July 2013

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Extracted (2012)

A very interesting premise: Being able to scientifically observe *other* peoples’ memories, thanks to corporations perverting technology originally meant for people to examine their *own* memories as a way of dealing with trauma. Now what happens if you get stuck in someone? This comes off like The Host meets The Cell (but with no romance).

However: Such a slow, slow, slow build-up. 40-50 minutes. But then it got interesting. And stayed interesting. Hell, it got so interesting it actually felt a bit rushed at the end.

I think this movie could have benefited from some better editing. It could have been a 4/5-star, 8/10 movie easily. Maybe even better. But it missed its mark a bit.

Written & directed by Nir Paniry.
Starring Sasha Roiz as Tom.
Jenny Mollen (Crazy, Stupid, Love) as Abbey, Tom’s wife.
Dominic Bogart as Anthony, the heroin addict.
Richard Riehle (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Miss Nobody, Hatchet, Palindromes, Mysterious Skin, Dorm Daze 2, 1 ep of The Legend Of Korra) as Father Riley, the prison priest.
Nick Jameson (President Yuri Suvarov in 24, Batman: Year One, Eurotrip, Beowulf, The Critic, 15 eps of Spider-Man-TAS (1990s), 13 eps of Mission Hill, 6 eps of Star Wars: Clone Wars, 1 ep of Star Wars: The Clone Wars) as Richard, the PR seller.
Rodney Eastman (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 & 4, 1 ep of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) as Eric, Anthony’s drug-dealer friend.
Frank Ashmore (the original V, Airplane!, 6 eps of The Guild) as Martino.
Ty Simpkins (47 eps of The Guiding Light, Iron Man 3) as Young Anthony.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1757746/combined

VIDEO: Shrek The Dark Ogrelord

Today’s moment of WTF is 36 seconds of disturbing Source Filmmaker Shrek Vs. Hitler…ness.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_APupKyHeE

VIDEO: Hannah Montana Coon Repellent: Bold Yet Sassy

Having had a lot of raccoon experiences in my current house, I ended up at this video………. A must-see if you don’t mind raccoon, rednecks, and Hannah Montana body spray.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3gqTxMHZzw

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: Some people sail and then walk and some fighting happens occasionally. The end.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Boring people go on a boring quest and [highlight for spoilers] die pointlessly and boringly.

PEOPLE: Directed and co-written by Nicolas Winding Refn — Let’s make sure to never watch anything of his. One Eye (who represents Odin) played by Mads Mikkelsen (Clash Of The Titans: Draco). Jamie Sives was in Clash Of The Titans and this movie as well. Mostly, these are like Norwegian actors or something.

QUIRKS: Fantasy quest, Christian/Pagan tension. But NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT action.

The story caused me to keep thinking of the Sabbat Dreamweaver album during, as a lot of the story had similar aspects to the Way Of The Wyrd story Dreamweaver is based on. Specific parts of the movie were analogous to specific songs on the album (mostly side 1). Even up to the point of the Wyrd sisters buzzing as a swarm of bees in the book/album — in this movie, there was a inexplicable and almost spiritual swarm of flies in a similar fashion. Except nothing ever came of that or anything else in the movie! Or, rather, it’s all over our heads because our heads aren’t in the cloud. Such an annoying movie. Someone said it’s a “tone poem”, whatever the fuck that is. Also described as “dime store spirituality”.

VISUALS: It definitely had an interesting visual style, and a unique cinematography. But it didn’t live up to its potential at all.

SOUNDTRACK: Bleak, blowing wind. No, actually, they had some modern music during certain scenes. It helped add tension. Of coursed this tension was never really resolved, so it was just masturbation.

MORALS: Fuck if I know.

POLITICS: Christians suck.

GOOD STUFF: Had it’s visceral, violent moments. The “arrow that I felt the most of any arrow in any movie ever”. VERY surprising, VERY well done. Best arrow shot in a movie ever. And still not worth it — [highlight for spoilers] they never say who it came from, and while they stop using their ship after that, they still stand about in the open as if another arrow coming isn’t within the realm of possibility. So fucking stupid.. They had good elements and managed to fail to make a good movie with them.

There is definitely an “unreleting sense of despair and pathos”, if you’re into that.


Seriously, hardly anything happens. We watched the Astro Boy movie after this movie, and more happened in the first 2 minutes Astro Boy than in all 90 minutes of this movie.

Spirituality and religion interest me. I don’t feel spirituality. I’m not going to empathize with spiritual bullshit. Not at THIS pace.


This trailer probably includes over half the dialog and events that occur in the whole movie…

CONCLUSION: STAY AWAY! If there was a point to that, I don’t know what it was. It seemed like there was supposed to be some deeper message to it, but we didn’t get it. Maybe it was this. It was just completely slow and boring, with moments of brief, intense violence. One of the slowest, most boring films I’ve ever seen in my life. Nobody moves. Nobody talks. Cinematic masturbatory stupidity.

Clint: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 4/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 4/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.9/10, Netflix: 3.3/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.0/5 stars–How right it was that we would like this less than average).


SIMILAR MOVIES: The slow pacing kept reminding me of the feeling of watching the movie Avalon [the one about the video game] — especially Avalon’s later half — except with hardly anything interesting going on. Just people on a silent quest to nowhere doing nothing.

But in fact, this movie was probably closer to Dust Devil than anything else I’ve seen. Except Dust Devil had more interesting visuals, far more dialog and audio, and wasn’t nearly as boring or incoherent.

Dead Man also comes to mind, but Dead Man had humor to take the edge off the pointlessness. This… didn’t. Any chance to redeem itself was missed.

Or maybe Eraserhead — that was full of despair and emptiness. But at least we get the Lady In The Radiator / In Heaven song, the dancing chicken, and all that David Lynch surrealness. None of that here. Just the despair and emptiness.

MOVIE QUOTE: Viking chief: “He’s never belonged to anyone for more than 5 years, your time has passed, mine has come.” Pffft.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Matt D said to not watch it, it’s the most boring thing ever. He’s right.



VIDEO: SHOWS: REVIEW: Todd & The Book Of Pure Evil (2010)

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Dazed and Confused meets Tales From the Crypt wrapped inside a GWAR video”

This show is one of the awesomest things I have ever witnessed on television.

Not the BEST.. But one of the awesomest.

Check out John The Canadien’s review of this show, which he watched based on my recommendation! Thanks John!

LINK URL: http://igottarambleon.wordpress.com/2013/07/17/todd-the-book-of-pure-evil-2010/#comment-4928

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Batman fails to murder murderers, resulting in murder.

PEOPLE: Directed by Brandon Vietti, who did the excellent Superman/Doomsday movie, and who helped save the Batman:Brave And The Bold cartoon by creating better episodes in Season 2 than ever existed in Season 1. He also directed half of The Batman episodes, and even worked on the old Roughnecks Starship Troopers Chronicles series a bit.

Batman voiced by Bruce Greenwood (Commander Pike from the Star Trek reboot movie, the President in National Treasure 2, I,Robot, Knots Landing, St. Elsewhere). The Red Hood voiced by Jensen Ackles (Jason Teague from 22 eps of Smallville, Alec from Dark Angel, Dawson’s Creek, Supernatural). Joker is played by John DiMaggio — i.e. Bender from Futurama, Finn from Adventure Time With Finn & Jake, Aqua Man from Batman:The Brave And The Bold, Spectacular Spider-Man, etc. Nightwing/original Robin is played by Neil Patrick Harris! Commissioner is played by Gary Cole. Black Mask’s assistant by Kelly Hu. Hell, even Fred Tatasciore, the live-action Incredible Hulk from the 70’s show, is in this, as well as Kevin Michael Richardson, and Phil LaMarr.

Bender’s voice as The Joker was quite an interesting choice after being sooo used to it being Mark Hamill. These Bruce Timm-produced Batman movies have started to break their previous trends of always having Kevin Conroy as Batman, always having Mark Hamill as The Joker. It makes it different. This Joker is a scarier, more realistic, more violent joker, like something out of The Dark Night. He’s not nearly as comedic of a Joker as Mark Hamill and some of the other Jokers we’ve seen in the older Batman movies and series. The comparison has been made by people on the IMDB forum: Hamill is an animated Jack Nicholson, while DiMaggio is an animated Heath Ledger. Take your pick. Though some people say both sound the same, citing that Mark Hamill’s depiction of the Joker in recent movies has been increasingly dark/Legerish and decreasingly cartoon-crazy/Nicholson-ish. Anyway, here’s how he sounds, assuming this video remains on YouTube:

QUIRKS: Pretty damn violent!! Some intense fighting scenes! Major character deaths, and other deaths. And yet, they still held back a bit, compared to the murderfest most live action movies are. This earned a PG-13 rating for violence and drug references, like most of the DC Universe Animated Original movies since 2007 [they’ve been making about 3 a year]. But there still should have been more blood. Not more violence, but more blood for the existing amount of violence. That aspect made it feel a bit kid-ified.

Definitely some twists that we didn’t see coming.

Maybe this scene (major spoilers) from the comic should have been left in?

VISUALS: Animation style is remarkably like the 1990s Batman cartoons. But still different, improved, and obviously higher-budget.

Carolyn said Batman‘s boots were like real boots, unlike how they are normally more like “stocking boots”.

MORALS: Revenge versus justice, a standard Batman theme.

GOOD STUFF: This is the Batman the 1990’s series could have been, were it not for the limits of broadcast television imposed by censoring parents.

BAD STUFF: First off, it should have been much longer than 1h15min. Second off: Using Black Mask–he’s kind of corny to me. Thirdly, the ending bugged me a little bit, I felt it was too ambiguous. They tried something artsy and instead of being straightforward, it just made it lacking on closure (spoilers).

CONCLUSION: One of the best animated Batman movies ever, if not the best.

Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8.4/10. (a low 9)
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.9/10, Netflix: 4.2/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.8/5 stars–Netflix knows we love Batman cartoons!).

RECOMMENDATION: Animated superhero lovers MUST check this out! Esp. if you liked the old Batman 1990s series!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Any of the DC Universe Animated Original movies since 2007–they’ve been making about 3 a year. Particularly Batman & Superman:Public Enemies, for having both Batman and for being surprisingly violent.

MOVIE QUOTE: Red Hood: Those are the heads of all of your lieutenants. That took me two hours. You wanna see what I get done in a whole evening?

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] The director of Perfect Blue, Satoshi Kon, just died (as of writing this review in 8/2010), and this was a recommended movie that he also worked on. Thanks Ben Wu!

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Technology kills thousands of people.

PEOPLE: Directed by Satoshi Kon.

QUIRKS: Based on a book. Dreams, reality, and blurring the line between. Lots of WTF moments. And probably a lot of of deeper symbolism and meaning that we probably totally missed. A machine is created that lets people infiltrate other peoples’ dreams. But then it gets stolen, leading to what more or less constitutes “dream terrorism”.

VISUALS: Awesome dreamworld visuals!

MORALS: …Not sure. There’s probably one in there somewhere. It was too deep for me to notice :)

POLITICS: Technology can be dangerous.

BAD STUFF: One flaw was using some techno mumbo-jumbo to advance things, but you can’t really expect such things to really be explained. There’s no hard science to state how the dream infiltrating device works. That’s okay. Another flaw is that there are subplots that don’t really seem to be that connected. The solving of the murder in the Detective’s past simply doesn’t seem like it’s necessary to advance the story about dreams and reality colliding. Also, the mumbo-jumbo that people said in their dreams was completely meaningless — it might have been nice if it was a bit more relevant, rather than, “I’m crazy now and am staying crazy stuff.” Other than the seemingly superfluous murder subplot, these flaws barely detract from what is a fine, fine anime. I can’t believe that people complain that [highlight for spoilers] the fat guy got the girl! Superficial dicks.

CONCLUSION: Pretty amazing, surreal movie. Animated dreamworld made it quite a visual treat, in addition to a hell of a better dream-related story than Dreamscape or The Cell (both of which I loved). TRIPPY AND FUN!

Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.7/10, Netflix: 3.7/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.1/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: Don’t watch this dubbed! Bad translations. ALWAYS WATCH ANIME SUBBED, NOT DUBBED.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Satoshi Kun’s next movie, The Dreaming Machine, will probably continue to be produced after his death. It’s probably out by the time this review was actually posted to my blog. It’s supposed to be on somewhat similar subject matter, but more aimed at kids. It’s not Paprika 2.

Also, Paprika is supposedly being remade in 2013, but details are sparse.

People keep mentioning Inception, and whether it “ripped off” this movie (even though Inception development began in 2000); it’s a hot topic on Paprika’s IMDB board.


Paprika: Don’t you think dreams and the Internet are similar? They are both areas where the repressed conscious mind vents.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Well, I know Ben Wu recommends this, cause he was the one who told us to watch it! (more…)

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