IRC downloading, 2001
Remember IRC? It was the first thing I did when I got on the internet in 1992 at Virginia Tech — and the first time I’d done it legally. Funny stuff you could do with the mIRC IRC client. You could have a custom quit message. For example, you could type:
/quit gotta go to work
and then it would say to everyone else in the channel:
ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (gotta go to work).
Wanting to out-do everyone else, I thought it would be funny to say something offensive to a lot of people. Especially since they can’t kick you from the channel — because you just quit! But I wanted my solution to be technically impressive too, so I scripted up random twisted sentences, by creating some text files that would be pieced together, almost like a Mad-Lib. That way, I could leave, and it would automatically come up with hilarious/crazy/sick/twisted things.
Here are some actual examples:
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to pimps (who will make whores out of them), while they slowly bled to death).ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (got a blow job from your fat mom while on the floor of congress).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to cannabalistic African tribes, where they will slowly starve to death)
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (got a rim job from your fat mom in front of the Queen Of England).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (smoked medical marijuana with The Taliban in front of 221 innocent children).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to child pornographers, while they pleaded for their lives).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (dropped acid with Ronald Reagan while in the White House).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to black market organ harvesters, while onlookers laughed).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (had an intense bondage session with your aunt while watching cartoons).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (got a hand job from Mohammad Atta on national television).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to black market organ harvesters, where their spirit will be broken).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (spooged all over your raunchy mom in front of 566 innocent children).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (sold children to medical laboratories for twisted genetic experiments, where their spirit will be broken).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (snorted crystal meth with George Bush while going on a homocidal killing spree).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (spanked Mohammad Atta in front of Mohammad Atta’s mother).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (smoked P.C.P. with George W. Bush in front of 317 starving Afghan refugees).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (took psychedelic mushrooms with Jesus Christ in front of 567 innocent children).
- ClintJCL (192.168.0.1) quit the channel (spanked your sister in front of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir).
The possibilities, while not endless, were pretty damn vast.
How did I do this?
I did this by piecing together sentence fragments from text files I created. Sentences followed one of these formats:
- sold children $read(thingstosellchidreninto.lst) $+ , $read(sadsentenceendings.lst)
- $read(drugtaking.lst) with $read(funnydrugcelebrities.lst) $read(funnysentenceendings.lst)
- $read(sexualthingstodowithpeople.lst) $read(funnypeopletohavesexwith.lst_ $read(funnysentenceendings.lst_)
-
It was also set up so that about 5% of the time, it would make political statements, quote Sabbat lyrics, or Praise “Bob” …. but I’m not including those in this blogpost. This blogpost is about funny things I’ve said dynamically and programatically; not static things I’ve said. :)
I will include the actual contents of the files at the bottom of the post. But here is the list of the files themselves:
And now, past the jump, the contents of the files themselves… But first, a Sloth!
This is actually related to the discussion. Back in the IRC days, my name was _Vengeance_. Needing to win wars against other people's scripts, I ended up running several other clients, including _Wrath_, _Sloth_, and _Avarice_. Well, someone sent this sloth.jpg file to me randomly once! Paranoid people will never experience the joys that can be had by automatically accepting unattended file transfers from strangers!
(more…)
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