movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: Alien prequel! But not really, they say. Whatever. I consider it an Alien prequel.

PEOPLE: Noomi Rapace from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is the main character. I didn’t even think about how it was her. I LOVE that she’s broken into English-speaking American cinema now!

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→Idiot old man wastes a trillion dollars, sets chain of events into motion that kill scores of people and damage corporate property.

VISUALS: Pretty astounding. Didn’t watch it in 3-D. Some complained that the 3-D was a waste in a movie that is in such tight quarters. Yet, I don’t see people walking around their houses with one eye closed. I really don’t get the hate.

GOOD STUFF: I thought it was pretty fucking awesome, despite all the haters. I’m mostly going to address peoples’ complaints:

BAD STUFF: The plot holes mentioned by people (example, this page: ) seem to be pretty addressable to someone with an imagination. There are possible explanations for every plot “hole”; people just get tripped up on things I guess. Here are some. I had another link to even more, but accidentally lost it.

The opening scene was the least explained, but I like the explanation that that was man being created on earth.

And it’s definitely a flaw that they put Guy Pierce in old-man makeup, rather than just casting an old man.

Scientists took off their helmet? Yea, not the smartest thing, but once one guy does it and doesn’t die, the others can too. What if there were germs or viruses? So what — they had state of the art medical supplies on ship. Science has advanced 100 years. Maybe people aren’t as scared of germs and virii then. Neil Armstrong snuck golf clubs onto Apollo, right? (I’m probably getting the details of my facts all fucked up, but SOMEbody did that.) People don’t always obey protocol.

Yeah, a lot of the crew behaved stupidly at times. But, y’know, that guy was getting high in his spacesuit. And honestly, if you take me on a mission light years away … I might decide to abandon protocol, too. I mean, they didn’t even tell these people why they were there. So it’s not like they had a specific mission in mind; they were there to get paid. So their stupid actions are somewhat explainable by the fact that they didn’t have a real stake in maintaining protocol.

The medical machine only being configured for males initially seemed like a huge flaw: It seemed to be Charlize Theron‘s personal machine, yet it wasn’t configured for a woman. Yet, it could still perform an abortion just fine, so maybe this difference doesn’t actually matter that much. It’s like how a man can still wear women’s shoes, if he really needs footwear. The machine still worked for the abortion, despite not being made for women. Whoop de doo. Maybe it was really for her old man anyway, since he turned out to be alive.

Someone else complained that you can’t get to a planet that far away in 2 years. Really? You don’t say? Law of relativity slows down your passage of time relative to the outside world. The time they were in sleep was actually mathematically accurate for a trip at 0.9C. Eat that!

They didn’t really explain why the robot was such an asshole very much, but the idea that he lacked the morals that would stop one from gathering the most data is compelling.

CONCLUSION: Fuck the haters, see this!

Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.3/10, Netflix: 3.7/5 stars.

RECOMMENDATION: Fuck the haters, see this!

Outlaw Vern’s review

Ian’s reviewMood: pooped
Music: Primus – Eyes Of The Squirrel