I got to be part of an emergency scene…sort of. After the oral surgeon x-rayed me (biopsy consult)… All of a sudden someone RUNS down the hall. “Call 9-1-1!” “Is she breathing?!” Big scene, people obviously freaked out. I’m freaked out, running around. “Does she have an inhaler?” ….”DOES SHE HAVE AN INHALER?”

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The medworker is on the phone calling 911… Holding an inhaler in her outstretched hand that someone handed to me (later they tried to return it to me, haha). Everyone is running around, nobody is taking it.

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Finally I ease up, reach up, body-language-ask “Should I take this?”, she body-language-responds “Yes”, I take it, run top speed down the hall, yell “Who needs the inhaler?”.. someone grabs it from me real quick.

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also overheard: “DOES SHE HAVE SEIZURES?” “No”

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“Thank you Mr. $MyLastName.”
Yea, my adrenaline level wasn’t down even an hour later.

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Later the girl said I was the coolest patient ever, but that was also because I was like “no you don’t have to move me out of this room just because the ceiling leaks! i don’t care!”
Then the ambulance couldn’t find the fucking place (gee, *I* could, and I’ve never been there, or even to Upper Marlboro, Maryland in my life I think. people are trashy there, you’d think it was Culpeper or something)… Me & another lady are out in the streets looking for them to no avail. I forgot my jacket and tablet; glad no one took advantage of that moment because that would have made me even more cynical.

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The girls mother, tho, was not heated or worried at all. She was playing with a baby (that was her granddaughter). I didn’t learn until later that it was a fully grown woman who had asthma. But yea, they didn’t tell the Dr about a bunch of things they were asked and supposed to tell her about.. Herpa derpa.

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I’d like to think, if she was otherwise going to die, that maybe I 0.01% saved her life. That might be a generous percentage, given what the trained professionals do.

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The other time I came close to that was when a drunk hit our telephone pole (maybe the 3rd of the 4 or so times?)… Electric wire fell, burned so brightly that the reflection off the trees in our back yard, through the cracks in our black-velvet-covered bedroom windows, lit up the inside of the bedroom bright enough to read by. And dat sound. Scariest sound I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard it a few times. Like a ground loop buzz going through a concert-level subwoofer.

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Went outside, people were literally screaming. I saw a passenger *bail* from the car he was in [it was stopped, duh] and just run the opposite direction. People were turning around. Power lines were across the sidewalk. Someone was walking up to rubberneck. “STOP! STAY BACK! STOP! LIVE POWER LINE!” .. They stopped. I’d like to think I get more than 0.01% for that one.

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Oh, me? They didn’t actually perform the biopsy. Apparently those bumps on the back of the base of my tongue are something everybody has; They just make me gag when eating now because I am so dry (possibly Sjogen’s syndrome). This oral surgeon is going to coordinate with my shitty dismissive rheumatologist, who didn’t even fucking call me back today. I’m supposed to buy lemon drops