People That Annoy Me

//” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.[originally posted 3/25/2008] Because I am outspoken, have a powerful web presence, and have unpopular and unapologetic opinions, I tend to attract trolls from time to time. For example, the guy who argued that we must protest South Parkbefore the series even came out. Honestly, I might be the actual troll here, as I deliberately put some stuff up to bait people into leaving responses, which is the definition of trolling. But that definition usually applies to neutral forums, not to posting to your own forum. So I’ll go ahead and call the people who attack me on my own spaces “trolls”, in the “I’m rubber you’re glue” spirit.

This is in response to my “What Would Jesus Smoke?” blogposts HERE, as well as my What Would Jesus Smoke (and other Jesus) Flickr images HERE.

These pictures draw “Christian soldiers” from all over the place, causing them to hurl entertaining vitriol in my direction. I fucking love it.

I always thought “Ye who has not sinned should cast the first stone”, but hey, Christians don’t seem to know much about being Christ-like, just like Muslims don’t seem to know much about being Mohammad-like. (And if they did, they would all have 6-year-old wives like Mohammad.) My uncle Sean has already published, analyzed, and commented on this letter, and there are already a few comments over there on his blog. He is more calm and collected, and can say how I feel better than I can. :)

Anyway, this gets ugly. Very ugly. Read on to see the love God puts in all Christians’ hearts. (That was sarcasm.) (more…)

I thought I would share this decade-old South Park-related douchebaggery. Now, I’ve been a South Park fan since the Jesus Vs. Frosty short, a good year or two before the series aired. I showed everyone I knew, and anyone close to me heard of South Park from me first. So I was fighting this “J.L.” character from the start. I really wish I had the response I sent him on record, but this is from a TXT file on my harddrive. Anyway, just look at the backlash, already forming before South Park even aired. It’s amazing the levels of douchitude people will go through to stop something they haven’t even seen yet. (more…)

Attention Marilyn Manson! Your fans are douchebags! Well, not all of them. But a higher percentage than with other bands, that’s for sure. To impatient readers, you might want to skip down to exhibit 4 below, to see how I ended up giving this bitch her come-uppance by deliberately pouring a drink on her. She deserved worse. (more…)

So the fucking MAILMAN chewed me out today for not answering the doorbell! He was like, “You’re telling me you were home when I rang the bell yesterday” and was just … out of his truck, at my door, telling me “next time I come it’s going back to the P.O.”.

Y’know, I despise vendors that make you sign, because otherwise you have to go to the P.O. before Noon on a Saturday to pick up your package. But I need to mail stuff too, so it’s no skin off my back if I have to go to the P.O. on a day I don’t have to work! (more…)

Make sure to check out the Washington D.C. City Paper article entitled A Murderer Among Us, by Dave McKenna. The article links to this blog because it relates to personal events. Specifically, it relates to a shooting (victim’s MySpace here), as well as to unfortunate events that occurred at a party in my house and created many permanent social schisms among many people.

Blueweeds blog’s article about this builds upon Dave McKenna’s article, and includes more interesting comments. Actually, Blueweeds has been covering this issue for quite some time — better and more thorough coverage than The City Paper, which has only had a few articles. Interesting facts abound at Blueweeds — such as the fact that 2 original witnesses were allegedly not even interviewed because they spoke Spanish! Lazy cops! (Blueweeds is a Falls Church, VA, news blog.)

Anyway, I strongly encourage Fairfax County residents to vote for Patrick McDade this coming election Tuesday. He has managed to get his opponent Ray Morrogh to acknowledge that he is actively reviewing the grand jury charging decision. As for Patrick McDade — he plans to re-open the investigation himself if elected.

To quote BlueWeeds, “Everyone involved has asked only for a complete investigation, a rational charging decision to be made, and some communication about the status to the community torn apart by the events of that night two years ago. No more, no less”.

Also: Was it just a coincidence that my mailbox got bashed for the first time ever when I put the McDade campaign sign on it? And the 3 other times the signs was knocked down? (more…)

I got my first hate blogpost (by someone who, in his blogger profile, says “About me: I’m a pig”), AT&T can now get every IP address you visited in 40 lines of code, touching a cop’s badge when he wont give you his badge number will get you permanent nerve damage, whatever you do — don’t play craps and accidentally make an invalid arrest, or you’ll be charged with a 10-year felony!, Who the fuck actually cares about online virtual pedophiles in SecondLife? It’s not real life! University of Delaware implements policy literally saying “ALL white people are racists, and people of color cannot be racists”, Is it Christmas (with RSS feed)? And a nice article by Michael Vail on the TECHNOLOGY WAR. (more…)

So this [extremely socially awkward] co-worker got Boss’s Day cards for his 2 bosses and gave them to them today. I was then given a ‘heads up’ from a co-worker about this, so I could get on board if I want. But I’m not participating. I refuse to be brought to that level of brown-nosedness. (UPDATE: I signed the damn thing when everybody else did.) They already get paid more than us, and we’re supposed to by them a card too? Has anyone ever heard of anyone actually doing this? What the fuck?

So, I got really tired of all my Christian acquaintances sending out religious MySpace bulletins. I don’t want freakin’ prayers and bulletins informing me that, GASP, Christ died 2000 years ago, and only 3% of people are going to repost the bulliten. (Are you?)
So, today, just now, I sent the following troll bulletin out on my MySpace. Let’s see how they react. If a Christian reacts that I shouldn’t send such stuff, I’ll reply, “Well now you know how *I* feel!” and likely delete them from my friends list. This shit is tiring, especially when it’s 5 bulletins in a row.
So anyway, here’s what I wrote: (more…)

Jack Valenti… is dead.
I love how the first comment on the slashdot article is “frosty piss right on his grave… rot in hell you son of a bitch”. (more…)

God Hates fags asshole hatemonger - shoot her in the head
These guys are scum (the hate group, not
Someone please show up to the funeral and teach them a lesson. Preferably with a steel-toed boot.
More info on …. Kate M adds: “Tell them it’s not very Christian!”

This is a story worth reading. Exploisions, vans crashing into telephone poles which burned for an hour, downed power lines, and a probable death. All within 20 feet of my driveway. Read on for more. (more…)

Well, I’ve complained about asshole drivers before (see the Categories list on my sidebar — note the ‘Drivers’ sub-category under ‘People That Annoy Me’, under ‘Complaints’). 

Unfortunately, yesterday the asshole driver was me(more…)

Check out this CNN article about the “controversy” surrounding the video taping of Steve Irwin’s death.

I, personally, would like to see the clip of him dying.  I don’t think I need justification; it’s morbid curiosity and my psyche can handle much worse.  But then the article goes on to say:necrophiliac mouse

It would be purely titillation and necrophilia if anyone were to show this.

So now I’m a necrophiliac for wanting to see it?!?!  I don’t think so. — That’s where I got the picture of the necrophiliac mouse to the right. Hilarity ensued!

But anyway, No — that is not the definition of necrophilia.  Prof. Freedman talks about titallation in the very sentence in which he, himself, is titallating.  (Huh huh — “tit”.)  Not just poor journalism, but also hypocritical.


Look! Necrophilia isn’t even illegal in most of the country!  Professor Freedman, instead of whining about releasing a video of someone who is already dead and specifically said that he wanted his death to be filmed, why not spend your time writing your legislature about enacting anti-necrophilia laws?  It would be a much better use of both of our time.  Please go back to teaching your classes, and stay out of CNN.

Personally, I can’t wait for a youtube link. 

And I really liked Steve Irwin. 

People are very irrational.  Watching something bad is not in any way bad itself!

 So I finally sorta-kinda told my co-worker to shut up.  She started talking to me about something, God knows what — she tangented about 5 times without ever closing anything she said.  Listening to her talk is like reading a page full of left parenthesis without any closing parens. (more…)




I dropped my wallet in the bathroom at work.

In 10 minutes, it was gone.

I haven’t even gotten all my fucking replacement cards from the last time it was stolen! (more…)

Pre-Accident: It was approximately 8AM on Tuesday, March 7th, 2006.  I was turning right out of the shopping center at Lincolnia & Columbia Pike.  Columbia Pike is a busy road, but I make this turn almost every day I commute and am very used to it.  I saw a gap in the traffic long enough to accomodate at least one car, and prepared to turn into the road.  I made sure there was enough room and that nobody had their signals on.  When the traffic gap got up to the turnoff, I turned into the gap and began accellerating.

Accident: I thought I was fine, then this pickup truck rapidly changed lanes into my lane without signaling.  I saw that he was doing this, and hit my breaks and swerved to the right.  However, it all happened so fast, and there was no shoulder for me to swerve into, so despite my efforts he still clipped the front-left corner of my car with the back-right corner of his truck.

The fact that he clipped only the corner of my car, and that I wasn’t rear-ended or side-swiped, proves that I was already on the road when he switched lanes and clipped me.

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His vehicle: His vehicle was a grey/silver Chevrolet S10 pickup truck from Koons, with a Radford University sticker.  License plate YCJ-7493.

The Police: Officer: Sgt. A. G. Williams (703-256-8035 x5133) arrived at the scene.  The case number is #06066-000798.

He said there was not enough information to give a ticket.

When he asked Mr. Jacobs if Mr. Jacobs saw me at the turnoff, Mr. Jacobs said that he did see me there. Open your fucking eyes, jackass.

However, when he asked Mr. Jacobs if Mr. Jacobs saw me change into the lane. Mr. Jacobs said that he did not see me change into the lane.      (I think this proves he was paying more attention to changing lanes to try to get ahead of everyone than anything else.)

His motive: He was changing lanes unnecessarily, simply to try to get ahead of the pack of traffic.  There was no immediate need for him to move to the right lane, as he was not turning right.  There was not even a place to turn off for a half-mile.  I followed him, and he proceeded straight on Columbia Pike for several more miles.  When I turned left onto Carlin Springs Rd (to get to Rt. 50 and my job), he continued going straight on Columbia Pike.  Obviously there was no need to him to switch lanes, he was just one of those “zoomy” drivers.

Hey James Jacobs, thanks for unnecessarily changing lanes and wasting hours of both of our lives. Maybe if you didn’t “rush” around in your piece of shit truck, we both would have gotten to where we were going faster. And I wouldn’t have lost my fucking wallet with $500 cash it I just withdrawed. Your douchebaggery cost me a fucking grand. Go to hell you redneck piece of shit.

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Post-Accident: Before I turned left from Columbia Pike to Carlin Springs Rd, I noticed something in my car was hitting the pavement every second or two.  I stopped at the hospital on Carlin Springs Rd and pulled over.  Finally the duct tape I keep in my trunk is paying off.  I spent 10 minutes or so duct-taping my left-front fender onto my car better.  I’ll probably have to reapply duct tape every few months for the rest of my car’s life.  I’d just rip the thing off, but I hear they are required for inspection.  Feh.

His information as filed on the police report:

Vehicle: Chefy Pickup 2002 YCJ-7493 VA

Name: James C. Jacobs (is a piece of shit)

Address: 9657 Boyett Ct., Fairfax, VA 22032

Phone: 703-323-7833

Driver’s License Number: T66-02-4048,  VA

Part damaged: Right rear bumper

Accident date: 3/7/2006 Tue 8:15AM (note: that is the time the report was filed, the accident was more around 8AM)

Is owner of vehicle: yes

Insurance information: USAA #000771365471044

Update: 20060330: On 20060329, I filed a claim.  I believe the number is 100-808-7537; I have a confirmation email.  I have a $500 deductible, $20/day rental re-embursement, and can get it fixed anywhere I wish.

The adjuster, Kevin Hurst, 703-731-0157, is coming by today around 1:30PM to look at the damage.  They said if the frame had been damaged, my car would have been totalled! What a crock, it’s got 20-50K more miles left on it!  I’d replace an engine before I’d get a new car.

He will give me a check for a rental car, which apparently I could spend on beer if I like — he told me they don’t actually care what you do with the money.  If you own your car, they give you a check.  If you are still making payments, the check is only half in your name, because if DO you buy beer with it, don’t repair your car, and the bank repossesses your car, they are entitled to the repairs, and the insurance company would have to pay twice. Nice benefit of ownership: It’s YOUR check. Reminds me of mechanics liens on your house. So I understand completely.

Now I keep hearing “$20/day” but Mr. Hurst told me I’d get $27.99 + 10% tax per day.  There are 2 categories: “K-4 rental”, which allows a check to be issued, and “Rental Reimbursement”, where you get paid after the fact.  I think I would actually rather get paid in full after the fact, than only paid in partial up front.

Today, Stephen Glopher (x22739) called me to take a recorded statement about the accident.  He is a licensed adjuster.  Told me I have $100,000 liability, $500 collision deductible, and $20/day rental.  He took a recorded statement.

At first he said, the judge would make us pay for his damages.  But then he put me on hold.  I think he was checking Virginia Law, but I don’t truly know.  He came back and said they can kind of split it in half.  They will say it is 50%/50% my fault/his fault.  It is considered “contributory negligence” on my part, which is “more than 1% at fault”.  But, in Virginia, that means that my insurance company pays for my damages, and his pays for his.  Haha, both our insurance is going to go up instead of just his!  That’s a win in my book, inasmuch as one can be had. [UPDATE: And mine didn’t seem to really go up noticeably anyway.]

He will get a copy of the police report next, and go from there.

Final update: Everything fixed, but brakes mysteriously went bad the instant I was hit.  Insurance would not pay for this.  Ultimately I had to shell out $500 for my deductible for insurance repairs, $400 for break repair, $500 in lost cash when I lost my wallet, and a good $75-$100 in administrative fees relating to re-establishing my identity after losing all my credentials.

Some assholes should learn to signal. Other assholes should learn how to return wallets.

I think I should make a list of people/things that annoy me. Pet peeves or “turnoffs”.

I can always come back to the post and add to the list later, and I think I’ll do that. This is for myself, really.

20100704 2111 - X-Day - Hate Balloons - Clint's Balloon - 1 - (by Rev. Richard Skull) - 100_0481

This very list, being sent into the sky on a HATE BALLOON during X-Day 2010

So to start off:

  1. dogs. They’re so fuckin’ needy, they drool, they smell, they break shit, they need to be babysat. Getting dog-lovers to do anything is like getting someone with kids to do anything: Pretty fuckin’ hopeless. And no, you can’t bring your dog inside my house.
  2. Driving: SUV-drivers. If you have a reason, fine. But usually you’re just sucking Bin Ladin’s dick. Thanks for making us have to give money to our enemies.
  3. Driving: SUV-drivers who slow down to 1MPH to go over a speed bump. You have a fucking SUV. You don’t even need a fucking road. What the hell are you slowing down for? I do not brake or accelerate through speed bumps. You can go over most speedbumps at 10-20MPH without hurting your car; I’ve been doing it in every car I’ve ever owned. You are driving a fucking tank. The idea of paying four times the money for your vehicle and paying twice the money in gas, for no discernable advantage because you are too much of a pussy to even go over a speedbump is such an incredible waste of money & resources. SUV’s should be driven by people who know how to drive them.
  4. Driving: Speed Bumps. Yes, I despise all speed bumps. They are merely another system of control, like The Matrix, prozac, or our school system. Whiny neighbors attempting to control me as I drive down “their” road. My tax dollars paid for the road for the purpose of getting from point A to point B as fast as safely possible. My tax dollars shouldn’t then also pay for a bump that has the exact oppositte agenda of making it harder for me to get to from point A to point B. If you don’t want people being run over — tell the parents to parent, put up signs warning of children, and come down hard on those who kill via negligence. But don’t punish the rest of us. Oh, and have fun if you’re riding over one while in an ambulance, I hear they reek havok on IV drips. Now, in the course of a speed bump’s life, how many people do you think have go drive over it in an ambulance? Probably, several to many. How many children are saved by each one? Any? I think they may do more harm than good. This doesn’t apply to all speedbumps — just most.
  5. Driving: Excess stop signs. Much like the speedbumps, annoying neighbors –the kind who make homeowners assocations — use this as a system of control to control all the drivers who go down a road. Even though the road is in front of your house, you are only one of thousands of cars that use that road. You have no greater proportional right to it just because you live there, and you have no right to control me because of some NIMBY complex about your children’s safety. I hate children being the excuse to hold everyone and everything back all the time! In Woodbridge, there is a stop sign at the bottom of a hill with no intersection. That’s the worst example ever!
  6. Driving: People who switch lanes very obviously making a desparate attempt to get ahead, but then switch back when they realize their lane is slower. Instead of swerving back and forth like Courtney Love at a celebrity roast, why not try learning the daily traffic patterns and get in the fastest lane right off the bat. Usually, for any specific 1-mile stretch of road at any specific time, there is a “special” lane that is faster than all the others. Usually it’s the far-right, but sometimes it’s the far-left. Use your pattern recognition skills. Physically reacting to each accordian-style tarffic variation by changing lanes is just fucking annoying.
  7. Driving: People who don’t signal when changing lanes.
    If I was a cop I’d pull you over.
  8. Driving: People who don’t properly hug the left-turn lane. You do not make a straight diagonal line from the main lane, to the front of the left turn lane. You are supposed to hug the concrete of the lane, and get the fuck out of my way right away. Get all the way into the turn lane as soon as it is first possible. Do not just casually cost your way to the front of the lane, blocking me until you are at the very front of it. You will get beeped at, and probably flicked off too.
  9. Driving: “Real Men Love Jesus” bumper stickers.
  10. Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough. Don’t make me break my stride! Close slowly, so as not to crush people. But why open slowly?
  11. Computing: People who wont sign-up at websites because it’s “too much work”. It takes about 2 minutes to enter the information.
  12. Computing: People who wont sign-up at websites because “then I’d have another username and password to remember”. If you can’t use a consistent username and password, you don’t deserve internet access. Note that I am not saying to use the same password everywhere. You need at least 2 passwords. One for “weak” sites that you don’t care about and one for “strong” sites — ebay, paypal, your bank, your email. It’s not hard to be consistent with yourself. But many people idiotically have trouble doing this. “What name did I use again?” Just pick a fucking name and be done with it. What’s the problem here? Do you have trouble filling out your DMV application for a driver’s license? Do you forget your own name? No? Then how come you forget your username? It it because you pick something stupid and different at each site? The problem is YOU, not the technology
  13. Computing: People with lowercase usernames. C’mon, when you sign up the first time, CAPITALIZE your name properly. For example, “ClintJCL” not “clintjcl”. IT’S NOT HARD to hold the shift key down ONCE, and have your name look better, and be more easily readable, for all perpetuity. It’s rare that you’ll hear me call for vanity, but people need to be more vain about their usernames!
  14. Computing: People who still haven’t hooked their computer up to their TV. C’mon, I was doing this in 1995 before you could even watch movies on computers. But now that every computer has a dvd-rom and is video-capable — now that any $30 video card has tv-out on it: There’s just no excuse. Have fun watching your Flash animations as they fill up 3 inches on your 15-inch monitor. Me, I read my email on a 36-inch TV. Fuck monitors.
  15. Computing: Music: People who think they can actually tell the difference between a VBR LAME-encoded mp3 and an ogg file. Assuming both are normalized to the same volume level, I defy you to prove your abilities to me.
  16. Events: Weddings: Outdoor weddings with no water. C’mon. It’s bad enough that we have to go to dress up, spend money on a gift, cancel any other plans, and go to a wedding. I’m really happy for you, but our own wedding did not require us leaving the room I am typing this from. But because everyone else wants a fancy schmancy meaningless ceremony, we have to put more effort into other peoples’ weddings than our own. That’s fine–to each his own. But for chrissakes, if you’re going to make us sit outside in the hot sun and 30 minutes — have some damn water available. Some of us are more inclined to dehydration and parched lips than others. We don’t need to be physical challenged and uncomfortable before the wedding even starts!
  17. Events: Weddings: When the couple WON’T put cake on each other’s faces. Really? Are you concerned about your make-up, do you not know how to use a napkin, or are you just completely un-fun? Everyone had to collectively spend thousands of dollars, travel thousands of miles, and lose thousands of hours to watch a trumped up meaningless ceremony that doesn’t affect your actual love or legal status in the slightest. You made us follow all the traditions, sit around, buy presents, wear suits, but you can’t follow the one tradition that actually makes it a bit more fun for the audience, and shows you as being down-to-earth, not-overly-serious, fun people? To each his own, but you just became a bit lamer. What’s next, kids?
  18. Housing: Homeowners Associations. Wow, never has America felt like communist China so much. “You cannot paint your door another color. The collective does not approve.” Don’t use your property value as an excuse to manipulate me. The only reason my property can affect the value of yours is because most human beings are so superficial, vain, and self-righteous, that when they purchase a home they expect to weild influence over the homes around them. I find the whole idea very Un-American and contrary to freedom and individuality. Consequently, I made sure to buy a house with no homeowners assocation. If my neighbor calls the police on my parties for a noise violation — they can expect me to point the side of my house blaze orange and green stripes and polka dots. They can look at that for perpetuity.
  19. Language: When the dictionary lists the pronunciation for “wh” as “hw”, as if we are supposed to say the H before the W. Even more annoying is when people actually talk like that.
  20. Language: When people write “an historic occasion” (See comments #41 and #42 below). You are supposed to use “a” before words that start with consonants, and “an” before words that start with vowels. I blame the British for not pronouncing their “H”es enough!
  21. Music: People who think Blink 182 is real punk. It’s not even pop-punk, it’s punk-pop. You want pop-punk, go listen to The Descendents, bub.
  22. Music: Hip-hop in general. I guess Rock is dead now? Thanks. Talking instead of singing is like watching reality television instead of fiction. I do like a few rap songs, but did I need to hear all that at my fucking prom? Bandwagon-riders!
  23. People: Cell-phone users. People who talk loudly in public, especially at restaurants. Phones ring in theatres. People hanging at your house leave because you lost the “social auction” and someone cooler texted them. People who arrive at a party but are more connected to the person on their phone than the people actually there in person. People who think the iPhone can actually enrich your life more than $600…
  24. People: Co-worker Kate for telling me that this list is so long that I can no longer call them “pet” peeves, just peeves. She says they are only “pet” peeves if there is only a few, and I have exceeded a “few”.
  25. People: Cops, and how they think their lives are so important that they can shoot anyone who they think might be a threat to them, and get away with it every time. That’s not justice, that’s oppression. I would rather 1,000 petty criminals go free than 1 innocent person be shot. And cop shootings? They aren’t directed at Adolf Hitlers or Bin Ladins. They are directed at people you’ve never heard of. Because they are petty criminals (drug dealers, bad drivers, etc). Last I checked, we don’t have a death sentence for those offenses in this country. And frankly, I think the death sentence should be repealed if it leads to innocent deaths. And I think The Inncence Project has proven this quite well.
  26. People: Bootlickers. Anyone who appeals to any authority: religion, bathroom genital checks, “it’s not the cop’s fault” “cops are actually okay”. This is a very broad stroke that catches most people. Mostly it’s when they post on facebook. Shut the fuck up; let your bootlicking method of thinking fucking die.
  27. People: dog-lovers – see dogs above. Dogs are lame enough, but dog lovers constantly can’t do things because of their damn needy dogs. Worst excuse ever to not come to a party or go camping. “I have to walk my dog.” Wow, you voluntarily have a ball and chain that isn’t even human?! Are you unable to relate with higher brain forms? Or do you just like slobber and piss?
  28. People: Homeowners who don’t throw parties, but still go to other peoples’ parties. I call this person a “party leech”. They have a house, are able to throw a party, but never do. They still show up to other peoples’ parties, but wont contribute to the house party community by throwing one of their own. I have seriously considered asking for a $2 donation from all guests who don’t throw parties, while allowing those who do to be exempt from any “cover charge”.
  29. People: Homeowners who don’t let you smoke in their house. This is five times as bad if the homeowner himself smokes cigarettes, because that makes them superficial to the point of being a hypocrite. BTW, I have an excellent sense of smell. I tend to believe freedom trumps aesthetics, but that’s not what the average human being thinks.  [update: about 10yrs after posting this, I was diagnosed with autoimmune anti-bodies that mean I might get pulmonary hypertension. Given those specific additional risk factors, after looking at various graphs, I decided my risk threshold was now exceeded, and put a kobosh on smoking in my house. ]
  30. People: People with an Inability to use civility consistently  – i.e. someone who blocks people for comments that are more civil than the ones they leave, or someone who calls names first in debate – you won’t catch me doing this with a friend, you will catch me doing this with strangers; strangers have not earned my respect.  Does this mean I’m my own pet peeve? Well, if you’re a stranger with stupid-ass beliefs, I want to be your pet peeve. But if you’re somebody I’m supposedly trying to be friends with or respect? I’m gonna hold back as much as I can. I always am. It doesn’t seem like that, but I am.
  31. People: People with an Inability to use logic consistently… which usually leads to being a person with an Inability to use civility consistently IF one has enough patience to guide one of these people into a logical corner, and that person is still intelligent enough to understand they are in such a corner ….
  32. People: Parents/Babies/Children … No, not all parents. But Parthena pointed out that I listed people with dogs here, complained about dogs being needy, but didn’t list people with kids. So I’m listing them. For similar reasons, people with kids are always having to leave things early, not go to things, or “not do things I used to do because I have to think about my children”. They are less likely to take risks, which in turn often makes them less fun. There are definitely a lot of exceptions to this rule, as I know some pretty fucking cool parents. But they, too, are held back from being able to do what they want, where they want, when they want, because of their children. And that is annoying. And part of why I don’t want kids. And kids are annoying anyway. Now I’m getting to an age where there are often kids at parties I am invited to, and I don’t like this one bit. I like parties where people can do things that they wouldn’t do in front of children!
    Furthermore, science has never studied this unpopular idea, because nobody wants to find out, but I truly believe that the act of breeding has some sort of physiological gene expression that actually lowers a breeder’s ability to use logic as often.
    Either way – a child has a huge carbon footprint, and you recycling your entire life is shittier to the planet than if I never recycle my entire life, but also don’t breed.  So nyah nyah.
  33. People: Photographers who don’t take pictures of themselves. C’mon. It’s bad enough that people get annoyed by having their picture taken; Photography Is Not A Crime! But photographers who won’t photograph themselves are hypocrites, plain and simple. It also comes off as pretentious and snobby. (Hunters who don’t shoot themselves are not, however, hypocrites. I think the reasoning is obviously here. Bullets actually do hurt.)
  34. People: Stealth party/gathering exiters (aka “Irish Goodbye-ers”). C’mon. Is it that hard to say goodbye to your friends? People who leave parties, or otherwise depart group ventures, by stealth — piss me off. Nothing like needing to talk about something face to face with a person, but you can’t, because they left without saying goodbye and giving a chance for you to bring up what you wanted to bring up. It makes people seem really insincere when they just duck out of a gathering without saying goodbye to anyone. Yes, formalities suck, but how hard is it to talk to your own friends? I’m not talking about doing now and then, or saying goodbye to a few people, getting tired, and just leaving. I’m talking about the people who do it consistently.
  35. People: Those who cannot be planned around, because they are incapable of being punctual or accurately estimating when or what they will be doing. “Flakes”. They come off as fair-weather friends who are great friends if they happen to wander into a room you happen to be in, but impossible to wrangle otherwise.
  36. People: Those who falsely accuse me of things. The first was my Dad, at age 5, insisting that it was *I* that screamed the entire time he took his post-work 30-minute shit. He screamed and yelled at me, despite my mom AND my aunt who were both in the room with me telling him that it wasn’t me. But does authority listen to reason? Rarely, if ever. I was grounded, and somehow the input of everyone actually there didn’t matter to the entitled patriarch of the house. Or how about the time that the whole bus thought it was me who put the cardboard trash can over the bus driver’s head, causing us to drive blindly on I-395, and drinks to be prohibited for the rest of the year? I didn’t appreciate being pushed around by the other kids for impinging on their drinking rights, when it was Ryan S1bb3t who did it!  Anyway — If you accuse me of something … I will probably go do it. My sister used to say I hit her when I didn’t, and I always made sure to hit her right after accusing me. If I’m going to be accused — I might just do it. So be careful what you accuse me of.
  37. People: Those who make you take off your shoes when you go into their house. While it is indeed annoying for people to track mud into your house, there is this thing called a “doormat”. They are especially effective if you have an outside doormat and an inside doormat. Some of us like to wear our shoes from the moment we wake up until the moment we go asleep. Some of us don’t want people to see our socks with holes in them. Some of us like the protection shoes offer us, from stepping on painful objects, stubbing our toes, etc. Some of us have wear shoe lifts because one leg is longer than the other. Some of us have plantar fasciitis and have spent more on Dr visits, special shoes, and orthotics than you spent on the carpet that was already in your house when you moved in. This isn’t fucking Japan! Got a white carpet? That’s your own stupid fucking fault, whitey!
  38. Politics: Republicans. Not that I’m fond of Democrats. Voting for either party is contrary to the interests of most Americans.
  39. Politics: Democrats. Especially the ones who think nobody should own a gun. Fucking idiots. At least in practice you are slightly less evil than Republicans.
  40. Politics: People who use the tired old argument “it’s sucked in the past, so what are you complaining about?” We had slavery in the past too, you know. Just because something has been bad for a certain period of time does not give justification for not fixing it. “Every president has spied on its citizens.” Does that make it okay? “Clinton/Reagan/whoever did it too.”
    Get over your tired arguments. That’s just avoiding the issue.
  41. Politics: People who support government-sponsored torture. The only torture that exists should be Jack Bauer(24)-style torture where one person breaks the rules and takes personal responsibility. If they are right, they are a hero. If they are wrong, they go to jail. The government should absolutely not sponsor state-controlled torture.
  42. Politics: People who respond to anti-Bush remarks with “But Kerry .” Kerry has abso-fuckin-lutely nothing to do with why Bush sucks. Having only two political parties is an American thing in the same way that having only one political party was an Iraqi thing. In Iraq, people had no choice. In America, they pretend to give us a choice, but it’s not a choice at all. Most other people in the world say things like, “Americans think all political issues only have 2 sides,” and this is very true. Grow up and use your brain. If your choice is between being shot & stabbed and you still choose one: You are a fucking idiot.
  43. Politics: People who think voting third-party is a “wasted” vote. WRONG! Your vote is wasted when it doesn’t get counted. If it gets counted, it is worth 1 vote. There is no situation where the vote counts for “more” or “less”.
    If you vote for X, and X gets elected, the value of your vote did not increase.
    If you vote for X, and Y gets elected, the value of your vote did not decrease.
    If you think you are doing yourself, or anybody else, a service by limiting your voting choice to 2 flocks of sheep: Well: Fuck you, you’re ruining the country.
  44. Politics: George W. Bush. The man deserves to be incarcerated for treason, among other things. He helped deliberately let Sept 11th happen, is a member of the Skull & Bones secret society (just like Kerry, Clinton, Bush 1, and Reagan), ignores science, kills more innocents than Al Queda could ever hope to, takes away our liberties, increases our debt, pisses on the constution. He should be remembered as one of the worst presidents in the history of the country, and should be reviled on the same level as Saddam Hussein. (Bush has killed far more innocent people than Hussein and Al Queda combined. If you are in denial about this fact, you are an ignorant fool. Show me the numbers. Prove me wrong.)
  45. Religion: devout Christians and other spiritual people who use unproven “facts” to justify everything they do
  46. Religion: People who think their religion gets special legal status. Prime example: The Christians who protested when our first Muslim congressman did a lil’ Koran-thing instead of a Bible-thing. As if reading from the Bible is allowed, but not the Koran. WTF?! Helloooooooooo……. Double standard calling!
  47. TV: Reality television. This whole “trend” was chosen for you. Nobody decided reality tv was suddenly “cool”. There have been plenty of ‘reality’ programs for many years — Candid Camera for example. This is not a new thing. And it’s not a trend either. You see, the Screen Writers’ Guild strike had just happened. There were going to be billions of dollars of loss. You think a multinational corporation would let this happen? Hell no! Suddenly, they decided “reality tv was cool” and pumped out a million reality shows. It was the death of fiction, for awhile. And everyone swallowed it up like Vincent fucking Van Gogh paintings. No, this stuff was not high art. It was pulp. American Idol, Survivor, decorate-my-house, and all those other shows are just about the lowest form of ‘entertainment’ out there. Too vapid to be a documentary; too vapid to be a work of fiction. Just another fucking corporate trend.
  48. Typing: People who don’t put two spaces after a period. That’s what you are supposed to do! I am aware that this is supposedly only for monospaced fonts, but Christ. It looks better if you can more easily tell where one sentence end and another begins. Unfortunately, the kerning on a space is automatic in HTML, but in reality, I think browsers do not make the “space after a period” big enough! And I still do a lot of monospaced typing in my text files!
20100704 2111 - X-Day - Hate Balloons - Clint's balloon - 2 - floating - 032

This very list, being sent into the sky on a HATE BALLOON during X-Day 2010

Feel free to add comments and suggestions for other things for me to put on the list.

This is freaking awesome. Especially the end.

This is pasted from an informal email and I’m too lazy to polish it off. This is a story about my run-in with a man-with-a-badge .

As background, you have to make a u-turn to get into to my house from the east. The road has a divider and that’s the only way to get in.

At the U-Turn intersection (a T-intersection, actually), there is simply not enough space in the middle to completely fit a car, so rather than lull people into thinking my car is in the middle and clipping me, I stop in a way that very obviously blocks the left lain until there is a gap sufficient enough for me to make the U-turn.

I did this, and this civilian-SUV 3 vehicles behind me completely burns rubber… The fucking idiot. So after the U-turn, I make it a point to turn my head kinda and look at him like “What the fuck?”, and he flicks me off!

So I immediately went into road rage mode and re-U-turned back onto Braddock, where I drove a good 60MPH in order to catch up to him… It was difficult because it was rush hour and other traffic got inserted between us, but finally I weasled into the right lane enough to get next to him and again looked at him like “What the fuck?”.

So he flashed his badge at me! Whoa! Didn’t know he had one
So them i’m kinda like “Oh, Fuck!”, but also feeling very righteous.
I assumed he was making me pull over, so I pulled over in the gas station by the side of the road…

His trick almost worked.  He wasn’t pulling me over, just trying to lose me by making me think he was pulling me over.

I look in my rear-view mirror expecting him to be behind me, but then I see, he’s simply at the red light not doing anything! What, did he think fear of authority gives authority the right to drive like an ass without being told off?

This is America and I’ll tell you off whenever I fucking want, asshole!

So I get out of my car, with my hands where he could see them — Because i’ve had a cop pull and point a gun at me before, barking orders downwind that I couldn’t hear, and it’s  NOT fun; It is a life-changing experience……

Anyway, hands are where he can see them … but he’s totally ignoring me now!
So I have to walk through some lanes of traffic (it’s a long red light)… and have to walk right up to where I am 6 inches from his window.

He is still ignoring me, so I have to wave my hands to get his attention…

He rolls down window and I’m like “Why’d you flick me off?”.

He’s like, “Why’d you U-turn?”, obviously mad himself.

I said very firmly and annoyedly “I … LIVE … THERE…. i HAVE to U-turn there!”

Then he gives me shit about not signaling. He was 3 cars behind me, so he couldn’t have even known. Wish I’d pointed that out.  

I respond “I DO signal, I have to go out of my way to stop the speed demons from rear-ending me EVERY day, and it’s a pain… I’ve made that U-turn every day for 6 years!(Not exactly true, but I’ve lived there for 6 years and made that u-turn in my daily commuting for over a year.)

There are a few sentences tossed back and forth, but I was in the right, so I basically skillfully rebutted everything he said back at him. He was an asshole and hated the fact that he couldn’t win, even when having to resort to flashing his badge like a pussy.

Finally he’s like “Just walk across the street”. 

Well, since he is an officer (?), or at least a rent-a-cop, and the was about to turn green, I figured it was probably best not to disobey an order. Especially since I had just handed him his ass with a side-dish of attitude adjustment, so it was nice to end on a high-note!

I laughed my way maniacally all the way home. The fact that he flashed his badge made it 100 times more satisfying…. I’m still feeling very satisifed today, weeks afterwards. (2006 update: still feeling satisifed). 

The sense of satisfaction will continue.

Stand up for your rights people.
Don’t take shit from anyone, especially the man
. (When possible, anyway.)
If you stand up to tyranny, it feels good. 

In the name of freedom, dear God people, please don’t let yourselves be bullied and pushed around and stifled simply because you are scared of authority!

Cops that torture. Great.

P.S. If that seems harsh: I think torture is deplorable. But torturing a terrorist is 100 times “less bad” than torturing a non-violent offender.

And torturing a non-violent offender using the state-sanctioned role of police officer is 100 times worse than that, because it is a mockery of what freedom stands for.

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