July 2013

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Extracted (2012)

A very interesting premise: Being able to scientifically observe *other* peoples’ memories, thanks to corporations perverting technology originally meant for people to examine their *own* memories as a way of dealing with trauma. Now what happens if you get stuck in someone? This comes off like The Host meets The Cell (but with no romance).

However: Such a slow, slow, slow build-up. 40-50 minutes. But then it got interesting. And stayed interesting. Hell, it got so interesting it actually felt a bit rushed at the end.

I think this movie could have benefited from some better editing. It could have been a 4/5-star, 8/10 movie easily. Maybe even better. But it missed its mark a bit.

Written & directed by Nir Paniry.
Starring Sasha Roiz as Tom.
Jenny Mollen (Crazy, Stupid, Love) as Abbey, Tom’s wife.
Dominic Bogart as Anthony, the heroin addict.
Richard Riehle (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Miss Nobody, Hatchet, Palindromes, Mysterious Skin, Dorm Daze 2, 1 ep of The Legend Of Korra) as Father Riley, the prison priest.
Nick Jameson (President Yuri Suvarov in 24, Batman: Year One, Eurotrip, Beowulf, The Critic, 15 eps of Spider-Man-TAS (1990s), 13 eps of Mission Hill, 6 eps of Star Wars: Clone Wars, 1 ep of Star Wars: The Clone Wars) as Richard, the PR seller.
Rodney Eastman (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 & 4, 1 ep of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) as Eric, Anthony’s drug-dealer friend.
Frank Ashmore (the original V, Airplane!, 6 eps of The Guild) as Martino.
Ty Simpkins (47 eps of The Guiding Light, Iron Man 3) as Young Anthony.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1757746/combined

VIDEO: Shrek The Dark Ogrelord

Today’s moment of WTF is 36 seconds of disturbing Source Filmmaker Shrek Vs. Hitler…ness.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_APupKyHeE

VIDEO: Hannah Montana Coon Repellent: Bold Yet Sassy

Having had a lot of raccoon experiences in my current house, I ended up at this video………. A must-see if you don’t mind raccoon, rednecks, and Hannah Montana body spray.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3gqTxMHZzw

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: Some people sail and then walk and some fighting happens occasionally. The end.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Boring people go on a boring quest and [highlight for spoilers] die pointlessly and boringly.

PEOPLE: Directed and co-written by Nicolas Winding Refn — Let’s make sure to never watch anything of his. One Eye (who represents Odin) played by Mads Mikkelsen (Clash Of The Titans: Draco). Jamie Sives was in Clash Of The Titans and this movie as well. Mostly, these are like Norwegian actors or something.

QUIRKS: Fantasy quest, Christian/Pagan tension. But NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT action.

The story caused me to keep thinking of the Sabbat Dreamweaver album during, as a lot of the story had similar aspects to the Way Of The Wyrd story Dreamweaver is based on. Specific parts of the movie were analogous to specific songs on the album (mostly side 1). Even up to the point of the Wyrd sisters buzzing as a swarm of bees in the book/album — in this movie, there was a inexplicable and almost spiritual swarm of flies in a similar fashion. Except nothing ever came of that or anything else in the movie! Or, rather, it’s all over our heads because our heads aren’t in the cloud. Such an annoying movie. Someone said it’s a “tone poem”, whatever the fuck that is. Also described as “dime store spirituality”.

VISUALS: It definitely had an interesting visual style, and a unique cinematography. But it didn’t live up to its potential at all.

SOUNDTRACK: Bleak, blowing wind. No, actually, they had some modern music during certain scenes. It helped add tension. Of coursed this tension was never really resolved, so it was just masturbation.

MORALS: Fuck if I know.

POLITICS: Christians suck.

GOOD STUFF: Had it’s visceral, violent moments. The “arrow that I felt the most of any arrow in any movie ever”. VERY surprising, VERY well done. Best arrow shot in a movie ever. And still not worth it — [highlight for spoilers] they never say who it came from, and while they stop using their ship after that, they still stand about in the open as if another arrow coming isn’t within the realm of possibility. So fucking stupid.. They had good elements and managed to fail to make a good movie with them.

There is definitely an “unreleting sense of despair and pathos”, if you’re into that.


Seriously, hardly anything happens. We watched the Astro Boy movie after this movie, and more happened in the first 2 minutes Astro Boy than in all 90 minutes of this movie.

Spirituality and religion interest me. I don’t feel spirituality. I’m not going to empathize with spiritual bullshit. Not at THIS pace.


This trailer probably includes over half the dialog and events that occur in the whole movie…

CONCLUSION: STAY AWAY! If there was a point to that, I don’t know what it was. It seemed like there was supposed to be some deeper message to it, but we didn’t get it. Maybe it was this. It was just completely slow and boring, with moments of brief, intense violence. One of the slowest, most boring films I’ve ever seen in my life. Nobody moves. Nobody talks. Cinematic masturbatory stupidity.

Clint: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 4/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 4/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.9/10, Netflix: 3.3/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.0/5 stars–How right it was that we would like this less than average).


SIMILAR MOVIES: The slow pacing kept reminding me of the feeling of watching the movie Avalon [the one about the video game] — especially Avalon’s later half — except with hardly anything interesting going on. Just people on a silent quest to nowhere doing nothing.

But in fact, this movie was probably closer to Dust Devil than anything else I’ve seen. Except Dust Devil had more interesting visuals, far more dialog and audio, and wasn’t nearly as boring or incoherent.

Dead Man also comes to mind, but Dead Man had humor to take the edge off the pointlessness. This… didn’t. Any chance to redeem itself was missed.

Or maybe Eraserhead — that was full of despair and emptiness. But at least we get the Lady In The Radiator / In Heaven song, the dancing chicken, and all that David Lynch surrealness. None of that here. Just the despair and emptiness.

MOVIE QUOTE: Viking chief: “He’s never belonged to anyone for more than 5 years, your time has passed, mine has come.” Pffft.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Matt D said to not watch it, it’s the most boring thing ever. He’s right.



VIDEO: SHOWS: REVIEW: Todd & The Book Of Pure Evil (2010)

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Dazed and Confused meets Tales From the Crypt wrapped inside a GWAR video”

This show is one of the awesomest things I have ever witnessed on television.

Not the BEST.. But one of the awesomest.

Check out John The Canadien’s review of this show, which he watched based on my recommendation! Thanks John!

LINK URL: http://igottarambleon.wordpress.com/2013/07/17/todd-the-book-of-pure-evil-2010/#comment-4928

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Batman fails to murder murderers, resulting in murder.

PEOPLE: Directed by Brandon Vietti, who did the excellent Superman/Doomsday movie, and who helped save the Batman:Brave And The Bold cartoon by creating better episodes in Season 2 than ever existed in Season 1. He also directed half of The Batman episodes, and even worked on the old Roughnecks Starship Troopers Chronicles series a bit.

Batman voiced by Bruce Greenwood (Commander Pike from the Star Trek reboot movie, the President in National Treasure 2, I,Robot, Knots Landing, St. Elsewhere). The Red Hood voiced by Jensen Ackles (Jason Teague from 22 eps of Smallville, Alec from Dark Angel, Dawson’s Creek, Supernatural). Joker is played by John DiMaggio — i.e. Bender from Futurama, Finn from Adventure Time With Finn & Jake, Aqua Man from Batman:The Brave And The Bold, Spectacular Spider-Man, etc. Nightwing/original Robin is played by Neil Patrick Harris! Commissioner is played by Gary Cole. Black Mask’s assistant by Kelly Hu. Hell, even Fred Tatasciore, the live-action Incredible Hulk from the 70’s show, is in this, as well as Kevin Michael Richardson, and Phil LaMarr.

Bender’s voice as The Joker was quite an interesting choice after being sooo used to it being Mark Hamill. These Bruce Timm-produced Batman movies have started to break their previous trends of always having Kevin Conroy as Batman, always having Mark Hamill as The Joker. It makes it different. This Joker is a scarier, more realistic, more violent joker, like something out of The Dark Night. He’s not nearly as comedic of a Joker as Mark Hamill and some of the other Jokers we’ve seen in the older Batman movies and series. The comparison has been made by people on the IMDB forum: Hamill is an animated Jack Nicholson, while DiMaggio is an animated Heath Ledger. Take your pick. Though some people say both sound the same, citing that Mark Hamill’s depiction of the Joker in recent movies has been increasingly dark/Legerish and decreasingly cartoon-crazy/Nicholson-ish. Anyway, here’s how he sounds, assuming this video remains on YouTube:

QUIRKS: Pretty damn violent!! Some intense fighting scenes! Major character deaths, and other deaths. And yet, they still held back a bit, compared to the murderfest most live action movies are. This earned a PG-13 rating for violence and drug references, like most of the DC Universe Animated Original movies since 2007 [they’ve been making about 3 a year]. But there still should have been more blood. Not more violence, but more blood for the existing amount of violence. That aspect made it feel a bit kid-ified.

Definitely some twists that we didn’t see coming.

Maybe this scene (major spoilers) from the comic should have been left in?

VISUALS: Animation style is remarkably like the 1990s Batman cartoons. But still different, improved, and obviously higher-budget.

Carolyn said Batman‘s boots were like real boots, unlike how they are normally more like “stocking boots”.

MORALS: Revenge versus justice, a standard Batman theme.

GOOD STUFF: This is the Batman the 1990’s series could have been, were it not for the limits of broadcast television imposed by censoring parents.

BAD STUFF: First off, it should have been much longer than 1h15min. Second off: Using Black Mask–he’s kind of corny to me. Thirdly, the ending bugged me a little bit, I felt it was too ambiguous. They tried something artsy and instead of being straightforward, it just made it lacking on closure (spoilers).

CONCLUSION: One of the best animated Batman movies ever, if not the best.

Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8.4/10. (a low 9)
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.9/10, Netflix: 4.2/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.8/5 stars–Netflix knows we love Batman cartoons!).

RECOMMENDATION: Animated superhero lovers MUST check this out! Esp. if you liked the old Batman 1990s series!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Any of the DC Universe Animated Original movies since 2007–they’ve been making about 3 a year. Particularly Batman & Superman:Public Enemies, for having both Batman and for being surprisingly violent.

MOVIE QUOTE: Red Hood: Those are the heads of all of your lieutenants. That took me two hours. You wanna see what I get done in a whole evening?

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] The director of Perfect Blue, Satoshi Kon, just died (as of writing this review in 8/2010), and this was a recommended movie that he also worked on. Thanks Ben Wu!

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Technology kills thousands of people.

PEOPLE: Directed by Satoshi Kon.

QUIRKS: Based on a book. Dreams, reality, and blurring the line between. Lots of WTF moments. And probably a lot of of deeper symbolism and meaning that we probably totally missed. A machine is created that lets people infiltrate other peoples’ dreams. But then it gets stolen, leading to what more or less constitutes “dream terrorism”.

VISUALS: Awesome dreamworld visuals!

MORALS: …Not sure. There’s probably one in there somewhere. It was too deep for me to notice :)

POLITICS: Technology can be dangerous.

BAD STUFF: One flaw was using some techno mumbo-jumbo to advance things, but you can’t really expect such things to really be explained. There’s no hard science to state how the dream infiltrating device works. That’s okay. Another flaw is that there are subplots that don’t really seem to be that connected. The solving of the murder in the Detective’s past simply doesn’t seem like it’s necessary to advance the story about dreams and reality colliding. Also, the mumbo-jumbo that people said in their dreams was completely meaningless — it might have been nice if it was a bit more relevant, rather than, “I’m crazy now and am staying crazy stuff.” Other than the seemingly superfluous murder subplot, these flaws barely detract from what is a fine, fine anime. I can’t believe that people complain that [highlight for spoilers] the fat guy got the girl! Superficial dicks.

CONCLUSION: Pretty amazing, surreal movie. Animated dreamworld made it quite a visual treat, in addition to a hell of a better dream-related story than Dreamscape or The Cell (both of which I loved). TRIPPY AND FUN!

Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.7/10, Netflix: 3.7/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.1/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: Don’t watch this dubbed! Bad translations. ALWAYS WATCH ANIME SUBBED, NOT DUBBED.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Satoshi Kun’s next movie, The Dreaming Machine, will probably continue to be produced after his death. It’s probably out by the time this review was actually posted to my blog. It’s supposed to be on somewhat similar subject matter, but more aimed at kids. It’s not Paprika 2.

Also, Paprika is supposedly being remade in 2013, but details are sparse.

People keep mentioning Inception, and whether it “ripped off” this movie (even though Inception development began in 2000); it’s a hot topic on Paprika’s IMDB board.


Paprika: Don’t you think dreams and the Internet are similar? They are both areas where the repressed conscious mind vents.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Well, I know Ben Wu recommends this, cause he was the one who told us to watch it! (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: A man becomes immor[t]al, via a magical painting that changes over time, while he does not.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Hedonism: You burn in the end, but it’s still totally worth it.

PEOPLE: Directed by Oliver Parker (St. Trinian’s 1-3, The Importance Of Being Earnest). Lord Henry Wotton, the corruptor [intentional misspelling!] of this film, is played by Colin Firth (Geoffrey Thwaites from the new St. Trinian’s movies, Bridget Jones’s Diary, Shakespeare In Love). Dorian Gray is played by Ben Barnes (Prince Caspian from the recent Prince Caspain movie, young Dunstan from Stardust). Also with Emilia Fox (The Pianist), Rebecca Hall.

QUIRKS: Based on Oscar Wilde’s book. Technically a remake, since The Picture Of Dorian Gray has been adapted to film before (in 1913, 1915, 1916, 1917, 1918, 1945, 1970, 1973, 1974, 1976, 1978, 2001, 2004, and 2005). I had no clue this has been done OVER AND OVER so many times. I have no clue which one I grew up on, but it was one of the old black & white ones, the type of movie that American Movie Classics or TBS would play. Anyway, here is an IMDB post listing how the various adaptations have changed the story. It’s a response to haters hatin’.

UPDATE! After I wrote this review, my mom chimed in: “You watched the 1945 version w/ the great George Sanders as the witty-as-acid Lord Henry.  The Hayes code prevented any of the hedonism to be shown, so it’s only implied–but there’s a real creepiness to Dorian’s underbelly.  I still love this movie.  Btw, it IS in black and white, but the painting is filmed in color!”

VISUALS: The painting itself was kind of lame with the bugs & worms and such; they could have maybe done better with that, and shown it more. It was still more polished and high-budget than the painting I saw in the black & white version — that just looked increasingly haggard and aged… But I don’t know that it was better per se. Just more expensive to produce.

SOUNDTRACK: Classical – this movie takes place in the old days. Like 1800s-ish.

MORALS: Yes, this movie is full of morals. Basically, that you shouldn’t follow them. You should be completely hedonistic and amoral (not necessarily immoral). Of course, the ultimate fate of Dorian Gray is one of judgment and retribution, which kind of ruins the story for me. I’ve always understood that is the point, and I’ve always liked the descent into hedonism far more than the “karma” received for that hedonism.

BAD STUFF: Trains don’t approach silently! C’mon! That’s so retarded.

CONCLUSION: I think I might have been expecting more, but it’s probably that I simply didn’t remember the original very well, and amplified my expectations through nostalgia-colored glasses. The ending seemed to come so suddenly. That bugged me. I didn’t realize it was approaching. Bad pacing, or my own fault? I don’t know. The whole story seemed a bit preachier than I remember–I liked the first half of decadence and hedonism more than the second half of morality-driven regret. I suppose the message may be lost on one like myself, who doesn’t believe in final judgment, traditional morals, or an afterlife. I did enjoy the gentlemanly subtlety. It added a nice flavor to the absolute hedonism. Definitely glad I checked this out.

Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7.2/10 (slightly better than the average 7).
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.6/10 (a low 8).

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.4/10, Netflix: 3.5/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.1/5 stars–pretty damn accurate!).

RECOMMENDATION: If you’re familiar with the story, you should definitely check it out. If not, maybe you should watch it so you are familiar with the story. Oscar Wilde wrote some good stories (or so I hear)!


Lord Henry Wotton: [dismissively] ‘Conscience.’ It’s just a polite word for ‘cowardice.’ No civilized man regrets a pleasure.

Lord Henry Wotton: People die of common sense, Dorian, one lost moment at a time. Life is a moment. There is no hereafter. So make it burn always with the hardest flame.

Lord Henry Wotton: There’s no shame in pleasure. Man just wants to be happy. But society wants him to be good. And when he’s good, he’s rarely happy. But when he’s happy, he’s always good.

MOM’S REVIEW: We watched it last night and I didn’t like it at all.  I guess what surprised me most was how slow it was.  The ’45 version didn’t have any explicit scenes of Dorian’s debauchery (his behavior was just hinted at) but it actually seemed more creepy and moved along at a faster pace.  Also, Dorian’s transformation–from innocent boy to hedonistic monster–didn’t seem so abrupt.  I was also disappointed in Colin Firth as Lord Henry.  Firth SEEMS like a good choice for the character, but they made him too much of an out-and-out “devil.”  In the book (and in the earlier film), he’s just “mildly” evil (ha ha), a sort of witty, caustic, morally vacuous figure whose influence isn’t quite so hands-on.  It was subtler and, again, more creepy.  As for the picture, I was disappointed in that too.  In spite of the CGI, it didn’t seem dissipated ENOUGH.  Almost anticlimatic.  I’m not saying the ’45 version is definitive–obviously, it was held back by the code and concluded a silly religious “redemption” ending –but it was more atmospheric and (to me) chilling.  Maybe the definitive version  is yet to come.


Happy 4th Of July!

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix: Vol. 1 Vol. 2] [Wikipedia link] [Retrojunk.com] Fox Kids had the best 1990’s cartoons! Too bad Disney took over…

PEOPLE: A lot of 1990s cartoon voice staples, such as Kath Soucie (Cubert Farnsworth, Phil & Lil from Rugrats, Dexter’s Mom from Dexter’s Lab, Bubbles from the PowerPuff Girls pilots [but not the series; Tara Strong took over], The Wyrd Sisters from Gargoyles, and tons more), Ed Gilbert, Susan Silo, Rodger Bumpass (Professor Membrane from Invader Zim), and Gregg Berger (Cornfed from Duckman, Odie from Garfield & Friends [who was surprisingly NOT played by Frank Welker], Kay from Men In Black:TAS). All voice actors we’re intimiately familiar with — especially Kath Soucie, who’s always instantly recognizeable (though we sometimes confuse her with E.G. Dailey).

PLOT SUMMARY: The Toxic Avenger is now part of a team of hideously deformed creatures of superhuman size and strength.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Idiotic super-villain refuses to listen to his ugly henchman.

QUIRKS: VERY VERY campy. They’ve done for cartoons what Troma usually does for movie: Satirized them in a form that is objectively bad, but subjectively good. It’s an art that only Troma seems to have truly mastered.

VISUALS: Dated 1980’s-ish animation — just like the Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes series.

SOUNDTRACK: The soundtrack is cheesy, yet it’s rockin’ and grows on you! Hah!

MORALS: Pollution is bad.

POLITICS: The government is corrupt — fatso evil mayor, just like in the movies.

GOOD STUFF: It’s so bad it’s good. It’s actually appropriate for little kids, yet made us “big kids” laugh out loud during every episode.

BAD STUFF: It’s a low budget campy cartoon. Something that came out in 1991, but looks more like it came out in the early 1980s. Of course, I declare, “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!”

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: It was basically the Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes cartoon. How did I rate AOTKT? I probably only gave that one 3 stars [I think you rated it higher! -CL], but I think since we’re on such a Toxic Avenger/Troma kick, Toxic Crusaders was pushed up to 4 stars instead of just 3. So even though I think AOTKT was a better cartoon, I think I enjoyed Toxic Crusaders more…. but just barely.

Carolyn’s ranking of characters:

Dr. Killemoff
Toxie’s mom

Wait, who am I missing? Anyway, I wasn’t too fond of JunkYard, but I found No-Zone more annoying… All the characters were annoying, except Toxie. Clint disagrees, thinking Junkyard is by far the most annoying and useless character; by a long shot. No-Zone actually gets shit done. He has POWERS>

Psycho was my favorite villain.

I loved Toxie’s narration voiceover, and when the characters would talk back to the narrator. Hilarious.

Kath Soucie did a great job making Yvonne a horrible singer. I can see why Phoebe Legere (who is on twitter) would be annoyed if she thought that Yvonne was based on her. “You made my cartoon character so annoying! I hate you, Lloyd Kaufman!”

Here’s a YouTube video of Phoebe Legere in an unrelated performance, looking very much like she did in The Toxic Avenger 2 and The Toxic Avenger 3:

CONCLUSION: Hilariously campy childrens’ cartoon that simultaneously satirizes itself and other childrens’ cartoons. So bad it’s good, just like almost everything Troma sticks its finger into.

Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10. The campiness is actually why it’s good, in this case. Like Troma in general. They do badgood well.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.9/10, Netflix: 2.7/5 and 2.4/5 stars (yes, the 2 discs have different ratings for some reason.) So most Netflix people didn’t like it. The movie (which is just the first 3 episodes edited together) got 2.8/5 stars.

RECOMMENDATION: A must for Troma completist cartoon lovers, or anyone who loved the Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes animated series.

SIMILAR CARTOONS: This is pretty much the exact same cartoon as Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes:TAS!

There was a comic book of this too — you can find scans on bittorrent sites.

They were going to make a movie, but New Line fucked Troma. They bought the rights to use it as leverage against the owners of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They never used them. Troma sued New Line and won. Two characters from this cartoon are rumored to be in the upcoming Toxic Avenger 5 movie.

MOVIE QUOTE: “…hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength…”


**(Men At Work, Toxic Crusaders:Invasion Of The Biddy Snatchers) 2 videos in the same night with people having their boss appoint someone to watch them do their jobs against their will, also with plots that could not exist without toxic waste.

+(real life: yard work, Toxic Crusaders #12) The day I sharpened my sheers, and cut myself on them, we watched a Toxic Crusaders episode with a villain who had shears for hands.


Here’s an official commercial:

Here’s a fan-made video trailer:

A review of the action figures:

There was a Sega Genesis video game:

As well as a Nintendo game:

A video of the comics books being shown? Weird:

OOH! Fan-made stop-motion animation using the action figures! Robot Chicken should have done this, but better:

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Another review] The last Toxic Avenger sequel! Don’t watch this on Hulu or Fearnet, it’s censored!

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Terrorists kill retards.

PEOPLE: Cameos! Lemmy (of Motorhead fame)!!! Corey Feldman (who Clint thought was in the 1st movie, but wasn’t, but didn’t notice this time!)! Stan lee narrates (prologue/epilogue). Hugh Hefner as The President. Ron Jeremy as the Mayor. Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf as God. Fellow SubGenius Morgon Proctor in it for a bit as an extra!

A *third* actress for Toxie’s girlfriend Sarah/Claire (no, they couldn’t bother to use the same name OR actress in the various sequels, even though it’s very obvious it’s the same character. They addressed this in this movie by using both names.) The first was the hottest, the second often tricked you into thinking she was the hottest, because she was so slutty looking, sluttily acting, and unwholesome looking. This third one is still friggin’ hot, but so damn vapid and annoying that it detracts from her hotness. Don’t get me started on her alternate-universe version…

Eli Roth (Hostel, Inglourious Basterds) was in this too! As “beautiful young boy”. No, we did not notice. Yes, he is apparently friends with people in Troma and sometimes appears in minor roles in their films.

Mitch Cohen, original Toxie, is the one lynched by the KKK after he gives him blackface by burning his face on a hot car engine.

The girl who played Sweetie Honey, Lisa Terezakis, managed to get in 2 episodes of Strangers With Candy (which I don’t like).

Pompey (the black guy who became bodiless) played an uncredited fireman in the awesome comedy Grandma’s Boy.

QUIRKS: Yes, this deals with an alternate universe! It’s the most “sci-fi” of any of the 4 Toxic Avenger movies! The alternate Tromaville is Amortville; the alternate Toxic Avenger is the Noxious Offender.

Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD is one of the main characters in this sequel — so fans of that Troma character should benefit from this.

This movie succeeds in being tasteless — the opening scene involves the mass murder of a bunch of retarded schoolchildren. And that’s just the *start*…

VISUALS: Just like any Troma movie! Bad-but-still-incredibly-gross special effects.

SOUNDTRACK: Just like in Toxic Avenger 1, they use Grieg’s Night On Bald Mountain — one of many ways in which this sequel is better than the previous two sequels.

MORALS: In a Troma movie?!?! Yeah, right!

GOOD STUFF: This is much more in the spirit of the original Toxic Avenger 1. Toxic Avenger 2 and Toxic Avenger 3 just weren’t nearly as good, but this is almost back up there with the original!

BAD STUFF: Carolyn thought there were parts that weren’t good.

CONCLUSION: This is the sequel that fixed the Toxic Avenger franchise! After two so-so sequels, this one finally did the original justice!


Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.4/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.3/10, Netflix: 3.0/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.7/5 stars–IT KNOWS!!).

IMDB ratings for all 4 Toxic Avenger movies: 1:5.8, 2:4.5, 3:3.2, 4:6.3. So this is the highest-rated one, by IMDB rating.
Netflix ratings for all 4 Toxic Avenger movies: 1:3.0, 2:2.9, 3:2.8, 4:3.0. So this is on par with the original, by Netflix rating.

RECOMMENDATION: Toxic Avenger fans who gave up after the first two sequels: You should actually check this out. It’s better than the previous two sequels!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Every Troma movie ever. Look for Toxic Avenger 5 in 2011 or so: He’s going to be dealing with raising children, and erectile dysfunction. So I hear.


“Drop your tacos or I’ll blow your brains out!” Always good.

Tito: Oh, GROSS! This whiskey tastes like pregnant lady piss!

God: And tell the Pope to stop talking about me, he doesn’t know me and tell him that his hat looks fucking stupid.

Tito: Listen, bitch! Just because I’m a tard, doesn’t mean you have to treat me like one. But because I’m “special”, I don’t think I’m ever going to get laid. So why can’t I masturbate?

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Several people I talked to seemed to indicate that this was the one sequel they remembered the most. Hell, one was *IN* the film. Good stuff.

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Wikipedia page] We skipped watching The Toxic Avenger 2, because we saw it in 2007 (this review was written summer of 2010). So we went straight from rewatching #1, to watching #3. Yeah, that’s kind of a weird way to watch these movies. We did spend ~20 minutes reviewing The Toxic Avenger 2, just to re-familiarize ourselves with the events. Apparently, you can watch this movie online for free HERE. No clue if that’s legal.

PLOT SUMMARY: The Toxic Avenger ends up making a deal with the devil in order to restore his blind girlfriend’s sight.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): God only cares about the Toxic Avenger.

PEOPLE: Not sure why 2 different actors played The Toxic Avenger in this movie! Neither one played him in The Toxic Avenger 1 OR The Toxic Avenger 4. Go figure. And Toxie’s mother is a different actress too–Jessica Dublin! And his father is nowhere to be seen. His blind girlfriend, however, is still the same actress as Toxic Avenger 2 (but not 1). And Cigar Face from Toxic Avenger 1 is back, only he’s not Cigar Face. He’s still just as ridiculous, though. And still has a cigar. The devil? He was actually an unnamed bully in Toxic Avenger 1, was in Troma‘s War, and comes back for Toxic Avenger 4 — as a police chief. And non-Toxic Melvin? A different actor too! Mark Torgle didn’t want to reprise his role.

Yes, nothing matters here, and none of these actors ever go anywhere. With a few exceptions, as usual. One of the Apocalypse, Inc., executives was played by Paul Borghese, who has actually been in non-Troma movies I’ve heard of (but not watched). Same situation with Benny Nieves, Carl Burrows, and Michael Jai White.

Indeed, Michael Jai White (who is black) is the big exception here: He played Black Dynamite! He played Spawn in the Spawn movie! Has was in The Dark Knight! His first 2 movie roles ever were in The Toxic Avenger 2 and 3! Wow.

Supposedly you can see Daphne Zuniga (Spaceballs) in the video store scene, but I don’t believe this to actually be true.

QUIRKS: Same as the last movies, only this one is longer and bit more drawn out. Half this film is made from footage they didn’t use from The Toxic Avenger 2!

VISUALS: Maybe not quite as gory as The Toxic Avenger 1?

SOUNDTRACK: More crappy 80s music. No more Grieg ):

MORALS: Pollution and the devil are bad, mmm’kay?!

GOOD STUFF: From IMDB trivia: “Rick Collins said that during production, three child extras were scared of him in the Devil make up. When he convinced the first two children that it was only make up and even offered for them to feel it, they did and were no longer scared. However, when the third child tried to feel it, he did the Devil’s scream and since then, he has admitted he felt bad about doing it.” That’s hilarious.

BAD STUFF: The normal purposely bad stuff found in Troma movies: A good 75% of all dialog in the movie is ADR overdubs. It’s rare to actually hear the sound from someone actually talking. That is the typical tradition of the Toxic Avenger movies: good “enough”.

I could do without the religion, but since it’s a comedy, it’s not painful.

The final battle is VERY long. I kept falling asleep (which is not entirely the movie’s fault; I forgot my alcohol tolerance was lower because I haven’t been drinking daily anymore). Had to re-watch parts of it. It’s still pretty damn long.

CONCLUSION: While not as brilliant or funny as the first Toxic Avenger, and definitely longer and more drawn out, this still contains most of the elements that made The Toxic Avenger a Troma staple.

Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. “I enjoyed it slightly more than the 1st movie, but it was still a b-movie that was ridiculous.” (I can’t believe she enjoyed this more than The Toxic Avenger 1!)

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 3.2/10 (OUCH! I believe that’s Bottom 100 Movies Ever territory), Netflix: 2.8/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.1/5 stars–they knew we’d like it more than average).

RECOMMENDATION: Worth checking out if you are a Toxic Avenger fanboy.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Most Troma movies :)

MOVIE QUOTE: The Chairman of Apocalypse Inc.: I’m a man of wealth and taste.

COINCIDENCES: Right when I took the first bite of my chocolate pudding, they went into a shitting scene. Like, fart noises as the pudding goes into my mouth. Lovely.


 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Wikipedia page]

PLOT SUMMARY: An origin story. The creation a heroic monster that will defend Tromaville from evil — via ultraviolence.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Vigilante murderer hailed as hero by a town of polluters.

PEOPLE: Directed by Troma founders/presidents Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Hurz.

A bunch of b-rate actors that went nowhere. Some were re-used in other Troma movies, like Class Of Nuke ‘Em High, but even then, that would usually be the final nail in the coffin of their careers. THESE ARE NOT GOOD ACTORS. These remind me of the types of people John Waters would put in his film. Seriously, you can click down the IMDB names and just see how this killed everyone’s career (or, more realistically, these people had no real talent). However, they are quite consistent with each other, and the bad acting does a really good job of painting the crazy world these events occur in.

Gary Schneider at least went on to be part of the douche crew in the b-movie Beach Balls, which I loved growing up.

A notable(?) exception is Patrick Kilpatrick (what a name! he kills himself?). He at least managed to guest star in eps of Nip/Tuck and 24, and had a regular part on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, and does plenty of movies, like Minority Report. He was the one who screams, “All right everybody, drop your tacos or I’ll blow your brains out.” And this somehow started a acting career that still goes on today. And Michael Russo, who played Rico [of the same gang], managed to play a popcorn vendor in National Treasure 1. He did some horror movies in the 90s, and mostly just works as a stunt coordinator now.

And no, that guy “Slug” isn’t Corey Feldman or Ashton Kutcher (Kelso from That 70’s Show), but damn does he look like them at times. I do think it’s interesting that the guy who plays Cigar Face ends up playing a police sergeant in Toxic Avenger 4. And no, the guy who does the voice (only) for The Toxic Avenger never reprises his role, so the voice is different in future Toxic Avenger movies.

Future Oscar-winner Marisa Tomei is an extra walking out of the shower.

QUIRKS: Camp: Bad acting, campy special effects. TOTAL B-MOVIE. But this is one of the best b-movies ever made! Senseless ULTRA-violence. Things you’ve never seen in a movie before: Kids being run over, shotguns being held to the head of babies (the actor–Patrick Kilpatrick, mentioned above–quit after that scene), hot girls relishing in bloodlust, dogs suffering after being shot. References A Clockwork Orange, Death Race 2000. Tiny Toons Adventures S1E10 (Looking Out For The Little Guy) is a spoof of The Toxic Avenger movie. Spaced (UK) uses Toxic Avenger music in episode #3.

This director’s cut is 12 minutes 40 seconds longer. Yet, none of these scenes described in this page were in the movie we watched! Even though it’s labeled as Unrated Director’s Cut and specifically has an intro by Lloyd Kaufman stating this is the director’s cut! WTF, mang?!?!

VISUALS: Campy special effects. Total gross-outs. Girls going topless. The shit you relish when you’re a kid growing up.

THIS IS A FULLSCREEN, NOT WIDESCREEN movie. If you watch a widescreen version, you’re watching a cropped version. Unless you get the 1988 laserdisc, which is in the original 1.85:1 aspect ratio.

SOUNDTRACK: Corny 1980’s music composed by absolute nobodies. Plus, plenty of use of Grieg’s Night On Bald Mountain — the only classical music I’ve ever moshed to.

MORALS: Vigilante murder is okay, as long as you only kill evil people.

POLITICS: The government is often corrupt.

GOOD STUFF: It’s hilariously horrifying! And quite titillating — the hot blind girl definitely gave a million teens growing up in the 1980s and 1990s a fetish for blind women. After all, no matter how much of a pimply teenager you are, a hot blind girl won’t reject you for being ugly. That just makes her that much more receptive and open, which makes her much more attractive. Praise Toxic Avenger, creator of the blind girl fetish! She was played by Andree Maranda, who released some music under the stage name of Lexy and later became a real-estate agent.

The Lloyd Kaufman audiocommentary is pretty good – lots of DVD extras. I swear, Troma and AdultSwim are the 2 biggest releasers of dvd extras!

BAD STUFF: Some of the most horrible acting you will ever see. You can pretty much open up the IMDB page for every actor in this movie, and see that they ALL rapidly went NOWHERE.

CONCLUSION: This is the classic iconic original Troma horror movie. Hilarious ultra-violence, bad acting and campy dialog that rivals early John Waters, goddamn, I forgot how much I loved this.

Clint: I’d rated this 3/5 stars on Netflix a few years ago, but I hadn’t seen it in a long time. Seeing it really made me remember how much I loved this movie, so now it gets 5 stars: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. “It was a fun movie, and it had horrifying moments.”

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.8/10, Netflix: 3.0/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.6/5 stars–Netflix definitely knows I like this more than average.)

RECOMMENDATION: If you’ve never seen a Troma movie, THIS IS *THE* ONE TO START WITH.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Most old Troma and Lloyd Kaufman-directed movies have the same feel as this — but make sure to check out The Toxic Avenger 2 (which we watched in 2007), 3, 4, and The Toxic Avengers animated series. And The Toxic Avenger 5: Toxic Twins is scheduled for 2011, a full 27 years after the original!!!! There is also a remake of the original movie in progress as well, scheduled for 2013 release. There are also Toxic Avenger comics, a novel, and musical stage adaptations!

But really, while there may be movies *similar* to this one, there’s nothing exactly like the original Toxic Avenger!


The Authorities: “It’s not human, it’s an ‘it’. You KILL an ‘it’.”

Cigar Face: Honest cops are all alike. A bunch of fucking faggots.

Cigar Face: I owe you for the other night monster faggot. So now we’re going to give you six new assholes. Compliments of me Cigar Face.

Leroy: All right everybody, drop your tacos or I’ll blow your brains out.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: I assume a lot of my friends love this movie, especially the SubGeniuses. Sweetness McGee says: “Let me count the ways I love this movie…” (more…)