movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PEOPLE: Simon Pegg replaces Eddie Izzard as the voice actor for the role of the mouse (Reepicheep).

The producer, Perry Moore, was found dead on 20110218. Somebody must really hate these adaptations.

QUIRKS: Nautical fantasy quest with children and obvious Christian allegory.

VISUALS: Decently spectacular. The one sea monster was one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Too bad we didn’t catch this in 3-D…

MORALS: Don’t be a douchebag, Eustice! Narnia’s real, goddamnit!

SOUNDTRACK: Glenn Miller?! Right on! The only jazz I really care for.

GOOD STUFF: Good fantasy action, good (though obvious) character development with Eustice.

BAD STUFF: The book covers a lot of material, and was my favorite Narnia book… So I think this movie should have been 3-4 hours instead of 1.75 hours.

CONCLUSION: This was always my favorite of the 9 Narnia books, so I couldn’t help but be filled with wonder (even though I had totally forgotten the original plot!) at the fact that this was finally made into a movie. And while I had forgotten just how much these stories were directed at children, and just how much these stories had bullshit christian propaganda inserted into them… I still really liked seeing this story come to life. It was fun.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.9/10. An 8, but slightly lower than your average 8, due to children and religion BOTH being kind of annoying.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8.6/10 (“low 9”).

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.6/10, Netflix: 4.2/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.5/5 stars–oddly low, but maybe they are correctly assessing the religious angle, which we ignore because we are fanboys from reading these books as children).

RECOMMENDATION: For Narnia fanboys only… or for Christians. Or for those who can enjoy a fantasy even if it’s sprinkled with some religious bullshit.

SIMILAR MOVIES: They’re working on The Silver Chair for 2011!

MOVIE QUOTE: Not really a smart dialogue-driven movie, so I will share the worst quote of the entire movie instead:

Lucy Pevensie: “Aslan, will we ever meet with you in our world?”
Aslan: “You shall.”
Lucy Pevensie: “How?”
Aslan: “Because there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

Fuck you, Aslan, for being a fucking God/Jesus wanna-be.

FRIENDS REVIEWS:

Jeremy T: “i *loved* the first movie, but i haven’t seen the others. Like the books, it was fanciful enough, but still had an underlying solemnity and dignity.”

Lucy from Chronicles of Narnia Totally Looks Like Kurt from Glee

Mood: hah!
Music: NoMeansNo – I See A Mansion In The Sky