Trans


T-minus 5 🖐️days to what I consider to be the most important surgery of my life, my FFS. 👷‍♂️➡️👷‍♀️

There’s other surgeries, but this is ***The*** One 1️⃣️, for me.

It’s also the most expensive out of all of them, at $30K. 🔪🌍💵💵💵💵💵3️⃣0️⃣0️⃣0️⃣0️⃣🤑🤑😭😭

SRS:🔪🍆 I mean, I still don’t know if I’m ever gonna get SRS/GCS (“sex change”). I’m open to the idea and will undergo necessary preparations*** to do so, but I don’t have any explicit plans to do that, as my genitals don’t give me any dysphoria, as I’ve always known that “Some Women Have Penises…Get Over It”. This is covered 100% by Carolyn’s insurance, and is covered in a lot of places. Anti-discrimination clauses got this one covered way before anything else. Possibly a $0-5K surgery,

BA: 🍅🍅 Breast augmentation is a near-100% thing with trans women. But that surgery is also pretty cheap due to how common it is due to cis women getting it. It’s less than a car. And it’s increasingly covered by insurance, as well. It’s just not a huge deal compared to face. $5-15K.

VFS: 🙅‍♀️🗣️ Voice feminization surgery ($10K) is a pretty big deal, especially having to have the self control to not speak, cough, or clear your throat for a month afterwards — which would ruin the surgery and cause you to have wasted $10,000 on nothing. Besides my lifelong throat-clearing problem…. I’ve done so well in speech therapy — with my pitch higher 📈 than many cis women [my last cis-woman date asked me how to get her voice like mine!] — that surgery seems unnecessary.

BFS: 🤸‍♀️⛹️‍♀️🙋‍♀️ That really just leaves body feminization surgery. That’s an arena that could end up costing as much as my face, in aggregate. Butt implants (~$10K), hip implants (~$15K), liposuctions (~$8K)… all fall under this category. This category could end up being more than my face 😪😰🤬. But you don’t do it all at the same time, usually. (if you do butt+hips, you have to sleep on your stomach for 3 months, fuck that).
But I also have a pretty damn good body 👅👩‍🎤💋. I’m completely and utterly satisfied with my body as a human body — I consider myself a “sexy rectangle” 💋💟🚺. I’ve gotten dates with a cis-woman who simply noticed me in public and struck up a conversation with me and later admitted it was because they were checkin’ out my bod 👩‍❤️‍👩💪💅👅. People simply aren’t harsh to me in public. Ever. It never happens. Old people laughed at me once in 2017, before public misgendering permanently stopped — I haven’t been called “sir” in public in over 6 months, and not even on the phone in months.
But admittedly, I’d fucking kill for those gorgeous feminine curves (like what Carolyn & Beth have), and I really want my body to have those kinds of curves, too, to really feel like “me”.

So I mean… This Is The Big One. 💥1️⃣💥 This is the one I will put the most research, effort, and money 📉 into. It’s also the one that has the worst recovery – shit like wearing a nose 👃👃 guard for 4 months until my follow-up appointment in New York City 🗽 or London (which itself will add another $2K to the costs, probably!).

Sure would be nice if ANY of this was covered. 😤🤦‍♀️👎 FFS coverage is only just now starting to roll out, as anti-LGBT medical discrimination statutes are just starting to be applied to FFS, thanks to peoples’ legal challenges.  I’d be covered if I worked at Starbucks , but not if I worked in my actual career field (or what’s left of it). But since I waited decades, and my former cis(ha!)-het(ha!)-white-male(ha!) privilege 🤑🤭 did afford me a certain financial empowerment  to where I can just do this in 2018, rather than play legal games for a year or 2. And honestly, my contributions simply set the stage for Carolyn’s contributions to be “spare cash” instead of “needed cash”. It’s really Carolyn who is making all of this possible, at this point. She works so hard. I don’t. She is so, so, so, so, so unimaginably strong in this regard. She’s the man! 👩‍🚒💪👩‍❤️‍👩 She’s the one who’s dealt with this dumpster-fire 🔥 of a human being as her spouse for decades. And not to diminish Beth’s role: I also couldn’t have done this without her support and guidance, either. I love you both sooo fucking much!😍😘👩‍👧‍👧👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

So anyway… T-minus 5 days, and I’m pretty fuckin’ stoked about all of this. 😍😅👩‍💻🧚‍♂️👠💄😊

Y’all won’t be seeing me for a bit afterwards, except for gory pix on FB. 😷🤕🤢😭🤤🙅‍♀️🛌 I’m not going to RambleGrue 🌌🎭, I’m not going to Constellation 🌌🌠, I’m not going to any more pool parties 👙💦, I won’t be going somewhere crowded like Risque at The Crucible 😥🤬. Nothing where my face might get bumped, or where I don’t end up at home at the end of the night ☹️. I won’t be giving oral sex 🦄 😮🍆😸 to either sex for a couple months (😭). I won’t be drinking 🍹 or smoking 🔥 again until September 29th — but I’ll be eating plenty of edibles, I’m sure.

Y’all probably will think I look weird and fake afterwards, and probably won’t like my new face as much as the one you are familiar with. 😥 And that’s kind of the expected result. This isn’t about you. It’s about me. 😘🙋‍♀️🤸‍♀️ And it’s about the people who haven’t met me yet, and about the strangers who see me on the street and in the public. And about future co-workers. Etc etc.

Swelling will take 3-6 mos to go down; nose 👃👃 will take 1-2 yrs to settle; hairline damage will take a year to grow over. The FULL recovery for this 6.5hrs of surgery will be slower than most recoveries from most surgeries are. 🛌🛌🛌🤕🤕. My calendar will be FULL of post-surgical care for months 🤬🤧🗓️📆. I’m supposed to not go in the sun without sunscreen 🌅🌇☀️, basically until 2019. (and i NEVER wear sunscreen, not even if i’m sitting on the beach 🏖️ for 4 hours, not even if i’m camping for a week.. so this will be a HARD habit for me).

And to those of you who don’t think the new me looks weird or different — You might fall into the category of people who don’t even see the difference. And then think, “What was the point of all that money and effort?” 🤔 … When people who get FFS don’t tell their co-workers, their co-workers tend to think they “got a different haircut” or “look different” or “had something done” without knowing what it was.
There are a LOT of people (especially cis females, and bisexual people) who simply don’t perceive 👁️👨‍🔧👩‍🔧🕵️‍♂️ the differences between male vs female facial structure — and those people might not even notice the difference that much 🤔.

Except for the nose 👃👃👃. Noses say a lot. My nose change will probably be obvious to everybody. Hoping for as little MichaelJacksonism as possible *nervous laughter* 😅😅

So anyway…. I’ll share some before-after pix from the clinic 🌏👨‍⚕️🔪 i am going to, in the comments.

Cheers! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤

—–

FOOTNOTES:

***[[[ thousands of dollars of genital 🍆🔥electrolysis (which electrologists always mark up 50% compared to facial electrolysis — which seems exploitative 🤬), tons of doctor research, years-long wait lists, etc. ]]]

Can people click through [just click the picture], and upvote my /r/transtimelines pic?

Holy fucking shit, this is what I looked like as a girl 10 months ago, vs now? I’ve come a long way, baby. I legit had no fucking clue that it was this much of a difference until seeing the old pic.

Between left and right: 10 months, 30lbs, 17 laser hair removals, 22 electrolysis visits, 4mos of hormones, tons of fast food and ice cream (but also meal skipping and intermittent fasting), and NO EXERCISE. 

And a ton more confidence — you can see it in my eyes. The lack of it before, and the beaming of it, now. More feminine despite way less makeup. I’m lovin’ it. This is the day I’ve been waiting for, actually. The day of “whoa i look different but didn’t notice it because it was day by day and gradual”. It’s a known trans milestone that I was waiting for. I knew, but hadn’t seen it.”