[Carolyn & I finally decided to watch this… We needed something serious and depressing to watch during our sober nights, haha. Plus, it had been over for so many years, and we had the entire series available to watch. It just seemed like time, after finally watching Oz. It’s so much better to watch series after they are concluded. You can plow through the entire thing without ever having to wait a week (or half a year) for the next episode.
This post is mostly just so I have a place to put our episode synopsis.
PLOT SUMMARY: A series following the life of a mob boss.
PEOPLE: A huge cast over the many seasons, with a ton of known actors. Tony’s wife came straight from the series Oz, where she played a prison guard. Steve Van Zandt (Silvio Dante) is one of Bruce Springsteen’s brand members. Basically you can get lost on the IMDB page for this, seeing what everyone has done. Paulie played poker in an episode of Police Squad back in the 80s! Tons of random connections to be found.
QUIRKS: Mob violence. Complicated relationships, alliances, and motivations.
VISUALS: Kinda drab. Jersey.
SOUNDTRACK: Decent.
MORALS: The mob isn’t amoral. They just have different morals than us.
POLITICS: It’s easy to understand political corruption when criminals such as these are depicted the way they are.
GOOD STUFF: It’s certainly interesting.
BAD STUFF: Occasionally it can be downright hard to keep track of all the people involved. And the series doesn’t end on any definitive note. It just ends. Life goes on; It always does. Mob-fare fiction isn’t really our thing, so we didn’t like it as much as most. A work of art (such as a TV series or a movie) does not automatically become deeper and better simply because it features a protganist who kills people.
Two of the 86 episodes are fucking awful. The rest aren’t. But those two. Ouch.
CONCLUSION: The writing is good in this show, but it’s not the most amazing thing we’ve seen, it’s not even in the top half of things we’ve seen. It’s good, and we’re glad we watched it, but this is something that has virtually zero chance of ever being re-watched. It was something to pass the time by. It was good — maybe even great — but not the fucking masterpiece everyone paints it as.
RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 9.2/10 (wow), Netflix: 4.1/5 stars.
RECOMMENDATION: Worth seeing because it’s considered one of the best television shows in history… But if you are generally disinterested in mafia stuff, you won’t like it as much as its fanboys.
COINCIDENCES:
(Sopranos S3E2, Todd And The Book Of Pure Evil S1E9) Two shows in a row with talk about a person not being able to have a baby, then that person projectile vomiting on others.
(real life, Sopranos #11) Clint’s back was hurting so bad from moving stuff that he had to drink a bunch to stop it, so we watch Sopranos, and it immediately starts with somebody’s back hurting!
QUOTES:
Anthony ‘Tony’ Soprano Sr.: What fucking kind of human being am I, if my own mother wants me dead?
Anthony ‘Tony’ Soprano Sr.: You know where I was yesterday when you called?… I was outside a whorehouse, while a guy that works for me was inside beating the shit out of a guy that owes me money. Broke his arm. Put a bullet in his kneecap.
Dr Jennifer Melfi: How’d that make you feel?
Anthony ‘Tony’ Soprano Sr.: Wished it was me in there.
Dr Jennifer Melfi: Giving the beating or taking it?
PER-EPISODE SYNOPSIS: THE NOTES WE TOOK WHEN WATCHING, SO WE COULD KEEP TRACK OF THINGS:
(If you’ve watched the series already, reading these synopsis will let you re-live the whole series in five minutes.)
Season 1:
1=Tony is depressed,garbage business problems,family problems,seed of doubt planted in his Mom that something might have to be done about Tony
2=mother put in nursing home,subordinates hit uncle’s truck of suits when they shouldn’t
3=2 dudes who robbed “Jr”‘s suits truck:1 killed(shot in the eye),1 roughed up,Tony’s friend has cancer,daughter gets crystal meth,Tony slept with the cook’s wife a long time ago
4=boss dies,Tony Soprano gives leadership to Jr. based on “coping with the elderly” book shrink gave him,hires cop to follow shrink but he beats her lawyer-boyfriend instead,who seems to be related to the dude who was shot in the eye in #3
5=college interviews,rat in Maine whacked,Carmilla has a sleepover with the priest,confesses,discovers Tony’s therapist is a female,Daughter knows Tony is in the mob
6=Tony has crush on shrink,fixes her car,wife decides to be ‘that person’ in his life after being jealous of shrink,Jr. shakes down mob poker game,but they talk him down and Tony gives his share back to the guy
7=son gets ADD,Tony’s childhood flashbacks finding out about his dad
8=indictments,Soprano house raided,Tony hides money at mom’s,unruly dude(Christopher) shoots bakery cashier in foot(dumbass),shrink now scared of Tony,her family+therapist introduced
9=Jr. doesn’t eat pussy,then he does,gets found out,puts pie in woman’s face,soccer coach leaving drama+threats+oh he molested that girl who slit her wrists/let’s kill him/Tony calls off the hit,gets drunk
10=filler ep? music industry stuff,Tony gives next-door neighbor a package of sand to fuck with him for making fun of him at the country club,stock tips,Tony’s working out
11=FBI raid,Pussy’s wearing a wire but actually the bad cop may be making that up cause of his $30K debt,so bad cop suicides off a bridge,oh it’s JIMMY {just released} who has the wire!;new character says Tony’s about to be killed
12=Tony shot,thinks he meets Italian hottie Isabella but she doesn’t exist,Grandma doesn’t recognize her own granddaughter
13=(Season 1 finale)Tony realizes his mom was in on the hit,tells crew he sees shrink,chef realizes Tony torched his restaurant(almost kills him),Indictments happen,Jr made offer by FBI,Tony’s mom has stroke before Tony whacks her
Season 2:
14=Pussy comes back,Soprano sisters introduced,stockbroking,Tony blacks out,can’t find shrink,can’t convince old shrink to take him back
15=Is sister Janice angling for Tony’s mom’s money? Uncle Jr. breaks his hip;wants Tony to make peace with his mother. Edgar from 24 makes an appearance! Meadow’s gained weight!
16=Shrink runs into Tony & says “toodle-oo” which causes her to have to see her own shrink,new character Richie–ex of sister Janice Soprano–gets out of jail,fucks up pizza shop owner with glass coffee mug,then runs him over,paralyzing him,totally disrespecting Tony’s chain of command,Meadow has party that ruins Grandma’s house,Janice almost kicked out of Soprano house; 17=Tony goes to Italy,HOT female boss there,Pussy’s wife wants a divorce
18=new guy Furio comes to America,shakes down whorehouse for Tony,Tony sees shrink again,Chris’s acting class ends up making him attack fellow actor,he literally throws his dreams in the dumpster
19=retail store friend of Tony’s (who’s son is the Nip/Tuck dumbass-mime-robber son) talks his way into executive poker game,loses big,is already in trouble with just-released-from-prison guy,gives car to Tony,which makes Nip/Tuck-dumbass mad,refusing to sing with Meadow at her recital
20=Tony’s son gets existential,gets stoned for confirmation,Christopher the movie-wannabe meets Jon Favreau,fucks Alicia Witt,and assholes himself out of the situation,Edgar-from-24 *IS* a cop,Pussy *IS* wearing a wire,but cries like a pussy over it
21=out-of-jail Ritchie is asked to build a ramp for the guy he crippled in his coffee shop,gives Tony jacket which Tony gives away in front of him,Meadow’s recommendation letter via mob threats,gay douchebag brothers shoot Christopher(1 gets killed)to impress Ritchie,who throws his bat at the surviving one
22=2ND WORST EPISODE EVER,Carmella prays for Christopher to survive&see Jesus,Christopher visits hell,freaks out Pauly–who has a girlfriend/wife with kids,is freaked out,sees psychic who names his first murder victim,PARANORMAL GOD BULLSHIT,they kill Bevilaqua for shooting Christopher,Carmella wants a fucking kid now,SHARK JUMP!!!!
23=FBI wants Tony for murder;witness to Bevilaqua murder,but then they shut up,Carmella makes out with wallpaperman
24=therapist’s drinking more,Tony mad at ex-con Ritchie for selling coke on the garbage route
25=Tony asks Sleazy P. Martini to kill Ritchie,but Janis beats him to it,effectively ending their engagement,Carmella-wife leaves for Rome,Tony’s Russian Gumar tries to commit suicide
26=food poisoning dreams,Grandma’s given bad plane tickets that get her in trouble,Pussy killed,Meadow graduates,Gamblor leaves town
Season 3:
27(thought it was 29)=They do a LOT of work to put the bug in Tony’s basement
28(thought it was 30)=Tony’s mom dies,awkward funeral
29(thought it was 27)=Tony’s fainting comes from association with meat due to seeing his father cut off a butcher’s hand then erotically play with the food with his mom,Meadow’s dating a ‘black’ guy in college,Tony gives her shit,Janis moves to Mom’s house,steals Russian amputee’s leg,Tony’s old Gumar’s getting married,Chris is Made but falls 2G short on first 6G payment,not enjoying it,is Tony’s mom dead?!
30(thought it was 28)=Yes,Tony’s mom is dead,Therapist raped,rapist let go,wants Tony to kill rapist but not asking for that [yet],new young kid is supposed to stay in college but went on a minor job instead,New York boss moves to New Jersey,Janis beaten by Russians who wanted leg back,born again
31=Christopher’s girlfriend quits hostessing,dude comas other dude with golf club,so lung-cancer oldie offs him as one last job before he dies,Junior has cancer,Tony gets cop demoted,buys fountain from him,Meadow takes the FBI’s bugged lamp to college
32=Meadow’s roommate is a psycho,braces-stripper too friendly with Tony,gives him bread,gets advice to get abortion,Ralphy is obnoixious,quoting Gladiator,fucking up bouncer with a chain for no reason,kills braces-stripper,Meadow dumped
33=Pussy’s wife wants $1200 for her maybe-not-sick dog so Tony smashes her Cadillac,Meadow’s dean wants $50K but Tony says $5K,Christopher hazed,Carm sees shrink who says “Leave!”,convinces tony to donate $50K to college
34=Ralphy made captain but Tony still pissed at him and he knows it,Meadow crashes Jackie’s car,Tony’s fucking another patient of his therapist(Mercedes dealer)
35=Tony takes Mercedes to zoo,AJ vandalizes school,Christopher gives GF a nightclub
36=Pussy flashbacks,Tony beats JackieJr for getting lapdance while dating his daughter,Christmas,not much happened
37=Christopher & Pauly get lost in the woods after failing to kill Russian drunk guy who bottled Chris in the face for Pauly breaking his universal remote,Meadow catches Jackie Jr. cheating on her
38=JackieJr+buddies try to rob Furio/Christopher/etc’s poker game(2/3 killed,Furio shot),Mercedes Gumar is a crazy bitch&Tony breaks it off w/her,threatens to kill her in response to her blackmail,Tony realizes she reminds him of his mother,she gets threatened w/murder by round-glasses-guy
39=[S3 finale]Jackie Jr’s shot,funeral,AJ isn’t going to military school after all cuz he fainted,Meadow seems to be getting a drinking problem,silver-sideburns has a problem with Ralphie and Tony,Junior beat cancer
Season 4:
40=Christopher’s doing heroin,gets to kill his dad’s murderer,Tony/Carmella worrying about money,Junior’s trial costs a lot&a fed was in the Dr’s office,Pauly’s in jail,Tony’s sister & Ralphie are fucking,undercover FBI agent(her husband is Will Arnett!) getting deeper
41=Meadow loafs about,is going to Europe,then not,Christopher’s girlfriend gets mad at undercover FBI agent,so they bring her in to turn her,she pukes on them all,Sleazy P. Martini(Sil) undermines Tony
42=Native Americans Vs. Italians RE:Christopher Columbus,funny race relation angry conversations,Karen(newly-promoted capo’s wife)killed in car accident
43=Carmine’s underboss is all mad at Ralphie for insulting his wife,puts some dude in intensive care,walks away from sit-down with Ralphie,wants to kill Ralphie but calls it off,but not before Tony’s crew puts a hit on him,Ralphie dumped by Tony’s sister,Meadow volunteers for legal representation of indigent/immigrants,Furio buys a house
44=race horses,Adriana’s getting deeper w/FBI,Bobby getting over Karen’s death thanks to Janis’s manipulation
45=Crazy Mercedes Lady killed herself,upsets Tony,who loans restauranteur $50K that he loses to French guy,who he fight,loses,tries to kill himself,Furio sent in,Furio hooked up with dental assistant by Carmella,AJ hooks up with girl richer than them
46=Real estate scam in crack neighborhood,Pauly out of jail,Christopher&Adriana getting married cause Aud wants to not legally testify,but oops she could be forced to afterall,Assemblyman dates Tony’s ex-gumar so he whips him with his belt
47=Ralphie gets a girl Valentine who Tony promptly fucks,she tells him about Raphie’s kinkiness & dumps him,Tony pays his sister $3K to verify this so he can fuck her w/o being creeped out,Carmella steals & invests Tony’s money,Pauly’s mom in retirement home isn’t making friends so he breaks the other woman’s son’s arm to make him make her be friends with his mom
48=Junior falls down courthouse stairs,starts pretending dementia,Ralphie’s son hit with arrow,Tony/Ralphie’s horse killed in fire,Tony accuses Ralphie,punches him,gets in fight,kills him
49=Christopher sits on/kills dog,gives Adriana black eye,intervention,rehab,Tony sleeps with Russian-amputee-nurse,HUD deal found out by New York,Paulie saves Tony’s horse painting
50=TOny’s sister continuing to move in on Bobby now that Karen is dead,manipulates kids,Bobby finally eats Karen’s Ziti,NYC mad about Tony’s HUD deal,want 40%,won’t take 5%,they rough up Vic The Appraiser,Tony goes to Miami,Tony breaks up with therapist becuase one-leg broke up with him
51=Pauly’s being more of a dick,Furio almost kills Tony,suddenly leaves country,Meadow has an apartment,Carmella=menopause?Not getting along with Meadow,meeting Meadow’s new roommates
52=Tony’s gonna take out other-boss Carmine for blocking the hotel construction,but then doesn’t when he settles,wants to buy beach house,pulls deal,lawyer keeps his deposit,noise-boat deployed,Tony&Carm separate after Irena calls Carm to tell Carm Tony fucked her&1-leg,Christopher out of rehab
Season 5:
53=buncha ppl get out of prison,Paulie says he’s “through” with Christopher,A BEAR,Christopher&Paulie at odds over meal-paying,culminating in undertipped waiter getting shot,Carmine’s stroke,Tony tries to date shrink,she shoots him down based on his “values”
54=Steve Buscemi[Tony 2]gets out of jail,Tony’s sister&Bobby are married,snitch killed,Adriana has meltdown;almost tells everyone she’s a snitch;instead directs FBI to chick flirting with Christopher
55=Junior getting dementia,pisses off Tony,goes missing,found,power vacuum from Carmine’s death=landscaper wars
56=Tony gets son car to inspire grades,but son parties hard,loses eyebrows,car,moves in with Tony;old guy just out of jail tells too many stories,so they trick him into going back to jail
57=Adriana has irritable bowel syndrome,Tony and her almost make out,he returns to shrink,has small skin cancer removed,gets in car accident with her,Christopher freaks out,beats her,kicks her out,starts drinking again,has a gun,is stopped,Tony almost kills him but Buscemi talks him out of it,awkward dinner w/both couples
58=AJ moves back in,Carm fucks guidance counselor,he thinks she’s a user,dumps her;Buscemi’s boss wants to invest in massage,but Buscemi freaks out and attacks him with a board after losing $12K in crack money he found
59=Tim Daly,Christopher’s AA-buddy,shows up,has gambling problem,owed Christopher money,gets roughed up,signs over deed to car,goes to rehab,Jr going to tons of funerals,Tony meets dad’s gumar,gets some of her retirement back from Hesh
60=Carmella’s dad’s 75th birthday party,guy Tony made crash his car screwing Pussy’s wife’s body shop via being a fussy customer,Buscemi shoots someone for money
61=Buscemi killed one of Johnny’s guys,making him really upset,Meadow’s new boyfriend catches Vito giving a blowjob,thinks Vito is going to kill him,balks & starts to run but gets engaged to Meadow instead,Carmella’s divorce lawyers keep dropping her
62=Tony’s sister attacks soccer mom,anger management fixes her so Tony trolls her,Tony&Christopher breaking Buscemi’s balls too much,Tony fucks up Bing bouncer=hearing loss+quitting
63=Tony’s gf catches fire,STUPID FUCKING 21 MINUTE DREAM. NEW WORST EP EVER
64=Christopher’s[been]drinking again,FBI busts Adriana for obstructing discovery of murder in her club,Tony moves back in,they drop the hammer,she tells Christopher,he tells Tony,they set her up & kill her,Christopher snorts some heroin,Tony kicks his ass,Tony says GFY to NYC RE:turning over Buscemi,who now has a definite boss,buying a lot for Carmella
65=[season finale]Tony discovers Paulie’s painting of his horse that he was supposed to burn,everyone’s unhappy w/Tony for not turning over Buscemi,so Tony shoots him,NYC still mad they didn’t get to torture them,but Tony patches it up just as the FBI raids NYCboss
Season 6:
66=1 year later,Janice(Tony’s sister)has kid,FBI guys now friendly,hanging w/the family,cause now they care more about terrorism,rat-guy who was about to implicate Tony spontaneously dies,NYCboss still in jail,dude wants to move to Florida w/his aunt’s inheritence,Tony says no,FBI(he’s a rat?!)says no,so he hangs himself,Junior getting more senile,shoots tony
67=Tony in hospital
68=still in hospital,Sleazy P. Martini not liking being boss,asthma attack hospitalization,Vito&Pauly not wanting to give their points to Carmella,but finally do,Tony awakes after defibrulation from dying of Pauly-talk,can’t talk
69=Paulie’s mom is his aunt,& vice-versa,garbage company being sold,Pauly beats son who didn’t know about the biz,demands $4K/mo&death if he tells Tony(wtf),Bobby paid $7K to shoot rapper in thigh(hits butt instead)to give him cred
70=NYCboss’s daughter’s wedding,Tony gets new muscle-bound driver who he then kicks the ass of to get alpha-male status back(pukefest)
71=Vito’s outed
72=Artie restaurant problems,credit card fraud,kicks Christopher’s lackey’s ass into the ER,he then burns Artie’s hand,Christopher’s movie meeting w/Ben Kingsly,Christopher robs Lauren Bacall
73=Vito hooks up with guy,fistfights him,they go on a picnic,Tony sells building,actually prevents himself from cheating at the last minute,AJ clubbing,cocaine,panic attack
74=Christopher suddenly married,roadtrip winejacking with Tony,reminesce RE:telling Tony about Adriana’s narcage,drinks&does heroin again,Paulie’s biopsy,carnival ride awry
75=Bobby shot in eye,NYCboss takes 15yr plea deal,Tony gets his house for his sister,Vito comes back to NJ
76=Christopher pregnant,Vito beaten to death by Phil’s crew,one of Phil’s crew killed by Sleazy P. Martini+1,Carmella’s Paris trip,Tony cheating on her again,mindfucks AJ
77=Christopher’s gumar is the Jambajuice Realitor?!,he’s already regretting his marriage,AJ gets a girlfriend,Phil Leotardo has a heart attack
78=Tony arrested for gun he dropped during NYCboss raid,charges dropped,Tony’s birthday at the cabin,insults his sister,Bobby&Tony get in huge fight,Tony has Bobby kill a Canadien drummer
79=NYCboss dies,Christopher doesn’t go to the club anymore,to avoid alcohol,movie released,Tony thinks movie means Christohper hates him
80=Tony/Paulie on the lam,Tony annoyed that Paulie talks so much,is tempted to wack him on the boat,Corrado the bigshot prisoner,medication/no medication/medication again/his Asian protegee attacks him
81=Carmella sells her spec house,Vito’s kid’s an emo&gets a stern talking to by Leotardo&Tony,Tony still owes Hesh $200K,finally pays it back when Hesh’s s.o. dies,has apparent gambling problem,breakdown
82=AJ’s suicidal,Christopher mad about Tony being mad about him not drinking/socializing/being around,power tools jacked from Christopher’s father-in-law so he throws guy out the window,drinks,gets made fun of,has meltdown,shoots Tim Daly
83=Christopher crashes truck while driving Tony,Tony finishes him off(suffocation),Tony goes to Vegas,fucks & does peyote(tripping gambling winnings)with girl Christopher knew
84=AJ attempts suicide,Coco-guy makes lewd remarks to Tony’s daughter,Tony curb-stomps him,Phil Leotardo won’t talk to him
85=Therapist breaks relationship with Tony due to study showing sociopaths get worse from therapy,Phil Leotardo puts a hit on Tony,vice-versa,T’s Italians kill wrong Leotardo,shit hits the fan,Bobby killed,Sil shot/vegetative,everyone goes to a safehouse
86=AJ’s hooking up with model chick,car catches on fire,wants to join army,offered film position instead,sit-down where everyone turns on Phil Leotardo,FBI guy rats payphone location[by sleeping with another LEO?],Phil killed,someone’s gonna testify so Tony will probably be indicted,but life goes on, it always does.
Hope you enjoyed that.Mood: fweee
Music: Gwar – Lust In Space
Claire's blog 
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