9 from Star Trek Voyager–what a hottie). The mystery girl (her reason for inclusion in the movie becomes apparent as the movie progresses, so I won’t spoil it here) is played by Colleen Fitzpatrick, singer of Vitamin C (their CD is behind her in the record store), and occasional performer on TV shows & movies (2 episodes of Daria, a few Hanna Montana eps, and hopefully that is the last time Daria and Hannah Montana will EVER be mentioned in the same sentence!, Naked Gun 2.5, Liar Liar, Hairspray).

QUIRKS: Modern-day vampire movie.

VISUALS: Creepy Dracula reveal! One of the best. Wes Craven is really good at build-ups. He’s not as good at conclusions, but his build-ups are awesome. See also: The Nightmare On Elm Street series.

SOUNDTRACK: More interesting than most: Slayer, Pantera, Static X, Disturbed, Powerman 5000, Monster Magnet, Godhead, System Of A Down. Let’s ignore the fact that Linkin Park was included. Night On Balt Mountain helps make up for that too. Mostly, these are bands I don’t listen to. But these are bands that sound much more like band I do listen to than most soundtracks… I wish I’d noticed the Slayer.

MORALS: Burglary is bad. You don’t know what you’ll find…

GOOD STUFF: The point-of-view scene of Dracula walking through the record store and making all the girls horny. AWESOME. And no sparkling.

BAD STUFF: Some bad acting during the first 10-15min. Some of the deleted scenes — like Dracula’s extended conversation with [highlight for spoilers] Jesus — should have been included.

CONCLUSION: Interesting take on the [highlight for spoilers] Judas thing…. I really thought he was going to turn out to be Jesus! :) This movie, while not spectacular, definitely gave us “one night’s vampire entertainment”, without having to take a romantic route, and without having to take place in the past. I like Wes Craven’s style. While it wasn’t GREAT, it was still good — despite the low IMDB rating.

Clint: Netflix: 3.6/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. (A low 4/5, 7/10.)
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 4.8/10 (wow! low!), Netflix: 3.1/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 2.9/5 stars–lower than average! WRONG!).

RECOMMENDATION: Vampire completists and Wes Craven fans should check this out. If you’re expecting a lot of vampire killing action — like in, say, John Carpenter‘s so-so vampire movies, or in the Blade movies — you may be disappointed. There’s only approximately 4 vampires in the whole movie.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Actually has 2 sequels! #3 has a higher rating than #2.

MOVIE QUOTE: Simon: “Never, ever fuck with an antiques dealer.”

Solina: You know, it’s a special thing to be chosen. Feels like being born.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Rachel Weird: “Drac 2K is a great movie. The soundtrack is great too. I know I have it on VHS somewhere…”

Morgan Procter: “@Rachel: When my friends and I got out of the theater, our first comment was, “That should’ve been titled ‘Drac 2K’!””

Mood: survived almost choking to death just now
Music: Carnivore – The Subhuman