VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Freaked (1993)

Clint: 5/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.4/5 stars Netflix, 5.8/10 IMDB.

While trying to decide on a funny movie to watch for a lazy Saturday night, we decided to check out this little gem.  We weren’t expecting too much, as it was clearly a 1980s b-movie. [Yes, I’m going to call it an 80’s movie even though it came out in 1993. Deal.]

But my god, this turned out to be hilarious. It was completely over-the-top and ridiculous — including a lot of completely cheesy jokes that a 6 year old would laugh at — but it kept us laughing THE. ENTIRE. TIME. It’s pretty dense with humor.

Brook Shields. Mr. T in drag. Keanu Reaves as a dog; Bill *AND* Ted, actually. Bobcat Goldthwait. Gibby Haynes. Randy Quad. Morgan Fairchild.

This is from, and inspired from, an era of movies being infatuated with monsterism: The Toxic Avenger, Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc etc.  And it’s definitely cut from that same kind of cloth. But it’s not a Troma movie. It’s actually better than that. And it stars some real actors! You wont recognize Keanu Reaves because he’s a dog…But the South Park “Freak Strike” episode also tributes Keanue’s role in this movie.

Anyway, I really don’t know where to start with trying to capture what it was like to watch this movie. You’re shaking your head at how bad some jokes are, then you’re laughing out loud at how funny some jokes are. And sometimes those 2 feelings overlap simultaneously. It’s bad humor done well. Did you like old zany movies like Top Secret or Naked Gun? This movie is like a cross between those and some of the mosterism movies I mentioned early. It utterly and completely exceeded my expectations while still not necessarily matching up exactly with what a modern comedy moviegoer would consider “good”. So: Bonus points for uniqueness.

Did I mention the soundtrack includes multiple Butthole Surfers songs?

This movie apparently enjoys a large cult following to this day; 20 years later, I have now finally joined the Freeks as a fan of this film. I hear Keanu Reaves bought the domain when the fandom accidentally let it expire, in order to quell rumours that he was in this movie (which, according to IMDB, he is). Probably not true, but it’s a funny thought.

Directed by Tom Stern (The Andy Milonakis Show, The Man Show, 4 eps of Saul Of The Mole Men) & Alex Winter (Bill in the Bill & Ted movies, 5 eps of Saul of The Mole Men, 1 ep of Robot Chicken).
Written by Tim Burns (Crank Yankers, 1 ep of Star Wars: The Clone Wars) & Tom Stern (The Andy Milonakis Show, 3 eps of Saul Of The Mole Men) & Alex Winter.

Starring Brooke Shields (Suddenly Susan, The Blue Lagoon, Bag Boy, 7 eps of That ’70s Show, 3 eps of Nip/Tuck, 1 ep Gary The Rat, 1 ep of The Larry Sanders Show) as Skye Daley, the reporter in the framing scenes (most of the movie is a flashback).
Alex Winter as Ricky Coogan.
Keanu Reeves (Ted in the Bill & Ted movies, the Matrix movies, A Scanner Darkly, The Devil’s Advocate, Johnny Mnemonic, Dracula, Speed) as Ortiz the Dog Boy (uncredited).
Michael Stoyanov (The Dark Knight, Gross Anatomy, 2 eps of Working, 1 ep of Married With Children, 1 ep of Quantum Leap) as Ernie.
Megan Ward (362 eps of General Hospital, Joe’s Apartment, Encino Man, 1 ep of Friends, 1 ep of Jesse) as Julie.
Mr. T as The Bearded Lady.
Bobcat Goldthwait as Sockhead as Tourist / Sockhead (voice).
William Sadler (Machete Kills, Onion News Empire, Iron Man 3, The Shawshank Redemption, Bill & Ted‘s Bogus Journey, Die Hard 2) as Dick Brian.
Eduardo Ricard (8 Heads In A Duffel Bag, 2 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Webster, 1 ep of Fantasy Island) as George Ramirez #1.
Henry Carbo as George Ramirez #2.
Deep Roy (Star Trek reboot movies, Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, Corpse Bride, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Big Fish, Dr. Who, The NeverEnding Story, The Dark Crystal, The Pink Panther Strikes Again, 3 eps of Eastbound & Down) as George Ramirez #3.
Mihaly ‘Michu’ Meszaros (ALF in 10 eps of ALF, Big Top Pee-wee) as George Ramirez #3.
Brian Brophy (Armageddon, 1 ep of Max Headroom) as Kevin.
Morgan Fairchild (uncredited in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, 5 eps of Friends, 3 eps of Roseanne, 1 ep of The Angry Beavers, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck, 1 ep of That 70s Show, 1 ep of That 80s Show) as Stewardess.
Alex Zuckerman (The Exorcist III, Hook, Fatal Instinct) as Stuey Gluck.
Randy Quaid (Not Another Teen Movie, Kingpin, Vacation, Christmas Vacation, Vegas Vacation, Independence Day, Brokeback Mountain, 19 eps of Saturday Night Live, 1 ep of The Ren & Stimpy Show) as Elijah C. Skuggs.
Jaime Cardriche (1 ep of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, 1 ep of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, 1 ep of The Wayans Bros.) as Toad.
Derek McGrath (Mr. Mom, 4 eps of Cheers, 2 eps of Bob & Doug, 2 eps of Newhart, 1 ep of Growing Pains) as Worm.
Jeff Kahn (Tropic Thunder, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Reality Bites, 4 eps of The Ben Stiller Show, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm, 1 ep of The Larry Sanders Show) as Nosey. He’s also a writer and producer on Drawn Together, Dilbert & The Ben Stiller Show…
John Hawkes (S. Darko, Wristcutters: A Love Story, Contagion, Rush Hour, 15 eps of Eastbound & Down, 2 eps of 24) as Cowboy.
Lee Arenberg (Pirates Of The Caribbean movies, Dungeons & Dragons, Waterworld, Robocop 3, 2 eps of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Grounded For Life, 1 ep of Friends) as The Eternal Flame.
Patti Tippo (Being John Malkovich, The Iron Giant, Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls, Sid and Nancy, Barb Wire, 1 ep of Titus) as Rosie the Pinhead.
Tim Burns (Crank Yankers, 1 ep of Star Wars: The Clone Wars) as Frogman.
Don Stark (John Carter, Donna’s dad in That 70s Show, 8 eps of Spider-Man-TAS (1990s), 3 eps of Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Editor.
Arturo Gil (Epic Movie, Monkeybone, Saul Of The Mole Men, The Man Show, 2 eps of Just Shoot Me) as Clown.
Tom Stern (3 eps of Saul Of The Mole Men) as Man #2 / Milkman.
Gibby Haynes (Butthole Surfers singer, 1 ep of The Larry Sanders Show, GWAR: Phallus In Wonderland) as Cheese Wart.
Pamela Mant (Leprechaun, 1 ep of Seinfeld) as Nun.
Joe Baker (Dumb & Dumber, Robin Hood: Men In Tights, 2 eps of Highway To Heaven) as Prof. Nigel Crump.
Jon M. Chu (director of G.I. Joe 2) as Giant Stuey Monster.