movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Another Japanese gore flick with the word “Girl” in the title. This movie is very similar to The Machine Girl, except worse.

PEOPLE: Written and directed by 2 Japanese b-movie directors, the first of which served several roles [but not director or writer] in The Machine Girl. So of course there are similarities. The actors are Japan B-movie actors. The vampire girl is very, very beautiful, but in an unassuming way that you almost don’t notice. The Frankenstein girl is “cutesy high-maintenance girlie-girl” hot. Someone you’d take home, but not marry. So the casting of these 2 characters is at least done very well — they are arguably hotter than the 2 hot girls in The Machine Girl.

PLOT SUMMARY: Really, the whole plot is a huge contrivance made up in order to have a battle between VAMPIRE GIRL and MACHINE GIRL.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Serial killer trades up boyfriends.

QUIRKS: Japanese B-grade gore, with an emphasis on vampirism and utterly ridiculous situations that make no sense. Apparently, this might be based on a manga. Ha!

VISUALS: It was very colorful. They sometimes used virtual sets — which were neat, even if they looked fake. There were way more hot girls and colorful costumes and different types of people in this movie (compared to The Machine Girl). And the racist club of Asians who made themselves look like racially-stereotypical black people was a sight none of us will ever forget (more on that below). The wrist cutting club was pretty awesome too. The visuals are a 7/10 — but not enough to save this movie.

Of course, the special effects were all really bad. Some things didn’t even make sense. Poor CGi blood, and poor spurting “analog” blood as well. This really reminded me, exactly, of The Machine Girl.

SOUNDTRACK: Weird out-of-place songs. It was more interesting than the soundtrack of The Machine Girl.

POLITICS: Racist humor apparently flies over much easier in Japan. The “black Asians” club was some of the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever seen. Especially when they started talking about Obama, and chanting “Yes we can!” over and over again in Engrish. Oh. My. God. That was so over-the-top. They’d be scared to be this funny in America, where you can wear any color on your face except black. Of course, this is merely an over-the-top depiction of the ridiculous-in-real-life Ganguro Japanese subculture. Just click the word to see pictures of these real life Japanese girls. Yup. They definitely need to be made fun of. To quote one IMDBer, it was the “most mindbogglingly racist thing that I’ve seen on film in the last 40 years that wasn’t a parody.” But of course, this movie is a parody of good movies, and they were a parody of Japanese Ganguro girls, so his statement might not be valid.

GOOD STUFF: It was funnier than last night’s movie too. i was originally thinking 7/10. The wrist cutting club was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in awhile.

BAD STUFF: So now vampires can walk in the sun, die from falling, and can control their own blood in a telekinetic manner? Who decided this? Well, I’ve always been one to preach that every vampire movie has different rules… But making swords out of your own blood and fighting with them is, to me, lamer than sparkling in the sun.

In general, this went for “shamelessly ridiculous”. We actually thought Machine Girl was shamelessly ridiculous, but it turns out that movie actually had shame. You wouldn’t know it until you watch this one, but this movie is like what Machine Girl would have been, had they not exercised artistic restraint. It’s quite amazing how this movie’s main function seems to be to make The Machine Girl look better in comparison.

The dialog is worse. The acting is worse. The writing is worse. The costumes are better, though. The film looks better, though. The best effects out of the 2 movies are in this one, even though they are bad in both. So you really gotta be prepared to be underwhelmed when watching this.

CONCLUSION: This movie beats Machine Girl in the categories of ridiculousness, bad acting, bad writing, and bad plot, but also beats it in the category of hot girls, “shit you never thought you’d see in your life”, colorful visual effects, racist humor, and shamelessness. I think this movie’s primary function is to watch after watching Machine Girl, just to see how much worse Machine Girl *could* have been, had they abandoned all shame and restraint. Either way, both movies are ridiculous gorefests full of laughs. This one is arguably more interesting, but not as good. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

RATINGS:

Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 5.6/10 (a low 6). Though visually, I’d rate it 4/5 stars, 7/10. Too bad for the sake of Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl that a movie is more than just how pretty its pictures are.

Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 5/10. “It had some slightly funny moments, and it was entertaining, but it was ridiculously over the top. And not in an especially good way like Troma movies, or even Machine Girl.”

The native public rating for this movie for IMDB is: 6.2/10 [Machine Girl got 6.0/10]

The native public rating for this movie for Netflix is: 3.0/5 stars [same as Machine Girl].
(Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.2/5 stars, unlike the 3.9/5 prediction for Machine Girl. Netflix is smart!)

RECOMMENDATION: Watch this after watching The Machine Girl, just to see the “right” way and the “wrong” way to make a Japanese gore B-movie. Both movies are very interesting and hilarious, yet this one is clearly worse. I have no idea how this one managed to be rated as good as Machine Girl. It may be by virtue of the fact that it simply looks more modern [despite both movies coming out within a year or two of each other]. Apparently, you can enjoy with with the subtitled turned off as well. I think you’d get less out of it — but you’d also manage to escape some cheesy dialog.

SIMILAR MOVIES: The Machine Girl – a more serious, less ridiculous, less funny version of this movie. By the way, I never in a million years expected to use the adjectives “serious” and “less ridiculous” for Machine Girl. Never in a million years. Let alone 24 hours.

MOVIE QUOTE: Kenji Furano: “Dicing one’s daughter is true happiness!”

Music: Kreator – Trauma