October 2021

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The ‘Burbs (1989)

Claire: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 6.8/10 IMDB.

Claire’s thoughts:  This was well-done, and almost reminded me of a Tim Burton feel (but not look) of a movie.

But an even more compelling reason to watch is if you are an American Dad fan. Francine’s voice actress stars in this movie. She’s basically the sexiness of the movie.
Or watch it for Corey Feldman.
Or get lost in IMDB and discover that Brother Theodore was the voice of Gollum in the 1977 Hobbit animated movie…. And get side-tracked watching his David Letterman appearance.

These older movies are charming because everyone’s gone on to do other things. No wait. Just Francine. Everyone else’s career went down the tube. At least she still has her voice on primetime television. Nevermind.

I’m glad I finally got to watch it. It wasn’t super, but it was a good movie.

Carolyn’s thoughts:  I had missed this when it came out.  It was pretty funny, though.  I enjoyed it a lot.

Directed by Joe Dante (Gremlins movies, Explorers, Piranha, Innerspace).
Written by Dana Olsen (Inspector Gadget movie, 2 eps of Laverne & Shirley).

Starring Tom Hanks as Ray Peterson.
Bruce Dern (Django Unchained, 2 eps of Bonanza, 1 ep of King Of The Hill) as Lt. Mark Rumsfield, the ex-soldier neighbor.
Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia in the Star Wars movies, When Harry Met Sally, Scream 3, Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back, A Midsummer Night’s Rave, Fanboys, Cougar Club, 19 eps of Family Guy, 1 ep of Smallville, 1 ep of Weeds) as Carol Peterson, Ray’s wife.
Rick Ducommun (Scary Movie, Groundhog Day, Ghost In The Machine, Loaded Weapon 1, Encino Man, Gremlins 2, Spaceballs, 2 eps of Max Headroom, 2 eps of Garfield & Friends) as Art Weingartner, the crazy neighbor.
Corey Feldman as Ricky Butler, the teenager who likes people-watching.
Wendy Schaal (Francine in American Dad, *batteries not included, Innerspace, 19 eps of Fantasy Island, 3 eps of Six Feet Under, 2 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Friends) as Bonnie Rumsfield, the hot wife.
Henry Gibson (Wedding Crashers, Magnolia, Gremlins 2, Innerspace, 13 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 7 eps of King Of The Hill, 1 ep of Stripperella, 1 ep of Knight Rider, 1 ep of Malcolm In The Middle) as Dr. Werner Klopek, mysterious new neighbor.
Brother Theodore (Gollum in the 1970’s The Hobbit and The Return Of The King animated features, The Last Unicorn) as Uncle Reuben Klopek, mysterious new neighbor.
Courtney Gains (National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze, Back To The Future, Children Of The Corn) as Hans Klopek, mysterious new neighbor.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096734/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Assault Of The Party Nerds (1989)

Claire: 2.4/5 stars, 5.4/10.
Carolyn: 2.4/5 stars, 5.4/10.
Native ratings: 2.4/5 stars Netflix, 3.6/10 IMDB.

A typical 1980s party/sex comedy movie that doesn’t really have too much of a plot.  This is the type of movie that they would have shown on “USA Up All Night!” back in the day.

This movie had some of the worst acting I’ve seen in my life, but since it was a very obvious low-budget b-movie, that was kind of to be expected.

Another complaint: Only 18 actors. It’s unconscionable to have a party movie where scenes of the party only have 2 people on the screen, with only 1 or 2 extras passing by the entire scene. Party movies are supposed to have big parties with tons of people!

The characters were basically: 4 nerds, 3 jocks, 3 girlfriends, 1 frat-legend old-guy, and 3 party hookups.  Only 4 other people in the whole fucking movie!  It would have had a lot more of a party feel if they had used more actors.

Carolyn’s thoughts: It was a very slow buildup. I was wondering when the party happened already. There were a few almost-redeeming moments (mountain of beer cans collapsing and William Tell Overture computer-keyboarding), but otherwise, the movie just fell flat. It didn’t have much else going for it. Oh, no, I can’t believe there’s a sequel.

Claire again: Wow, a sequel. WTF. And it’s rated even lower? Not sure why.

This wasn’t good. But it had good things about it. It wasn’t serious. You get to laugh a few times. Sometimes you’re laughing at the actual jokes in the movie, but most of the time you’re just laughing at how bad the movie is. Either way, laughter is great medicine.

But I could have used more of it.

Directed by, written by and starring Richard Gabai.

Richard Gabai (he’s in a decent amount of movies, but we haven’t seen any of them) as Ritchie.
Richard Rifkin (Hellboy 2, 8 eps of The Pillars Of The Earth) as W.O.L.A. (World’s Oldest Living Active).
Joe Whyte (The Emperor’s New Groove, Chicken Little) as T.K..
Marc Silverberg (1 ep of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and one other movie. Not much at all!) as Scott.
Troy Donahue (Sex Pot) as Sid Witherspoon, the frat-legend old guy.
Michelle Bauer as Muffin.
Linnea Quigley (again, lots of movies, but none that we’ve seen) as Bambi.
Kevin M. Glover as Cliff.
C. Paul Dempsey as Bud.
Robert Mann as Chip.
These people mostly didn’t go anywhere, becuase these people mostly weren’t talented.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096839/combined

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Embrace Of The Vampire (1995)

Claire: 2/5 stars, 4.6/10.
Carolyn: 2/5 stars, 5/10.
Native ratings: 2.9/5 stars Netflix, 4.3/10 IMDB.

This was almost a soft-porn. The only real reason to watch this is to see Alyssa Milano’s naked body several times. And frankly, that’s enough to make me not regret watching it.  We get a little Jennifer Tilly sexiness too, but it’s mostly Alyssa Milano. Who’s the boss now?!?

But man.. We almost aborted this 10 minutes in, just based on how bad it felt.

At least, after awhile, a plot made itself evident.

Why the FUCK did they remake this in 2013?  WHYYYYYY?

Carolyn’s thoughts: This wasn’t that great.  It was barely even tolerable.  The border-line soft porn aspect helped a little.  Alyssa Milano is hot as always.

Directed by Anne Goursaud.

Written by Halle Eaton, Nicole Coady and Rick Bitzelberger (10 eps of Undressed).

Alyssa Milano (Who’s The Boss, Charmed, 1 ep of Young Justice) as Charlotte.
Martin Kemp (How To Stop Being A Loser, Can’t Buy Me Love) as Vampire.
Harold Pruett (9 eps of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, 8 eps of Medicine Ball) as Chris.
Jordan Ladd (Hostel 2, Death Proof, Grindhouse, Cabin Fever, Nowhere, 5 eps of Robot Chicken) as Eliza.
Rachel True (Half Baked, Nowhere, 3 eps of Dream On, 1 ep of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air) as Nicole.
Charlotte Lewis (1 ep of Seinfeld) as Sarah.
Jennifer Tilly (Bonnie Swanson in Family Guy, Monsters Inc., Stuart Little, some Chucky movies, 2 eps of It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, 1 ep of Cheers, 1 ep of Dream On) as Marika.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109723/combined