Comedy


VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: American Pie 8: American Pie 4: American Reunion (2012)

5/5 stars, 8/10 from Clint, Carolyn, AND Parthena.

Native rating: 7.1/10, 3.9/5 stars (which was also Netflix’s guess for us, for some reason).

I’m so glad they didn’t decide to call this American Pie 4 like they had originally planned, because it really would have mucked up the numbering system for those who numbered the 4 direct-to-video movies.

Not much to say here — This was as good as the first 3 movies collectively were, and was definitley beter than the 4 direct-to-video movies (even if #7 was probably better than #3).

It’s been over a decade, so it’s really hard to remember the original movies for a valid comparison.

The east coast derecho ALMOST ruined the movie for us, but we only lost power for 5 seconds twice. All my previous complaints to Dominion appear to have paid off.

This movie was a really really good time! (And the first one where the main characters aren’t in high school or college.)

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1605630/

Alright everybody, could you please head on over to: http://cheezburger.com/56305665 and upvote my Sad Trombone Cat meme?

 

You can also give it a thumbs up on YouTube:

This took my wife and I several months, and we’d really like it to become a front-page Cheezburger meme! Can’t do it alone, though. Please upvote us on one or both sites! :)

2001 - computer - Fire - in it's heyday doing IRC

IRC downloading, 2001

Remember IRC? It was the first thing I did when I got on the internet in 1992 at Virginia Tech — and the first time I’d done it legally. Funny stuff you could do with the mIRC IRC client. You could have a custom quit message. For example, you could type:

/quit gotta go to work

and then it would say to everyone else in the channel:

ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (gotta go to work).

Wanting to out-do everyone else, I thought it would be funny to say something offensive to a lot of people. Especially since they can’t kick you from the channel — because you just quit! But I wanted my solution to be technically impressive too, so I scripted up random twisted sentences, by creating some text files that would be pieced together, almost like a Mad-Lib. That way, I could leave, and it would automatically come up with hilarious/crazy/sick/twisted things.

Here are some actual examples:

  1. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to pimps (who will make whores out of them), while they slowly bled to death).ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (got a blow job from your fat mom while on the floor of congress).
  2. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to cannabalistic African tribes, where they will slowly starve to death)
  3. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (got a rim job from your fat mom in front of the Queen Of England).
  4. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (smoked medical marijuana with The Taliban in front of 221 innocent children).
  5. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to child pornographers, while they pleaded for their lives).
  6. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (dropped acid with Ronald Reagan while in the White House).
  7. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to black market organ harvesters, while onlookers laughed).
  8. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (had an intense bondage session with your aunt while watching cartoons).
  9. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (got a hand job from Mohammad Atta on national television).
  10. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to black market organ harvesters, where their spirit will be broken).
  11. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (spooged all over your raunchy mom in front of 566 innocent children).
  12. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to medical laboratories for twisted genetic experiments, where their spirit will be broken).
  13. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (snorted crystal meth with George Bush while going on a homocidal killing spree).
  14. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (spanked Mohammad Atta in front of Mohammad Atta’s mother).
  15. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (smoked P.C.P. with George W. Bush in front of 317 starving Afghan refugees).
  16. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (took psychedelic mushrooms with Jesus Christ in front of 567 innocent children).
  17. ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (spanked your sister in front of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir).

The possibilities, while not endless, were pretty damn vast.

How did I do this?

I did this by piecing together sentence fragments from text files I created. Sentences followed one of these formats:

  1. sold children $read(thingstosellchidreninto.lst) $+ , $read(sadsentenceendings.lst)
  2. $read(drugtaking.lst) with $read(funnydrugcelebrities.lst) $read(funnysentenceendings.lst)
  3. $read(sexualthingstodowithpeople.lst) $read(funnypeopletohavesexwith.lst_ $read(funnysentenceendings.lst_)
  4. It was also set up so that about 5% of the time, it would make political statements, quote Sabbat lyrics, or Praise “Bob” …. but I’m not including those in this blogpost. This blogpost is about funny things I’ve said dynamically and programatically; not static things I’ve said. :)

I will include the actual contents of the files at the bottom of the post. But here is the list of the files themselves:

  • drugs.lst: a list of drugs (pot, acid, cocaine).
  • drugtaking.lst: a list of drugtaking phrases (injected heroin, dropped acid, smoked pot).
  • Ha! Ha! Overdosing on drugs and trying to kill yourself is funny!!

  • FunnyDrugCelebrities.lst: a list of people/entities that are amusing to think about doing drugs. (The Pope, Barbara Bush, Janet Reno, God).
  • Haha.. Celebrities are funny to do drugs with. Aren't Sid & Nancy funny? Ha ha.

  • FunnyPeopleToHaveSexWith.lst: it’s what the filename sounds like. (Your mom, your sister, your dead grandmother’s corpse, etc).

    Funny to have sex with

  • FunnySentenceEndings.lst: Tacked on to the ends of sentences to make them funnier. (while in the whitehouse, on national television, in front of 22 cops, in front of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir)

    everything's funnier in front of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!

  • SadSentenceEndings.lst: This could have been in the same file as FunnySentenceEndings, but I randomly decided whether it would be funny or sad. Sad ones included “while they begged for death’s sweet release”, “while they slowly bled to death”, “where they will spend the rest of their lives in misery”, and such.

    sentence endings so sad...they're funny

  • SexualThingsToDoWithPeople.lst: A list of sex acts (had anal sex with, had an intense bondage session with, etc)

    No... Really... Weird sex acts ARE FUNNY!!!

  • …And the most twisted filename of all: ThingsToSellChildrenInto.lst (sweatshops, sexual slavery, etc – check out the full file below)

    Postcard - 2 boys smoking

    Sell them into smoking advertising! HA HA!

  • HatedPeople.lst: Only used from within FunnyPeopleToHaveSexWith.lst (because it’s funny to have sex with hated people) and FunnySentenceEndings (because it’s funny to do things in front of the mom’s of hated people). Osama Bin Laden was in this list. I really could have made this a nice, long list if I’d really tried.

And now, past the jump, the contents of the files themselves… But first, a Sloth!

_Sloth_

This is actually related to the discussion. Back in the IRC days, my name was _Vengeance_. Needing to win wars against other people's scripts, I ended up running several other clients, including _Wrath_, _Sloth_, and _Avarice_. Well, someone sent this sloth.jpg file to me randomly once! Paranoid people will never experience the joys that can be had by automatically accepting unattended file transfers from strangers!

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VIDEO: Epic – Slinky on a Treadmill

The music, especially, makes this video! I can’t think of a video that’s made me this happy in awhile.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=711bZ_pLusQ

COMICS: The 8 Most Awkward Sexual Moments in Comic Book History | Cracked.com

Ha!   I read about the Emma Frost / Cyclops / Jean Grey thing in wikipedia recently and was like “jesus fucking christ”.. but Batman/Superman crying after watching tentacle sex, Green Lantern sleeping with a 13 year old, Wolverine trying to sleep with a 15 year old Mary Jane, and Nightcrawler knowingly banging his sister despite being Catholic? Wowie…

LINK URL: http://www.cracked.com/article_18957_the-8-most-awkward-sexual-moments-in-comic-book-history.html

JOURNAL: PARTY: Local Experts Can’t Agree On Whether Styx Sucks Worse Than Rush

John The Canadien’s blogpost about our Saturday hangout/partying experience.

LINK URL: http://igottarambleon.com/2012/03/27/local-experts-cant-agree-on-whether-styx-sucks-worse-than-rush

TAGS: personal, journal, hangingout, parties, people, Clint, Carolyn, JohnTheCanadien, MarkI, AutumnS, ChablisO, SeanR, media, audio, music, bands, Rush, Styx, Voivod, songs, Mr.Roboto, Genesis, video, TV, shows, TheClevelandShow, FamilyGuy

JOURNAL: Local Woman Applauds Husband’s Progress In Dwarf Fortress

John The Canadien’s blogpost about our long Friday hangout, which includes taco bell anecdotes, reviews of a shitload of cartoons we watched (6 hours), music, and spiel about Dwarf Fortress.

A little bit of everything!

LINK URL: http://igottarambleon.com/2012/03/21/local-woman-applauds-husbands-progress-in-dwarf-fortress

TAGS: personal, journal, hangingOut, JohnTheCanadien, MarkI, Clint, Carolyn, cartoons, reviews, AdultSwim, Fox, Bob’sBurgers, FamilyGuy, TheClevelandShow, Queen, AmericanDad, SouthPark, Unspervised, TheSimpsons, Simpsons, DwafFortress

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (2012)

We had a big movie night for this, and we were not disappointed! The ratings people gave to the movie seemed to — for the most part, with slight exception — be directly proportional to how much of a Tim And Eric fanboy that person is.

Clint: 5/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 8/10.
Greg: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Lauren: 3.5/5 stars, 7/10.

Native ratings: Netflix: 3.9/5, IMDB: 5.8/10.

AE: Fell asleep.
Meagan, Andy, Joe, Heather: Ignored my request for rating, but Joe had his complaints.

Anyway, this link is Ian’s reviewfor NPR, which sums up the actual movie decently.

LINK URL: http://www.npr.org/2012/03/01/147505852/tim-eric-cult-comedians-boldly-go-gonzo

TAGS: media, video, movies, reviews, TimAndEric, AdultSwim, TV, shows, TimAndEricAwesomeShow, GreatJob!, TimAndEric’sBillionDollarMovie, IanB, NPR, personal, hangingout, movienights, Clint, Carolyn, GregZ, MeaganP, AndyH, JoeH, HeatherLove, AE, articles, comedy

JOURNAL/REVIEWS: HANGING OUT: House of MagicMist Passes Referendum Banning Talk of Shia LaBeouf and DubStep

John The Canadien’s blogpost about hanging out with me & Carolyn & Mark I on Friday night, wherein we watched 2-3 hrs of TV (episodes reviewed within).

LINK URL: http://igottarambleon.com/2012/02/27/house-of-magicmist-passes-referendum-banning-talk-of-shia-labeouf-and-dubstep

TAGS: personal, journal, hangingOut, JohnTheCanadien, blog, posts, MarkI, Carolyn, Clint, media, video, TV, shows, reviews, cartoons, music, audio, dubstep, ShiaLaBeouf, MarilynManson, NinjaGaiden, D.R.I., ChemLab, NickCave, TheBirthdayParty, Unsupervised, Frankenhole, CartoonNetwork, FX,

VIDEO: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Wrath von MagicMist Explains The Subtle Nuances Of Coroner’s “Masked Jackal”

A review of 7 shows we watched with John The Canadien last Friday… Plus talk on Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and the song that got Clint into the band Coroner.

LINK URL: http://igottarambleon.com/2012/02/20/wrath-von-magicmist-explains-the-subtle-nuances-of-coroners-masked-jackal/#comment-4039

TAGS: personal, journal, hangingOut, Clint, Carolyn, JohnTheCanadien, media, video, TV, shows, cartoons, FOX, TheClevelandShow, TheSimpsons, Simpsons, FX, Archer, CartoonNetwork, AdventureTime, Delocated, NBC, TheOffice, reviews, Unsupervised, Coroner, AbrahamLincoln:VampireKiller

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Fun with FormSpring! Here are my 2 favorite answers to this question I posed to all my friends on FormSpring:

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could only chuck wood in a very inefficient, bureaucratic way? (more…)

in India, the destitute & homeless often use Cow dung as a fuel (probably the only free fuel) to bake bread with. (This is also common in some other areas of the world.)

I always figured it would kind of taste bad — with a particular “smoked shit” flavor. I prefer Mesquite.

But then, they worship cows as holy in India.

So if you were a marketeer, you could simply say, “Holy shit smoked bread”. (more…)

The Matrix trilogy, backwards: Keanu creates robots out of exploded debris, uses them to create humans out of corpses, then removes said humans from their uncomfortable underground dwelling and places them into comfy chairs, where their minds are left free to dream in a comfortable simulated world.

At some point, a red pill is vomited. (more…)

Inspired by the recent news article on a baby elephant surviving a crocodile attack. Please click through and vote this up:
Got your nose! (more…)

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funny pictures
moar funny pictures (more…)

A man walks by the newsstand every day, grabs a copy of the paper, and reads the front page. Each day, he grumbles, folds it back up disgustedly, and goes on about his day. This goes on for several years until finally the owner of the news stand asks the question.
“Why do you only read the front page and why do you get so upset?”
“I’m looking to see if someone died.”
“Well the obituaries are further inside.”
“The mother-fucker I’m looking for would be on the front page.”

Sorry… Heard it from John Str____ on Facebook. Had to remember it. This was in response to me saying there should be a web service to monitor obituaries, a DeathWatch of sorts. Useful for timely grave-dancing. (more…)

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