Claire's blog

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Secret Of My Succe$s (1987)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 6.4/10 IMDB. (Pretty much the average of OUR votes!)

Carolyn’s thoughts: This was slightly better than I was expecting.  It was very formulaic, and very excessive with the montages, but it stayed pretty consistently funny throughout.  One montage reminded us of the first Pink Panther movie with the ridiculous sneaking around chasing each other.  I really enjoyed it.

Claire: Me, not quite as much. I would have liked this movie more, emotionally, if the plot resolution didn’t feel like such a deus ex machina. They had a good plot — but then the plot’s resolution seemed to come from left field. And the romance subplot just seemed unnecesary and distracting.

The rest was good. It had its laughs. It had its distinctly 80’s kind of comedic moments that you just don’t see in movies these days, because film finally learned how to do realism right, and that shit doesn’t always pass muster nowadays.  So it had that nostalgic charm to it.

But points against for lack of cohesion with the resolution.

And yes, 5 fucking montages is fucking excessive. But hey, it was the 80’s. You gotta have a montage. Even Rocky had a montage.

Directed by Herbert Ross (Footloose, Steel Magnolias).

Written by Jim Cash (Dick Tracy, Top Gun, Turner & Hooch, Anaconda, Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas), Jack Epps Jr. (Dick Tracy, Top Gun, Turner & Hooch, Anaconda, Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas) and AJ Carothers (5 eps of My Three Sons).

Starring:

Michael J. Fox as Brantley Foster / Carlton Whitfield.
Helen Slater (Supergirl, City Slickers, Talia Al Ghul in 4 eps of Batman-TAS, Lara-El in 3 eps of Smallville, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Caroline In The City) as Christy Wills.
Richard Jordan (Dune) as Howard Prescott.
Margaret Whitton (Major League movies) as Vera Prescott.
John Pankow (Ira Buchman in Mad About You, 1 ep of Duckman) as Fred Melrose. I knew I recognized him, but I couldn’t place it.
Christopher Murney (Barton Fink) as Barney Rattigan.
Gerry Bamman (Home Alone movies) as Art Thomas.
Fred Gwynne (The Munsters, Fatal Attraction, The Boy Who Could Fly, Car 54 Where Are You?) as Donald Davenport.
Carol Ann Susi (Just Go With It, 2 eps of That 70’s Show, 2 eps of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Six Feet Under, 1 ep of Just Shoot Me) as Jean.
Elizabeth Franz as Grace Foster.
Drew Snyder (Cruel Intentions) as Burt Foster.
Susan Kellermann (Beetlejuice, The Devil’s Advocate, Planes Trains And Automobiles) as Maureen.
Barton Heyman (The Exorcist) as Arnold Forbush.
Mercedes Ruehl (Big, Gia, Last Action Hero, 5 eps of Frasier) as Sheila.
Rex Robbins (Vampire’s Kiss, The Royal Tenenbaums) as McMasters.
MacIntyre Dixon (Funny Farm, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story) as Ferguson.
Bill Fagerbakke (Broadway from Gargoyles, Coach, Patrick in Spongebob Squarepants, Roughnecks: The Starship Troopers Chronicles, Funny Farm, 4 eps of Batman: The Brave And The Bold, Halloween 2, 4 eps of Sym-Bionic Titan, 1 ep of Young Justice) as Ron.
Mark Margolis (Tio Salamanca in Breaking Bad, The Fountain, Hannibal, Pi, Black Swan, 10 eps of Oz) as Maintenence Man.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093936/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5.7/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 4.7/10 IMDB.

Oh joy: Corey Feldman returns as Donatello.  He had a lot of lines, this time.  Maybe he was all fucked up during the first movie and they had to throw away a lot of his lines?  It seemed like in TMNT1, Donatello was almost totally ignored *BECAUSE* he was Corey Feldman.  Not so, this time.

So anyway, this was a completely different kind of plot that did not involve The Shredder.  It was kind of a one-off plot that had nothing to do with the standard TMNT plot. TIME TRAVEL?  Unnecessary. But since they go to feudal Japan, it is at least relevant and not totally contrived.

It was mostly entertaining though, and definitely not as cheesy or corny as the second movie. And with more fights. So it’s one of those rare threequels that’s better than the sequel.

Except the suits. The turtle suits on the actors were inferior and looked stupider. Can’t win them all.

Written & directed by Stuart Gillard (directed 20 eps of the new 90210, writer of 1 ep of Mork & Mindy, 1 ep of Three’s Company).

Starring:

All three movies:
Robbie Rist (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
From the second movie only:
Paige Turco (18 eps of Party Of Five, 18 eps of Guiding Light, 16 eps of All My Children) as April O’Neil.
Mark Caso as Leonardo / News Room Staff.

From the first movie:
Corey Feldman as Donatello (voice).
Elias Koteas (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Let Me In, Defendor, Last Days On Mars, Shutter Island, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Exotica) as Casey Jones.

New people:
Tim Kelleher (Independence Day, The Birdcage, 2 eps of American Dad, 1 ep of 24, 1 ep of Six Feet Under) as Raphael (voice).
Stuart Wilson (Hot Fuzz, Lethal Weapon 3) as Walker.
Sab Shimono (Uncle in Jackie Chan Adventures, Gung Ho, Waterworld, The Shadow, 6 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 3 eps of Samurai Jack, 2 eps of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series, 1 ep of The Boondocks, 1 ep of Max Headroom) as Lord Norinaga.
Vivian Wu (1 ep of Tales From The Crypt) as Mitsu.
Matt Hill (Soarin’ in My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Havok in X-Men: Evolution, SheZow, Ed in Ed, Edd, n Eddy) as Raphael.
Jim Raposa as Donatello.
David Fraser (11 eps of Sailor Moon) as Michaelangelo.
James Murray (Susan The Monster in Greg The Bunny, The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars, uncredited student puppeteer in Being John Malkovich, 3 eps of Life With Louie) as Splinter.
Eidan Hanzei (Crank 2, 1 ep of Heroes, 1 ep of Sherman Oaks) as Kenshin.
John Aylward (Armageddon, 2 eps of Carnivale, 2 eps of Third Rock From The Sun, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Niles.
Tad Horino (The Kentucky Fried Movie, Mulholland Dr., Bill & Ted‘s Bogus Journey) as Grandfather.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108308/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 5.9/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 5.9/10 IMDB.

Claire’s thoughts: I was thinking this was pretty good, and would end up 4/5 stars like I rated the last one… And maybe 7/10 like the last one. But no. God no. Things really took a drastic turn for the worse when vanilla ice appeared and shit got ultra-corny.

Also, I find the whole idea of a caged rat learning martial arts a bit ridiculous – Even in a world where teenage mutant ninja turtles exist, it is still utterly fucking implausible that a rat in a cage learned kung fu by watching and imitating his master. And he’s always on their case about being teenagers… But rats only live 4 years. So he’s at most 23 himself.

But anyway… When you end with a song and a dance, you know you’ve lost that loving feeling.  Apparently Frank Oz or someone complained that TMNT 1 was too violent, so this one was more family friendly.

At least it wasn’t horrible.

Carolyn’s thoughts: Donatello was much more fleshed out in this one. At one point, I asked Claire, “See how many lines Donatello has now?” The difference is definitely noticeable. This one definitely was more cheesy and corny than the first one. (I think they tried to tone down the violence since Jim Henson was apparently upset about how violent the first one was.) Definitely jumped the shark when they had a Vanilla Ice rap.

Directed by Michael Pressman (2 eps of Weeds).

Written by Todd W. Langen (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, 7 eps of The Wonder Years) & Bobby Herbeck (3 eps of Small Wonder, 1 ep of Diff’rent Strokes).

Starring:

From the first movie:

Robbie Rist (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
David McCharen (Men At Work, Ice Age 3) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki (voice).
Michael McConnohie (Resident Evil: Damnation, 1 ep of Wolverine anime, and a lot of video games and anime including Dragon Ball and Robotech) as Tatsu (voice).
Kevin Clash (Elmo in Sesame Street) as Splinter (voice).
Michelan Sisti as Michaelangelo / Soho Man.
Leif Tilden as Donatello / Foot #3.
Toshishiro Obata as Tatsu.
Raymond Serra as Chief Sterns.

Someone who was in the first movie, but as a different character:

Kenn Scott (Talkative Foot #2 in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1) as Raphael (as Kenn Troum). WHAT A PROMOTION!

New people:
Laurie Faso (The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, 18 eps of The Transformers, 1 ep of Jesse) as Raphael (voice).
Adam Carl (1 ep of Batman-TAS, 3 eps of Designing Women, 3 eps of Who’s The Boss?) as Donatello (voice). Corey Feldman is out.
Paige Turco (18 eps of Party Of Five, 18 eps of Guiding Light, 16 eps of All My Children) as April O’Neil. This is the movie of the 3 movies that she is the hottest in, though the red hair is missed.
David Warner (Archmage in Gargoyles, Ra’s Al Ghul in Batman, In The Mouth Of Madness, Lord Downey in Hogfather, Sweeney Todd, Avatar, Black Death, 9 eps of Men In Black: The Series) as Professor Jordon Perry.
Mark Caso as Leonardo / News Room Staff. He’ll be back in TMNT 3.
Ernie Reyes Jr. (Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, Rush Hour 2) as Keno.
François Chau (Lethal Weapon 4, 11 eps of G.I. Joe (1980s), 2 eps of Childrens Hospital, 1 ep of 24) as Shredder (as Francois Chau).
Mark Ginther (Iron Man 3, 1 ep of Buffy The Vampire Slayer) as Rahzar.
Kurt Bryant (1 ep of Titus) as Tokka.
Kevin Nash (he’s a wrestler, Grandma’s Boy) as Super Shredder.
and of course, Frank Welker as Rahzar / Tokka (voice).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103060/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Claire: 4/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Native ratings: Netflix sucks, 6.7/10 IMDB.

I am in a unique position of having never been exposed to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles until 2013. I’d not read one comic book (not even one panel), nor seen even one animated second of any TMNT cartoon.  When the new CGI animated series came out in 2013, I decided to give it a shot to see what I’d been missing…. And we both love it. It’s nice to have a lighthearted superhero cartoon to go with all our slightly-more-serious Marvel/DC-type superhero cartoons.

SO I’M FINALLY SEEING SOMETHING TMNT FROM THE 20TH CENTURY by watching all 3 movies this week. About goddamn time.

And y’know what? The new cartoon is better.  I probably wouldn’t have liked this nearly as much without priming up with the new version. And now I’m ready for the Michael Bay version. Bring it on, Michael. There’s nothing you can do to me that you haven’t done before. My body is ready.

Carolyn’s thoughts: I had watched the original animated series when it was on back in the 80’s, but when the movies came out, I wasn’t interested. Nowadays, I don’t remember that much from the original series, but we’ve been watching the new animated series. The new animated series is actually really good. Back to this movie, some of the jokes fell flat. It might have been better if I watched this when I was younger, because maybe it just didn’t live up to the test of time. I don’t remember much of the original series, but now that I’m comparing it to the new series, maybe that is why I didn’t enjoy it as much.

I don’t remember how Donatello was in the original series, but he really seemed like a throwaway character in this movie. I noticed that they barely touched Donatello’s character in this movie, and he just came across as really really lame. And then I found out Corey Feldman did his voice, and it was the worst voice. Poor Corey Feldman. It’s almost like he sucked so bad that they didn’t give him very many lines, or maybe he said a lot more originally and they cut it all out. I don’t know.

Directed by Steve Barron (Coneheads, The Adventures Of Pinocchio).

Written by Todd W. Langen (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, 7 eps of The Wonder Years) & Bobby Herbeck (3 eps of Small Wonder, 1 ep of Diff’rent Strokes).

Starring:
Judith Hoag (Salt, Armageddon, 1 ep of Weeds, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Mad About You) as April O’Neil.
Corey Feldman as Donatello (voice).
Josh Pais (Michael & Michael Have Issues, Adventureland, Synecdoche New York, Scream 3, 1 ep of The Sopranos) as Raphael (voice).
David McCharen (Men At Work, Ice Age 3) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki (voice).
Michael McConnohie (Resident Evil: Damnation, 1 ep of Wolverine anime, and a lot of video games and anime including Dragon Ball and Robotech) as Tatsu (voice).
Elias Koteas (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Let Me In, Defendor, Last Days On Mars, Shutter Island, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Exotica) as Casey Jones.
Sam Rockwell (Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (2005), Iron Man 2, Galaxy Quest, Seven Psychopaths, A Case Of You, Heist) as Head Thug.
Kenn Scott (Raphael in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2) as Talkative Foot #2.
Robbie Rist (Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
Kevin Clash (Elmo in Sesame Street) as Splinter (voice).
James Saito (Life Of Pi, The Devil’s Advocate, Die Hard 2) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100758/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Ghost Team One (2013)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native ratings: 2.1/5 stars Netflix (ouch), 4.9/10 IMDB.

A horror-comedy mockumentary about a sexually charged ghost?  This could go wrong in a lot of ways.  Especially because mockumentary typically means “we can’t write, so let’s just improvise until something mediocre comes out”.

But this was better than a lot of mockumentaries. It did actually have a plot. It felt scripted, and not improvised that much.

“Did you just fuck the ghost?!?”

It was still very much a b-movie, mostly 3 people in a house, very little special effects, no soundtrack, and very low key in the way they acted  So it’s a bit off-putting if you’re looking for a high-budget blockbuster type movie. This is more like a comedy for people who can’t get enough laughs.

Carolyn: We threw this one after Walking Dead hoping that it would be an entertaining way to end the evening. Unfortunately, this didn’t really live up. It was OK, but it was neither hilarious nor scary. One won’t miss anything by passing over this movie.

Claire: Funny thing – I passed out 40 minutes before the movie ended. Once that happened, I got to see about 75% of it, but none of it made sense due to the 25% I missed by falling asleep like… Every minute. We both were going to give it 2.6/5 stars, 5/10. Then I rewatched the last 40 minutes after dinner and it made a lot more sense. Most of the funniest stuff actually happened after I stopped being able to pay attention, so the movie redeemd itself.

Even Carolyn remarked that it was better the 2nd time through (and what a stupid movie to ever see twice!), raising her rating up to 3/5 stars, 6/10 (which is what I did too).

So…. This movie has its laughs and value. It’s just not great. Or particularly good. We ended up liking it.

Directed by Ben Peyser & Scott Rutherford.

Written by Andrew Knauer & Arthur Pielli.

Starring
Carlos Santos as Sergio.
J.R. Villarreal as Brad.
Fernanda Romero (3 Geezers, Drag Me To Hell) as Fernanda.
Tony Cavalero as Chuck.
Meghan Falcone as Becky.
James Babson (Hellboy, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, 1 ep of American Dad) as JW Menapace.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2272336/combined